the cocktail swirling in my gut
slowly dissolving to ease
body and mind
but suddenly my soul
gets enlightened and I'm queasy

it should've been
easy
but the tempest thoughts
take control and they just wont
let go

slight shift in countenance.
contempt or consternation?
up for my contemplation
swirling around in my head
like the cocktail in my gut

really makes you wonder
the jarring push
out of the nest
swishing you into new age.
- - -
stumbling to steady
only took the best of me
to find barge at sea
whose buoyancy still
fails to carry

linger around the yuletides
heightened senses swirl
like feathery snow sparkle
carried by the wind
dancing in the chill
like a ballerina
that knows not of
God's will.

stormy weather-
my consolation company
i feel at home
even knowing
without you
i'm all alone.
more so than i
thought i was
before i took you
selfishly
for complacence.

public entrance
to the festival of deliverance:
what they don't show you
is the underbelly of temperance.

cold seeps into extremities
reminding me once again
that i'm getting older &
more intimate with frailty.
slowly but surely-
becoming the reaping of
my younger selves' sowing.
here i retreat inward
to find the soul
for the world outside
has lost its gold
that was never there.
fear fuels my nightmares
but i'm told to stay scrambling
for the light within my dreams
and the threads painted by love
to weave anew.
but the skeins stay drab
and the pastels tangled.
however will i continue
with my thoughts all mangled?

i crave the abuse of hot coffee
warming my insides
and setting fire to my brain
already on amphetamines.

together they ride the chariot
lead by me-the workhorse
yoked by the weight
of the world.

their whip lashes me to action
for without it
i am nothing
but
futile

until the yoke is lifted
i must keep fueling
my one & many
addictions
that set fire to my insides.