Showered with accolades-
none rightfully assigned to name.

Why cant they see me cowering
at the hand of every whim &
whimpering while unyielding
to the slightest of sense of sanity?

Maybe that then becomes
the source of their unequivocal
sound of reason
used to placate & personify
the sharp gazes of scrutiny
aimed directly at me.

somewhere
in a building set ablaze
stand steadfast
then the silent breath obeys.
in goes smoke
out comes divine praise-
trusting & trying,
to see through the haze.

walls around crumble
the scaffolding too
yet still i remain
to see the worthy view

counting on blessings-
one and many names
wanting so badly
to understand your claims.

all around this crimson fire
i deeply wish to have no desire
both in this building and on a pyre
yet in the end i find myself
nothing but insane & a liar.
.
.
.

i'm always right on time
going to the wrong places

stuck stagnant in the line
searching for friendly faces

they pluck fruits off devine
source of bitterness tasted

the closest exit door
my grip fixed on the handle
reading every specification
and every user's manual
to give me the answers
so i can learn how to know
when to open
the closest exit door

guidance, guidance,
all i need is guidance.
tell me how to be-
to free me from this
free fall.

falling, falling,
i'm trying to stop falling.
how do i grasp
at any railing
when it always turn
away from my calling?
every banister along the way
rejects my plead & pray.

praying, praying
still i stay praying
hail mary's & tat vam asi's
which i think
i'm trying to see?
& to resist the
warm embrace
calling me home
back into deceit & desire.

deception, deception
everywhere is deception.
i'm still trying to discern
without becoming burned
wishing i had guidance
to lead me with
what they've learned.