Samara

Samara Dec 2020

It used to be us
against the advertisers
now,
we've become
the advertisers
brandishing every paper
that blows our way.

Isn't it wild that the videos and reviews and tutorials we once sought guidance from are now just extravagant advertisement ploys and sponsorship-fishing attempts? Even people who are digital "nobodies" aka your next door neighbor or childhood friend are trying to become influences even though they have no real expertise nor experience!

Samara Dec 2020

human

is this what it feels like
to feel like you are capable
of being human?

to wake up sweating & shivering
terrified & your lips quivering
about what may be
and what you may see

to love so deeply that
loss weighs heavily on
your mind

to pray so piously to
be the one for you
but failure keeps
you close by

is this what it feels like
to feel like you are capable
of being human--

'cause i think
i'd rather die.

Samara Dec 2020

anxiety

the thoughts take hold
& don't let go
they linger in my head
& i can't put them to rest

they haunt me awake
they haunt me asleep
around and around
they dance
and put me
in a trance

where i can't
breathe or move
because they leave me
constantly wondering
what if?

Samara Dec 2020

elusive

i want to be magical,
mysterious & kind
while also doing speedball
in the bathroom line

Samara Dec 2020

decay

it happens all the time
& i'm out of my mind.
no matter the season
i'm stuck in decline

Samara Dec 2020

driving in the rain

headlights glow in the
dark foggy night
stating their
passing presence
on the street

i'm listening to
melodies of my past
on the radio
and they remind
me of all
the tragedies
i've amassed.

ones that play
in every nightmare
and it's quite rare
for them to be
content with just
being there.

they have to
make me relive
all the horrors
i've moved beyond
to make sure i can
enjoy no reprieve

i wish my
nightly drives
could just
be therapeutic
instead of
being reprisals
of all that makes me
psychotic

Samara Dec 2020

i hate that

i'm
different
even though
i don't want
to be.
- - -
i want to want
the money
power
& glory
that everyone
longs for
instead of wanting
to console
the inconsolable.

i want to want
the newest
Apple watch
& the hottest
Louboutin's &
to fly with Hermes.

i want to want
to be the
belle of the ball
& best friends
with Beyoncé.

but i
just
couldn't
care
any
less.
- - -
though
i wish
i would.