My eyes hurt because I force myself to keep them open.
When I close my eyes I see scenes I cant forget,
I have regrets.
I'm a sinner and yet,
I complain.
I complain that people don't remember my name.
I complain when I get the wrong order.
I complain about life.

But I'm grateful for the strength in my legs.
For my legs that support my body when walking.
The ability to hold a pen and write.
Sense of humor, friends, family and air.
I am thankful for my eyes,
they help me see.
Not just see what I have now,
also what in the future will be.

Unspoken words flow through my pen
They are the tear that cannot leave my eyes
And thoughts that linger to the halls of my mind
Trying to find ways out without doors to meet
I'm blue but words beat me up until I'm black
Scars that remind me its real
Bruised by life's ways
Most days,
I cannot take it
That's when I bleed on pages
Samantha | © 2017

For the past days I've thought about a lot of things
Lately there have been many announcements,
from baby showers to wedding rings

Not that I'm looking for any of that at the moment
I just realized that I've been less focused
Distracted by what I want
blind for what I got

It's not fair
you don't get to feel what I feel
but at the end of the day you are always here

I'm slowly dying
wanting to like what you're supplying
wanting to like your personality,
your speech, drive, just you in totality

But I can't
You hurt me daily, not sure if its on purpose
You belittle me, make me feel bad about myself
never good enough and always at fault

But...
I love that your consistent, always there
I love that you physically care
I love how you push me to my limit sometimes
I love that I can be myself with you any time

How can I let go?
When I don't like you
But I love you