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3.8k · Apr 2017
Congratulations
Congratulations, got what you wanted
You're winning now
Congratulations, you got your shot in
You wore me down
And I really don't think you get it now
No, I really don't think you get it now
It's killing me, I admit it now
Congratulations, you tore my heart out
Congratulations
Took these lyrics from one of my current music artists. It captured what I'm feeling now.
3.6k · Oct 2017
my body. my choice.
I've never felt so much anger before towards anyone.
Have you ever looked someone in the eye and have them tell you that you should've kept the child that was planted in you by a stranger who drugged and ****** you?
Have you wiped the tears of a woman in despair because she was ***** and told she wasn't allowed to get an abortion?
Have you curled up in a ball, trying to figure out who to tell about your personal experience of ****** assault and ****?
Tell me, person who says abortion is a sin and that it is relative to the holocaust, will my ****** support me?
Will my ****** pay for doctors visits?
Will my ****** pay the medicals bills for giving birth?
Will my ****** pay child support?
**** no and don't tell me that I should always save the child.
Excuse me if I don't want to carry my ******'s child inside of me.
My body. My choice.
MY BODY. MY CHOICE.
1.9k · Apr 2017
Coming home to my love
And darling, you know I'm not coming home with you tonight.
And darling, you know our story's gotta end here, at our feet.
I know, I can feel your heart breaking alongside mine.
Please don't cry, I can't keep a strong front when your tears are mixing with my own.

When she says she's staying for good, don't take it for granted.
When she says you're her world, don't take it at face value.
Cause she don't gotta promise anything to you.
She just has to be able to prove it as well.

We don't fit and believe me, I wish to we did.
You make me smile and god knows you have my heart and I have yours.

Darling, wait for me, I'm coming home to you.
Darling, our story don't have to end here, not like this.
I know, my heart's pounding in my chest, same tempo as yours.
Please tell me you feel the same; I can't imagine life without you.

Darling, I'm coming home to you.
Darling, I love you.
I love you.
bits of lyrics from various artists mixed together
1.6k · Feb 2017
Sold my soul to the devil
If anyone asks, I'm selling my soul to the devil.
If anyone wants to know, it's because you took all the good I had in me and tossed it away.

I'm gonna write down all your mistakes.
I'm gonna sing them on stage in front of everyone.

If he asks, I'm drying my tears.
If he wants to know, I'm crying on another's shoulder.

I'm gonna show the world your deepest, darkest fears.
I'm gonna tell them all the secrets I swore I'd keep.

If you ask, I'm just having a bad day.
If you want to know, I'm having trouble trying to breathe.
I: Introduction—A History Lesson
The word ******* was derived from the Sanskrit
svastika,
meaning good fortune,
or well being.
The shape is a monogram,
the interlacing of two Brahmi words,
a hooked cross which, over 5,000 years ago,
represented the rays of the sun,
the four directions of our natural compass,
and the four elements of our world.
Earth, wind, fire and water,
the symbol was balanced,
sitting firmly on its base
like a poised animal
on its haunches.
In other interpretations,
the symbol was a sacred text
explaining, “here is how the sun moves across the sky.”
A map of the heavens,
a lesson in astronomy.
The *******, when standing on its base,
is still sacred today
in many religions.
It is
the Buddha’s footsteps,
the seventh saint in Jainism,
and the four possible places of rebirth
in animal and plant world,
hell, earth and the spirit world.
In the 1870s the ******* was changed forever.
An archaeologist engrossed in discoveries
from ancient Troy and Mycenae,
Heinrich Schliemann,
found the symbol likeable
and claimed it,
because as a man he had the power to define.
He designated it
the symbol of his people—the Aryans—
and soon this is what it became.
By 1907 the ******* was turned at an angle
physically
becoming a hooked cross precariously balancing
on its side.
Its meaning, however, was turned upside down.
The cult of Aryan supremacy
claimed it,
and finally ****** adopted the
bedraggled image
as the symbol of the **** party
marking the beginning of its legacy
as an image of hate,
a harbinger of genocide,
and unthinkable atrocity.
In the course of twenty five years,
under the direction of ****** and Himmler
and Heydrich and Daluege
and Jeckeln and Prutzmann
and Eichmann and Mengele
and countless other men with vacant expressions
and the ability to spell death with pointed fingers
the ******* came to mean loss
of integrity, of citizenship, of basic rights,
of personal safety, of property,
of an untarnished image of humanity
of hope.
Under the *******
unraveled a calm, coordinated,
and systematic extermination
of 6 million Jews
200,000 gypsies
70,000 handicaps
and unknown numbers
of people of color,
political prisoners,
homosexuals
and deportees.
Under the *******,
there were gas chambers
and the burning of children’s bodies.
There were prison-like ghettos,
and there was no humanity.
Part II: A lesson in Linguistics
First, language is meaningful only
because of shared understanding.
Words mean nothing,
symbols are vacuous
unless we share recognition
of the things that they signify.
All language is arbitrary
if we cannot agree on what object,
or emotion or event in history
are called forth by the words that we say.
Second, to be able to change meaning, you must have power
and you must have time.
Trust me,
if I could rewrite the meaning of every blood-soaked word
I would.
I would scrub them clean of their histories.
I’d redefine them,
make them useful,
maybe even kind.
But I can’t, and neither can you.
At least not alone
and not on command.
Because I’m sorry to say
that that’s not how language works.
I’m sorry to say
that a symbol made synonymous with hate
cannot be used innocently,
cannot only mean what it meant before ******
and Himmler
and Heydrich and Daluege
and Jeckeln and Prutzmann
and Eichmann and Mengele.
Even if you claim to redefine it,
even if you claim to only use it for what it once was
even if once it was beautiful,
like the stalwart path of the sun,
the ******* has innocent blood on its hooks
and it eyes us sideways like a crooked lamppost
burdened with memories we cannot dismiss.
We remember.
As a society, we remember,
because pain is a finicky creature
that will not be reasoned with,
or re-defined out of existence.
We cannot use the ******* without remembering the pain
how it was ironed onto the starched coats
and painted on the national flags
of those who murdered
6 Millions Jewish men, women and children,
200,000 gypsies
70,000 handicaps
and unknown numbers
of people of color,
political prisoners,
homosexuals
and deportees.
Even if you say so.
Even if you claim to only use it for good.
We remember,
we remember.
Part Three: A Story
In elementary school my Hebrew teacher was Mrs. Wygodski.
When I was ten she seemed ancient.
I remember her shaky hands, but the steadiness of her voice.
Most of all I remember the numbers on her forearm
from when the Nazis decided she was no longer a girl,
but a numerical value.
I remember her telling us about the concentration camps
when they shaved her tiny girlish head
and gave her *****, ill-fitting clothes,
when they took her arm and erased her
like a message in the sand,
and she became a number.
In elementary school someone wanted to play a joke
so they scrawled a *******
on its side
in large black ink on the white board of class.
The symbol was the first thing you saw
when you entered the room.
I remember
when she came in she was smiling
as usual
her grey hair down, her kind, open face,
a miracle of a woman,
to withstand the darkest night and still smile.
I remember that Mrs. Wygodski said it is important to forgive
but I could never understand how she forgave the Nazis.
She would look at us and say
“hate is the darkest tunnel,
and harder to climb out of
than forgiveness is to bestow.”
The day she walked into the room with the *******
looming large on the white board
I will never forget the look on her face.
As the symbol spoke to her directly
it unearthed everything she spent years flattening down,
memories she sifted through for decades with trembling fingers,
images she shelved in the recesses of her mind
to make room for the possibility of tomorrow, and the warmth of smiling children.
For a moment
that symbol broke her,
and in that moment, the ******* once again stole her humanity,
and turned Mrs. Wygodski into the number
they once told her she was.
Part Four: Land of the Free
Today thousands of hate groups continue to use the *******
teetering sideways
the way that ****** intended it.
Once a symbol of good fortune,
it is now the most widely recognized symbol of hate
the world has ever known.
Used in the United States
the ******* has opened its claws
and staked claim to the beating hearts,
and hopeful sovereignty
and promised dreams
of countless African Americans,
who became the targets of the same bottomless hate
that engulfed millions in the holocaust.
Under our star spangled banner
the ******* has overseen
thousands of racially driven lynchings,
ongoing police brutality
the imprisonment of one out of three black men
and the bombing of black children in their Sunday school dresses.
In Oregon,
the ******* celebrates the sealing of borders,
is embraced by the very groups
who once outlawed black existence
in our very own state constitution,
the same groups
who once dictated the state’s refusal
to ratify the 14th amendment
of equal protection,
and the 15th amendment
giving African Americans the right to speak
at the ballot box
and be heard
by their government.
In the land of the free, the *******
is still tattooed on chests
and ironed to coats
and scrawled on the walls of my classroom.
In our communities
there are
the European Kindred,
the Northwest Hammerskins,
Volksfront,
the National Socialist Party,
and the Ku Klux ****.
And they wear the *******
because they recognize its meaning,
the meaning we all know
the meaning imbedded deep
by the pointed guns of the Einsatzgruppen
Today,
here,
they wear the ******* because they want to swallow the world.
Part 5: In Conclusion
To whoever drew the *******
last week,
last year,
in every year before that
in the bathroom, in the hallway, on my classroom wall and desks.
I forgive you.
Not because I want to
but because Mrs Wygodski would.
I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
I will believe you didn’t mean it.
I will believe you didn’t know.
I will still have hope in your humanity
because what choice do I have?
This is my refusal to become what the Nazis wanted,
what hate groups still want.
That is how I resist.
I refuse to hate you,
I refuse
to hate.
However, now that I’m addressing you directly,
I want to take this moment to make clear
that when I see the *******
this is what I see:
I see Mrs Wygodski,
with her kindness that was like a spring
flowing from somewhere dark and unseeable
and I see her face when she walked into a room with that symbol
and I see the colors of her world bleed out.
I see my missing family members,
who I never actually had the chance to really see.
So I imagine them,
my grandfather’s aunts, uncles and cousins
from a shtetle somewhere in Poland,
erased completely from history, from record, from existence
by ******* wearing men
who forgot how to be human.
Finally, I see my students.
The rest of them,
with their still young impressionability
and their beautiful array of skin colors, backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures
and their intact understanding of love.
They are the hope that our grandparents thought was lost,
and this ******* is their antithesis.
It is the undoing of their sanctity,
it is you spitting in the face of everyone who is not you.
And if you do that intentionally,
if you do that knowingly
and with purpose,
well, that
is unforgivable
This was a powerful poem written by my teacher, Sam. I really loved the power of her words and the mental image it left in my head. Enjoy!
1.1k · Jun 2017
Dancing with your ghost
I know you burned my memory the day you walked away.  Wasn't too hard to see from my view. I could hear the one sided conversation you were having with yourself.

Guess you got tired of fighting the storms for me. You wanted something more than what I could give you.

I have bruises on my shins from falling down on my way to you. My arms are battered and bleeding from the mudslide that are the walls surrounding you. But I've enough strength to do one more dance with you.

My stomach is aching from me doubled over in pain. My throat is hoarse from screaming your name. But I've enough breath to ask you for forgiveness.

My eyes hurt from looking through millions of people trying to find you. My cheeks are stained from a thousand tears.

My chest is hollow from the words you said when you left.

The worst blow I took from you wasn't really from you. But. From myself.

I have blisters on my feet. Too many to count. But they're all from what we were and what we became.

I have blisters on my feet from dancing with your ghost.
Last bit taken from a quote by Tyler Knott Gregson
919 · Apr 2017
voicemail
Voicemail. You left a voicemail. No card. Nothing. You didn't even try to call again to see if I could answer the phone.

How can you live like that? You're my mother. I wanted to hear your voice on my birthday and all I got was a voicemail.

Three years we haven't talked, and I'm not sure I want to break that now.

I guess I'm not surprised you haven't changed at all.
I've been rereading the words that you've sent me; stumbling over phrases and going in circles around sentences.
Your words at best once flooded my being. At worst, they tore me down after building me up.
Unpredictable love, you're unpredictable.
You pull me in and pique my curiosity and reel my heart in with I love you and then toss me aside.
I'm not good enough but you say I love you, yet what you really mean is that I'm not good enough for you.
Hey, I don't take it personally and maybe that's because I'm used to it.
I'm no stranger to your patterns and antics and behaviors.
I know you better than most anyone.
And I'm a fool for wearing my heart on my sleeve and being honest with you.
I should've known better than to give you an opportunity to build me up and tear me down.
But hey, that don't do anything to me.
You can't break a heart that was never yours to begin with.
703 · Feb 2017
Let me Love You
You've been gone for three weeks. Not that I've been counting or anything. "It's not a big deal", you say. As if me losing sleep over you is practically nothing. And for ***** sake, you can't tell me not to worry. You're too important to me. So don't ******* tell me to not worry. Three weeks? You could've called me. I know you're not doing well. But we tell each other everything. Or at least, we used to. I told you I was about to commit suicide and you helped me come out of the hole I was in. You shut me out. You've never done that before. If that ain't a red flag, then I don't know what is. So please. Don't disappear on me like that again. I can't go through that again. I love you too much to let this eat at you. Let me in. Let me be there for you. It's my turn to help you out of the hole you've been hiding in.
680 · Feb 2017
The Angel
The angel lost her grace,
As mascara ran down her face.
She forgot love, remembered hate.
She no longer had her faith.

With tear stained cheeks,
Through bloodshot eyes,
She saw only pain and suffer.
Love, she couldn't conquer.

As the blue sky faded to black,
Darkness filled her heart.
Her wings vanished from her back,
And her kindness fell apart.

Even with all her might,
Her dress still went black from white.
She was sent to save,
To help those who weren't brave.

But as she looked around,
At the marks she left...
Tear stained cheeks,
And bloodshot eyes.
644 · Aug 2018
Self loathing
I relapsed tonight with binging and purging.

Tracing fingers over my skin, I searched for the parts I didn't like.

I worked myself into a state of self loathing.

Hating every inch of cellulite, every stretch mark, my stomach, and my thick thighs.

Feeling disgusted with my image, I forced myself to purge, looking for a way to get rid of the feelings.

Afterwards, I cried because I was embarrassed and ashamed, but mostly disappointed in myself.

I was disappointed because I had been working on this and was doing so well and this felt like a major set back.

I'm ashamed and embarrassed to even tell you because I hate it when you're disappointed in me.
603 · Jun 2017
Untitled
“most importantly love
like it's the only thing you know
at the end of the day
all this means nothing
this page
where you're sitting
your degree
your job
your money
nothing even matters
except love and human connection
who you loved
and how deeply you loved them
how you touched the people around you
and how much you gave them”

― Rupi Kaur
594 · Mar 2017
No man's land
You burned me; I burned you..yeah it's all true.
I said I didn't love you the same way anymore.
You told me to grow up and act like an adult.
I'm not here to fight with you or drag your rep through the mud.
I'm just here to clear the air once again.

We were falling in love faster than I thought possible.
I was crazy about you and you were crazy about me.
Soon a month passed by, then six and then a year and before we knew it, a year and a half had flown by.

But not everything good lasts forever.

We were just two people who thought we could make it forever.
And oh how I wish that were true.
But you can't make your heart feel something it don't believe.

This is the last time I tell this story.
The last time I think about all that happened; the good, bad and the crazy.
I'm leaving it here, on the threshold of no man's land.
Yeah this is the last time that I write about how I wish it would've lasted.
What I learned in life is,
That no matter how good a person is,
sometimes they can hurt you & because of this we must forgive.
It takes years to build trust and only seconds to destroy it ..
We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change..
The circumstances and the environment influence on our lives,
but we are the one who responsible for ourselves..
That you have to control your acts or they will control you..
That patience requires much practice.. that there are people who love us,
but simply don’t know how to show it..
That sometimes the person you think will hurt you and make you fall..
Is instead one of the few who will help you to get up..
You should never tell a child that dreams are fake, it would be a tragedy if they knew..
It’s not always enough to be forgiven by someone,
in most cases you have to forgive yourself first..
That no matter in how many pieces your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop to fix it ..
May be God wants us to meet all the wrong people first before meeting the right one..
So when we finally meet the right one we are grateful for that gift ..
When the door of happiness closes, another door opens..
but often we look so long at the closed one.. we don’t see what was open for us ..
The best kind of a friend is the kind in which you can sit on a porch and walk…
Without saying a word & when you leave it feels it was the best conversation you ever had.
It’s true we don’t know what we have until we find it, but its also true,
we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives..
It only takes a minute to offend someone, an hour to like someone,
a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone.
Don’t look for appearances, they can be deceiving, don’t go for wealth even that can fade,
Find someone who makes you smile, because it only takes a smile to make a day better,
find what makes your heart smile..
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much..
that you wish you can take them out of your dream and hug them for real..
Dream what you want, go wherever you want to go.. because you have only one life..
and one change to do the things you want to do ..
The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything,
they just make the best of everything that comes their way.
The best future is based on the forgotten past..
You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
573 · Jan 2017
Silly, foolish, stupid love
You said you loved me more than anything.
Foolish, I smiled and believed you.
Stupid girl, what have you done to yourself?
I fell in love with someone I thought had changed.
He led me to believe he was a changed man.
You made me laugh and smile, even though I was in pain,
Silly girl, he didn't love you.
He never really loved you in the first place.
Pretty words, all wrapped up in lovely packaging.
Darling, just walk away.
If you stay, you'll only end up getting hurt.
Beautiful girl, you deserve better.
562 · Dec 2016
Fallen angel
She fell down and shattered on the ground.
The pieces of her love and beauty got absorbed into the earth.
And the stars stood witness to the passing of an angel.
The trees held guard over her body.
And the rest of the world waited on the day she'd awake and fill the world up with her light.
534 · May 2017
Time
Counting down the minutes. But the minutes turn into hours. Time's spinning backwards. What have I done? I didn't mean to push that button, it was so inviting though. I look at my hands and they're covered with multiple equations; various numbers and variables that I can't understand. They told me I'd understand when it was time. Time. Time is something I do not have. Time. Minutes and seconds and hours. Numbers. But these numbers work against me. I push and push to no avail. I'm stuck in a clock, watch everyone I love die in front of me.
Looking down on the chaos, I realize something.
I had the answer all along.
That button. That button I pushed. I should've pushed it twice.
Time. Something that once again thwarted me.
Time. Something I'm going to work for the rest of my life to get back.
534 · Apr 2017
Heaven help me
I still see you everywhere I go. Your voice still sounds in my head. I can't help but make my decisions based on what you might say or think if you were here. Can't help but think that everything I do is because my inspiration was you. I can't help but feel as if who I've become and who I am is from the strength and support and love you've showed and given me.

You know, I never stopped believing in you. I never, for a minute, stopped thinking and believing that you'd be the one who'd make the world a better place.

I've been on my knees, praying that I stumble upon the opportunity to tell you I'm sorry and to say all that I need to say.

Love is complicated and messy. I wish it were simple and you could fall out of love as easily as you fell in love with someone. I wish I could move on and give my all to someone else. I'd be lying if I said I gave my all to the other guy.

God knows I'm still in love with you.

Heaven help me, because I know I'll spend my life in love with the guy who'll never love me again.

Heaven help me because I'm in love with a guy who'll never be mine again.

Heaven help me.
I keep telling myself that it's better that we don't talk anymore. It's been about a year and a half since we last spoke and all I can think is how much I want to take the damning words I said back. But I can't. What's been said can't be unsaid and what's been done is done. Now all we can do is make the most out of life on our own. We were friends for six years and now we're strangers. Feels a little strange, don't you think? I hope that you're doing okay. I wish you the best and maybe we'll cross paths and start talking again. And until then, I hope your life is all you want it to be.
478 · Apr 2017
Messy lives don't mix
There's a boy who lives on the outskirts of the city.
He grew up playing guitar, drums and whatever he could get his hands on.
And all he wants is to be a better version of himself, but he don't know where to start.
What he'd **** to stop leaving a trail of pain behind him.
There's a girl who lives in the heart of the city.
She grew up worshipping Prince and Michael Jackson and rock and roll.
And all she wants is for her heart to stop messing with her mind, trying to make her care for someone who don't want her anymore.
What she'd **** to stop going back again and again for more.
471 · Mar 2017
walking away
Let it go. Really. Actually let it go and walk away. If you keep holding on when there's nothing left to hold on to, you'll only hurt yourself in the end.
468 · Mar 2017
Father
The stories I've written about you.
The unrealities I've imagined about you.
The person you say you are.
The parts of you that you hide away-or try to hide away from me.
The "I love you" and "I'll be a better father from now on"
The bottles laying around in your apartment.
The muddled words and swirling of thoughts and feelings.
Empty promises of sobriety fall on deaf ears and a stone cold guarded heart.
Father.
..Father.
Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.
But you are a father before all of that.
You are my father.
445 · Mar 2017
Your ghost and me
M~

It's been a couple weeks since the two year anniversary of your death. I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing okay. Better than okay. I'm happy and my life has meaning. Soon I'll stop hearing your voice in my head and seeing you everywhere. But right now, I'm ok with writing you letters and talking with your ghost.
Take care of yourself and I'll see you in good time.
All my love,
Sammy
440 · Apr 2017
Forgive but can't forget
Words running through my head. Words I probably should've said.
What's wrong with me.
What's wrong with me.
I hate you but I wish I didn't. I'm mad as hell and I wish I wasn't.
Where is the forgiveness in me.
Where is the forgiveness in me.
I'm looking inside myself and reaching for something I can't find. Bits and parts of someone who can say those words of forgiveness and healing.
I can't forgive this.
I can't forgive this.
I want to believe you've changed. Even though I know you won't.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
It's not your fault that I've been slowly becoming a different version of the girl I used to be. It's not your fault that you haven't found what you're looking for.
I forgive me.
I forgive me.
Wrote this about the relationship with me and my mother.
428 · Aug 2017
Tin Man
Hey there mister tin man, could you make time for a shattered heart? I've been looking to trade mine for armor like yours. Word on the street is that you've been looking for a heart. Trust me darlin, I promise you that you don't want a heart. You say that you just want love. You ain't missing nothing, because love is so **** hard. You can take mine if ya want it; it's in pieces now. I'm glad we talked this out. If you don't mind the scars, you give me your armor, you can have my heart.
Pieces taken from a song "Tin Man"
428 · Sep 2017
It'll be us in the end
I heard you took her to our favorite spot for your first date.
Heard that you told her that she was the prettiest girl in town.
But doesn't she know that he's already given those words to me?
I know that you're in deep and you can't turn back now.
Know that we can't do anything about what's already happening way too fast.
I mean, I went looking for a distraction and faster than I could blink, my hearts lying to me saying it's love.
And you, she looks so good with you.
And we, we shouldn't, we can't, we could never be those two.
Those inseparable beings, crazy in love with each other.
But everybody knows we'll end up with each other in the end.
420 · May 2017
Nothing ever happens
And nothing ever happens if you stay in your room
Nothing ever happens if you leave the party too soon
Never be a winner if you're not in the game
And nothing ever happens if you always play it safe
Make a little space and get out of your own

Oh, get out of your own way
Get out of your own way
Oh, get out of your own way
Get out of your own way
Quoted from one of my favorite music artists
he says he's sorry for all the pain he's caused.
on his knees, he begs for forgiveness.
she, a fool, absolves him of his sins.
he, ignorant of her innocence, tears her heart apart again.

your words don't mean anything anymore, darling.
apologies dripping from your saccharine lips.
say you've seen the light and you're a brand new person.
doesn't change anything, sorry.

doesn't change anything, sorry

i'm not a child anymore.
you can't fool me into believing you care for me.

doesn't change anything, sorry.
I've never really given much thought to how one would process a close one's death, and really, there's no specific way to.
There's no "Processing Death: 101" book that you can order on Amazon.
And there's no way to stop your tears from falling.
People tell you to do your best to not dwell on it, but at the same time, you should not pretend you're not sad.
Oh how I wish I could just find the fastest way to acceptance, cause this numb style of grief ain't my thing.
Give me a magic wand to speed up the healing.
Hell, give me a ******* spell, potion, anything to get her back.
I'd give anything to see her smile, her her laugh and see her once more.
Please. I'll do anything. Just bring my friend back to the land of the living.
But there ain't no wand to bring back the dead.
367 · May 2017
Right hand Left hand
You asked for honesty and I gave you nothing but the truth.
Words falling from my mouth, landing in a pile at your feet.
Mercy. Have mercy on my soul.
I asked for forgiveness and all I saw was your hand reaching for your keys.
The door shut with barely a sound, and I felt the world stop and freeze.
Mercy. Have mercy on my soul.
I know I made a deal with the Devil, and heaven knows I ate the forbidden fruit.
I'm on the edge with the pills in my right hand and Jack Daniels in my left.
Devil hold my hand while I tumble over it.
365 · May 2017
Remembering her
I'm sad.
Sad that all that will be left is a title on a slab of gray rock in a fenced meadow.
Sad that you won't be here to see me walk across that stage in June.
Sad that I'll talk about you in past tense, not present tense.
Sad that my tears won't be wiped away by your gentle aging hands.
Sad that I couldn't take away your pain and make it better.

I'm grateful.
Grateful for your love and support.
Grateful for the wise words and no nonsense attitude.
Grateful for every word, laugh, smile, and letter.
Grateful for the memories, hugs, and homemade meal.
Grateful for the card games played in that awful hospital room.
Grateful for the time we've had together.
#love #sadness #loss
she wanted so bad to be here with me when I graduate, but the doctor's said that she's only got a couple weeks left.
357 · Feb 2017
Her name was Joy
She lived near her home in the outskirts of the country. Blueberry and apple trees grew in her yard. Every afternoon was spent with just the two of them. Sunshine or rain, they didn't care. And the little girl grew up and she never failed to spend time with her. Her name was Joy and the little girl loved her greatly. Sometimes, life got ahead of the girl and she forgot to tell Joy about her day. But she made up for it on other days.
Little did she know that their days were numbered. Joy was sick, very sick. She told that girl, that young woman, she was dying and her time was almost up. The girl didn't quite understand and started crying. But she kept her head up and smiled anyways.
And one day, as she scanned faces for her, she stumbled upon the news: Joy was gone. Gone were the days of wise words and laughter and smiles and warm hugs. But she tried to keep her head up and did her best to smile despite the tears on her face.

Months go by and soon she found it was easier to laugh and smile. And she knew then that she was going to be okay.
True story. It's been almost a year since she passed away due to cancer.
353 · Dec 2018
Untitled
with my hand in yours, you can't stop.
the biggest grin i've seen on you yet.
you. i can't seem to get enough of you.
you're patient with me. even when.
i'm crying on your shoulder. because i still was so much in love with him. you held me and told me you would help me heal.
345 · Feb 2017
Country Roots
I hid my country roots away from you.
With a sigh reaching to my toes, I hung up my hat and put away my boots.
I thought if I changed, it would be better for us.
I laid my heart out for you, and it was the most vulnerable action I've ever taken.
I'm made of iron and toughened leather. I'm not supposed to cry over a broken heart. And now I gotta find a way to heal this Texan's heartache and find the tough cowgirl underneath. The one who only shows true emotional moments when she's alone with her horse. The one who guards her heart fiercely.
339 · Jun 2017
My mother's daughter
I'm not sorry that you're not around anymore.
I've stopped apologizing for your decisions.
I've stopped feeling guilty for not calling you back.
Most days, I wonder if you're just calling after finishing the bottle.
Maybe you're trying to make up for lost time.
You didn't lose time-you forfeited time with me due to your drug and alcohol infused lifestyle.
You gave it up after the fourth weekend that you left me in an apartment alone, with nobody to watch over me.
You left your child all alone for three days straight.
Then you came home smelling of alcohol and god knows what else.
So I'm done carrying your mistakes on my shoulders.
I'm tired of people making me out to be " my mother's daughter".
Well maybe I wish that I wasn't your daughter.
Sure ***** sometimes.
And next time, don't call my work when you're trying to get to me. Send me an email and I'll get back to you the next time I check it.
326 · Jun 2017
Honest thoughts
Because two years ago, we were in love with each other and the idea of love. Because it was forever and always. Because it was a promise we made to the other. Because we thought it would be unbreakable. Because two years ago, I knew it was real. And now, I wish I could do it all over because I miss all of that. Here we are, different places and different people. Because we walked away from the other. Because it wasn't what we thought it would be. Because I miss you. Because I wish I could take back all the stupid things I said. Because I don't even know how to say hello to you anymore. Because the silence and distance is tearing me apart. Because I wish you'd say hello back to me. Because my world is shattering. Because..I can't do this anymore. Because my heart won't let go of you. Because I need you to tell me that it's going to be okay. Because I'm tired of holding onto my end of the rope. Because I'm just another face to you.
325 · Jun 2017
Skinny Love
Skinny love; made of cracked stardust and empty words.
Love, give it up; he's not coming home and he don't love you so.
Oh, you found yourself in someone else.
Beautiful boy with the warm smile.
You loved him with all you had and more.
Love, give it up, he ain't coming home and he don't love you so.
323 · May 2017
Medicine
Pick it up, pick it all up.
And start again.
You've got a second chance,
you could go home.
Escape it all.
It's just irrelevant.

It's just medicine.
It's just medicine.

You could still be,
what you want to,
What you said you were,
when I met you.

You've got a warm heart,
you've got a beautiful brain.
But it's disintegrating,
from all the medicine.
from all the medicine.
from all the medicine.
Medicine.

You could still be,
what you want to be,
What you said you were,
when you met me.

You could still be,
what you want to.
What you said you were,
when I met you.
when you met me.
when I met you.
"Medicine" by Daughter
It spoke to me and reminded me of myself when I was recovering from a dark time in my life a couple years ago.
322 · Feb 2017
Jealousy
I know. We ain’t that close anymore and I shouldn’t feel this way. But **** if old feelings arise at the thought that other people get to have your time and attention and I ain't part of that crowd. And **** if I don’t feel envious of who wakes up in bed with you. I know. There’s always gonna be someone else in the place of me. You’ve replaced me with someone else, and I don’t get to react the way I want to. Jealousy. Yeah. Ya heard me right. I’m **** jealous that I don’t get to lie next to you and feel at home. But I don’t get to be jealous. You ain’t my guy anymore and I’m not your girl. You and I are two separate pieces of a puzzle that I hope one day fits together again. But it's no surprise that the green eyed monster wakes again inside of me and messes with me and my heart a little.
321 · Jul 2017
Good times
She's remembering the good times//When love was all they ever needed//She's remembering walking away from it all//Saying "I can't stick around to watch it fall down"//I'm just wishing I'd done the same//'Stead of holding on till my hands were bleeding//Today marks the day I let go of the tattered and stained rope//Where I say " I'm sorry for not seeing what was happening to us"//And I am, I promise//I am sorry for what happened//I am grateful for the hard lesson it taught me//Thank you for all you showed me//I will carry it with me as a reminder that I have a second chance for making the right choice when love gets tangled and torn//
316 · Dec 2017
Once again
And here I am once again, pouring the tangled and flawed mess I am onto your shoulders.

Take my tears, I don't want them anymore.

Take my scattered thoughts and make something beautiful out of them.

Take my tired eyes, please make them shine again.

I can't stand, can I lean on you?
314 · Feb 2017
My worst mistake
You proved me right once again.
Guess I ain't surprised anymore by your actions.
Then again, you've been in and out, yes and no, for so long.
****, I'd be rich if I had a dollar for every time I swore I was done and a twenty for when I was right about ya after all.
So do what you want. You've always done that anyways.
Yeah, I'd be rich if I had a dime for all the times you made my heart feel cheap, and I'd be sitting on a **** ton of dimes if that were the case.
309 · Jun 2017
Terrifying sight
To the office of the government
To whom it may concern
I'm writing to request clemency (Clemency)
From fears who has I
To me as a butterfly
And so must go outdoors
And yet there's blood on his hands
But so with mine and yours
For every child of poverty
Who never stood a chance
For each who who said go with me
And each who who took his hand
For each who had bad counsel
And still they took the stand
For every deed of woman
And every deed of man
-Terrifying Sight, by Ani DiFranco
309 · Feb 2017
Out on the Edge
Hello, hello
Anybody out there? Cause I don't hear a sound
Alone, alone
I don't really know where the world is but I miss it now

I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name
Like a fool at the top of my lungs
Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright
But it's never enough

Cause my echo, echo
Is the only voice coming back
Shadow, shadow
Is the only friend that I have

Listen, listen
I would take a whisper if that's all you had to give
You could come and save me and
try to chase the crazy right out of my head

I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name
Like a fool at the top of my lungs
Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright
But it's never enough

Cause my echo, echo
Is the only voice coming back
Shadow, shadow
Is the only friend that I have

I don't wanna be an island
I just wanna feel alive and
Get to see your face again

I don't wanna be an island
I just wanna feel alive and
i don’t wanna be an island
i just wanna feel alive and
get to see your face again.

But 'til then
Just my echo, my shadow
You're my only friend and I'm...i’m, oh i’m

I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name
Like a fool at the top of my lungs
Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright
But it's never enough.
hello, hello? Is anyone out there? ‘cos i don’t hear a sound…

I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name
Like a fool at the top of my lungs
Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright
But it's never enough.
hello, hello? Is anyone out there? ‘cos i don’t hear a sound…
308 · Dec 2016
Thrown away heart
You threw words and feelings at her and she tossed out sharp retorts and anger right back at you. You both knew that this was the last time that she was gonna get to see you.

Did you know that she went home that night and cried herself to sleep? Did you know that she wanted to tell you that she didn’t mean it?

And now that girl’s gone, long gone. You missed a chance to tell her that you’re sorry, too. She’s gone; she left as soon as your words left your mouth.

She woke up the next morning and noticed a hole in her heart;sitting up, she thought about the world without you. You sat at the kitchen counter and tried to erase the hurt look on her face.

Did you know that she went home that night and cried herself to sleep? Did you know that she wanted to tell you that she didn’t mean it? And now that girl’s gone, long gone. You missed a chance to tell her that you’re sorry, too.

She’s gone; she disappeared as soon as you burned that bridge. You know, she loved you so much that she worked really hard at keeping it alive, even if it was already dying.

Did you know that she went home that night and cried herself to sleep? Did you know that she wanted to tell you that she didn’t mean it? And now that girl’s gone, long gone. You missed a chance to tell her that you’re sorry.
301 · Sep 2017
a home
I want you to create a home within me.
My bones will creak and weep like old floorboards, my eyes will shimmer like attic windows and i'll radiate heat like the ancient gas stove.
You can lock the doors to the rooms you don't want to sleep in, you can board the windows to the places of me you want to keep dark.
You can put a Welcome mat on the front porch if you decide you want to share me.
You can paint the walls a new color and put putty in the holes people gave me.
You can make me a vacation home and only visit me when you want, leaving me alone the other three seasons you're gone living your life without a home.
Just whatever you do, don't leave ghosts behind in me.
I want you to create a home within me.
292 · Aug 2017
Twelve Centimeters
Twelve centimeters.

The space between us.

Soft, caressing, loving.

Your hands running up and down my bare spine.

Passionate, searching, intoxicating.

Your lips on mine.

You kiss me like you're searching for the raw passion buried inside of me.

Trailing kisses down my stomach, up and around my neck, gentle as ever.

Your fingers fit in mine and everything falls into place.

But nights like these never last forever.

And when the sun comes up the next day, I have to let go.

Say goodbye to the eyes that gazed so deep into mine as if searching for that endless flow of goodness and love.

Allow my fingers to slip out of the hands that traced passion on my skin.

Give myself permission to run my fingers over my lips, remembering how you ignited my very core with every kiss.

To stand still in front of you and run my hands up and over your body, burning the memory of how your skin felt against mine.

To do nothing while tears slipped down my face and I watched everything in my world fall away.
292 · Mar 2017
Strength and Beauty
I've never had the strength to look past your mistakes and give you the space for improvement and growth.
I'ma be walking across that stage in  few months and I want you there.
I want you in my life right now .
Please don't make me regret trusting you and believing in you again.
290 · Mar 2017
You and I
You make me glow with the love you show me.
You put a smile on my face and you say it brightens your day.
It's so easy with you.
It's like breathing; simple as that.
I don't have to prove anything to you.
You make me laugh and then you laugh with me.
I make a joke and even though it's silly, you think it's genuinely funny.
You and I. It'll be you and I against the world.
289 · Jan 2017
you lost me at goodbye
I called it love and we said it was forever.
Didn't think that maybe we said it all too soon.
You got me at hello and how are you.
I was hooked on your voice and how you made me feel.
And it all changed, after sixteen months together.
I don't know what exactly happened, but I could feel it all shift a little.
Maybe I didn't try hard enough and maybe you were a bit too distant.
And maybe we stopped being good to ourselves and each other.
And I love you didn't mean the same thing anymore.
Guess you can't fix what might be broken and too late to put back together.
You got me at hello and how are you, but you lost me at goodbye and I'll always be here for you.
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