i danced back and forth, looking for a way out.
searching desperately for an escape.
i can feel my skin growing cold.
my nerves are all over the place.

please. don't touch me. i'm fragile.

Hold on for me.
Stay just a little longer.
I am not ready for you to go.

Your aging hands are what keeps me here.
Your words are what guide me.
I need you to stay here with me.

I don't want you to go.
There's so much left for me to show you.
Take my hand, let's make another glorious dinner surprise.
Show me the wonders of your garden.

i laid awake that night.
heart in my hand, wondering.

thinking i made a mistake in.
giving you all i had left in me.

i gave you all i had left.
to someday.

to make a life with you.
to build a future with you.

i am not done with the story.
love is not something i leave.

come. build a life with me.
lets fall in love all over again.

Take this heart, I don't want it anymore.

And take this love, keep it safe for me.

And take this ring, forever don't mean a thing anymore.

I wish I could be ok with everything, but how the **** am I supposed to deal with losing you?

I've never really thought about what it would be like to be apart from someone you loved.

To have the distance between you be like a literal wall separating the both of you.

You kept my demons from tearing me in half, even if it meant staying up late to help calm me down.

It was never about falling out of love; no, falling out of love wasn't the case for us.

We had the love thing down, but in the end, the line got blurred and we couldn't seem to get it right.

And sleeping alone, that will take time on both sides.

And we'll come out on the other side, saying that we got through it just fine.

I couldn't sleep last night.
My thoughts were running rampant and wild.

I laid awake, trying to shut my heart off, knowing I'll never really get us out of my head.

Love, I'll never stop loving you.
You could mess up a million times and I'll always forgive you.

Love, you could tell me I'm worthless and I'll love you anyways.
I don't care what people say.

Love, this is me fighting to keep you around.
Because if I'm being honest, life ain't the same without you.

I relapsed tonight with binging and purging.

Tracing fingers over my skin, I searched for the parts I didn't like.

I worked myself into a state of self loathing.

Hating every inch of cellulite, every stretch mark, my stomach, and my thick thighs.

Feeling disgusted with my image, I forced myself to purge, looking for a way to get rid of the feelings.

Afterwards, I cried because I was embarrassed and ashamed, but mostly disappointed in myself.

I was disappointed because I had been working on this and was doing so well and this felt like a major set back.

I'm ashamed and embarrassed to even tell you because I hate it when you're disappointed in me.