I relapsed tonight with binging and purging.

Tracing fingers over my skin, I searched for the parts I didn't like.

I worked myself into a state of self loathing.

Hating every inch of cellulite, every stretch mark, my stomach, and my thick thighs.

Feeling disgusted with my image, I forced myself to purge, looking for a way to get rid of the feelings.

Afterwards, I cried because I was embarrassed and ashamed, but mostly disappointed in myself.

I was disappointed because I had been working on this and was doing so well and this felt like a major set back.

I'm ashamed and embarrassed to even tell you because I hate it when you're disappointed in me.

A lot has happened in the last 24 or so hours.

Due to some personal problems, I may be deleting this poetry account.

That being said, I don't feel worthy of anyone's time.

So maybe a break from writing my thoughts is a good idea.

And this is the last time I'll ever see you or talk to you.

I've had enough of this life.

I'm ending it once and for all.

Goodbye, love

Hope we meet again in another life.

I took my ring off today.
The worn metal tells a story.
If you listen hard enough, you can hear every emotion experienced in this love.

I took it off because I felt I wasn't good enough to wear it.

I wasn't proud to be your girl. I wasn't feeling like I deserved you.

I put it back on because I don't want anyone else.
I want you.

But I'm scared in the end, you will decide I'm no longer worth it.

I guess i didn't think i'd even be here again, pleading for another chance.
but. the words i say don't match what i feel.
on my knees. tears in my eyes. i tell you to stay. but i'm already gone.
love you called it love as you watched my heart break.
love you called me love as you let us slip through the cracks.

you and i. we're separate people. different worlds. different lives.
you and i. spend too much air fighting with the other.

mama forgive me. i drank my sorrows again.

father forgive me. for i have sinned once again.

i broke my own heart trying to fix what may never be whole again.

Seems like all we do is fight.
And at night I wonder.
I wonder what love is like.

I guess. This doesn't feel right.
Not for either one of us.
And I wonder sometimes.

If everything is a fight. Then. What the hell are we fighting for. If not love. Then what do you want from me.

I can't be perfect for you.
I'm not someone for you to fix. I am not broken.

I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. Tired of waking in a bed that don't feel the same. And maybe this is all my fault.

Maybe I am to blame.

Blame it on love.

And some nights I lay by you.

Listening to you try to make me understand.

Entertaining the thought of you with someone else.

Kissing someone else and doing all the things you did with me with them.

And you swear that you're mine and mine alone.

Darling forgive me if I have reservations around this whole thing.

We made a promise and a commitment to each other.

Why else would I have said yes?

Why the hell am I wearing this ring if you're still looking for satisfaction in someone else?

I thought things would be different between us when I moved in with you.

Guess I thought wrong.