I can't breathe.
Words flood my lungs.
I can't brea-
(dead)

the feelings are still there
like you and your beautiful hair
but any chance of "us"
was lost in that last fuss

so i guess we are done
us and our fun
i have lost my "home"
so now i am left to roam

what now?

your smile scent and hair
this all seems unfair
because it makes me slip
and lose my grip

why am i so nervous
why am i so dumb
back to the previous
mistakes, and being numb

i don't know why
but i cant put myself out there
to get rejected.
but i still want to talk to you...

i still want to be hers only
but instead i am sitting here lonely
i wish we could talk more
i wish we hanged more

But then there wasn't anything left to say.
All that could be said was said
while the words that were said before hand drifted away.

And the feelings never left.
They were just tucked away in the neat folds of my heart.
Some days I did my best to cover them up with my rib cage
but other days the feelings would slip their way through the gaps
and show.
But I don't know if you saw something
you probably didn't.

Why do I still love you when you hurt me?
Is it because love makes you blind?
Covers the mistakes with clouds and mists
uses the blur when it sees them kiss?

I want to let it all go
let the cards fall where they may
Let the dust settle where it wants
but I can't
Love won't let me.

I love you
I like you.
I want you.
to hold and cherish
to love.

Yes, I am mad that you are dating her
and
No, I won't be fine.

Yes, I want to cry some tears
but
No, I won't let them fall.

Yes, I want to punch you
but
No, I won't can't mess with that cute face.

Yes, I am jealous
but
no, I won't try and mess with y'alls relationship


Yes, I want to kiss your cheek again
but
No, I can't, won't again.

yes, This hurts unlike the other times
but
No, I can't let you see it.

Yes, I will admire you
and
No, I won't look away

yes,
No,
Yes,
No

I lied to you not because I wanted to deceive you but because I couldn't let you see how torn my heart was.
It only showed up today because yesterday I was in shock.
The bomb was thrown as y'all walked on by and I just shut down only going through motions that weren't even thought of.
Today I was to put it bluntly ******.
****** at you
at her
At myself.

And your hugs,
My talking to you,
my trying to impress you,
you walk back to her side
didn't help

No
It didn't help

one action, one movement
can make it all go away
i can't talk about it or vent
all my feelings and happiness, gone for more than a day

one movement, and i feel like i am not worth it
and it ruins my day, and makes me hate all
one action, and i just feel like *****
and all my feelings fall

into a dark unholy pit
and my shields come up
i hate this, and hate it
i want to bleed out, maybe fill a cup

i want to die, i want to confide
but i don't flee
cause with my demons i ride
by now you should flee

cause, to run,
to flee
to be done
it just is not me

i stand tall
i will not bow
i will not fall
i just don't know how

one action, one movement,
makes me ready to fight
i can't talk bout it or vent
but if i die tonight

i die fighting, and stand tall
my kind don't run
we don't fall
and beating you will be fun