Science will tell you
More sleep will help
   Happiness
And make it easier to see the positive

However
How do I tell science
   Unhappiness
Does not help sleep
It is too easy to see the negatives
      By dark

There is nothing particular,
   Nothing that stands out
     About tonight.

Its just another evening
   We are drifting through.
       Just more time
                       passing
          And more moments slowly being    
                               lost
   Full of potential
      slowly worn away
           by the mundane

We need to
Break
The silent cycle
And Discover
              Create
        Or Steal
Some moments of magic

It is raining tonight-
mostly softly
But harder now and then.

It is distracting.
But not enough.
My mood still hovers-
A grey fog,
   heavy,
      turning,
thoughts rolling in like a storm
And darkening.

I'm finding it hard to see the joy,
The love and the smiles
That grow around me.

I'm finding it hard to remember
to breathe out
Then in
And out
again.

I'm crying tonight-
mostly softly
But harder now and then.

My bleak bitterness, my uneasy disease.

The past
The future
Now
What is time really-
You can't put your finger on it
Its never constant
Slow
Steady
Speeding
It does what it wants
Whether you waste it
Or savour it
Or try make it work for you.
It is all the same,
and yet
never quite.

Regret
Bitter
Bites tonight.
It rips at the edges
Of my manic mind,
A blunt knife.
Rusted
It leaves slivers of itself behind
Poisoning me from within

Is tamed wildness
And manufactured wilderness-
A plastic world
All my young son will know?

I have known gritty gravel roads
And sunburnt savanah veldt.
Swam and splashed
in muddy dams and reservoirs.
I have sat high above,
in mountain peaks studying clustered clouds
close enough to reach out and run my fingers through by day,
and I have counted the dancing stars above
in vast dark nights.
I have discovered treasures in the misty valleys on early mornings
And seen sun streak through
heavy storm clouds
to colour a grey sky with radiant rainbows.
I have seen surreal snow fall
And slowly erase the world around us.
I have seen majestic beasts truly free-
Wildebeests, various buck and cautious rhinos,
Zebras that danced and played
Around an elephant that loomed high above them,
And elegant wings that whispered
upon westerly winds.

And it has all left me marked,
these magical moments  tattooed in
my south african soul-
And I am more for it - filled.
what will feed their sould now?

You drift into my mind
Like the smell of chocolate cake
Freshly baking and
Dancing in the night air,
Warm and comforting.
It made me smile sweetly
Even though
life was bleak and bitter today.