I know a girl who keeps syringes in her purse
and razor blades in her bed-side table
she plays games and watches her loved ones hurt each other
a sick drama unfolding while she hides in the shadows
getting her poison through needles and her needles through dealers
she plays her eyes up, cat-style
and her hair up, willingly eating out of strange men's hands
she smokes her paychecks and steals to get by
she wants to be an actress, but over-sleeps on audition days
her eyes fold over and her lids turn purple
her savings burst into flames and her hair falls out
she walks alone, with hundreds of friends
she prays to a God, who she doesn't believe in
I know a girl, unknown.

i watched stars fall, never releasing if it was just your passion falling
i wrote about seasons, not knowing if change was coming
but now, i just sit on concrete floors
watching acid drip down walls and humanity destroy itself
i watch ants come and go - - in the search of sugar
but bitter boys are the only things they will find
my eyes melt into your words
and your words speak of beautiful things - - other than yourself

i never realized how much i needed you until i lost you
we never were atoms colliding
but we were chemicals reacting, exploding
causing chaos throughout the halls
we laughed at our mistakes
our mistakes now a memory, ingrained in my head
a piece of paper in a typewriter awaits

i thought i lost you
then i missed you
then i regretted all i did with you (which was bare to none)
but then i realized your just another poem
one just waiting to be written

I read a book and it was called "Spring"
because that's what season it was and it was perfectly accompanied by tea
my parents were in love and my sister was talking about college
i told my grandpa and he told me how bright i was
i went to church and loved Jesus with all my heart
this was the time i graduated eighth grade with big ambitions
and a set of friends
this was the year i cried about leaving
not from sadness - but because i was set free

I read a book and it was called "Addiction"
because that's what was talked about at home and what made my sister yellow with age
my parents were in love and my sister was in trouble
i told my grandpa and he just continued to ignore me
i still went to church but was too tired on Sundays
this was the time that the sun started setting sooner and talks about school were being said
this was the year i cried about high school
not from sadness - but from fear

I read a book and it was called "The End"
because that's what i felt was coming
my parents still love each other and they are partners-in-crime
my sister stopped speaking the truth long ago and turned to smoking chimneys
i told my grandpa and he got ******, still not focusing on me
i stopped going to church, watching others play God
this was the time that high school ****** me in and messed with my head
this was the year that i cried about friends
not from sadness - but from pain

I read one more book and it was called "Nothing"
because that's what was in my head
my parents are in love
my sister is falling through the cracks
my grandpa stopped calling
are you there God?
it's me, Sam
this was the time that the sink was emptied and bags formed under eyes
this was the year i cried over loss
not from sadness - but from the unknown

I stopped reading books.

Life is full of beauty. The stars in the sky. A lovers embrace. The leaves changing color and falling to the ground. A cat's meow. A husband and wife - together after 50 years. A child's laugh. A mother's cry of happiness. Young love. Kids riding bikes. A family spending time together. The gentle wave of the ocean. The sunset. The sunrise. Everything in between. Life is full of beauty.

2. Life may change for the worse. You could get laid-off or your lover may leave. A family member may die or a baby might die in the womb. A child may start failing school. Someone might get sick - very sick. But...

3. Life may change for the better. You might get that promotion. You child may get straight A's. A person's sickness will be healed. A baby might be born. Your lover might say 'I do'. You might travel to a new country. You might buy a house and raise a family. But,, whatever life throws at you, take it with a smile and grace. Something good is coming.

4. Life is supposed to be lived. Go sky-diving. Tell your boss to go to hell. Tell your lover you want them forever. Have a kid. Or adopt 10 kids. Write that novel that 'is a horrible idea'. Learn to play the trumpet. Travel to Europe. Join the Peace Corps. Run for mayor. Run for president. Tell your lover that you just don't feel that spark anymore. Read a book. Open a book store. Bake. Laugh. Love. Dream. Breathe. Life is here to be lived by you!

5. Life should be full of kindness. Never tell someone they are worthless it. That's how someone becomes depressed and angry at life. Tell someone they are worth it. Tell them everything will be alright. Read your little sister a book. Help your neighbors with their garden. Or shovel their driveway when it snows. Tell someone to have a nice day. Tell someone they are beautiful and mean it.  Give someone positive feedback. Give and do not expect to get. Spend time with your family. Help with a protest. Go fishing with your 72 year old grandpa. Smile at a stranger. Just don't be mean because people accept what they get. And if they only receive cold remarks from others, they may give up on life. So do a good deed and be kind.

6. Life is full of surprises... so go love life!

there is books stacked in the corner and words flow out of every nook and cranny
a single light burns in the middle of the room
a light that dissolves your mask, a light that highlights ever scar you cut
on my oh-so innocent face, that was never touched by a man
you burned and branded what you wanted into my head
a head full of imagination, now empty of thought
you poured acid in my mouth, to cease my right of speaking
a mute... a freak of nature, with pink ribbon scars tattooing my arms
my freckles hide behind tears and mascara
no longing knowing freedom - caged by you, a fake friend
a fake man
i thought a man was supposed to protect their girl from harm
not cause the harm themselves, but of course it is not entirely your fault
maybe if i never said yes to your offer, without reading the fine print
maybe if i wasn't such a little girl, when you wanted a tough woman
but you can see my past in black-and-white
and the past in never pretty
i've never experienced a boy-meets-girl relationship... but i've known of a boy-hates-girl relationship
but now the light showcases this on a podium for all to see
maybe i'm not as crazy as you think
maybe i'm just human - diseased

to be the girl you want
or to just be me
nothing can make you happy, but everything can make me sad
it just takes a glare from you and i burst open
my heart fluttering through walls and corrupting time, running away from the demons inside
it only takes your face, a place of disgrace, to trigger old memories
i want to be forgotten, never rising up to a challenge again, i just want
peace of mind and ease of body
i want to have a calm soul, not misplaced by your presence or your cold words
don't look at me with pity in your mind
look at me and think the truth, that i am a whirl-pool of emotions
i am the seasons changing-- a flash and i'm gone
i am the lone seagull you see at the marina, a warning of what's to come
i am the rainbow after a storm, but always that first strike of lightning
the sun shines on me, but the moon also shines
i am the moon's light, always there, but everyone only notices the moon
the stars are always there, but only the people who enjoy simple things, notice them
the busy-bodies of society just glance on by
i am the wind, a force to be reckoned with
i am the rain, beautiful after a harsh drought
i am the wave of water, that crashes over your head, as you try to remain dry
i am the lone ranger and your just a rebel
i am Wonder Woman and your just a sexist, never seeing the person inside the gender
i am never going to crawl back, so stop waiting
let's just move on
because i am a salmon, swimming back up stream
away from all fishermen--including you

poetry is the whole piece that fills the void that you left
please clean up after yourself next time
i speak so nonchalantly about it, but i feel as if i'm dead
poetry is the only thing not filled to the brim with dread
i want to live like a normal teenager
but memories bounce around my head, like they are trying to crack my skull
and flood the earth, like Pandora's Box
i volunteer as a scrape-goat
to be sacrificed, so more deserving people never feel pain
take my ability to speak and give it to the Gods as a gift
i want people to know, i've just been hurt
no, i'm not depressed
yes, i was suicidal
no, i didn't cut
i just wanted it.. to end
the pain is.. subdued
cynical and screaming
i was stuck in a storm
rain pouring on my head
no one was around for miles, and i was drowning in sorrow
now, i only see sunshine