i wish i was a lost poet in a stranger's coat so i could meet you again
but if i met you again i'd probably slap you
to tell you of my dreams of us
but i'm only your in your dreams
our love can make time stop
but we're on different schedules
to have you forever
forever is ending soon
i want to kiss you
uh, no.
i want you to hold me when i cry
the only reason i cry is because of you
the reason i'm living is for you
but in reality i'm living for me
and if your ever sad, i'll be there for you
but the truth is, i never will
and when your happy, i'll be there for you too
but i honestly don't care
and i want to get lost with you
...the cops won't be able to find your body...

you don't understand me
but do you even care to try?
let me introduce myself
i am Sam
born into a winter wonderland, at the peak of the Christmas season, with the smell of pine and gingerbread
my mother was a brown-haired beauty who loved as much as anyone could
my father was a diligent working man, who secretly was a head-banger
or not so secretly anymore
i'm the youngest of two girls
my sister was considered a basket-case, until she moved us all with her art
each family has a child with a problem - or is a problem
i had a brain problem, i couldn't operate correctly and no doctor could find the time to find my instruction manual... but they did fix me, at some point
after i was the guinea pig who had to endure test after test and all of their wannabe God decisions
i was the girl at school who people thought came from France
i had an accent, they said
i told them, no
i was born here, under the stars, my mom telling me that the sky was mine to see and create
they laughed and would walk away
i could see it in their eyes
she's weird, they thought
they kept there distance for seven years, solitude fit me well
i had friends, three i think
but they all eventually left, and i was alone again
but, when i was nine, i found a pen and a piece of paper
and i wrote about how beautiful the flowers were
and how big the sky seemed, how lustful the wind seemed, and how i thought it was calling me
my parents read it and smiled, knowing i had finally found the thing that set me free
i wasn't good at sports, but i was a real bookworm
preferring characters to real people, because  Harry Potter was the boy that lived
and if he could survive the dark lord i would survive school and all the mean girls that came with it
they didn't take notice of me till i was fourteen and i got contacts and a gleam in my eye
i started to carry a book-bag and wear make-up and i instantly became "cool"
but i did not want their friendship, i had tried to be there friends a million times
always being shot-down because i was a "nerd" and everyone knew it was bad to be smart
because you had to have a brain to be smart and you had to think on a daily basis
on more than what we just learned in the classroom
i'm now a freshmen and i have four years until i can be free
let go from my birdcage and just fly above the world, touching the stars and reaching my dreams
oh, hi
i'm Sam
i can only be
me

it's 11:56 and my thoughts bounce back to you
how you entered my life as a hurricane and
used me as your life preserver
until the calm
i was your apartment before your house
i was your appetizer before your meal
was it because we never kissed?
all of your friends with a ******* the arm always kissed between classes, hidden behind textbooks
with you to watch as you start to envy them and despise me, the one you were supposed to love
i really wanted to kiss you
have the out-of-body experience behind the school
and have your hands on the small of my back
and my barely reaching your neck as i stand on tip-toe
or was it because there were other girls coming after you
telling you
i was a cheater (never was)
i was just a kid (i was a month older than you)
i was a ***** (never had my first kiss)
and your ears ate up their ****** remarks
like it was starving
they had not be listening for months
you never held my hand (didn't want to be committed?)
but the truth is, you tried to seem cool, maybe you actually tried to hold on to me
but did you know i cried every night
because the fear of losing you started to break the cracks
already placed on my delicate heart
but, don't change the story... i broke up with you
i had a crush on a ****, from the rich part of town, he had pretty blue eyes, like the ocean
vast and mysterious
but i dated an envious, power-hungry, ****, with pretty blue eyes, like the ocean
devious with a current that changed

i wish happiness was a given
but it's not a universal gift
you aren't born and given a lifetime of happiness
you have to work for it, fight for it
you can be sad, with no effort at all
you only have to wake up

i wish i was happy
all the time
i have my moments where i wish i could just take a picture of all of these moments
maybe i'll start too
so whenever i'm sad
i can relive happy times
like when i get to drink tea and read
or it rains at night

i remember when i was four
i had an uncle
a best friend really
who looked happy
he wore a mask every **** time he saw me
maybe that's why i do it
every **** day
but when he came, once a day
in the evening, when the stars would start to come out
he always brought his partner, "map"
i just thought he was my second uncle
like my uncle kevin's wife was my aunt
but one night he didn't come
the next day i found out he died
years later i would find out he swallowed a bottle of advil and just waited
i thought it was because of me
but no
he was terminally un-happy
so i wish i had pictures of happy times, i could show him
could of showed him

i wish i had pictures i could show myself
i wish i could be terminally happy
but i guess being un-happy runs in the family

dear whoever-made-the-world,
please make happiness a gift that never fades
is never like a shooting star that barely catches our eye
but when it does, it's already gone
dear, a girl who might die un-happy

what if i stopped hearing beautiful melodies and voices over microphones?
what if i just turned off all of my emotions and became a mute
never speaking, because i never have anything important to say
or i just stop feeling
become numb with hatred towards everyone
because people with words need to learn how to use them
because words can make people blind
and blind people don't need to be throwing stones
because you never know where glass houses may lay
words are now the uni-bombs of today
blow up one, destroy with it
and you can end up being the reason
the reason a girl goes home crying
feels worthless
grabs anything
sharp
and tells herself how much she hates herself
and just slashes her wrist
once, twice
she loses count
you can end up being the reason she goes too deep
one, two,
breathing slows
she tries to stop it
she realizes she didn't want this
but she signed her death wish in blood
you gave her the papers
you gave her the motivation
with
words
because you were to blind to... see your ways
you made her too numb to feel

i tell myself someday i'll start living
not just breathing and moving
and using fake ****** expressions
i don't wanna make waves as a freshmen
'cause i know one you throw the stone
you don't control the ripple
and the waves can reach many shores
so i'm afraid to become attached
and afraid to say how i feel
i'm not comfortable with myself
hell, i'm barely comfortable with people
if it weren't for my three really good friends
Camille, Elizabeth, and Lexi
would i still smile
no
would i start living
no

living, to me, is doing what you love
every **** day
and loving people
and being happy
all the time
and listening to music that makes you dance
going outside
being able to sit with people and not wanting to leave, or feeling like your being judged
not judging yourself
loving yourself
making beautiful art, but no one gets it except you
and when someone does understand it, you fight for them, because you know it's meant to be
and if they slip through you  hands, you move on
no regrets
no broken promises
you go after each dream
every **** one

and one day, you'll die
but you won't say "i wish i did this..."
you'll smile and say
"i'm glad i did this..."

i think it's the saddest thing in the world that some people aren't living
in a sense, they are already dead
they are just atoms moving through the air
until the air stops coming
and the atoms cease to move
they die
never knowing
life

adele will never have a song that makes me think about me and you
my friends always told me to leave you
but i said "no. i like him. he's mine and he's cute."
disney lied to me
i will never have a prince charming
only a relationship full of deceit
if your going to cheat
at least don't lie to me
be honest
it truly is the best policy
and don't hide from me
when i get suspicious
cause it only tells me i'm right
your no longer my late-night phone call
or the one who holds my hand
you know longer deserve me
i'm the best you'll ever have