its really sinking in now
the new me, the one that's not shy
or afraid of the dark
the new sam who can be anyone
travel anywhere
who doesn't let people bully her
or guys just lead her astray
but i'm not feeling better
i'm just feeling ok

high school will be that monumental step into some new life
and i plan to succeed in every way
but i don't want people to recognize me
dyed hair, contacts, new clothes, new friends
the perfect disguise

welcome to heaven
you just had to live in hell for a couple years till we knew you could make it
just knocked you down a few times
before you could awake a new person
well, i'm  friends with God now
he'll protect me
but everyone else, won't even know me

four years
no tears
no fears
just sam
i can
just be happy
for once
without my past
interfering

i'll never be good enough
not to him, her, or them
but to me
"my writing *****"
i think to myself
"but your trying"
i think to myself five seconds later
it's like i'm torn
a devil on one side
an angel on the other
i just need that one person to tell me i'm good
to tell me to keep going
to tell me it will all be okay
to tell me..
to say
i am good enough

a blistering wound
left by you
has created fears
of distracting leers
and people of fright
hold on to my night
i see your face
full of disgrace
for dating a nasty girl like me
oh please
i was your first
not at all the worst
i was the best
and nothing less
so come at me
with all of your irony
'cause i can take it
but you won't make it
in this place
without a bit of grace
just leave
before i stop you from breathing

bullies
i've grown up thinking people ******
sometimes i still do
but i want them to have a clean slate
but will it only make me more
lonely
i want to start fresh
act like i'm meeting them all for the first time
brand-new
new school
wish me luck
or i might lose my muse
the people i write about
they deserve my thanks for many great poems i have written
but they still cracked
me

another hello?
or my newest goodbye?
i want to see where this may lead
but this is how my first mistake started
a crush
and it did indeed crush me
when the guy got bored and ran off with another girl
you say i'm the girl of your dreams now
but what about a month from now
a year?
just be warned
i'm like the wave that crashes over your head
the first strike of lighting that scares
the first drop of rain
and the lasting puddle
but - - if you look deep enough
i'll also never leave you
as long as your mine

making a girl cry is like hitting her
morally wrong, but guys still do it
leading her on is almost worse than beating her
cause when you beat her, she knows how you feel about her
but when you lead her on
she thinks shes important
and then she gets punched in the gut by the truth and she falls to her knees
no one there to help her up
or to pick up the pieces..
she just sits there, tears rolling down her face
sometimes she believes she still has a chance
but every time she gets knocked down
part of her sanity breaks until
shes as crazy as me

"imaginative, keep writing"
these words
they ringed through my head more than the high-pitched school bell did
behind me
i thought about this intently
my parents and friends always said i did good with poetry
but some people acted like it was a petty hobby
a easy lifestyle, if i may
but this teacher
who was so much wiser than others before her
knew what she was talking about
she gave me the final push
the final pull
that helped me write this and many others
even when faced with a soul-eating depression
if i miss anything about that hell-forsaken place
it will be that angel on wheels that showed me
the light