I touch the soft, battered
photograph of me, you, and
him
of you and the man you loved
and me, your five year old niece
you were completely and honestly
my best friend
but a cruel world
took you away

i now laugh in the face of death
as if it is noting but a mere
dream
i believe i still do not
understand the problems with being so
closed-off

i love you, my sweet uncle mike
those pills that took you
were filled with a sweet medicine
a nice mixture of hate and love
of dreams and reality

but, in the end, they still took you away
they still killed my perfect
artistic and loving
uncle mike

we were just
two kids
crazy--yes
but mistaken--no
we felt like millions of people had felt
before
us
we held hands
in the hall
spent every minute just being
us
but it was tragic, really
you got bored
i spent endless nights
wandering and lusting after
you
when what i needed was to
wonder and think
"are you for me?"
no
and you never were
you were for her
but..still
with you i was
complete
but now we are fighting corpses of forgotten dreams
not the star-crossed lovers we used to
be

a look is all i need
to fall down on my knees
to be shaken down by your grace
imagining your embrace
your hand caressing my face
there's too much space
in between us
there's too much distance
for us to ever
love on another
to find each other
with a dog-eared map
because i find myself slipping further and further
away

I'm screaming
but no one can hear me
I'm falling
but there is no one there to lift me up
just standing there
just breathing the same air
but you don't look up
not even a stolen glance
but do i care
yes
intensely i care
but your too blind to see
too deaf to hear
to evil to love
to conceited to care

i love
the way your eyes are dewy and
wide-eyed
and innocent
but not in the way i would
believe
because i believe
so very
highly of you
but you believe
so very little of me
i hate the way your
dewy and wide
eyes lie to me
how they bore into my innocence
and deteriorate my mind

you never liked me
i was your second choice
i was your insanity
outfitted in black
bleak rain drops caress my face
but i mistake them for tears
i mistake them for feelings of
regret
remorse
sadness
filling me up, i'm about to burst
so please just say it
out loud
you cheated
on
me

i sit here
my mind slowly releasing me into insanity
into teenage depression
into the unknown of all I've ever known
i bang my head, but i no longer feel pain
almost immune

perhaps its the lack of sunlight, eh?

but
it's probably me turning a rose into only a
pile of thorns
dramatic
i try to hold on
but then i release
i can feel you in my grasp
but then i feel your warm embrace slipping away

i almost feel heaven
but then I'm transported to Hell