even nights like this seem redundant
sleep escapes and once again I find myself
staring at my bedroom walls
trying to grasp the beauty of anything

my lips are numb against ice cold glass of something strong, yet tasteless
tastes like memories, fading
tastes like you but bittersweet

I close my eyes
I am walking on thin sheets of ice inching forward
I hear your laugh
echoing, slipping away, sliding under
I sink....dark....cold...engulfing
I cannot breathe
I've learned to love a love of suffocating
brown eyes pulled me far too deep
I won't make it back up for air
I learned to live a love where missing you is involuntary
I now think to breathe

but darling
I have shaky hands
you have eager eyes
and darling
the light begins to dim
I was not ready for our demise
I
kept trying
this love was dying
darling you have eager eyes but they don't want me
they want something else
always wanting something else
someone else
someplace else
not here
darling
were you ever here