I know your order by heart.

It's always a macchiato with seltzer water on the side.

No matter where we are.

You've whisked me away to so many different coffee shops in so many different cities and I've never grown tired of it. (Maybe because of all the coffee we've been drinking).

And I wonder if every time that you get coffee, and I'm not there, if you think about my favorite order. Just a straight, black, pour-over.

And I wonder if I've given you coffee stains on your heart, much like you've given me.

You just got back from vacation. You were tired of being around other people and said to me, “We need to get some coffee and not talk to each other for awhile, okay?”

And I said yes.

Because you’re my favorite person to not talk to over some coffee.

You're throat is burning,
But I'm the one that's spitting smoke.
My reptilian tongue,
Takes the time to deceive us both.

You tried to speak to me,
But I only heard a voice from my past.
You reached in my head,
And found yourself all alone.

And you built this future for us,
And you turned my heart into dust.
But I won't follow you.

Well I felt my chest caving in,
And you became my deadliest sin.
But I won't follow you.

And your match head scream,
Lights up the way to the door.
And you set yourself on fire,
Just trying to keep me warm.

And I fueled that flame,
Despite the guilt in my eye.
Behind my convincing claim,
I knew we were always out of time.

And I built this past in my head,
It was you who would never learn.
And I won't follow you.

So you threw your heart on the ground,
You misunderstood what I meant for you now.
And you won't listen to the truth.

Oh I tried to tell you,
I wanted to warn you,
I did everything that I could,
But we know that's a lie.

I tried to love you,
I wanted to love you,
I just couldn't keep up,
I couldn't survive with your love.

And you built this future for us,
And you turned my heart into dust.
But I won't follow you.

Well I felt my chest caving in,
And you became my deadliest sin.
I won't follow you.

As the thick humidity of summer approaches, I can’t help but think of you coming home.

Not to my arms, but back to where we belong.

And as we tumble through the last stage of our youth, where we carelessly, effortlessly, and unknowingly fall in love with each other, I can’t help but think of the day when I get on that plane; you get in your car, and we both yearn for when we felt the moisture in the air stick our skin together.

And on that day I hope you realize you don’t want to leave.

You don’t want to put your car in drive. You don’t want to watch my jet trails disappear over the eastern horizon.

But we both know we can’t stop time. And we both know we can’t tell each other how we feel now.

That is why you scare the hell out of me.

Because I’ve learned after being in your life for so long that we don’t need each other all that much to live a good life.

But that’s also why I love you.

It would just make everyday a little bit sweeter knowing you’re there, 1500 miles away, with my name pulled up on your phone ready to press call when you’re walking home.

Just like you have always done.

Just like you always do.

Just like I always hope you will.

I can never finish anything I start
I am worthless

I don't fight for myself
I am helpless

I make a mess out of beauty
I am destructive

I struggle with decisions
I am useless

I am the wrong in the right
I am the darkness in the light

I am, Human.

I can never finish anything I start
I am worthless

I don't fight for myself
I am helpless

I make a mess out of beauty
I am destructive

I struggle with decisions
I am useless

I am the wrong in the right
I am the darkness in the light

I am, Human.

You asked
                    me
                          w
                              h
                                ­ y...
      and I told
you
          so.
But
       then I
             asked
         myself that
same que s t
                       i
                        o
                          n..
Now I
         don't
                    k
                       n
                           o
                               w...

1 second.

2 years.

1 second.

The steam, your lungs pumping the breath in and out.
Your voice, as smooth and dark as obsidian.
I'm holding you, but the nights freezing touch takes away the heat.
The curves and ridges of your body fit perfectly with mine.
I can hear your heart beat, in sync with mine.
Our limbs tangled.  Your eyelashes, fluttering against my skin.
Our lips barely touch, yet you pull away, smiling. Teasing.
I pull you in, over me, your lips, as soft as clouds.
You wrap your legs around me and pull me in closer.
I lift off of you and I open my eyes to see you smiling.
You laugh at the gravity of the situatioin. You laugh at the fact that you won't be able to let go.
And neither will I. But we don't know it yet. The black holes where our hearts should be. ******* in everything we are and everything we will be. We won't let go. But we don't know that yet.
We are covered in a veil of love and blindedness.
The steam, your lungs pumping the breath in and out.
Your voice, as smooth and dark as obsidian.
Another night awaits us, another night filled with sweat and love.

Do you remember sailing on that dark and stormy sea?
The salty water covered you like a blanket with every breaking wave.

That's when you found me. Or I guess I found you.

You saw me shining while you were on that dark and stormy sea.
I loomed over the coast, illuminating what I could.

There I was, love, your lighthouse. Your savior.

I thought I could be your home.
But I showed you my treacherous rocks. That deceiving beach I called my own.

I was your lighthouse. And I did my job.

We both knew you wouldn't crash your boat and drown in my twisted love.

And so I watched you sail away on that dark and stormy sea.
Away from certain death, that salty water covering you like a blanket with every breaking wave.

So here I wait, burning brightly and searching always, my head on a swivel.  
Pouring my light out on that dark and stormy sea.

Searching only for you.

This is not my poem but a poem one of my friends wrote. Enjoy.

Where is my happiness?
Who took my smile?
What can shed light,
On this darkness awhile?
I don't know who I am.

With nowhere to go,
And no one to please,
My heart is paper,
And crumbles with ease.
I don't know what to do.

No one gives me instructions.
There isn't a "how-to" on life.
So stop pulling me in a million directions.
Because your words hurt like a knife.
I don't know how to let go.

Yet here I am, still standing today.
I'll keep pushing through, I won't give up.
Even though I've gone astray.
Life comes with many hiccups.
I will be found.

Baby if I die, if I die will you meet me
in Heaven or Hell.
It doesn't really matter to me.

If you do meet me in Hell,
I'd let the eternal flames lick my soul
if it meant having you forever
by my side.

And if you meet me in Heaven,
all the better.
We would finally have our place in the stars,
like you always dreamed.

But if you choose to stray from my eyes
let it be known,
Heaven or Hell, demon or angel,
my heart still longs for you.
Your everlasting touch.

Stop right now.
You may be reading other poems or numbing your mind on facebook.
But just stop, and think.
How did you get here?
Your parents met, they fell in love, and one day unexpectedly or expectedly (hooray for both) you came along, a new life, into this universe.
Let's take it back a few...billion years.
The earth formed, cells had begun their transformation from single organisms to multicellular organisms, and here came along the animals.
Now you might be thinking, "What in God's name does this have to do with me?"
Just wait.
Mammals, reptiles, and all sorts of creatures now roam the earth.
Soon, mammals start to evolve and here comes Man.
Intelligent, willing, and curious.
These are our ancestors. All of our ancestors.
Now think, what would have happened (or rather not have happened) to us had our ancestors died, billions of years ago. What would have happened to you specifically had your ancestor not lived the amount of time they had? You most likely would not be here now would you?
Your grandparents, somehow out of billions of people stumbled upon each other and fell and love. Then here come your parents, children, having no idea who they're going to grow up to be, or who they're going to marry. They just happened to marry each other, then here comes you. Whoever you may be.
Everything, from the beginning of time has worked out precisely, perfectly for you to be living right here, right now.
And that makes you the most significant person out there now doesn't it?

I'm no religious man by any means

But if I were to be, you'd be my goddess

And I'd speak to you through love

4 weeks ago.
12 weeks ago.
35.
73.
It's been 73 weeks since you threw that sponge at me.
It's been 73 weeks since you covered me in paint,
your unrelenting love began to drip into my heart.
It's been 17 months since you kissed me because I was too afraid to kiss you first.
It's been a year and a half of lovely explosions.
But it only took me one day to break your heart.

Now I'm starting to wonder who really lost more.

You know that feeling. Everyone does. But that certain feeling, when your gut is being pulled and twisted. And your chest ****** dry. Your eyes are sunken into your skull and your limbs made of glass. Dust in your mouth and your ears refuse to let in a single sound. Paralyzed. Your brain and your body. Get the hell away from me. No, stay! The first one is for everyone else the second is for me. Do I really mean that much? You’re smart, you tell me. Keep talking, keep thinking. That’s what’s keeping you here. No don’t talk. The secret will slip and then you’ll trip and fall. Just think, think, and think. About what? About anything of course! But there’s one thing that you can’t stop thinking about. Now keep it to yourself. Because, shh, we can’t let the secret slip, now can we? Cold air rushing in, gripping and tearing at the skin. You remember don’t you? Breathe, you have to, don’t stop breathing. Magnificent we got what we needed. No there’s more. But what? It’s not over so quiet! I don’t know what but there’s more. Tick, tock, tick, tock. It’s coming, wait for it. Time is our enemy. **** it, beat the time. You understand, don’t you? No, of course you do. What a stupid question. Stupid questions. And this is all happening right here, right now, right then, right where? Right here that’s where! Right then that’s now! Now do you understand? Yes, of course. Just what I thought, just what we think. What we think. Are we one? We’re one. Us. Him. Her. Them. They. All plurals, all together yet apart. Wait, what? I DON’T KNOW! Don’t ask me! I didn’t do this you did! I know I did but why didn’t you stop me! Save it! Please, I’m begging. Who cares? They do. Who does? No one does. Really? That’s what I thought what we thought. You have no idea what you’re doing do you? Of course I do. Why do you say that? Because I know you. Who doesn’t? I don’t. Yes you do. Never together always apart. What was that? What was what? You tell me you’re the one paying attention! To what!? To everything! I talk to you, you are supposed to talk to me back! It’s how this works. Make sense! Tick, tock, tick, tock. It’s closer! You can stop it! Just finish it! Cut it. What it? That it? What’s it?! It’s it! It’s over. What is? It. Don’t you understand? By now I don’t really expect you to. It is everything. It is everyone. It is anything, something, that thing. What thing? That thing! Don’t you get it now? Tick, tock, tick, tock. Spin around the clock. Life’s a clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock. When the bell rings. What happens then? What happens when? Secret, slipping. Flesh, peeling. I DON’T KNOW! Stop. STOP ALL OF THIS! Shh. Do you hear that? Hear what? I said shut up. Do you hear it? Exactly, do you hear, “it.” It is nothing. It is everything. It is time. It is our ally and our enemy. Our destruction and our life. When your gut is being pulled and twisted, your chest ****** dry, eyes sink into the back of your skull, dust, no sound, paralyzed. Tick, tock, tick, tock. It’s only a matter of time. Your life spins around and around. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Your life on a clock.

I remember how we used to paint.
You painted with the black,
as if you had every colour of the rainbow in your possession.

Oh, how we used to paint.
With our bodies.
And our love, we painted.

At the corners of your smile, the ocean of blue crept out.
When you laughed, that lovely red exploded.
When your eyes lit up, the yellow of the afternoon sun leaked.

Now, I cry, a storm of magnificent purple.
I sweat, a fiery orange that burns my skin.
A deep forest green ready to drip off of my lips.

Can't you see? To be all that I am, I need you.

Did we really only paint with black?

Is there such a thing as complete forgiveness?
No matter what that person does, is there?
And if there is, how do you find it?
Is it through a God, through your own soul, or is it just there.
Because in your lifetime you are both the forgiver and the forgiven.
We take those moments of forgiveness for granted.
What would've happened if we had not been forgiven?
And what would've happened had you not forgiven..
But then again, it might just be something you'll learn over time.

You checked my armor.
It was worn and tattered. It wasn't going to last.
But I assured you I was going to be okay.

You checked my weapons.
Just my balled up fists. Sweat and blood filled the creases in my hands. They couldn't do any damage.
I assured you I was going to be okay.

You wiped my face.
Composing a masterpiece on my skin.
Using the ocean from my eyes like war paint, you traced your fingers on my cheeks to my ears then down my jaw line, to my neck and straight to my heart.

I promise you that I'll be okay.

Because we both knew in that moment, that I'd be back to find you.
Where you'll compose a masterpiece using that salty elixir like war paint and my skin the canvas.
You're signature, that passion filled kiss, proving that I'm yours. And yours only.

I'll never stop fighting for you, my love.

We all have our demons inside of us.

I just happened to swallow the devil.

I had a sneaking suspicion,
That you were submerging,
Slowly into the soft scent of my burning soul.

What went wrong my dear?
Was the wrath of my wistful wondering,
Wrecking the fragile walls of your wishes?

Perhaps the pressure of my painstaking peer,
Put you in a position,
Of perilous pondering.

But, in the essence of our existential existence,
Did you ever stop and elaborate,
Did you even think about our everlasting escapade?

Maybe we can marvel at our mortality,
Make peace with our mirrors,
And make do with our maddening monstrosities.

Loving you lately has been anything but lovely,
Yet we find the time to lie low,
Laughing in our liar's lair,
Laying waste to our labored lives.