You just got back from vacation. You were tired of being around other people and said to me, “We need to get some coffee and not talk to each other for awhile, okay?”

And I said yes.

Because you’re my favorite person to not talk to over some coffee.

As the thick humidity of summer approaches, I can’t help but think of you coming home.

Not to my arms, but back to where we belong.

And as we tumble through the last stage of our youth, where we carelessly, effortlessly, and unknowingly fall in love with each other, I can’t help but think of the day when I get on that plane; you get in your car, and we both yearn for when we felt the moisture in the air stick our skin together.

And on that day I hope you realize you don’t want to leave.

You don’t want to put your car in drive. You don’t want to watch my jet trails disappear over the eastern horizon.

But we both know we can’t stop time. And we both know we can’t tell each other how we feel now.

That is why you scare the hell out of me.

Because I’ve learned after being in your life for so long that we don’t need each other all that much to live a good life.

But that’s also why I love you.

It would just make everyday a little bit sweeter knowing you’re there, 1500 miles away, with my name pulled up on your phone ready to press call when you’re walking home.

Just like you have always done.

Just like you always do.

Just like I always hope you will.

I know your order by heart.

It's always a macchiato with seltzer water on the side.

No matter where we are.

You've whisked me away to so many different coffee shops in so many different cities and I've never grown tired of it. (Maybe because of all the coffee we've been drinking).

And I wonder if every time that you get coffee, and I'm not there, if you think about my favorite order. Just a straight, black, pour-over.

And I wonder if I've given you coffee stains on your heart, much like you've given me.

You're throat is burning,
But I'm the one that's spitting smoke.
My reptilian tongue,
Takes the time to deceive us both.

You tried to speak to me,
But I only heard a voice from my past.
You reached in my head,
And found yourself all alone.

And you built this future for us,
And you turned my heart into dust.
But I won't follow you.

Well I felt my chest caving in,
And you became my deadliest sin.
But I won't follow you.

And your match head scream,
Lights up the way to the door.
And you set yourself on fire,
Just trying to keep me warm.

And I fueled that flame,
Despite the guilt in my eye.
Behind my convincing claim,
I knew we were always out of time.

And I built this past in my head,
It was you who would never learn.
And I won't follow you.

So you threw your heart on the ground,
You misunderstood what I meant for you now.
And you won't listen to the truth.

Oh I tried to tell you,
I wanted to warn you,
I did everything that I could,
But we know that's a lie.

I tried to love you,
I wanted to love you,
I just couldn't keep up,
I couldn't survive with your love.

And you built this future for us,
And you turned my heart into dust.
But I won't follow you.

Well I felt my chest caving in,
And you became my deadliest sin.
I won't follow you.

I had a sneaking suspicion,
That you were submerging,
Slowly into the soft scent of my burning soul.

What went wrong my dear?
Was the wrath of my wistful wondering,
Wrecking the fragile walls of your wishes?

Perhaps the pressure of my painstaking peer,
Put you in a position,
Of perilous pondering.

But, in the essence of our existential existence,
Did you ever stop and elaborate,
Did you even think about our everlasting escapade?

Maybe we can marvel at our mortality,
Make peace with our mirrors,
And make do with our maddening monstrosities.

Loving you lately has been anything but lovely,
Yet we find the time to lie low,
Laughing in our liar's lair,
Laying waste to our labored lives.

1 second.

2 years.

1 second.