I know what I'm going to do
About two and a half years from now
I'm going to order a case of Soju

Maybe two cases
One Jinro and one Lotte
Just to switch things up

Tastes similar to Purell
Strong stuff, burns your nose
Two bottles will knock you out

Same stuff my mom drank
When she locked my brother
In the ******* bathroom

Same stuff my aunts drank
When they kicked me as
I hid under a blanket

Same stuff I sneaked shots of
A few years ago, when my mom
Was depressed and decided to drink again

Words still ring in my head
*****
What do you want
*****...*****...*****...******...*****...
dead line

So many threats
Don't go into her work
Don't see her at school, and don't ******* talk to her
Stay the **** away from my daughter
*****

Went to see a concert
Walked past her
Had to ignore her
To avoid jail time
When I would have loved to ...nevermind

Walked out
Into the parking lot
Half way there
I'm tackled with such a loving hug
From behind

I am stricken
Words ringing in my head
*****, *****, *****, he called me
It took a minute for me to muster
The courage to say a word to her

I turn around and speak
With such pain in my voice
She tried to calm my fears
She tried to cheer me up but
I just wouldn't budge

Little would I know
It would be the last time
She would ever want
To hug me from behind ...like
Like that ever again

As I sit alone every night, I jump, in surprise,
I'm still surrounded in warmth
As I'm forced to relive this ****,
Her last good surprise to me,
That memory forever

I get these flashbacks,
Like a VHS tape...play, rewind,
Pause, fast forward, but no stop... I still... I still...
I feel her wrap her arms around me
Over and over and over and over

I don't ******* know
How I'll ever get better
When the only thing that
Makes me feel any better
Is the same thing that hurts me

I've speculated upon
Destroying these tapes
Or at least destroying the player
But I can't push myself,
Because suicide is not...

Suicide
Is not the way out
And I don't know what is
But there's a long life ahead
Maybe I'll figure it out

Dear pills
Please take away my pain
I swallow you in angst like
I try to swallow my pride
Too much at once
Too much to handle

Dear sleep
Please take away my restlessness
I ask for good dreams, but
I only dream of her and
When I wake up reality
Is a nightmare

Dear alcohol
Please take away my yearning
I downed a lot of bottles but
I didn't stop thinking of her
I just pretended to be okay but
Only my face got numb

Dear death
Please end my play, for
I'm living a life best suited
As a modern theatrical tragedy,
A spin on Shakespeare's Romeo
Where Juliet isn't real

It's Sunday
I won't go to church today
I haven't gone to church in a while
Because I miss the feeling of your body
In the seat next to mine

It's Sunday
I don't think I believe in God
I believed when I was with you
But you just kind of had that effect on me
From the seat next to mine

It's Sunday
I'll probably say some prayers
That you'd be like God and forgive me
I miss the person that warmed me
And the cold seat next to mine

It's Sunday
I shooed off the angel sent from heaven
She became the reason I lived and
That angel was a lovely companion
In the seat next to mine

I don't know why I got caught up
In the ideas of this world
Where we think happiness can be bought

I don't know why I thought
You needed to prove things to me
I'm perplexed by myself I don't know what got into me

I don't know why I thought
You weren't perfect the way you were
I did sometimes and other times didn't, but I know which side I'll stick on

You're the kind of person
That can't be bought by petty words
You're the prize I can't touch
That sits on the wall in the back
Of my life's carnival game
I'm the kid, and I played until I broke it and
Then I'd never be able to take you home
I was told to go home and I fought until
Escorted off the property

Please pretend
I'm not the one
Who wrote this
That a stranger
Dropped it off to
Make your day

You're beautiful.
You're wonderful.
You're the kind of girl,
That both the boys and girls fall for.
You're insert positive adjective here.
Not because you're a cute face.
Not because your body is the perfect shape.
Not because long sleeves might hide your pain.
Because you're someone they look up to
You're someone a lot of people look up to
Even though most people wouldn't admit it
I'd rather be open about it
You're a bright mind.
You're an open mind.
You're a caring mind.
You're a mind full of optimism.
You're a cute mind.
You're a witty mind.
You're more clever than you know.
A genius trapped
Under the eyes of the world
Or at least, the overbearing souls
Of those who surround you.
You're amazing,
Because you actually amaze.
You've surprised a lot of people
With your persona because
You have a voice in it
That people can't see or hear
But they feel it
Oh, I know they feel it
They love you for it
Like the expression on a face
Carries a universal language
You carry another kind,
One much more rare.
You're the kind of person who
Doesn't come around often
The kind of person
That everyone desires
I should have known
I'd lose the rat race to your heart
I'm not capable
Of the necessary actions
To satisfy something so pure
You're a diamond
And I'm the dirt
I just hope I don't bury you
As you're trying to shine

The tears in my eyes fall
Like raindrops on concrete
In the middle of a thunderstorm
On a muggy summer's day
To make myself feel better
I imagine I'm out there
Becoming drenched in the rain
To be able to feel again

The tears in my eyes fell
In the second week of August
I was up until 4
There was a bad thunderstorm
I almost went outside
To lay in the field across the street
In the pouring rain, amid the thunder
That I would be refreshed
That would be reborn
But also wishing
The lightning would strike
And end the pain
I put you through