Maybe I just like any word
That comes from
Ben Gibbard's mouth
Or maybe it was the simple effects
You had on me
By doing the very simplest things
Such as sharing some songs

May 24th
"Can't Stand It" - Never Shout Never
..."Baby I love you, I never want to let you go..."

June 9th
"Thank You" - Dido
..."And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
And, oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life"

September 23rd
"Bloom" - The Paper Kites
..."In the morning when I wake
And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you."

I have to admit, the song came over the radio on my way to class one night and I had to pull over the car to cry...

September 30th
"The Heart Of Life" - John Mayer
You told me: "No matter what happens, you will always mean the world to me. I will always think good of you. I will always love you."
...song goes
"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"

I cry just thinking about this song. I sent it to you when you were upset. I tried to help you. I weep every time now, I'm such a wreck, because I doubt I mean a fraction of what I ever meant to you, anymore...

After you sent that to me, I replied to you:
"I didn't see my inbox until tonight. My poor heart is so broken. It just dropped to the floor. I'm so afraid of losing you. Otherwise I'm okay..." ...

Sent you this song  
October 3rd
"Suddenly" - The Sheepdogs
..."My world at night
Is as quiet as can be
A self imposed solitude
Isn’t half as bad as it seems
But lord I sit tonight, and I dream of somebody
Who in the world could it be?"

You sent me back
October 7th
"Such Great Heights" - The Postal Service (Cover by Iron and Wine)
..."I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images
And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate
That God Himself did make
Us into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay
And true it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this that catch
My troubled head when you're away"

I cried so hysterically.
I cried so hysterically.
I cried and cried and cried.

I now cry and cry and cry and cry
Because you had taken me
To such great heights

It's 4 PM
I close my eyes
And I breathe
I turn off the music and the TV
I put down my book
And I breathe
Telling myself I need you
But I force myself to stop
And I breathe
I wish I could make you believe
You didn't make me happy, because

You were my happy

And I breathe
It's up to you to decide
I know that and you have
And I breathe
I just have to hope
You may change your mind
And I breathe

Lately
I don't do very much
Except sing
Love songs

But I've thrown up
So many times
My voice is raspy
And it's hard to sing

I like to sing
Which just reminds me
How stupid I've been
In the past to you

Walked into the room
Where you were talking
With a friend of ours

Asked if I could talk to you
Your face turned sour
You got really scared

Asked you to hold out your hand
I grabbed my gel pen and drew
A heart in black ink

Your face enlightened
In such a way I hadn't seen in a very long time
And you hugged me so tightly

I told you that I'd have my pen
Waiting for the next opportunity
To draw a heart in black ink

On your hand to remind you
I'd always love you
So that when I wasn't around

You'd be able to smile
Just like I did on the days
You drew one on mine

I turned to that friend
She assured me
That things would be fine

Little did I know
Nothing would be fine
That my pen is still waiting for round 2

Wrote a second napkin
Unsure if it ever got to you
Actually wrote this one first
When we were still sneaking
Still talking

Walked into your work
You weren't there
Gave it to a co-worker
Asked her to give it to you
When she got the chance

Talked about backpacks, parking lots, a play on words
Backpacks, how I said I wished I could take you everywhere like a backpack
Parking lots, how we told each other we loved each other lots, but "parking lots"
Just wanted to make sure you still felt that way, so I made a little joke

Goes a little like this

"I heard something about backpacks and parking lots.
Are you still in? Meet me at the * parking lot when the time comes."

After all
We had a covert operation going
Not supposed to talk to me
Your mother said
After the flowers
You claimed to have joy
After the flowers
Though

Wrote you a note
A note on a napkin
15 things I'll always love
About you
Everything I could make fit
It was kind of condensed
But its message was clear
Not sure if you still have it
But I still have a typed copy
Goes a little like this

Front says
"You're wonderful"

Back says
"15 things I'll always love about you"
1. The way you show your love. You go out of your way to do it.
2. Your cute smile. Even with the sad puppy dog eyes.
3. Your strength. You've put up with so much. Especially from me.
4. Your persistence. You continue to stick by me when no other will.
5. Your tolerance. I've been silly. Wacky. Crazy. You still loved me.
6. Your beauty. Cutest girl ever. I didn't deserve you.
7. The memories you have given me. I'll cherish you forever...
8. Your happiness. I miss it. I want you to be happy. With or without me.
9. Your cute mannerisms. The things you've said. The way your eyes look into mine. The way you held my hand. The hugs.
10. The last 9 months. I remember the first time we kissed...I fell so hard.
11. Your humbleness. You always put others before yourself. I admire it.
12. Your support. You've helped me through one of the darkest times of my life.
13. Your mind in general. All of it. Good, bad, whatever. I always come to understand.
14. Your body. You might complain, but it is uniquely yours, and you are amazing.
15. Everything. This list doesn't begin to touch everything I love about you.
...

They were all so true
I'll never be able to go back on it
I know you want me to
I know you want me to move on
But the napkin clearly said
"Always"

This is the most I can remember of a poem I flushed down the toilet.

Our love is a rose
Every day
For the past few weeks
Our love has been a rose
Deep red with thorns and
Painful to hold onto

Our love is a rose
The greatest flower
It bloomed so beautifully
Except we're bleeding
Holding onto the thorns

Our love is a rose
It's been a wonderful gift
But we cut our tongues
Our mouths bleed agony
The pain of words I can't take back