Loving yourself
Doesn't mean be self absorbed
Doesn't mean be a total ****
Because you need to love yourself

Loving yourself
Is recognizing you're human
And that you make mistakes
And that it's okay to make mistakes

Loving yourself
Is when you mess up really bad
When you say the wrong things
But you go back to try and fix them to validate you're not a *******

Loving yourself
Means that when you go back and try to fix things
And you aren't able to fix things
You lift yourself up anyway because you know you tried to fix it

Loving yourself
Doesn't mean tiptoeing
Around what bothers you
It means you face your fears and realize it's not the end of the world to fail

Loving yourself
Is realizing that the first step to success
Is failure
That falling is good because you try again until you get it right, not give up

Loving yourself
Is having persistence
To prove them all wrong
And not get upset when you can't because sometimes you can't

Loving yourself
Is admiring your trying
Because you should be proud that you try to make things right and you try to make things better
Not only for me, but for yourself, because it bothers you too, to be so mean

Loving yourself
Doesn't mean you look down on others
It means you accept everybody, even your enemies, those that hurt you
You just don't look down on yourself

Loving yourself
Is when someone tells you you're horrible
But you know better than what they say because you know you try and you try so hard
You stand tall but

Loving yourself
Doesn't mean you're better
Because everyone is human and you make mistakes too
You don't hate on the bullies because they hurt just like you and you won't make the mistakes they do

Loving yourself

Keep crushing me
I'll take it
I'll keep saying I love you
Because that makes you upset

Keep telling me
Tell me I know you better than you know yourself
Then tell me I have the wrong idea about you
That you're not so great and you're horrible

Keep going please
Contradict yourself over and over
Be relieved when I say I don't hate you
But be upset I don't hate you

Keep ignoring my words
You read them and hear them
It's your interpreting that's off
That's why text doesn't work, I get it

Listen to me
I don't hate you
I'll always love you
But you don't even know what I mean

I found myself a friend.
He lives in New Jersey and has never met me.
He is 62.
He and I share interests, and he is an administrator of the forum
Where we go to talk about technology and computing and all that jazz

He just said
When young looks and lust
Are the driving factors,
As you age, temperment and having mutual interests
Become more important.
In later years you want a friend
And partner more but good looks don't hurt the equation!

That's kind of where I'm at, I guess. In my later years...
Either you'll catch up or I'll be fine with non-partnered friends
The kind of friends
You realize walk in an out of your life
When you all grow out on your own

I bet you never got to know
That I wasn't always depressed
I was always narcoleptic

Every time I told you I didn't feel good and couldn't see you
I wasn't depressed
I was narcoleptic

That message in March
Where you said you even loved when I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed
I was narcoleptic

I couldn't help it
People never understand, it's like how you feel when you've been up for days
I was narcoleptic

I could sleep 12 hours
And not feel refreshed, because my sleep doesn't heal me, like it heals you and others
I was narcoleptic

I know I took those stimulants
But they made me edgy and nervous, and I turned into a ****, so I didn't take them but
I was narcoleptic

You see, those stimulants, Vyvanse
Made me feel like I'd been up for days but running on 2 pots of coffee because
I was narcoleptic

A man who has been up for days
Is not often the most polite and I hated being impolite so I stopped taking them but
I was narcoleptic

So I spent my days sleeping
Sleeping till noon, then needing to sleep at 3 PM, until 10 at night and then until noon because
I was narcoleptic

Your stepdad said he wouldn't stand for that "crap"
But I couldn't help it, I wanted to see you more than anything and I knew it hurt you but
I was narcoleptic

Not only am I narcoleptic
I think I have fibromyalgia just like my grandmother, who loves you too, I think,
I have fibromyalgia.

Today I'm still narcoleptic with fibromyalgia
But I've found a cure, a mix of two pills, one for the narcolepsy and one for the pain
One pill is designed for nothing but narcolepsy (not ADHD) and the other a narcotic for the pain
You'd have no idea how much better I feel than I did before
You'd have no idea because you don't care to learn who I am
Because I'm not who I was, I'm refreshed, something new, I'm normal for once
Not just feeling bad, not just tired and sore and fatigued, not so depressed I can't get out of bed

Just narcolepsy and fibromyalgia.

I'm a free thinker
I make my own observations
That one friend of yours
Is not a free thinker
In fact I don't know if she thinks

Some of the smart people
They're the most closed minded
They read a lot and take in a lot, they become *** Laude+
But they believe things like the WBC
Believes what they believe

See, some of the dumber people
Like the Steve Wozniaks
Like the Bill Gates of this world
Those free thinkers that were really the smartest
But didn't like society's games

They are the real success stories.
But we're taught that the only success you can get
Is going to Harvard with a 4.0
In a field where the pay is good and jobs are hot
But a field in which where you went to college doesn't mean crap,
Because they're not looking for bookworms but looking for free thinkers

That friend of yours
She's been through pain
So she knows the pain
So she can relate
But that might be where it stops

That friend of yours
She'll have your back and she cares
But she's a little bitter
I mean, pretty bitter sometimes
I think you know this already

She told her cousin once
She found that talking helps
When there's a misunderstanding
That she wished people would talk
And work it all out

But she doesn't do that at all
She shuts people off
She shuts people out
Just like when she got annoyed
When you got less into her

You see
People who hold grudges
Who shut people out
They live a world of suffering
They live the saying "Nice guys finish last"

But they make it that way
Those people are the reason that saying exists
They say that those who don't learn
From history are doomed to repeat it
Let me just say she's one of those people

You're turning into one too,
Losing the free thinker inside of you
When you think you're making her
For the first time
I wish you'd listen

And not let your emotions overwhelm you but use the logic in your brain
Because your emotions are clouding your thinking
They're clouding your thoughts
They're clouding what you think you know about me, I think
Because you're doing that thing your friend does where you stop listening

How Dare You

Now this is gonna sound mean,
But how dare you tell me what to do like that
First of all you don't understand
Yes I know you have feelings
But why would you make assumptions
When I'd never lie to you

How dare you
Tell me to get over you
When I was already moving on
When I was trying to do
Exactly what you were doing

How dare you
Think you're thinking for yourself
When really you're only seeking
Seeking for everyone's approval
To build yourself up

How dare you
Tell me it's nobody else who influenced you
When all you do is ask them what to do
So you can learn their ways
How to be happy and what to do

Now seriously
I understand okay
I understand it's hard and you need help
But seriously
Some people aren't always right, not like I am either

Yes they care
But you don't realize
Nothing we ever think in these things
Is actually us
Because someone's behind us with advice or direction or understanding

You talk about how
Everyone uses you
How they manipulate your feelings
It's true
Like even when you think you won't be manipulated anymore you're actually seeking it
And you seek manipulation, you just don't look at it that way
But I get it. I know you, like the back of my hand, okay?
I've been given countless hours to do nothing but torture myself thinking but now I see the light, and
I know your childhood and I know your past.
I know how you need to move on
I know how you've struggled to think for yourself
Like you said how you got panic attacks
When I asked what you wanted to do on a date
Or how you spend 90% of your lunch time thinking about what you want for lunch

So again, just open your eyes for god's sakes
Because I'm not here to tell you what to do like everyone else
I'm here to help you think for yourself
But it's not like I don't have thoughts too
I just want you to decide for yourself for once
But you think you are
Except you don't even know you're not, so
Maybe someday, a few years down the road, you'll come back to me and realize it but

I guess you'll never know how much I really care about you
Like I'll always care about you, seriously
I'll always love you and yes I know you're vulnerable
You're really vulnerable, even to me, to falling in love with me again, or just being hurt by me again,
And I understand why you keep your distance
I understand why you keep telling me you need time and you're trying and you're being happier
But seriously, when you say I understand you better than you do
What the hell do you mean
Because it seems I really do
And you don't understand me OR you
So let me help you
Or keep me away then, but if so,

How dare you

It was a shock of news,
When you reprimanded me
For "talking to your friends", like I was annoying them, as if
I was bothering people you say you "took for granted" and now you're sticking up for them
Like I was just a nuisance

It was a shock of news,
Since you changed since talking to me
When you understood my POV, that I don't love you like I used to, and I'm in the same boat,
But now you've "moved on"?, (from what?) and you can't go "backwards"?
Like you think all I want is to go back to before, which is so freaking wrong because I don't

It was a shock of news,
Since I went back to those people, "your friends"
After your claims, and they couldn't see either where you were coming from,
Because one grew up with me, and the other is now my best friend
The first one, I don't think you realize the history there and the second one is my best friend

It was a shock of news,
For you to assume, I've been bothering "your friends"
Because of you, but I don't think you realize, that they are good people,
And I like good people, so seriously, quit claiming they're only your friends and not mine
Because the boy you flirted with so much who drove you home all the time was my friend too

And I didn't even talk to him much, or even mention you
Because I really like him as a person and I took him for granted when I was with you
Just like you took people for granted and now you're trying to care about them
And now I'm trying to stay in touch with my friends, even the distant ones,
As I tried to stay the hell away from you, just like you've been doing to me

It was a shock of news,
When you blocked me out completely
For you're "not in love with me anymore", and you're broken, just like I've been broken,
And I too, am numb and not in love, seriously, I'm not in love with you
But I kept saying I love you, because at least I know you try, even though you don't open your eyes
I know you're kind and sweet to people and you're building yourself up
But quit tearing me down in the process

When I tell you the truth
When it's right in front of you

So apparently, I don't love you
Maybe this hurts you
Like you keep hurting me
But open your eyes for god's sakes
Follow your own beliefs, quit the double standards
And understand I'm not in love with you when I say I love you