I quite like the virginity of a fresh notebook
the way my wrists and palms drag across its leaves
breathing life between lines in pink magic marker or the severity of red ballpoint
I like the prickly practical meticulousness of a shopping list:
a dozen eggs
one pineapple
one bag of fresh spinach
one bag of English muffins
one bottle of dish soap
I like the tender impressions of curlie cues and firty cursive
communicating endearments placed on counters such as:
TAKE OUT THE RECYCLING YOU LAZY OAF ******* <3 XOXOXO <3
I enjoy the audacity of a wandering doodle
meandering
cartwheeling
hopskotching
between
and under and over
indices

and spaces
between shopping lists and death threats
i enjoy the lingering ghost of prose shaped caverns
carved onto seemingly empty sheets that carry on for pages
until they fade like whispers into an evanescence
I crave the obnoxiousness absurdity of a to do list
daring me to take a day off from procrastination
until tomorrow
call Gramma
rent due on the first of the muuuuuuuunth
take the GRE
update resume
be awesome. like a boss.
most of all
I love the pain and joy of a poem
the way it slowly leaks from heart to mind to hand to paper
staining
spaces
urgently
faster than muses whispers
barely escaping onto lines
prolific terrific poetry
sporadic spacious atrocious poetry
I croon over the denial of the last page of a beat up notebook
the way the paper hangs onto spirals haggard
littered with stringy remnants of lists and reminders and death threats and poems and goodbyes

An honor, To have this short spent time.
With as Good a man, this friend of mine.

A Leo, with a Heart of a Lion.
Brighter than the belt of Orion.

Since children, we are now grown.
Stuck together, a real friend you've shown.

You accept change, I am too afraid.
What I could not do for me, you have made.

Adventure, A Toast between two men.
Tears of respect, Goodbye my friend!

I miss the way the clouds
call to the sea through the horizon,
and the depths of the ocean
send secrets to the shore,
waves whispering to the sand,
foam telling tide-pools,
“Don’t worry. I’ll be back.
Just wait here.”

It's been broken and repaired so much
My heart is mostly glue,
But it still beats and it still loves,
I think it's stuck on you.

Don't look at me, don't see me,
I might break.  If I whisper or scream
Don't hear me; don't listen.
I need to hide, run away,
Before I fall any deeper and break.

Don't believe me, don't trust.
Don't rely on the words I say.
I won't be strong; I'll  just give in
To this desire to run away,

Because the world is too much,
And I don't know if I'm enough.
I can scream, I can breathe,
I can rip out my hair,
But every minute that passes
I grow weak,
Give in to this dreamless sleep,
Stop fighting, go numb, and break.

It's a battle, just breathing,
Waking up each morning.
Being strong, being open,
Letting myself feel vulnerable.

So if I seem to be breaking,
And giving in to the masks  I paint,
Know that I couldn't take it
Without giving up my mind and going insane.

Because the world is too much,
And I don't know if I'm enough.
I can scream, I can breathe,
I can rip out my hair,
But every minute that passes
I grow weak,
Give in to this dreamless sleep,
Stop fighting, go numb, and break.

I go for a walk and as I do,
I see the sky's beautiful hue.
But I look to my left, then to my right,
Something's missing from my life.
As I go down this lonely path,
I try to figure what hath
Made me so unappealing to thee,
while you so beautiful to me.
I walk alone down that lonely strip.
I walk alone, just the thought of i
Makes me shutter and cry and almost scream
It's you, it's you, you are my dream.

Couldn't call me Jeckyl
Or Mr. Hyde.
Just something im used to
Day or night.
You wanted a thriller, boy
You're in for a ride.
Don't get scared now;
Stay by my side.

I remember innocent ages.
The book of youth
Torn in many pages.
Always hearing silence,
The sounds that are not real.
Without enhancing love,
How else am I supposed to feel?

Where am I going?
What side of life will I lead?
Beware the river flowing,
That's the last thing we need.

Live and let live,
Grown and learn.
Discover before
You crash and burn.
I dont wanna see
My best man die,
Haunting will happen
In the Drink of an I.

Barely more then ordinary,

but nothing like the rest.

Why when I explain myself

does it feel like I confess;

something you should know

but you refuse too see.

I can be extraordinary

just by being me.




Pace yourself, hold your ground,

so you won't disappear.

They try to change you every day

with lies, your dreams, and fear.

You're already formed inside,

why won't they look and see?

You're already beautiful,

a diamond breaking free.




So let this pain help you endure

the troubles that you face.

Heartache will be come your strength

until you find your place.

Nothing is Impossible,

if you can still believe.

That one day their "impossible",

you somehow will achieve.




Your life is just another page,

waiting for you to write.

Without it you can not have joy,

so don't give up and fight.

If you should become confused,

unsure of the right way.

If it brings unease to your heart

then you should turn away.




Don't use others as a means

to get what you desire.

Guilt will burn away your soul,

and leave a scar like fire.

Never throw away your pride.

for the easy choice.

The silent ones are watching you,

listening for your voice.

The sun sets at the lonely sea,
how I wish you were holding me.
The day you left is still fresh and new,
I wanted to tell you, but didn't have a chance to.

These wounds are stitched but are not healing,
the day you left has my mine reeling.
When you left my life soon ended,
my outlook is anything but splendid.

Sadness has completely overwhelmed me,
without you there is nothing to see.
Pain has dyed my heart jet black,
it hurts to know you aren't coming back.

I remember the feel of your gentle caress as
the corner of the razor bores into my flesh.