I thought about you last night
And it's not what you're thinking
I mean more like day dreaming
More like a storyline
Playing out in my head
With ups and downs
And it was so perfect
I wrote it down
And realized
I might love my fictionalized version of you
More than the real you
I guess that's always the case
But it made me realise
What I love so much
About writing
It's the closest I've ever felt
To god

I find myself
Here again
Down and broken
Looking within
Where did I stray
From this path?
How do I clean
This Aftermath?
How do I keep
From THIS again?
Where am I going?
What's the plan?
I'm tired of failing,
I CRAVE success.
I give it my all
I try my best!
Yet circumstances
Beyond control
Effect the way
Life's dice roll.
So I pick up the pieces
Dust off the dirt
And I keep on trucking
No matter the hurt.

A silence with you
Is not
a silence

But a moment rich
with peace

These feelings inside,
What could they be?
Love, sadness, actually just a sneeze.

Before I sneezed,
I thought something was there.
Love, sadness, maybe I'm just scared.

I just met him,
Why does he make me smile?
Love for sure? we'll see in a while.

He called me beautiful,
Says the sweetest things,
Now his friend's talking about rings!?

That escalated quickly.
Makes my heart flutter,
I'm starving now. Mind's in the gutter.

I've never met anyone like him.
I don't know what to do.
I should talk to someone, but who? ...who?

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I'm so mixed on feelings.
This is so foreign.

How can you admit to someone you love them
When you can barely admit it to you
This love you so adamantly condemn
That won't disappear no matter what you do
No matter what you say no matter what you think
This love stays solid and never grows weak
You tell yourself it's gone you tell yourself it's over
That the beauty has disappeared from the eye of the beholder
But this is not true and you know it quite well
That feeling like you are under a spell
The spell of their laugh, the spell of their smile
The spell of their personality that makes life worthwhile
You love them, you love them, stop denying this fact
Start living it and now start planning your attack:
I love you, I love you—these three simple words
Consume my thoughts; control my world
I wish I could be strong and that I could believe
That you would say yes, that you could love me
But I am not strong, not in that regard
So I shall keep these feelings, these thoughts locked inside my heart.

i look at that girl and i wonder what she is thinking.

i wonder if she is happy,
or if she ever will be happy,
or if happiness is even a plausible thing anymore.

she doesn’t seem unhappy,
but even appearances can’t be trusted these days.

i search for clues in her darting eyes,
and her fidgeting hands,
and her eyebrows;
furrowing and unfurrowing incessantly
as if she can’t make up her own mind herself.

looking at that girl,
i can not even seem to realize that she is me.