I miss you
No, you don't
You miss my words,
and how they made you feel
like you could live happily
You do not miss me

I have decided
I know what you're debating
I have told you not to, many times
Each time you ask for my help
and for 3 long years I tried to help
but it is not my job to save you

I want to die
I know you feel that way, I know
but tell your girlfriend, friends,
better yet, tell your therapist
Not I, who you left at the side of the road
with a broken and confused heart
Do not ask me to fix you

Oh, so you've moved on then?
I rebuilt my life without you,
as I saw you rebuilding yours
But you came crawling back
when I was finally happy
And you tried to creep your way
back into my veins
I washed you out with the tears I shed

It is not my job to save you,
and you made that quite clear to me
when you told me you no longer loved me
do not say you miss me now that I am gone
do not try to tear me away from my new love
the one who holds me when you do this

You are breaking me, and stealing parts of me
in order to fix yourself

follow my instructions my dear
i promise, if you are hurting
this will not ail you further
and i can only hope
it will diminish your pain

breathe, darling, breathe
inhale, exhale
let the soothing coolness of life
fill your lungs and cleanse you
inhale, exhale,
that's it
you've got this

Now listen my love
I know things are tough right now
and you may not feel up to much
thats fine, i promise, its fine
just relax and let the air
take away a little part of your pain
inhale, exhale
breathe, darling, breathe

you can do this
just keep breathing
my dearest love,
keep breathing.

Sometimes
At night
I get so restless
Words swimming inside my head
Dazzled by the bright orange-like glow
Emitted by my desk lamp
I see letters of the alphabet
Drifting in the air
I get mildly agitated when I cannot string them
to pen something decent

My lamp illuminates
All night
Afraid to sleep in the dark
And yet not fearful
Of playing with fire in the daylight

Sometimes
At night
I get so restless
Through my bedroom window
I gaze at the pale moonlight
And wonder
If I ever crossed your mind, today

Just once

A myriad of personalities

Belonging to the self

Dwelling therein
  
       Eternally

In discordancy.

Silky red lips sip on
Intelligents, and intuition
Blue watery eyes
Perfectly disguise
Intricately weaving words
That are shaped, then escape
Change the landscape
Of relationships and connection
Gravitating truth to unexplained urges
Feelings all colliding, leading to one thing
She is absolutely unique in herself
Bring fourth an Absolute beauty
As well as drawing a connection for me
One again providing a bridge
This time completely unaware
Of the truth she has delivered

She is no reflection
Only 94% same genetic makeup
But our likeness has never helped me see myself
Not like it did today
I saw her physically
but more importantly
Emotionally
She helped me remember
What I bring to the table
Expression and a suave reading
Of people and their meaning
Helping them see pieces of them self
My gift of self-awareness
Gifted to me
As I sought to see
Its more than red lips
Blue eyes
That are a bit alike.

I remember crying during lunch my senior year of high school
My math teacher’s eyebrows colliding turning one plane into a fractal image
He had sat there every day for nearly four years
Helping me struggle through an unreal number of numbers
Literaly and figuratively
And again and again the numbers on my math test said
You are less than average
You
Are
Stupid.

But behind the eyes of a determined math teacher
Never read, what my insecurities where screaming
Refusing to believe the numbers, I sought one thing
Some unspoken meaning
I almost found it the day of my graduation
I almost found it between my teacher’s eyebrows
Wearing it like a point of pride
I was the first of my family to hold
Such a light thing as a diploma
Instead of a heavy head
Weighed down by ******
It nodding under all the pressure
The first to feel the lightness of feather
Instead of a sixpack
A lame back, from manual labor
I was flying
College was my next undefeated feat
Again I let an institution tell me what I was
Test scores tell me what I should meet
Intelligent measured by something
That couldn’t understand its diversity
Trying to tell me I was less than average
When I was just an individual
Above a point of comparison
Excelling in conceptual understanding
Debating and good energy

I could construct social interaction
Like gold, I learn to read people
The power in my phone
I learned that it wasn’t the diploma that I should be proud of
Not the thing I sought after
Not what I would show my little sisters and brothers
To show them how to live better, how to be stronger
Burn brighter. Burn longer.
So here I am
Red faced and scared
spoken word
was hiding, but always there
in between my math teachers scrunched brow
Was the answer
I could have cheated if I had known how
If I knew what question that needed answered
Had realized it was never in his book
I should have listened to what I saw
Not to the math test I took
I
Am
Not
Stupid
I haven’t failed by choosing something outside of school
That I am not defined by the score
By numbers or lines
By this institutional rules
Test scores or even rhymes
I am not less than average
I just don’t average out
That power isn’t really in a piece of paper
Power is found in your words
And chosen behavior
That silence and insecurity
Means nothing really
The answer wasn’t in his book
It was in his look
And his persistence to prove
I
Am
Not
Stupid
He just wasn’t good enough with words to prove it.