I die inside
When I think of how much I want to love him
But I'm stuck loving you instead

On a wintery day such as this
All I need is my dog
And it's bliss
I look into her shepherd eyes
And I am simply mesmerized
Filled with loyalty and admiration
Her love is all I need
Never has she acted on me in greed
She knows when I'm sad
Walks towards me when it's bad
Leans on me, letting me know she's there
She understands me even in despair
She licks my hand to say "it's okay"
She gives me comfort in every way
I couldn't imagine waking up
And not having her by my side
It truly was a miracle finding her
She makes perfect my normal life

I am wasted and wasting away.
I've been cemented within these walls
Pushing and pulling will-less air
Between pastel fading lungs and,
I stumble to dance awkward words
Off shattering porcelain lips.
To become an ornament is something else.
But to break your own heart with fear
Every waking moment, and every unconscious
Second of your life, is something more;
More difficult, crippling, punishing and bloodless
Than any deep, seeping wound.

The aching turns to
   Throbbing
And it's breaking my ribs again.

The faux colours after the rain
    Fade
Dimming to black once more.

It's a hamster wheel I'm stuck in
     Rotating
Dragging me up and down,
    Rupturing semi-calloused skin.

Bashing my head against bars
     Locked
In this place, a metaphorical mental jail.

Stuttering words that shatter my teeth
   Nonsense
This sadness isn't real,
   Yet It's here.
And I can feel it. It's drowning me.
I can't breathe. But it isn't real.
So I find solace in it like binding myself to a religion that doesn't leave a bubbling sensation on my tongue.

This word is dark and everything is tasteless.
    I can't remember what sunshine tastes like
On the back of my eyes.

Besides, I've lost all feeling in my brain
And my nose bleeds again
    But I bashed my face against a wall
So maybe it's my numbness dripping on the floor.

I'd like to break my ribcage open,
And bash my skull with the shards.
To forget this pain,
Heartache and torture.
I felt it coming,
I saw it... touched it
And fell on it; it pierced like a vampires stake.

I am swelling with pain,
Overflowing onto those I love,
I am unintentionally; purposely
Setting others on fire.

Selfish, stupid, broken;
No ones deserves this pain
But me.

tucked into the safety of your arms
held against your chest in a blissful silence
is this what heaven is? it must be,
for if it is not, I want no part in it.
Your hand strokes my back
and sleep creeps ever closer
my eyes are closing and I await the nightmares
that have plagued me for so long
but I awake some time after
in no cold sweat, no scream echoing from my lips
you're looking at me with eyes that hold such love;
I never thought anyone could look at me like that
a smile plays on your mouth, and its infectious joy
sends a thrill through me and a giggle rolls of my tongue
Your heartbeat was a steady drum that sent me to sleep
and your love was a warrior that chased away
all of the demons that crawl onto my shoulder
when sleep settles and vulnerability encloses me
I never knew a person could feel like home
but you are the only shelter i have ever felt
from this agonizing storm inside of me
I beg you, your beautiful love for me
has returned the light to my eyes and my life
Please stay?
I know you will
I know you will.