here i sit
above you
above the streets
above the sounds
of the ruined lives
that drive
through these alleys;
here i sit
below the church
beloved by god
below his reign
as his reign drives
us toward sanctity
and through our lives.

we're all looking up
for something;
weather, stars, answers, etc.

here i dream
above my pillow
above the streets
below my window
where you're still driving
yourself toward the end
of the road, and up an alley;
here i dream
below this roof
below the skies
above the ground
where you're dreaming
you'll spend less time dreaming
and more time in peace
through death.

we're all looking down
for security;
placement, terrain, estrangement
of self in a solid form above digging
deeper for something so simple
that we're still unsure of.

i'd been pushed in line
with the rest
standing ground
wasn't a test
it was the norm
and proved
hold on,
the line's moved.

there's a lie through the ages
that we're all doomed to a similar end
but when you've seen the end of it all
and think all your time is spent,
you'll see the time's spending less on you
and more on its own reconstruction,
restitution, and resolution for another second
spent out in the night screaming that it's
midnight.  there's no time left for today.

i remember the words
                                                you said to me when i thought i couldn't hear
                                                                                            that i'll never forget

                      but now, you're lost in something
                    that neither of us can really control
    and it's tearing the very fabric of who we were into pieces
                                                                                             so try to remember
                                                                   all the things you'd ever said to me
                                                     and how they have no meaning to you now
                                                                                      and soon
                                              how they'll hold no weight as you hold nothing
                                                 but the disgusting things you've taken pride in

nowhere's where this belongs.  and we're heading somewhere, so leave it behind.

In a transient state
trance covers my eyes
and I fade off to the distance
where I stare for hours on end
as I'm searching for just one idea
to pull myself out of this meditation
and put myself back to working
on the idea that we're working
on something far, far greater
than just another space here
and we're heading
toward great
things.

it won't damage the mind
or the soul; they're infinite.
it won't hurt the heart
or the stomach; they're intact.
it won't hurt the idea
or the notion; they're entwined.
it won't hurt me
or you; we're too far apart
for that bullet raging through his brain,
cutting nothing but his flesh from his senses.

the slight imperfections
play off the light
as you're enlightened;
i see through these cracks
in the facade you're covered in.

the simplest idea
pulls me in again
towards the destruction;
we're bleeding through, now,
as we're drained of our safety.

the farthest reach
was felt across the span
of time and space again;
through the mind's eye
we still blind ourselves to love.

these masks we wear are cracked and exposing vital spots to the ugliness in our character.

we just can't break our act.

street signs and side-winding snakes drew a map
to the end of all times and time stood still;
there was no way of getting that image out of my head,
especially after i'd studied the difference in the maps
that they drew, and the one i'd been given.

graced by the simplest idea that we're heading somewhere,
we stop and relax; let the time flow through us.
there's enough left here for all to just enjoy it,
but we're not enjoying as much as we should for ourselves;
there's greed in their eyes, don't you see it?

can you see the stars in their heads, shining
brightly enough for us to have a beautiful path at night,
and once the sun has risen, their dreams will die.
replaced with the harsh realities that this is where we're at,
and soon, we'll be nowhere faster than the last time we headed out.

"follow the signs, they're hard to miss," he told me,
and i believed i could read them all; indifference
catches me off-guard and throws me to the next one.
'wrong exit,' i thought. 'we're gonna have to turn around.'
time to backtrack again; always caught out here naked.

completely true
yet slightly fabricated
the life you're living
isn't the one you'd imagined
so now you try and try
harder and harder
to change the way you are,
the person you've become, now,
just won't allow it;

you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

she whispered it to me
and i woke up immediately.
i knew what i'd heard
and i'd practiced it remedially.
she had a hold instantaneously
and i knew i couldn't break it.
there was no doubt left
and i knew i couldn't shake it.
i held her that night
and i didn't wanna let when the sun arose;
i knew i had to eventually
and i'd have had to know
that i couldn't let it go.

through the windows of another idea
and into the depths of the idealism they've formed
around the whole sanctity that's building
and filling in the cracks of the pane you smashed.

with a whiskey bottle out of rage,
broken glass fell in an instant and all has fallen
we're filling in the space it's left
with tape and hopes to keep the chill out.

out of the room and into another
just to breathe for a little while without a dream
in mind; we're dying for a change to fall
upon our laps and down through our veins.

emptied of all your belongings
and now filled with ideas of what it'd be like
with another who'd filled your shoes
just as quickly as they'd been emptied; full.

and as you forget who i was, i remember who i am
and as i remember, you continue to forget
but i don't blame you for it; i was a horrible person.
at the same time, in the same sense, you were too.

beaten and scorned for this
dragged through the streets
bearing my cross
i feel christ's pain.

as he cried out that they didn't know,
he was crying for their ignorance,
their deceit, their cracked foundations,
and their fallen ideals.
as their idol bled to death,
hanged with no noose.

i’ve watched my wounds heal
      as these past few days went by
   and now that i’m alright again
      i can say the scars will fade too

                someday soon.

have you seen it recently?
have you moved it somewhere i wouldn't look?
i've searched for days now, and i've come up with nothing.
i think it's mixed in somwhere where my bob dylan t-shirt is,
lost for the rest of my time as a sad, sick soul on this planet.
are you sure you didn't move it before you left?
have you heard anything?

the mechanization of this way to will our minds still fights itself
and we're losing the battle as we rule our lives from out of our minds;
in our souls, and still through the placement of shrines in our halls.
it's filled at the altar with sacrifice after sacrifice,

and today, i think i'm going to sacrifice drinking too much and gaining something to feel.

we tell our children
never to tell a lie
but that's all we feed them
and they'll be fed til they die
because the truth's too painful
when you find it in yourself
and even harder to put down
when it's come down off a shelf
in a bottle
in a lighter
in a song
in the freezer
under the steps
under your feet
under your head
and in your sleep.
you'll find it anywhere, once you admit that it's what's killing you.

i'd go back to sleep
just to dream some more
and wake up in the morning
a little extra sore
from the tossing and turning
that went on the night before
but when i'm dreaming
i'm lost inside my own core
and i feel the sights i've heard of
as if they weren't just folk lore
and i hear the feelings i've seen
exhibited on your front door
and i see the sounds you're emanating
coming through the floor
as you wake up yourself
in the afternoon around quarter til four
you find i'm not here
i'm just dreaming anymore.

another step in the right direction
headed into the hole i've dug
deeper and deeper, i'll dig
until i've reached the core
extremities in check
we're bleeding out quicker
but we're gaining momentum
in another way to get life
out of the death we're breeding

but the uncertainty still rests in your eyes.
restlessness crawls through your mind,
and you're still saying to yourself, "i've got to try."

it's happened too quickly,
and you're still holding on to everything.
as you're holding on sickly,
you're looking for just about anything

to break your heart again.

bleed me a little taste
out of your eyes
into your mind
and through the skin
so i can imagine what you really are

give me a little idea
of your life
throughout the years
where you've been
so i can draw up my own timeline

and give you a better feeling,
some security as to who i am

so i can give you a reason
to say you know me.

broken glass,
broken hearts
broken promises
but most of all,
the real thing that sticks out
is the broken ways that this came to break.

broken glasses
broken windows
broken bottles
but most of all,
the last thing on my mind
is the broken idea of love you'd left me with.

busted and ****** into the street
again to gallompf about
and start the trip out.

irrepressible satiated purpose/followed by volcanic mental expansion
littler impression/prose out of poignancy/ambiguity and alterations
         explicative social media outrage/FAKENOOSE
   entitled generations of disenfranchisement and grandiose foresight
placeless outrage and fitful penniless homelessness/losses of hope/dreams deadened by the deafening sounds desire

                                wanting more only gave me less
                                                    for you anyway.

                 i'm sorry there wasn't enough to go around the first time.

there's little parts
                              scattered about
                              placed randomly
                              what you'd call a mess
                              but in perfect harmony
                              

organized now*
                              everything in its place
                              but there's not a place for me
                              so i sit among the system
                              being whatever i am; just to see

                                                                                                           if i really fit in with everything
                                                                                                           forever dreaming to *be
                                                                                                           forever young; a kid once more
                                                                                                           disorganized and criticized freely

without a care in the world

falling
lightly
flight
not quite,
it's still just
falling.

floating
weightless
lightly
through nothing
and still held
on something.

grasping
nothing
tightly
you're falling
deeper now
into life.

i remember a time when at least somebody cared,
when everybody had something to care about,
and when nobody went a day without a care in the world.

we can't stop the way we've lived, but we can change how we're doing so

her voice still echoes inside my ear canal before striking the drum,
and i clench my jaw in time to feel the final beat before i hear the sound.
it's me finding another reason to escape this harsh reality and dream a bit longer.


you're only dreaming because you want to, and due to this lack of awakening, you're still searching the brain for reasons to wake up

there's never been enough time on the clock to get it all done in time,
and in time, we're all caught up in the second hand's ticking.
you'd think the disorder of time would've caught up with it by now and
lessened the burden we're carrying as the human race.

*dreamscape existentially and exquisitely for another day

old scars, picked and bleeding.
a half empty bottle of whiskey,
violence in my headscape, escaping unnoticed,
and i wait for the trueness of my own emotions.

they won't come, she said.
they weren't here in the first place,
and if they were i'd throw them out
and lock the door without a second glance.

i know what's missing but i'm stubborn.
i don't let myself have as i'm a have-not,
i haven't had a chance to get out as much,
not like i really did before anyway.

I sleep in your dreams
And awaken in my own.
My own nightmares
Shrill, silent and symbolic,
Now your passage of time.

i'd given up enough of myself to see this may just have to be the last time.

i can sleep wholly, warm and perseverant,
cold to the touch and collected, calculated,
;ambivalent; broken to bits for second-hand consumption
;solvent; pieced to placeless points and to absorb
;coerced; begging for some unanswered sole surprise
;preserved; in warding.

I Am Whole.

Emptied of empathy
I forget
Anyway

pieced panel ceiling-aloof, unaligned/
broken bottle drunk neck.

loose leaning retribution-painful and stern/
paradise as senial.

enigmatic electric violense-warmer, lonelier/
painted process of elimination.

aromatic angular pilot-slim and simple/
stupid half-witted brain.

faraway friendship-slightly stable/
hopes for the future.

obediently originating psalms-studied and preferred/
crack-*** simplification.

readied and reticulated-never worried/
worn'd through and through.

satiable sanctity-calm, cool/
collecting mindfully.

angular and semiconductive-angles, man/
prospective deafness.

nuisance noose brain-heavier still/
cloud nine.

idiocy-simple/
fragmented head.

trivial temptation-fighting demons again/
old moldy records.

youth in riot-pure and satanic/
enslaved and emboldened.

wondering if i'd done enough to keep myself happy,
this constant pursuance of happiness always just out of my grasp,
i'm still reaching and searching for something.
i want to be so much more than i am,
and i'm not sure being anymore will bring me the peace i want
so desperately, nor will it fulfill, i'm sure.

my fire's burnt out
and i don't have another match.
i'll freeze, for sure.
and i can't expect you to reignite it,
since i blew yours out years ago.
but it'd be nice to at least
have you by me to watch these embers fade.

that for a minute
you're actually alone.
you'd like to think
you had this all figured out;
there's nothing to hide.

you might dream
that for a night
you're actually happy.
you'd like to dream
you had it all in your grasps;
there's nothing worth holding on
to that you've already let go of.  

please continue to let go.

it isn't some hard thing you have to do
you bunch it up in yer hands---

you can't seem to let it all flush itself out anyway,
how's me telling you anything any different any way
different than it was from last night.

you can't seem to ride out the storm on the back porch roof,
how i'd **** to lay out there, soak in the incandescents,
no different than being nowhere like we were before.

you can't seem to take the blame for anything anyway,
how i have to take the head on every thing any way
i can and it's destroying how we even talk anymore.

anyway, i hope you're happy while i'm up, drunk, tired, bored, nothing but what we could've had running through my head.  you're dead, asleep, lonesome.  just flush the **** already.

numbing the parts that fought
to numb the parts that say it's best not
to fight.

flight, ascension and self-destruction, enough to keep icarus grounded.

another day clawing for basic needs,
basically drowning in self-doubt.
enduring self-harm for denial elsewhere.

flying again, too high again, too much. Too much.

I'd empty every devilish idea
in a minute to fulfill your imagination,
And I'd open every crack in every corridor
so passing wasn't such a passé,
And I'd push every moment to be better than the last
and sleep soundly at night with you.

I'd pour my heart and soul into our lives
to make you happy again and see you truly smile,
And I'd hamper your days with love and beguile you again
if you'd focus on more than the bigger picture
And be ****** sentimental and loving
again.