The movie isn't even half over
And you're asleep

Your teeth aren't brushed
Your contacts are plastered to
Your eyeballs like paper mache
And you're asleep

You had two beers
And no dessert
And you're asleep

There is a rapping at my
Chamber door and a raven
Over the mantel
And you're asleep

You told me how
You only sleep well around me
How hot it was under the covers
You hate when I snore
And you're asleep

Someone broke through the
Backdoor and I drew on him
I ventilated him on our leather
Couch
The shots ringing through the
Silent house
And you're asleep

But mostly
I love you
And I'm just happy that
You're asleep

"Notice that
I am not laughing"
He said this from
Another room
While my stepmom
Laughed

"Where are the jokes
now? Why are you
So **** quiet?"
She asked him this
While looking at me

Silence from the
Other room was
The only answer

She held the paper
In front of her and
Read through it again
Aloud
"Enlargement of ventricles
In the brain
Inconsistent with a
Forty five year old female"
She laughed again
And stared at the paper
Through the paper, really

"Well,
I don't feel bad for myself
I feel bad for you guys"
She poured another
Glass of Chardonnay
And walked out
Onto the porch
The foggy panes
In the double doors
Rattling as she closed it

I stood there
In the kitchen
My only company
The clicking of his
Keyboard from
The other room
And a plastic container
Of week old scones

I thought about
How nice she was
How pretty her
New haircut looked
How well she could
Decorate a room
How she still
Emptied my trash
Cleaned my toilet
Made mincemeat pies

How when I said
"Thank you"
She always just
Nodded silently
Or said "O.K."

I felt the space
I was already putting
Between myself
And her

The sour swelling
In my chest
That seemed to sit
In the back of my
Throat and eyes
Perched itself on
The back of my tongue

As I thought about all this
I heard him stop typing

He was tasting the same
Sourness and
Thinking about
How empty a bed
Can be at 1 A.M.
When someone
Else used to consider it
Their bed as well

They put her in a
Curtained cubicle
Surrounded by
Beeping machines
And all types of
Wires and terminals
A trashcan and
A dripping faucet

When they rolled her in
They gave her
Morphine
Sodium chloride
And a pat on the head

"She's lucky"
The nurse said
As he lowered the gurney
"A lot of people have
No one show up"

And he left the room
Pulled the curtain closed
We were left with the
Tranquil beeping of
Faceless terminals
And the dripping faucet

Another nurse came in
With a clipboard
And started asking us
Questions
Apologizing for
The beeping
"It's like Chinese
Water torture"

Then she left
Pulled the curtain closed
And when the
Heart monitor
Started beeping
We pushed the
Silence button like
They showed us

We were left with
The sterile squeaking
Of the soles of sneakers
And hollow whispers
In the hallway
And the dripping faucet

Good morning
And there you are
Obtrusive
Well I'd rather
Have you and not need you
Than need you and not have you

Time to ***
But the house is buzzing
With activity
Coffee being made
Keyboards click-click-clicking
The dogs doing laps around
The living room furniture

We can do this
Out the door
And we are ambushed
I turn towards the bookshelf
Awkwardly perusing the collection
While drumming you
Against the spines of
Hemmingway
Bukowski
Lovecraft
Murakami
Like a stick on
A white picket fence

Then the threat has passed

We scramble down the hall
Is he in the computer room?
Oh god, he is
And you just stared him square
In the face
"Good morning"
The silent nod
Says it all

I craddle you in my hand
Through my boxers
And do my best to conceal you
Finally
We are behind
The relative safety
Of a locked door

Peeing proves difficult
Advanced calculations
Yields ***** on the seat

Back into bed
I'm sure I'll see you again
Very soon

It's so hard to like the man
And it's so hard to
Dislike the man

He traps me
With his cooking

While I'm eating
He talks to me
About kids he grew up with
In Virginia

About a loner with a short fuse
Who caught a stray
Shot of jello
Meant for someone else
From someone else's spoon
And he walked over
And slammed the spoon holder's face
Into the table repeatedly
Until he drew blood
And then sat back down
Without saying a word

About a kid who was
16 in the 7th grade
Quiet, never fought
Someone asked him
To whip his **** out
My dad
Holds his hands up at this point
"I **** you not Ben,
It was about a foot long!"

We laugh about this
For longer than we should

He also tries to impart his wisdom
Telling me that
Race, Religion, Politics
It's all useless
People are people
And you should take everyone
As they are

Yet,
His blame is missle guided
For such a humanist
It's always
"The ******* Christians"  
"The ******* Republicans"
"The ******* Chinese"

He is hypocritical of
His own self proclaimed
Enlightenment

I can't tell if
It's a weak attempt at relation
Or
If he honestly thinks
That his hatred is implied

I have always been
A bit removed from my parents
After the divorce
And the new spouses

If he wants to relate
He should just
Be himself
And I'll be myself
And we'll both
Still die alone
Him hopefully sooner
Than myself
Not out of hate
But he's older

Still
Oftentimes
Fathers bury sons
If not in the ground
In their ideals

There is nothing
Quite as purifying
As the frustration
Of knowing
What is coming next

And having
No power
To stop it

It is purifying
Because the blood
Boils at such heat
That nothing can
Survive

Sterility through anger
Disinfection through rage
Cleansing through fury

Fists balled into
Ivory white
Wrecking *****
Teeth clenched
Spine rigid

A barbed tongue
Spits silent curses
Into the syrupy haze
Of a July afternoon

A slow day at work
If only these walls could talk
Sighs like falling snow