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Sadie Oct 2015
My thoughts drip slowly through
my skull
I'm tired and lonely
I feel weighed down by the world
Somebody injected my bones
with lead
I want him to be here
but he can't be
So I'm opting to be alone
instead of pulling him down
under my pool of sadness.
Besides, he's got an ocean
to deal with.
It wouldn't be fair.
I don't know where he and I are at at this point honestly. We both kind of messed up.
This hurts.
Copyright @ Sadie Whitney
Sadie Oct 2015
loneliness.
what is it?
for me, it's pacing up and down
in the middle of a road barefoot
staring up at that stars,
knowing that inside the house
my two best friends are making love
to each other,
wondering why that can't be me too.
instead i walk along this broken asphalt
and it's 1 am
and i'm staring at those tiny lights
feeling so far away and empty.
missing you, but knowing
that i probably lost us.
i'm sorry.
This was last night.
Copyright @ Sadie Whitney
  Oct 2015 Sadie
Sia Jane
Do you remember the night
I translated a dream for you?

You agreed and later that night
we began to put your pain into perspective

You're sending me letters
signed, sealed and delivered
from your new home

I'm saving all your letters
where only longing lingers
we've not known each other long
but waves of your scent
are already mapped on my mind

In your stories you write of
an explosion in your chest
bats burst from hibernation
forcing your ribs to break
your skin ripping apart

You tell me of a whistling in your chest
a candles been blown out
smoke rising from a darkened hollow cave

The emptiness feeds off flesh
you're scratching at your skin
the remains tipping into your chest

It's filling-
filling every day

And that is when you wake
choking, gasping for air

Your letters end as abruptly
as your night terrors
bad dreams leaving you breathless
waking up drenched in sweat

Your last lines of this weeks letter read;
When I lift my tired body
from the bed
the bedroom light illuminates
my skin
I see I'm real
I see I've not clawed my flesh
no track marks from my fears


We're sat together with
the letters all telling
the same story, again and again
you voicing your dreams,
dreams spawning nightmares

Do you remember I was going to
translate these dreams for you?

How the bats are actually butterflies
how butterflies are subjected to
a caged darkness before the light
How the whistling in your chest
is fertile ground for growth
How the suffocating filling
is the abundance of love
this world can give us
if,
if we only subject a change
to our perceptions

Love and fear cannot exist
together within us
with fear is suffering
with love is healing.

Do you remember the night
I translated a dream for you?

The night we set fire to the letters
imagining the crimping paper
as the disintegration of
each and every
fear.


© Sia Jane
I missed the last stanza out when I typed this up...
Thanks for all the support guys <3
Sadie Oct 2015
I don't know how to put this
feeling into words.
It's all just so absurd.
My thoughts are wandering down
a million hallways
searching for the path
the door that will take us to
where we need to be.
Somewhere different. Somewhere away.
I wouldn't say I'm lost
perhaps I'm just searching on a
never before ventured road
and maybe in need of a map.
I only have the compass of my hand
and the winds of will
On my search for something
something
something je ne sais quoi of my own soul.
Je ne sais quoi has been used so much that it has lost it's own sense
of je ne sais quoi.
Copyright @ Sadie Whitney
Sadie Oct 2015
Time is but a concept that we all fall for.
Time is just a rendition of
     a song the stars play by
Yet here we all are
     thinking we've got all the
            time in the world
While it slips by faster than
     you can say
            goodbye.
I've been loving playing with spacing, because then it comes out sounding differently, and better in my head.
Copyright @ Sadie Whitney
Sadie Oct 2015
My emotions make my writing
messy
I mean so much more than I say.
I wish I could
               put a dictionary next to
               my heart and let
               my breaths write the
               feelings into the walls
               of my body
               because my tongue
               can't etch the words
               into the air.
It all slips through my teeth like
     slimy water.
I can feel and understand what I'm
     doing and trying to convey
but my words just aren't enough.
My voice fails to show how I really
am, who I really am.
I want to awe, and inspire
     but I'm stuck on the other side of that.
Always amazed, but never amazing.
I didn't lose my voice,
                I just never had one.
Playing with spacing, and feeling inadequate
Copyright @ Sadie Whitney
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