Life is apparent
If you want it to be
Life is simple if you
Make it out to be
Life is easy if you
Allow it to be
You just have to
Live life a little
With a little more
Simplicity
Letting go of
Every thing that
Complicates life
Letting go of
Every thing that
Holds you down
And holds you
In place in the world
Letting go of ever thing
That doesn't make you
Happy or brings you joy
Letting go of every thing
That makes you feel
Like you are stuck in the
World or makes you feel
Like you can't do any better
Or complicates your life
Any more than it has to
Living more simply
Is very apparent
Its very easy once you
Know how to let go
Of every thing
That makes life
Complicated
To begin with.

I woke up this morning and felt like doing some cutting
Just for the heck of it.
I didn't, if only because I had no reason
I had no time
I made two promises,
And with them, I never lie.
Got up, dressed, finished a project due by 2:30
Before school starts my brother comes down
Scale in hand, telling me to get on so he can see if he weighs more
Always wanting to be taller, weigh more
So I can be his 'little sister'
I sigh, step on. Expecting my usual of 90-92
86
Freak out mode: on.
I forgot to eat properly over the last 24 hours, maybe that's it
I only got 5 hours of sleep the last 2 nights, maybe that's it
I've been really stressed by school, maybe that's it
Almost time to go and somehow I still can't eat, I don't want to.
I need to though.
Let me explain this: I normally weigh about 92 pounds
95 is what I should weigh
I need to gain weight anyway, but high metabolisms don't like that
So usually I am 3 pounds underweight
Today it was about 10.
Go to school, should eat but don't want to
Standing, waiting, anticipating what?
Hand my friend three cookies, I tell the group my problem
One cookie handed back(other two previously eaten)
Told to eat by four friends, too hard to explain why I can't eat
Numerous reminders to eat
Lunch: I'm handed some chicken nuggets, ice cream
Half jokingly threatened that I won't be talked to unless I eat
Begged to eat
Strangely: I have no such desire
I have minimal amounts of body fat(less than 10 percent)
But even so, I can feel weight missing,
The absence of my already flat belly, surreal to think about
I still don't feel like eating, not really hungry
No other explanation
Friend tells me to pig out when I get home
Quiz bowl after school and I'm only ever so slightly hungry
But not much
A friend steals my gym shoes, mom comes
At home I eat some butter and honeyed toast, tea, candied ginger, half a thing of crackers
Report to friend # 2 who then proceeds to command me to eat more, and interrogates on why I'm not eating
Tell friend # 1 as well, his approval expressed
Dinner and afterwards I only feel hungrier... so strange.
I check the scale again
89
Better, but still too low.
I need to work on this...

As ever sobriety turned the night late
ever panic twisting like a harbinger
once rolling tumblers contained  the torrent,
but she's fending her weary stance
to regain control, sharpening  the razors edge
the tiresome inordonance!

Closely attending,
Unclouded attention to subtle changes,
Different today,
I must notice,
Or be left out of,
Something which has changed,
Amost imperceptible,
As it should be,
Admired from up close,
Held and embraced,
I drag my fingers through your hair,
And wrap my arms around you,
Holding tightly,
Your lips I kiss,
Pulling this body of mine,
Into you,
My skin,
Touching and teasing your outward soul,
Investigating offers,
Reaching deeply,
Into you,
Following blindly,
Your direction and subtle gestures,
To the finality of end.