~


fixated on a textured ceiling with dampened cheeks
failed vocalizations left her wanting

noises caught deep in the esophagus
gurgled and sputtered

the words evaded me with ease and grace

when at last I was able to focus on both breath and speech
she no longer wanted to know

the time for compassion and understanding had  
passed much as the darkest night
always presents dawn’s glory  to the waking birds

she knew the answer before I did
which is almost always the case with marriage

I just had to find my way to honest
again   /

~

news reels of stock footage spin endlessly behind my eyes
grainy black and white headlines flash
strobing faces find me through the rotation and
stare into my eyes through static and filter
rich sienna waterfalls spill over pale lids
as I realize they cannot be saved

skin and soil carry ancestry through mitochondrial links
this commonality ends with each new crime
        shivering controllers pull tighter rare and endangered fur
        coats and scarves     mittens and hats
        they see brilliance in our separation and live
        like vampires on disunity and hate

each day the echoes reverberate with the crying
cold grey cave walls my only comfort against the noise
an olive drab tattered backpack with empty canned food cans and
a broken hatchet handle matches my mood
as I wonder aloud to no one…
How did you not all see this coming?

~


I didn’t see her at first
the frolicy bounding yearlings
                       had my attention~

When I looked back to the south
         I was stricken
               her hunched straining body
                   ears frantically twitching
                        one large black eye
                              fixed  ~

she must have just begun
             her morning ritual
                      as she kept
                                going ~

I have never claimed to be the most
                          mature man
so this spectacle
                 made me laugh
my noise added to her
                         rigidity
which inspired more
                       uproarious laughter ~

duty complete
              she flipped a large
                          white tail
and cast a disgusted glace
back at me
     not once or
               even twice
but three separate looks ~

the third was more than
      I could bare
so I shouted out
across an empty field
to one indignant doe
a heartfelt apology ~

~



The morphine undissolved upon his dry and cracked tongue
Mother frantically grabbing and sobbing
asking 'why' even though cancer
had been devouring him for years

I slid a silver ring off his cold finger
feeling the thin and frail culture
I thought back to massive hands holding wide leather belts
who would be able to discipline me now

More pills swirled around the toilet bowl
everything that wouldn’t get mom or I high
sank and disappeared
I think I flushed my feelings that day too

Fading images play in my mind
his braided hemp cord necklace woven around a tiger’s eye
the black heart earing that I lost almost the same moment
they wheeled his body out into the day
mom collapsed like a dying balloon
in dad’s chair
her red watery eyes looking up at me
still holding the same questions   /

~




manicured greenery floats
the swirling mist gives the yard
the feel of a arena rock concert
and at any moment Mic Jagger might pop
up from below       microphone in hand
asking if Saint Louis was indeed
ready to party

instead a black and white Manx trots
in through the fog
looks up at my figure silhouetted in the window
and mouths some feline
morning greeting

if I were the type to drink coffee
now would be the perfect instant for a sip
followed by a nod and a long satisfied “Aaaaahhhhhh”
but this is not my life
so I press my hand against the frigid pane
until the pain becomes all I can think about

and both the cat
and visions of Jagger
fade into to dawn   /

Roasted peanuts and 'red painted rockers'
invite good conversation and needed laughter