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Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Eli Williams
From works by Ryan P. Kinney, JM Romig

I am getting over you
I can feel bitterness and anger coming
The opposite of love is not hate

As I say this,
Feel this,
I destroy,
I create
I am an artist

There was nothing
you could do
There was no way you could
stop it

In my head, I wander back
through years of dusty memories
I’m supposed to go about my day.

But, I’m still beating my feet
Against the concrete floor

I’m still plodding on
One foot in front of the other
One step at a time
Each moment takes an eternity to feel

*SMASH
Body cold.
What am I always so ******* cold

Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Casey Kizior
From works by Cee Williams, Lennart Lundh, Chuck Joy

I never really cared
for surprises

I would not have chosen need
or desire, or slamming doors
or clamoring up when all the world is silent

in the morning I spit blood
into the sink and rinse
and walk the dog and try to forget
about the things dreams bring

What the hell color were your eyes?

they love what is there
because it is there
to love

among the strengths
less well-developed strengths
among the consequences
more unfortunate consequences

Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Kevin F. Smith

The Rich tyrant’s government
All American madman
backwards justice.
War against the truth
people don’t think about information
immigrant
physically OR mentally disabled
different
human


Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by JM Romig
From works by Lennart Lundh, Ryan P. Kinney, unknown

This poem is about what happened down the river
The poison danced
and cascaded into the water
the waves washed over us
The zen broken radio squeals
Sonic pleasure in the dark


Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Casey Kizior
From works by Ryan P. Kinney

your limits and strengths. I never follow anyway
breaking through the masks. I come to demolish;
grown from them, learn, and evolve. One day at a time
Eventually, I grew beyond the need for crutches.

Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Danielle Romig
From works by Vicki Acquah, Mark Antony Rossi, Ryan P. Kinney, Dr. Benjamin D. Anthony, Gabriella Ercolani, Sheena Zilla, JM Romig

Splash, Splash I was taking a bath during global warming;
How many times has rain ruined my day
There enough pain to make the whole world shed tears.
I’m still plodding on
One foot in front of the other
Cracks are wide open; slipping through them is easy
Hear the sound of fighting to the south and the west
We all stuck here waiting to be casualties

As you wipe the days work from your forehead.
In the empty spaces
everything fades to black.
If time is fluid, like the oceans
Then maybe I’m glancing over as a wave breaks
I know that you may not see it now, but time really will heal these wounds.

Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Casey Kizior
From works by Ryan P. Kinney, Aaron Kasunic, Terry Provost

Are you really going to let him win that easily?
Yeah, he’ll catch you eventually
When the deadline looms…
Delve into your fantasies and escape
Color, light, warmth. And fear itself.
In the end,
The world will never be the same again.
But you’ll give him the run of your life



Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Casey Kizior
From works by Ryan P. Kinney, Heather Munn, Gabriella Ercolani, unknown

I am passion, energy, and volatility
Mangling nuance out-of-order.
The will is infinite and the desire, boundless
Live every moment like you mean it,
Or you might as well be dead.

I will violently and passionately take exactly what I want
I imagine the melding
Of your face and mine.
Beautiful Blasphemy
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure – the privilege is mine
And I would accept no less

Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by JM Romig
From works by unknown, Ryan P. Kinney, Vicki Acquah

transparent creatures
“God ******* ******.”
I need to know
I want to read your soul
in and out

your forgotten memories
sun-warmed nostalgia
Wasteland and doomsday

Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney Jun 2017
Untitled 1
by Unknown 1

created from cut up poems at the Jigsaw chapbook debut event (May 27, 2017)


Why did she do this to me?
Why the **** am I always left alone?
Why am I always so ******* cold?

I have to get out of here
You’ll just have to pull harder
I have raged, cried, smiled, trembled, and laughed.
And you are as pathetic as you are courageous
Scarred, but whole.
I am alive
I’m you



Assembled from works by Ryan P. Kinney
Ryan P Kinney Jun 2017
Untitled 2
by Unknown 2

created from cut up poems at the Jigsaw chapbook debut event (May 27, 2017)


Not being able to fit in and be normal, I fought back and choose to accentuate my differences instead. To take away the sting of the humiliation of being different, I choose to beat my recriminators to the punch. Over the years this freakish, differing defense became the mask, the performance. I perform the freak now to fit in. But this is not an insincere masquerade, but rather one of the many costumes I wear, a reflection of slivers of me. I protect the darkest parts of me by shielding it in light. Trying on different identities
So much so, you’d never suspect I am hiding something. The best place to hide is in the open, where no one would think to look.

As he reached into her robe
She giggled, and handed him his lunch.
“Go to work,” she said.

She sits behind me squawking with an adolescent banter that must seem dire
Her intensity of voice speaks the same thing I had secretly wished for years, but been too afraid to say
“Please pay attention to me.”
Speak, I did, for the very first time
This awkward message of youthful adoration is not exactly communicated articulately
Her only response is, “God, I hate you. Please shut up.”
If I am already taking risks with my life, then I will not be silenced
For once, I will not back down
“You love me. You just don’t know it yet.”


Assembled from works by Ryan P. Kinney
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
like a paper ball,
I am better than anyone I have ever known.
I think,
Therefore **** the Earth
Punish me.
The lump created my throat in front of the E-MAIL



by gimad@mail.com
Assembled from works by Ryan P. Kinney, Predictive text, and Unknown
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
my oblivion
Beautiful humanity
the heart on fire
The **** is personal identity
In the hell of dusty memories
He created the Wasteland

by Mar Del Sol
eggmanequine@gmail.com
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
I used to play hide and seek
with the truth
Seven knocks up front
The hidden man from the back.
now I’m just waiting to die
like everyone else
I hear the bad voice
My nerves take another hit
she moved my waters
and I took her virginity.
Ours was a love of necessity.
So please plug my ears
I didn’t live like she wants
Here’s to vices and virtues,
To living without apologies or regrets,
I can’t say goodbye
But his knife beckons me to
And somewhere in Arizona
in a box she never opened
is the rest of him.



Original content by Mar Del Sol
eggmanequine@gmail.com
Additional content assembled from works by J.M. Romig
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
This is how we lived:
Dancing without invitation and warning
At a local food store grand opening.
It’s what we felt like.

We kept rhythm,
But I was falling behind.
I stopped quickly,
But I stumbled.

You’ll figure it
The same way you always do.
Trial and Error.


-Original content by Divine
Other content assembled from works by Lennart Lundh and Ryan Kinney
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
there was a bathtub of fantasies, assumptions and intuitions, a kitchen table you might want to give a good scrubbing before setting down placemats, if-onlys, and always alone when the pup wakes me up

The phantasmal words never spoken,
for the table is empty,
the chairs never bare,
The house is hollow

I will miss the conversation
flowing smooth and easy
like blue notes through
the scratched brass trumpet
that birthed the cool


- Original content by Divine
Additional content assembled from works by Cee Williams and Mark Fleming
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out from under the covers
Out of control
And into the light

You will be seen
No where to hide
Be proud, Be seen…

Your clock is ticking.
So do it,
Or do me.
Too many are lost.
Go find yourself.
Or go **** yourself.


Original content by Bambi Cruz; bambicoy5878@gmail.com
Other content assembled from works by Ryan P. Kinney
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
Chloe-
“He’s a fun-having, fun-looking ***** boy.”

When you don’t look at the facts of
How he exists
Solitude, pensively
He tends to fall into one of these
Categories.
And when I lost myself
In his reality,
There was an Air of wanting
with Lust and Lost opportunities
He wanted to be everything he wasn’t
Portrayed himself as more than he was
Took with him no lessons
No learning.
He wasn’t Being.
He was Drifting.
And then without.
Distant. Disappeared.
And now I’m the one.
Who exists in solitude,
Pensively,
Still,

When you’re gone
I will love you more everyday


Original content by Kadie Good
Additional content assembled from works in The Lakelander, Lakeland Community College, Kirtland OH; and Ryan P. Kinney
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
The Who Am I quest, the purpose of life, hinges on this

I find beauty in everything. I see beauty in things that most people find disturbing and ugly. More so, I see beauty in the potential for beauty, the ugly duckling trapped inside a shell, the someone who has something small that is waiting to amaze the world.

Your trash is not only my treasure, it’s my sustenance. You may see garbage. I see endless possibilities. I am very resourceful. I can turn almost anything into something useful. I love found objects that have traveled and are weathered.

Try…                 So you might ask what does that mean?

reach Out      strive to         create better          hopes and dreams         be satisfied.

you're not alone
The coy


Bambi Cruz, bambicoy5878@gmail.com
Assembled from works by Chris Franke, Ryan P. Kinney, and Unknown
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
The Only Thing You Taught Me
I can never be you, because I am me.
Duplicity of the self, the doppelganger
Is not me
A trial in accord with the laws of decrepity
I am a little broken
but time really will heal these wounds.

-by Divine
Assembled from works by Ryan P. Kinney, Dr. Benjamin J. Anthony, and Mark Fleming
Ryan P Kinney Mar 2019
Every **** time, it makes me cry
“A kanon is a concerto where each verse adds a new element.
Each instrument joining in one at a time;
merging with the main melody.
Making it richer and deeper the more it goes on.
Wouldn’t it be nice if life was like that”

To my never queen, my g-friend
It’s a reminder of a first dance wedding song never played
To me, it was the first thing to make me cry
Feel again
After I was abandoned again
Linked to a preposterous story

It’s a happy song
This is a happy poem
And I guess, that Kanon
Gives us both a reason to cry
Ryan P Kinney Nov 2016
Life,  Death,
And everything in between
Black and White
Gray
Our whole life is a gray area
Gray Matter
It’s all that matters
In the space between
Does it ever really matter?
Or do we just recycle back into the spectrum?
Ryan P Kinney Dec 2015
Light
by Ryan P. Kinney

There will be no more hiding
Not from the rhetoric
Not from the self-righteousness
Not from the lies we tell ourselves

Not from the guilt
Not from the pain
Or from the shame
Not from the anger
Or the happiness

Not from the us that never was
Not from our definitions of family or love

There will be no more hiding
Not from you
Not from myself
Not from life

We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out from under the covers
Out of control
And into the light
Ryan P Kinney Dec 2015
by Aaron Kasunic, Ryan P. Kinney, and J.M. Romig

How can I explain the error you make?
When you stand so vigilantly waiting to lunge into the abyss?
This pit full of fire and blood, it calls to you
Doesn’t it?

I have pointed the finger
Only to turn it on myself
I have held grudges and forgiven
I have trusted and misguided
I have been Judas and Jesus

I was immortal once
Believe me, you,
I was invincible

If this horrifies you,
Then you are right
It horrifies me too

We walk on moon rocks
In the weightless ways of childhood
Straining our legs and lungs
Suppressing the rebirth of the sun

We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out of control
And into the light
Ryan P Kinney Dec 2015
by Aaron Kasunic, Ryan P. Kinney, and J.M. Romig

How can I explain the error you make?
When you stand so vigilantly waiting to lunge into the abyss?
This pit full of fire and blood, it calls to you
Doesn’t it?

I have pointed the finger
Only to turn it on myself
I have held grudges and forgiven
I have trusted and misguided
I have been Judas and Jesus

I was immortal once
Believe me, you,
I was invincible

If this horrifies you,
Then you are right
It horrifies me too

We walk on moon rocks
In the weightless ways of childhood
Straining our legs and lungs
Suppressing the rebirth of the sun

We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out of control
And into the light
Ryan P Kinney Dec 2015
by Aaron Kasunic, Ryan P. Kinney, and J.M. Romig

How can I explain the error you make?
When you stand so vigilantly waiting to lunge into the abyss?
This pit full of fire and blood, it calls to you
Doesn’t it?

I have pointed the finger
Only to turn it on myself
I have held grudges and forgiven
I have trusted and misguided
I have been Judas and Jesus

I was immortal once
Believe me, you,
I was invincible

If this horrifies you,
Then you are right
It horrifies me too

We walk on moon rocks
In the weightless ways of childhood
Straining our legs and lungs
Suppressing the rebirth of the sun

We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out of control
And into the light
Ryan P Kinney Nov 2016
I have this little black stone heart
I’ve often looked at it and thought
It would look much better broken
Atleast, that would be more accurate

Instead, I’ve kept it whole
It’s been wrapped, packed, and buried.
It’s still intact
But I do not think anyone could find where I left it
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
The first Book of The Word
In Nonsense we Trust

Assembled from pre-existing works by John Burroughs, Ryan P. Kinney, Jack McGuane, Cee Williams, Don Lee, Susan Grimm, Joe Roarty, Russ Vidrick, Dianne Boresnik, Mitch James, Tanya Pilumeli, Julie Ursem Marchand, Vicki Acquah, Terry Provost, Adam Brodsky, Lennart Lundh, Raymond McNiece, Hannah Williams, MaxWell Shell, Tim Richards, Ayla Atash, RC (Bob Wilson), Chuck Joy, Katie Daley, Solomon Dixon, Mary Weems, Cat Russell, and Gordon Downie
Mostly taken as quotes during live poetry readings. Some stolen from other sources.
Additional content from predictive text by JM Romig, Linkin Park “Powerless,” “Saga of the Swamp Thing” vol. 1, T.S. Eliot, Amalgam Mythos, Kurt Vonnegut, Kevin Smith, and Psalms (chap.):13
Added original content by Ryan P. Kinney, Mitch James, Ellie St. Cyr, and Evan Spooner

“Lords Temple Basement Men,” it says on the door in a badly photocopied sign, replaced freshly each week. The original was built from torn up pieces of bootleg band vinyl stickers left plastered all over the windows of some teenager, surely passed into decaying adulthood long ago.

They gather in the bottom of an abandoned house in the heart of mostly warehouses. Something, someone long ago forgot to bull doze in the wake of morbid industrialization and the zeal to just get more men more jobs while giving them no life, no place to live. They built in their own obsolescence.

A Man stands outside; half catcalling, half showman barker; daring, tempting, bribing people to worship with him. In paint stained torn jeans, long shaggy hair with the bald spot landing pad directly in the center of his head, and shoes barely hanging together on his feet, he bellows out The Word. Somewhere between slam poetry performance and theology lesson, he entices and seduces people to enter. Here, they do not call him Father, or Brother, just person:  Man.  “Hey, Man,” is how they great him.

“But when your empty heart is weighed”
"What are you really worth?
These people call this Faith,
bring them to my table
the next bit of gospel
I wrote on a napkin”

People enter a crooked doorway. The Man pulls the peeling door behind them, scrapping the ground as he does so, and leads his flock down the concrete stairs to the basement. They come to a dingy dirt gravel floor and spread out.
The people in the room greet one another, then swarm around one woman,
“You will be used to the treatments.”
“I am not sure that you are.”
“You will be missed.”

The Man steps upon his usual milk crate to open the service. He intones the Capitalist Mantra,
“God Save the Queen
Long live the King
Hail to the Chief
The Lord of all Lies”

And the people chant, “I will not kiss you. I will not bow. I will not bow. I will not be moved.
I love the idea of what I have to be”

Princess Mommy steps up to explain their purpose here,
“This is a strange, mad religious service. Everything is out of place, nothing and no one seems to fit together. We all gather here, but no one seems to-gether. This is less a sermon and more a discussion where the gospel is debated. The (holy) Word is debated, discussed, dissected, compromised, altered, changed, shredded, reused, updated, recreated. It is burnt to cinders, then rises as a phoenix, built out of the broken pieces of all that was said before; what used to be true, but is now casually agreed to be fallacy. This Faith makes up a multitude. There are Baptists, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, Satanists, Buddhists, Capitalists, hippies, goth kids, Starbuck’s sipping bloggers, just plain weird kids in the back working on their latest D&D campaign. We are just people. And he, is just a Man.”
“As the recovering Catholic Kevin Smith wrote, It’s not important which faith you are, just that you have faith.”

The People are ready to receive The Holy Spirit and his unique brand of performance poetry,

“In the beginning, there was only The Word, a word. And then more. Which were collected into a story; The Story. And from The Story came creation.
And then came the questions. And The Question was man. Who are we? What are we? Why? Who am I?”

“I am the mask wearing the man of eternity. In me, you see the face of history. A history we make up as we go.
The God of fallen leaves, leaves us... waiting for eternity to begin.
The Prophet Vonnegut says, ‘The question echoes back through time and disappears.
History. Read it and weep.
Tonight is a verb.”

From the crowd come the First voice, reading from his screenplay, "I was the table of contents, a footnote... running away from the beginning of the book. Perhaps no one knew we were living happily ever after until the book was over."

The Mallrat replies,
“Of all the words of Mice and Men the saddest words are ‘It Might’ve been.’
No need to despair
It was
It has
Somewhere else
Your soul is saved
All that Might’ve has already happened. ‘

“We are charming little liars,” retorts The Man, “We are a beautiful blasphemy to God’s word.”

The comic nerd slowly whispers, “All is truth, but every man is a liar. Sell me another artificially-derived slow suicide.”

A scientist cleans his glasses as he recites, “A world full of smoke and mirror nonsense -
It’s a religion of smoke and mirror nonsense
Only The Word is true and we make it up as we go.
In Nonsense is strength”

“So it is spoken, so it is true,” The Man energetically agrees.

An alien voice asks choppily, “Touch me
if you want to
believe in me
and the nothing I know”

“Sing the praises of the Holy Unknowing,” croons The Man, “We know nothing, therefore, we know all.”

And then, he drops into a haiku,


A bi-gender beauty asks no one (for permission), “Let me sling a little freestyle verse,

I'm steeple chased because some animal church wants to make me foxtrot in tempo with the braying boy
Pinnochio wants to make me hog its slops like Pigpen McSomething grateful and dead.
A fountain of youthful talent chemically imbalanced.
...with a grey skull full of He-man."

"Look at him!" they say.
"Give him a gun!" says another.
"A bomb!" a third spurts.
"Shows us your trigger finger!" they yell.

"My little boy," Princess Mommy whispers below the rush of gruff voices, her words staccato.

They answer her, "So I CAN taste the infernal darkness,” as the crowd falls silent

Princess Mommy chides them, “We know there is a sweetness in that which we cannot see. We know there is danger in that which we cannot hear.
Our bodies shake, our minds quake in anticipation of his words. It is almost time.”

The Man speaks again.
"Surely it is known, my brethren, that we are the Third Coming, the Breaking of the Seventh Seal that will signal the end of our oppressors. When we emerge victorious from the fires of battle, there will be no value left in the binary. No twos, only two or more. The Old Ways shall perish. We will shake off the chains, pull out the nails from our hands and feet, and the world which rejected us will rise anew under our leadership. Surely, it is known. Surely, it has been spoken. Jesus themself is at our back, and therefore we shall not fail."

“What a wealthy country, but no one’s coming to pay my bail,” sings the rainbow man, “They’re bragging they own my soul.”

"I don't want to bother anyone with my prayers,” prays the bi-gender person, secretly proud of leading the riot.

Sensing it is time to take to the streets, The Man closes the meeting with the same send off,
“The Word has evolved, my friends.”
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
Lords Temple Basement Men
The first Book of The Word
In Nonsense we Trust

Assembled from pre-existing works by John Burroughs, Ryan P. Kinney, Jack McGuane, Cee Williams, Don Lee, Susan Grimm, Joe Roarty, Russ Vidrick, Dianne Boresnik, Mitch James, Tanya Pilumeli, Julie Ursem Marchand, Vicki Acquah, Terry Provost, Adam Brodsky, Lennart Lundh, Raymond McNiece, Hannah Williams, MaxWell Shell, Tim Richards, Ayla Atash, RC (Bob Wilson), Chuck Joy, Katie Daley, Solomon Dixon, Mary Weems, and Gordon Downie
Mostly taken as quotes during live poetry readings. Some stolen from other sources.
Additional content from predictive text by JM Romig, Linkin Park “Powerless,” “Saga of the Swamp Thing” vol. 1, T.S. Eliot, Amalgam Mythos, Kurt Vonnegut, Kevin Smith, and Psalms (chap.):13
Added original content by Ryan P. Kinney, Dr. Benjamin Anthony, and Ayla Atash

“Lords Temple Basement Men,” it says on the door in a badly photocopied sign, replaced freshly each week. The original was built from torn up pieces of bootleg band vinyl stickers left plastered all over the windows of some teenager, surely passed into decaying adulthood long ago.

They gather in the bottom of an abandoned house in the heart of mostly warehouses. Something, someone long ago forgot to bull doze in the wake of morbid industrialization and the zeal to just get more men more jobs while giving them no life, no place to live. They built in their own obsolescence.

A Man stands outside; half catcalling, half showman barker; daring, tempting, bribing people to worship with him. In paint stained torn jeans, long shaggy hair with the bald spot landing pad directly in the center of his head, and shoes barely hanging together on his feet, he bellows out The Word. Somewhere between slam poetry performance and theology lesson, he entices and seduces people to enter. Here, they do not call him Father, or Brother, just person:  Man.  “Hey, Man,” is how they great him.

“Come in and be amongst our broken people (pieces).
Mingle with our shards.
See which cut is the deepest”

People enter a crooked doorway. The Man pulls the peeling door behind them, scrapping the ground as he does so, and leads his flock down the concrete stairs to the basement. They come to a dingy dirt gravel floor and spread out.
The people in the room greet one another, then swarm around one woman,
“You are a good worker.”
“You will be missed.”

The Man steps upon his usual milk crate to open the service. He intones the Capitalist Mantra,
“God Save the Queen
Long live the King
Hail to the Chief
The Lord of all Lies”

And the people chant, “I will not kiss you. I will not bow. I will not bow. I will not be moved.
I love the idea of what I have to be”

The woman swarm, Mama Evil, pushes her way to the front to explain their purpose here,
“This is a strange, mad religious service. Everything is out of place, nothing and no one seems to fit together. We all gather here, but no one seems to-gether. This is less a sermon and more a discussion where the gospel is debated. The (holy) Word is debated, discussed, dissected, compromised, altered, changed, shredded, reused, updated, recreated. It is burnt to cinders, then rises as a phoenix, built out of the broken pieces of all that was said before; what used to be true, but is now casually agreed to be fallacy. We, people, call this Faith. Our membership makes up a multitude. There are Baptists, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, Satanists, Buddhists, Capitalists, hippies, goth kids, Starbuck’s sipping bloggers, just plain weird kids in the back working on their latest D&D campaign. We are just people. And he, is just a Man.”
“Dual Spirituality is a possibility. In fact, it is encouraged. Multiple realities are possible. Poly-spirituality is acceptable. The only interconnecting philosophy among us is, ‘Anything is possible at any time for any reason’.”

The People are ready to receive The Holy Spirit and his unique brand of performance poetry,

“In the beginning, there was only The Word, a word. And then more. Which were collected into a story; The Story. And from The Story came creation.
And then came the questions. And The Question was man. Who are we? What are we? Why? Who am I?”
The Man explains,
“We are a beautiful blasphemy to God’s word because we question.”

Let me start with a parable,
“Once upon a time…
There lived a shy little boy and a chatty little girl. Though the two lived really close they never knew each other. That was until one day, the girl entered high school. They met for the first time on the school bus. The boy eavesdropped on her and for the first time spoke to her. Although she was especially irritated, the boy responded. It was with those words that a lifelong love blossomed…
‘You love me, you just don’t know it yet.’

Through the many trials and errors of high school life they grew together. And so, They lived happily ever after.”
“…Except, she didn’t. In this reality, she ran off with a rich older man while taking care of his dying wife, 5 years after those high school sweethearts were married.”
Years later, he would lament,
“It started with a broken heart. Through the crack seeped liquid fire. It engulfed me, burning away all that I was. The flames shall purify me. Boil me down to my base components, and then rebuild me. From the ashes will rise a new entity.
Who am I?”

“What can we learn from this,” asks the Man.

The first interrupter states matter-of-factly, “You are fire. You are love.”
A tie-dyed burnout rants, “Love is fire, Man. It burns. But it also warms and protects… Praise Allah.”
“Amen.”
“Bless you my son.”
“Hail Satan.”

“The last time I hear my heart…” says the bookish-looking woman sitting in the corner, trailing off as she adjusts her literal Coke bottle frames.
Now with ignition to her words, she quotes, “The last time I hear my heart was like a galactic ******. The ****** that made you and touches everything you made. Faith is attempting to live as though we are loved.”

A Drag King high fives her and says, “I liked the galactic ******.”

A torn up, steel-studded, leather clad punk continues, “Promise me you will live…
For nothing…
But the next moment.
No forgiveness, no damnation, only the match I strike on the heel of my boot.”

And then the automaton asks, “What of the devil: the original corruptor, the source of all evil?”

A gym rat, wearing a holey muscle shirt, extends an arm to point as he half sings, “The devil is a wicked man and wears a suit and tie. The devil checked in at noon and asked us, ‘What is the sleep of reason?’ You woke the devil I thought you left behind.”

“The Devil is due; the Devils do,” coos his boyfriend, the semanticist-*******.

The Man answers, “Is not the source of evil the same as the source of creation. Is it not evil to be so selfish as to create, with no concern for how creation will change everything.”

The Wiccan Princess retorts,
“Creation can be bought and sold.
Motherhood is a commodity.
Venus is for sale.
The nativity is shrouded in black.

We've streamlined your desire.
She was only offering an apple anyways.
And filled in that hole in her heart.

Here, we give her to you totally domesticated.
This one is costly, but so worth it.

You never will be worth it.
Earn enough
Be enough

Taste the salt of her tears on your tongue;
the salt of the earth.
She refuses to wear this crown of thorns.

In the eyes of your maker.
You should be ashamed.
To look your Maker in the eyes.”

Mama Evil attempts to chill her blaze, “Dear, the Anger is caged. It is the custom to call children who go to war, men…children of war die like men.”

Their daughter, the littlest girl in the world, coughed. A runny nose explained it, she had the sniffles. Nothing to worry about normally, but here, now? Right now the end of the world was in front of her. Flying saucers were floating down to slaughter the entire world with burning laser jelly. She coughed and picked up a remote with a wheel shaped dial.
“i drank too much pop and i gotta ***.” She said to no one in particular.
She turned the wheel shaped dial and a chorus of voices sounded. The chorus formed itself into an immense wall of sound made of bureaucrats, lawyers and politicians from another dimension. The littlest girl in the world kept turning the dial and saw the bureaucrats wash over the saucers, sending them back into space. The earth was safe, the littlest girl in the world smiled in relief.
And coughed.  

“It seems where demons fail and monsters falter, angels may prevail,” her mothers laughed.

Still incinerated, a goddess queen shouts, “We are the granddaughters of the witches you failed to burn.”

The crowd jostles and pulses like a living being. They are moved by the words they have heard. A chatter rises from them, much like the midnight sounds of the forest. "Who does she think she is?" "She said it. She sure said it." "I'm going to tell Moira all about it." An old woman near the back takes a swig from a bottle of wine she carries under her coat before passing it to a young woman in front of her.
"From fire, new life is born, too," she smiles, a crooked twist of the lips.

Rendered speechless and impotent, The Man abruptly closes this meeting with the usual send off,
“The Word has evolved, my friends.”
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
The first Holy Book of The Word
In Nonsense we Trust

Assembled from pre-existing works by John Burroughs, Ryan P. Kinney, Jack McGuane, Cee Williams, Don Lee, Susan Grimm, Joe Roarty, Russ Vidrick, Dianne Boresnik, Mitch James, Tanya Pilumeli, Julie Ursem Marchand, Vicki Acquah, Terry Provost, Adam Brodsky, Lennart Lundh, Raymond McNiece, Hannah Williams, MaxWell Shell, Tim Richards, Ayla Atash, RC (Bob Wilson), Chuck Joy, Katie Daley, Solomon Dixon, Mary Weems, and Gordon Downie
Mostly taken as quotes during live poetry readings. Some stolen from other sources.
Additional content from predictive text by JM Romig, Linkin Park “Powerless,” “Saga of the Swamp Thing” vol. 1, T.S. Eliot, Amalgam Mythos, Kurt Vonnegut, Kevin Smith, and Psalms (chap.):13
Added original content by Ryan P. Kinney, Lennart Lundh, Barbara Marie Minney, and Gabriella Ercolani

“Lords Temple Basement Men,” it says on the door in a badly photocopied sign, replaced freshly each week. The original was built from torn up pieces of bootleg band vinyl stickers left plastered all over the windows of some teenager, surely passed into decaying adulthood long ago.

They gather in the bottom of an abandoned house in the heart of mostly warehouses. Something, someone long ago forgot to bull doze in the wake of morbid industrialization and the zeal to just get more men more jobs while giving them no life, no place to live. They built in their own obsolescence

A Man stands outside; half catcalling, half showman barker; daring, tempting, bribing people to worship with him. In paint stained torn jeans, long shaggy hair with the bald spot landing pad directly in the center of his head, and shoes barely hanging together on his feet, he bellows out The Word. Somewhere between slam poetry performance and theology lesson, he entices and seduces people to enter. Here, they do not call him Father, or Brother, just person:  Man.  “Hey, Man,” is how they great him.

“This is the original Church of the world's scraps.
The body of the body of the body.
Burning in the sun.
‘Me and my son were born in the sun,’ They say.
He is willing to do it.”
The Man says, in a soothing voice.

People enter a crooked doorway. The Man pulls the peeling door behind them, scrapping the ground as he does so, and leads his flock down the concrete stairs to the basement. They come to a dingy dirt gravel floor and spread out; filling the space like gas expanding into a cylinder.

Background chatter already fills the room with low whispers before the performance-service,
“I am happy to hear that you are safe”.
“I am not sure that you are”
“You will be missed.”

The Man steps upon his usual milk crate to open the service. He intones the Capitalist Mantra,
“God Save the Queen
Long live the King
Hail to the Chief
The Lord of all Lies”

And the people chant, “I will not kiss you. I will not bow. I will not bow. I will not be moved.
I love the idea of what I have to be”

Mama Evil steps forward to explain their purpose here,
“This is a strange, mad religious service. Everything is out of place, nothing and no one seems to fit together. We all gather here, but no one seems to-gether. This is less a sermon and more a discussion where the gospel is debated. The Word is critiqued, modified, disputed, and changes between its members at each meeting. At any time for no reason, people can interrupt The Man to deny, confirm, suggest, or challenge his statements. The group then decides on the next bit of gospel to be made up on the spot or if what has already been said is still the current phase of perspective. There is no central thought or plan, just a plan for thoughts. We, people, call this Faith. Our membership makes up a multitude. There are Baptists, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, Satanists, Buddhists, Capitalists, hippies, goth kids, Starbuck’s sipping bloggers, just plain weird kids in the back working on their latest D&D campaign. We are just people. And he, is just a Man. The only interconnecting philosophy among us is, ‘Anything is possible at any time for any reason.’”
“As the recovering Catholic Kevin Smith wrote, ‘It’s not important which faith you are, just that you have faith.’”

The People are ready to receive The Holy Spirit and his unique brand of performance poetry,

“In the beginning, there was only The Word, a word. And then more. Which were collected into a story; The Story. And from The Story came creation.
And then came the questions. And The Question was man. Who are we? What are we? Why? Who am I?”

The Man explains,
“The whole point of The Word is to make up new ones. To defy God’s Word by creating ourselves.”
“Do you see the animal’s asking questions? Wondering who they are. They simply know that they are.
There are no fish in Purgatory. Only us.
The Garden of Eden is colonized by serpents
There was no place for the demons to go, but further in.”

A Hindu Yoga instructor rights himself from walking on his hands and decides to take the first initiative, “Puff the Magic Dragon says, ‘Jesus loves me, but I need to talk to a human.’”
A furry cosplayer responds, "I need to talk to a human."

A Wiccan Princess retorts, "Nature is not as inventive as she thinks she is; Neither is God"

The Man answers,
“We are a beautiful blasphemy to God’s word (because we question).”

“Heavy is the crown that wears the head,” says the child prince.

The Drag King quotes, “Psalms (chap.):13
You will tread on the lion and the cobra.
You will trample on the great lion and the serpent.”

"...And God teaches the cricket how to play his music," says the bookish-looking woman sitting in the corner, trailing off as she adjusts her literal Coke bottle frames.

A gym rat, wearing a holey muscle shirt, extends arm to point as he says,
“Humans begin as *******.”

“Humans are also stardust.
Which means we are golden,” replies the scientist

“I will show you fear in a handful of dust,” says the derelict businessman hobo hero,
“God made mud in his own image and we are the leftover **** that rose out of it.
And if all life is really God’s sacred mud, then every **** storm is God’s Wrath.”

The Man quotes T.S. Eliot,
“What are the roots that clutch. What branches grow out of this stony *******. Son of man, you cannot say or guess, for you know only a heap of broken images.”

"The grapes of wrath transmuted into the harvest of imagination,” illustrates the painter

The automaton states, “**** the earth, to make a certain sense of it all.”

The Man attempts to regain control,
“Some future digger after truth,
alien or human, kneeling with
trowel and brush at this grave,
will note in clear, careful script
the wonder that a people would
be so deliberate with the smallest
of their gods' creatures,
and so careless of themselves.”

A soccer Mom asks,
“They say I shouldn’t be so tired.
They say I should get a job.
They say I should get off this couch.
They say I shouldn’t be a blob.”

“It takes but one step to enter the grave,” says The Man.
“So much can be lost in crossing that threshold. How did your grandparents, born in separate countries, meet? Did your mother kiss your father first, or vice versa? These are questions we don't think to pose, but without the asking or other evidence, Death will redact the list of begettings. Are you prepared for that void in memory? Or have you made notes for your children to leave theirs?”

"My Dad keeps their honeymoon receipts in the family Bible,” says the Unknown.
“After Mom moved on, he would take the Bible off the shelf every evening after supper.  He would first stare at it for what seemed forever while pouring himself a huge tumbler of bourbon and lighting a huge cigar that smelled like month old underwear.  Eventually, he would open the gold clasp and raise the deeply cracked leather cover of the Bible and first look at the family history written inside the front cover in the delicate and intricate handwriting of Mom, before pulling out the well worn honeymoon receipts, which he would shuffle through like a deck of cards before spreading them out on the worn and scratched kitchen table like a kind of dead man’s hand.  Sometimes, he would weep quietly.  Other times, he would pound his fists violently on the table shaking the cans of beans and potatoes on the shelves above.  That is when I knew it was time to make myself scarce.  He never ever opened the Bible any further than the front cover, which made me wonder about the nature of the book itself.  I always pondered the same questions over and over.”  
“Is Bible a filthy word? Is it the animal? The Man, The Woman? Should we burn the book?”
“Is the Word filthy?”, asks The Man, “What are the filthy words? What are the power of Words mired in ****? Who do these words define? Who are you?”

Mama Evil commands a presence,
“****? ****? ****? *****? Broad? *****? Are these the words you use to define me? When that which defines me is the holy chalice, life's catalyst, mia figa, my ****: stand us all on our heads and we all look the same. Regardless of our skin color, or the shape of the bones in our face or the skin around our eyes or the texture of our hair, those folds of flesh, that tunnel to the precipice of the universe, that little happy happy joy joy button, these are what we all have in common and what the whole world simultaneously wants and reviles. It has that much power. A lexical reclamation is taking place. One that will lift up the collective feminine spirit instead of dragging it down to the depths of all pejoratives. ****! The taking back of all pejoratives is an essential part of the reclamation of the collective self-esteem of woman kind! She is a Hindu Goddess! She is the Roman Goddess who is the protector or newborn infants. She is cunctipotent. She is all powerful and creates and destroys the world with her blood sugar **** magic. She is the princess and savior of the Mahabharata, renowned for her hospitality, who willingly receives any traveler who requests food and lodging. She is that benevolent. Durvasas bestows upon her a powerful mantra as payment for that hospitality and with it, Princess Kunti has the power to call on any God in heaven to lie with her and she will bear a son then by the next day. When her husband is rendered sterile as punishment for shooting the Stag King as he mated with his queen, Princess Kunti bears three heirs for the kingdom. She saves the kingdom. She saves the day. She is **** magic at its finest hour and she dwells in all of us who have ever been slandered. So go on, you ignorant *******. Call me a ****. Only you in your infinite small stupidity are skint the knowledge that you have just called me a princess and a savior.”

A comic nerd asks, “What of Power? What is power?”

Mama Evil holds up a single flame, spewing from a cheap blue lighter in her hand. She asks, “What is the power of The Word.” Is it in the book? Or in the air.”

She answers, “The power to choose. Do I set the world on fire, or put out
the flames?”

The room goes dark as she abruptly steals The Man’s usual send off,
“The Word has evolved, my friends.”
Ryan P Kinney Oct 2019
Lords Temple Basement Men
The first Book of The Word
In Nonsense we Trust

Assembled from pre-existing works by John Burroughs, Ryan P. Kinney, Jack McGuane, Cee Williams, Don Lee, Susan Grimm, Joe Roarty, Russ Vidrick, Dianne Boresnik, Mitch James, Tanya Pilumeli, Julie Ursem Marchand, Vicki Acquah, Terry Provost, Adam Brodsky, Lennart Lundh, Raymond McNiece, Hannah Williams, MaxWell Shell, Tim Richards, Ayla Atash, RC (Bob Wilson), Chuck Joy, Katie Daley, Solomon Dixon, Mary Weems, and Gordon Downie
Mostly taken as quotes during live poetry readings. Some stolen from other sources.
Additional content from predictive text by JM Romig, Linkin Park “Powerless,” “Saga of the Swamp Thing” vol. 1, T.S. Eliot, Amalgam Mythos, Kurt Vonnegut, Kevin Smith, John A. Kinney Jr., and Psalms (chap.):13
Added original content by Ryan P. Kinney, Eli Williams, and Kadie Good

“Lords Temple Basement Men,” it says on the door in a badly photocopied sign, replaced freshly each week. The original was built from torn up pieces of bootleg band vinyl stickers left plastered all over the windows of some teenager, surely passed into decaying adulthood long ago.

They gather in the bottom of an abandoned house in the heart of mostly warehouses. Something, someone long ago forgot to bull doze in the wake of morbid industrialization and the zeal to just get more men more jobs while giving them no life, no place to live. They built in their own obsolescence.

A Man stands outside; half catcalling, half showman barker; daring, tempting, bribing people to worship with him. In paint stained torn jeans, long shaggy hair with the bald spot landing pad directly in the center of his head, and shoes barely hanging together on his feet, he bellows out The Word. Somewhere between slam poetry performance and theology lesson, he entices and seduces people to enter. Here, they do not call him Father, or Brother, just person:  Man.  “Hey, Man,” is how they great him.

"God not only loves a sinner, he prefers them.”
“Come to my parish. Sinners only”
“The lostness of the found, the blindness of the seeing, the spirituality of the atheist, the silence of the spoken.”
“The Covenant of the Sacred Heart.”

People enter a crooked doorway. The Man pulls the peeling door behind them, scrapping the ground as he does so, and leads his flock down the concrete stairs to the basement. Some newbie looks nervously into the stairwell.
From the rear, a maternal voice coos,
“You will be used to the treatments.
Don't worry about it.”
They come to a dingy dirt gravel floor and spread out; filling the space like gas expanding into a cylinder.

The Man steps upon his usual milk crate to open the service. He intones the Capitalist Mantra,
“God Save the Queen
Long live the King
Hail to the Chief
The Lord of all Lies”

And the people chant, “I will not kiss you. I will not bow. I will not bow. I will not be moved.
I love the idea of what I have to be”

The maternal voice steps up to explain their purpose here,
“This is a strange, mad religious service. Everything is out of place, nothing and no one seems to fit together. We all gather here, but no one seems to-gether. This is less a sermon and more a discussion where the gospel is debated. The Word is critiqued, modified, discussed, and changes between its members at each meeting. At any time for no reason, people can interrupt The Man to deny, confirm, suggest, or challenge his statements. The group then decides on the next bit of gospel to be made up on the spot or if what has already been said is still the current phase of perspective. There is no central thought or plan, just a plan for thoughts. We, people, call this Faith. Our membership makes up a multitude. There are Baptists, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, Satanists, Buddhists, Capitalists, hippies, goth kids, Starbuck’s sipping bloggers, just plain weird kids in the back working on their latest D&D campaign. Dual Spirituality is a possibility. In fact, it is encouraged. Multiple realities are possible. Poly-spirituality is acceptable. The only interconnecting philosophy among us is, ‘Anything is possible at any time for any reason’.”

The People are ready to receive The Holy Spirit and his unique brand of performance poetry,

“In the beginning, there was only The Word, a word. And then more. Which were collected into a story; The Story. And from The Story came creation.
And then came the questions. And The Question was man. Who are we? What are we? Why? Who am I?”

The Man explains,
“The whole point of The Word is to make up new ones. To defy God’s Word by creating ourselves.”

The first interrupter asks, “How do you say No to God.”

The Man answers,
“You don’t like The Question. You are The Question.
We are relearning how to get lost, hoping to return to the birth of The Word.
Worship yourself and serve only humanity.
No one made you.
You created yourself.
It’s all the same story. The Story of I.”

“We are a beautiful blasphemy to God’s word (because we question).”

“How do you say No?
You don’t.
By understanding there is no such thing as,
No, I can’t. Only I won’t.
It was.
It is.”

A torn up, steel-studded, leather clad punk responds,
“we see others as they are
we see ourselves at every age
and all at once”

And the Man once again responds,
“All that we can think. All that we can imagine. All that we can write, paint, create, feel. All of this is real; somewhere. Depends on which universal perspective you are tuned to. Don’t like the current program playing. Change the channel.”

The professor sitting on the floor, shoeless, begins to riff,
“Yes, this is like that piece about imagination being the genesis of other worlds. About how imagination, all thought, is really tapping multiple frequencies from other universes. Our imaginative creations spawn, tap into, and play back all alternate universes in a non-linear time sense. Cause and effect are not in sequence. All that we think, all that we can come up with creates new worlds, but also accesses those already in effect and plays them. We create worlds that already existed by the time we come up with them in our imagination. They were already there and human minds are organic quantum analog receiving-broadcasting devices. We randomly switch channels with nonlinear frequency, simultaneously, and with varying signal strengths of each universe. We receive, but also feedback into a greater signal. So, we unknowingly create these universes, while also being fed from our own creations. Never, in order. We are the Father and the Son. Our own creators and creations. Our words are the genesis of all the other worlds, but also speak the gospel of the programs already in progress. All that we can imagine is as real as we can conjure.”

A black goddess queen asks, “Then, what do you call God?”

The Man retorts,
“You don't need his name, because you remember the man.
The idea of a memory of a man.
Perhaps the idea is better, stronger, more important than the man.
The idea of a man.
Sometimes, people are the absence of themselves.
And the absence of man is God.”

The semanticist-******* unzips its mask and chimes in, “When you name something you separate it and take ownership of it. We never name ourselves. So I ask you, what is your name? What do you own?”

A tie-dyed burnout rallies a battle cry protest chant,
“Who's the Boss?”
“You.”
“Who's God?”
“You.”
“Who are you?”
“I am (me).”

Another voice screams from the crowd, "I'm a monster, I admit it."

Like a rolling wave, the chatter once soft, “I’m a monster” becomes a chant. Faster and faster the adrenaline rises up, the voices rise up, thunderous shouting fills the room, threatening to burst through the walls and escape into the sky. No longer fearing what others might think they raise their fists and beat their chests, unleashing the monster they tried so hard to hide. Shrieks and guttural instinctual roars, animalistic crawling and seething anger, move through the crowd like a pack of wolves ripping apart a coyote.
The screaming voices spill out,
“God has left long ago and has taken no pity on the lonely wanderer.”
“We are not Abraham or Jesus. We are forgotten.”
“We are the forgotten demons pushed out of Heaven.”
“Or maybe we never belonged there in the first place.”

The maternal voice returns, feeling the scorch of the unrequited emotion, seeks to soothe, “Thus mollified she goes, harsh words forgiven, down highways in the dark by demons driven.”

The Man, the original instigator, adds more fuel to the fire,
“And what drive does she possess that we do not?  To seek out, to be blind to the trapping of the darkness within this corridor? We must look and see how we too can move past the shame and blame of others.  To move past the trappings of our own guilt.  To take within ourselves, our demons, true, but take and guide and build the new.  A new life that we can’t ignore, and when we fall, we feel the scorn.  We feel the bad faith and lies that keep us entangled in the want-to-be-with, the fear to be-without. But we also have a fear to be, to exist in the place of a true “self” and live out our dreams. Though time keeps happening, we remain stagnant, we remain in the place of an inauthentic being, a being-for, not a being-with.  We must seek to be-with.  To be-with our demons, our past, and our temptations toward the dark, toward the place in which the I becomes.  To be. To exist. In this.  That is the place where the divine can breathe.  Though we must remember to always embrace change, for everything is temporary, including our own pain.”

Having spent all his feeling and words carelessly and frivolously, The Man abruptly closes this meeting with the usual send off,
“The Word has evolved, my friends.”
Ryan P Kinney Feb 2015
Love Toy
by Ryan P. Kinney

It all started Valentine’s Day.
       A day of plastic hearts and candied affections.
Two love-weary travelers,
Overwhelmed by loneliness and desire,
Found solace in each other’s arms

Our stark white uniforms mingled.
Our glasses clinked.
Our lips meet.
While the sins of loves lost
       Hung like the albatross
And pressed a crooked heart into your bare skin.
So beautiful a moment
      For such a deceitful act.

You spent the whole night, transfixed.
       Listening to my heart beat.
Amazed that something so beaten
       Could still function.

In the beginning you were “The Crush”
A passing fancy, I was sure.
       Born of my desperation and your compassion,
But that act crushed “The Crush”
One simple kiss.
       Spoke the words, “I love you.”
And began our own false romance.

I could see how beautiful you were
       Inside that shell of obscurity.
You could see the light that shown within me
        Shrouded in a cloud of darkness.
We both had such beautiful scars.

But you refused to be committed.
To wear these bindings
And dwell within these padded walls.
Yet, kicking and screaming,
       You still accept that you love me.

We are cloak-and-dagger lovers.
       Borrowing sensation
              Stealing kisses
       Whispered intimacy
              And secret *******
One holds the hush, the other the blade

That is for but the moment, though.
We spend all our raw emotions at once.
Choosing to live fully
      At only that instant.
We have all the time in the world to die.

You can’t keep me from others
And I can’t you.
But I want no other.
Although you stand in front of my face
       You refuse to be seen.

What do you want from me?
I want everything from you.
I want to peer into your darkness
       And drink in your warmth.
I want to be so intimate
        You’ll have to smoke a cigarette when I’m done.

Our liaisons have become a formula for pseudo-dating.
Meet
       Kiss
              Touch
                      Feel
Repeat, as necessary.
So close to the real thing
       That only the word “girlfriend” separates it.

We ARE seeing each other.
We see more of each other
       Than those who don’t.

We even see the barbed wire
       That separates us
Digging into our skin,
       Ignored
While we exchange momentary, blissful passion.
I love you,
For now.
Tomorrow, who knows?

I will surely go to a Hell of my own making
        For loving you.
               Sullying, dirtying, corrupting you
And it is that fact
       That keeps you from me.

The guilt of my sin,
       The heft of your innocence,
Weighs heavily on my soul
       As I drag you down with me.

But, in spite of me,
A new hope was born in utero
Inside this woman came new light.
Enveloped in your inner angel
Was proof that I could love again.

You will hurt me
       I will hurt you
To which I reply
       Please do!
             Don’t you dare stop!
For the love of your God
       Let me feel something.

Some love is better than none.
Pain is better than the void.
Let’s just live in the moment.
And agree this is weird,
       And *****,
             And cheap.

All I can say for certain is,
       I love you.
You say you love me,
       But what does I love you mean,
When it doesn’t mean I want you.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIRwia6wL6Q&list;=PLPvb07CD2LbgXN0YvnrZ79D9vrgGEUYUY&index;=186
Ryan P Kinney Jul 2016
I wish I had some sweet lullaby to sing to you
Oh, my little boy, I wish I could tell you that everything will be ok
But, I have no rhythm of peace
No harmony to soothe the demons in this world
I can’t tell you that this world is a happy place
And that you will always find what you seek
I can’t even tell you that I will always be here

The world will not always be kind to you
Your heart will be broken
Someone is going to hurt you
The older I get
The more I doubt
The more I learn
The less I know

All I can tell you, is that while I’m here
I’ll lend my broken body to the fight
Help fend off those who would let their darkness swallow your light
And just hope, that my demons are stronger than theirs

No, my son, I have no lullaby for you
This world never gave me a song I could dance to
Only battles with the air while the tainted notes assaulted me
I will not be able to sing for you
All I can offer you, is my war weary arms
And another broken heart
Ryan P Kinney Jul 2018
Assembled and Edited by Ryan P. Kinney
From works by JM Romig and Lennart Lundh

The photographs
They lie
in a folder in a drawer
in a second-hand store.
They are a collage of poorly taken polaroids
All assembled before the Manor Woods formal,
Disheveled,
but for her hand on his arm
and her sister's slight separation
from man and wife.

She is the stranger in the waiting room
with fingers knotted in prayer
or tedium -
held together by masking tape and pushpins
on a well-loved corkboard

The husband
He is a fragile scarecrow
filled with crumpled up first drafts
of love notes
kicked through cobwebs that linger
in the long forgotten corners
of old classrooms.

He abuses his wife in the marriage bed,
her willing sister in the woods,
needing one for the power she gives,
wanting the other for what he takes,
longing to be set on fire.

The wife
She needs her husband to feed
the sense of self he's changed in her.
Ignorant, she wants her sister
for comfort when crying's done,

She is an island of kindling -
bits and pieces
of broken bottles, crumpled-up newspaper
and other things tossed out
into the ocean
forced to swim, wet
and freezing, forever gathering,
to form a huddled mass of leftovers

The sister
She is a tightly sealed mason jar
full of captive fireflies,
pillbugs, caterpillars and moss
and not enough air holes in the lid.

Without, she thinks, need,
she only wants her lover
and sister to be gone,
the family, hers alone.

The questions

I fear these things will die inside of me

and the child,
too, is a mason jar
Full of brightly colored
off-brand jellybeans
with a thick black question mark
painted on its face.

When all are found objects
to be used for reasons we hold alone,
what are the forms of ******,
and who is killing whom?
Ryan P Kinney Jul 2016
What am I trying to hide?
Am I a freak?
Or do I just perform the freak
These masks reflect slivers of me
A differing defense that protects the darkest parts of me
By shielding it in light
One never sees the monster
Hiding in the open
No one ever suspects that I am hiding someone
When they are staring it in the face

What part of me do each of these reflect?
Who am I?
The man who performs shards of his character,
But never the full act.

I am the Anonymous Ally
Taste me
With all the colors if the rainbow
I am not gay, straight, bi, or trans
I am just the idea
That we are all human

I am called the Goth suit
I am not a character as much as I’m armor
A suit using my darker side to shield my vulnerable core
By usurping the fashion of a subculture already too diluted
The flames crawl from the ground
Feeding on my poisoned heart
Subliming into scarlet remorse leaking from my eyes

I am Broken Promises
Wrapped in the discarded and forgotten relics of lovers past
Much like they discarded and forgot me
The heart never forgets
It just scars over
And now I’ve created this character I can’t get away from

I am the Leprechaun
A caricature of a culture I do not participate in
But am suspiciously genetically a part of
I am American, diluted Irish sprinkled with Scottish and German
And I don’t even know that
Pass me another drink
****, I hate beer
I’ll be sleeping it off in the tent
Then disappear

I am the Clark Kent mask
Call them hipster glasses if you will
I came to them on my own as a way to soften the blow of my intensity to the public. These glasses hide a super man.
Or maybe, just a bizarro.
I look where others are blind
I perceive what goes unnoticed
Appearances deceive
And I’ve tricked you into seeing into the real man’s eyes

I, I am the Chaos Lantern
Chaos is the natural state of the universe.
There are no rules,
No laws that were not meant to be broken.
Change and flux are the lifeblood of the universe
I, I will restore it to its former glory.
Anything is possible at any time for no reason

I am Mirrors and Gears
I am the human mind wearing the man
Reflections of energy
Moved by an ancient machine
Shattered by each new branching neuron
Pushed ever forward into a pointless oblivion
A spider web of pieces that eventually consume themselves
I am a paradox.
I see the world as color and feeling, fire and ice, machine and nature, reflections and shards, darkness and light.

I am the Manic Hammer
The moment you put a barrier on something
Is the moment you create an obsession to break it
This is my tangible fight for control over the anger
By succumbing to it
I am the rage given form
The unjustified hammer of indignity
And pure primal power

I will violently and passionately take revenge on the world for the sin of my birth
I will give so much of myself to the quest that nothing of the man will be left
In the end, the man will become the journey
I am full of all of the evils in the world
Just waiting to see how many people open me

I am The DestructiKing
The ultimate evolution
When the hammer falls
Into regal splendor
And Rage gives way to hope

I am just a man appropriating another culture
A name does not exist for me yet
My process is like a quilt
I fabricate each part piece by piece
Then painstakingly (painfully) stitch them together
For now I am just a collection of past fashion faux-pauxs
A remake of a shell I used to be

I am the Box Man
A walking, blank picket sign
For a protest with no purpose
Righteous indignation and class warfare
A rebel without a cause
And plenty of cause for alarm

I am Anonymous America
I’m not fully me
I am a merging of several different people
Conflicting ideas and injustices merged into a formless identity
The American Dream
Merged with the Nightmare
Neither, not sure of what they mean

I am Blue Collar
***** jeans and Blue name tag
Swearing my way through tedious, 10 hour shifts
Earning my right to drink like a man

I am White Collar
A silk noose around my neck
A keyboard eroding my fingertips
Earning my right to Caucasian entitlement

I am Gray collar
Busting my *** one minute
Sitting on it the next
Being told what to do
While barking out commands to others
***** jeans
Over a starched polo
Earning my right to an identity crisis

I am a student
In an academic stupor hangover
Cramming facts and figures
Crunching deadlines
And lamenting the pains as my mind expands
Forced against the bubble of its previous limiting confinement

I am an Acolyte of the Covenant of Primus
I am more than meets the eye
A real person in disguise
Watch me transform into something beautiful
I am trying on religion
With the only thing I’ve ever worshipped
The fantasies of childhood

I am the Jesus of the Junk
Garbage comes to me and through me is redeemed and reborn
I feed off our throwaway society
Your trash is not only treasure
It’s my sustenance
You may see garbage
I see endless possibilities
I walk on the fetid waters of our decadence

I am the AntiFather
A contradiction in terms
A childish babble
It is not my job to be the God Father
I will not remake you in my image
I will wear, and shape, and polish, and break you
Into a man better than this false idol
The Father is fallible, mortal, and full of sin

I am the Phoenix
I am fire, passion, energy, color, light, warmth, and volatility.
It started with a broken heart.
Through the crack seeped liquid fire.
Burned away all that I was.
Purified me
Boiled me down
And rebuilt me.
From the ashes rose a better, broken man.

I am Ryan and Lisa
Two hearts merged into one
All twisted into each other
Until only the twist is left
When they eventually unravel
Neither could ever be called whole again

I am the Jail Baby
A helpless coincidence of accidents
Born incarcerated
Forever trying to be free
A double helix chain, shackling me to a broken past,
Keeps me tied to my bars

We are the Amalgams
The point in which the flux of personal identity converges
Different pieces of each mask,
Fragmented, devastated, shattered, stitched, traumatized, and melded
We merge, we flow, and flux
Always the river
Never the same river twice

I am a schizophrenic collection of ideas given form
Some halfway
Others still growing
I am one that exists as many
An imagined multiverse constantly crashing into each other
The broken mirror reflecting all the possibilities
Perceived through incoherent, skewed symbolism
A lens of light, color, and cyphers
It’s my mind that fractures
And births my many selves
I am an amalgam of brilliant and idiotic moments in constant flux

Art is the process of Destruction
Take it apart
Distill the remnants to their core essence
Then remake them in your own image

I am my layers.
We are all one
Each a piece of the other
We are Ryan
Ryan P Kinney Jun 2019
I’ve been told that I am part of the Millennial generation. I never liked being called that. I’m right on that line between Millennial and the previous generation. In high school I was told I was part of Gen X; the last class of X. As a comic nerd, I always thought this was much cooler. Like it was some kinda superpower to be the last kids to know what the world was like before the Internet; to know how to do things without it. I feel like some supervillain stole our power and knocked the generation line back as Millennials got older. They made us in-betweeners part of something we are not; stuck us somewhere we could never belong. When I hear Millennial I think millennium: those who grew up on the other side of Y2K. I graduated in 2000. I was already a man before there was a second millennium.
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
by Kevin F. Smith, Casey Kizior, JM Romig, Danielle Romig, Rick O’Donnell

How did we let this happen?
A new era begins
For the worse
I will not be silent

We thought for sure the end was near-
I held you close, our hearts racing in sync
the alarms screamed in our ears
that we were on extinction’s brink
and then our phones all bleeped and screeched

All of a sudden, the ground is on fire
It started so harmless, so small, so contained
Now flames eat everything, from the center out
The fire crumples leaves into smoke, cracks twigs, dissolves whole trees into ash
Spreading, expanding, destroying
When will it stop?
When it is all consumed.
Is this a dream?
Please let it be a dream.

The deck falls out from under my feet at an angle of 15 degrees by the bow
My shipmate asleep in berthing remain undisturbed
The light from the stairway casts my shadow
My stomach knows the hydraulics to the planes of the submarine have failed.
The planesman has 3 seconds to switch to manual
Before the sub will slip to the bottom
My heart counts the second for me
The deck rises to a zero bubble
An even plane
I climb the stairs
It’s my watch to drive the boat

False Alarm- we unclench our teeth
And took a breath – and weep
For we knew not what else to do

Created at the Jigsaw Workshop at Cleveland Concoction 3/2/2019
Ryan P Kinney Sep 2019
(do I like it?)
by Ryan P. Kinney

And now, I’m 3 minutes overdue
When I came in underdue
And Underpaid
And under-******
But, boy am I ******
In the head
With a bullet
Straight to the heart
Of the matter
What’s the matter?
It’s just that there’s all this matter
And space
Empty Space
With no time
Know what I mean
You could be mean
But I choose love
Because in all the space
And all the time
It’s all that matters









                                                                             It’s not my sound, man.
                                                                                         It’s not my noise.
Ryan P Kinney Jul 2016
Mother may I, please…
Go to bed tonight
Without being afraid of you

Mother may I, please…
Not be so happy that you are gone
And wish that you would stay away forever
Just hope that you’d finally die
And end our misery

I love her
But I hate who she is
What she has made of me

She tried to bribe an apology with a $5 bill
As though that was supposed to dry my tears or heal my broken lip
I never quite got over that one
So strong is this imagery, that is almost completely overshadows any tenderness

I am terrified that I will repeat her mistakes with my son
And become a parent too much like my own, without thinking about it

They say home is where your heart is
But, I’m afraid to go home
Where your roots grow
The seed of all evil is planted
Fed by tainted water

How can you have so much rage and love for the same person?
This is a person I remember smacking me in the face at 8 years old for not holding up a curtain rod properly
Because I was too short to reach it
And the same mother who would walk me down the concrete path to the majestic sundial sculpture and pick through sea shells in the sand at the beach

This is the mother I want to remember
The darkness so overwhelms the light
That all I can remember of my childhood is the beatings…
And the frustrations…
And the anger…

As I’ve held knives to my arms
Or pictured my brains painted on the wall
I’ve wondered about where I came from
How I got to where I am sitting
Void of compassion and full of rage
And asked
If she ever had these same moments after her beatings
Or on the streets when she ran

I feel as though I suffer from some form of survivor’s guilt
Although I suffered some abuse
When I hear other’s stories
Mine never seems to measure up
That maybe mine wasn’t so bad
It could have been worse
That’s how I describe my family
And the ******* happy years of my childhood
It could have been worse

I thank you for not being as bad as you could have been
But that’s not the same as being good
The lesser of two evils
Is still evil

Yeah, it could have been a lot worse
But, that doesn’t make me close my eyes at night
And stop the memories…
The pain…
The fear
That I’ll wake up and be that 8 year old boy again
Terrified of his own mother
The nervous tension of never waking up
Or worse yet,
Of actually waking up
And setting her off again

Why the hell do parents do such stupid **** to their kids?
Your kids never get over it
It just sits there and festers
And rots away all the warm and fuzzies I have for you

*******
And your ****** life
And everything you put me through
And everything you went through

This needs to get out there
I won’t hide from it anymore
It’s not my shame
It’s hers.

This rage I blame on you
Maybe it is a function of mental illness
The mania was always there
And maybe you were just a trigger
But still…
It only takes one well-placed trigger
To completely blow through someone’s life

My memories are a mask of bruises and shame
I am an incomplete adult
Because I was not allowed a complete childhood
I want to live
Not feel so dead all the time

Mother may I, please…
Love you
Live happily ever after
Forgive you
Ryan P Kinney Jun 2019
by Ryan P. Kinney

SMACK
The hand hits hot across my face
I am sniveling, crying, shrinking
POW!
You are not a man. You are weak.
The words never come from her mouth
But streak across her fists
Lay buried in between layers of her spoken words
BLAMMO!
I don’t love you. I don’t trust you.
You were never good enough
Never strong enough
Never what I needed when I needed it
I’m done with you
You are worthless
Pathetic
  CLICK CLICK
I pick up the knife
I will ******* **** you

Instead, I just close the mirror
Shut the door
And stay right where I am
Ryan P Kinney Mar 2021
They start slow and methodical
You wonder how a man of such overcharged energy can be this still
until you realize he's analyzing you
figuring out how far he can push it
to take you completely apart
then he unleashes that energy
you realize where it's been hiding
you wonder, “can this man completely consume me”
as his well-crafted hands begin to explore your body
figure out your every piece
you realize, “yes he can”
God I want him to
Ryan P Kinney Dec 2015
My Life is a Scratched CD (OR Blue Collar Lament- The Little Napper Remix)
Lines taken from poems by JM Romig (Ursa Somniculosa/CD Skipping Down Route 11) and Ryan Kinney (Blue Collar Lament)

It's long drive on this highway
The window creeks
- its jagged way down
I breathe in the new air for the first time in months
the CD starts skip-skip words
Hopping over - lines
Reminding me
Of finite fuel
repeat-
finite time
With work looming just hours away
repeat-
Death, just decades away

I spend most of my week
in the back of the factory
where I sell my free time
on repeat
in a semi-conscience trance
watching multi-million dollar machines work

repeat

in the back of the factory
where I sell my free time
is a constellation of dirt, chipped paint
and cobwebs
forming the shape
of a bear
lounging in a hammock

skip

They are more alive than I am.
Monday at 3 PM I click off my brain,
switch on automatic,
repeat
automatic
skip
- the countdown:-T-minus 40 hours.
Each minute that ticks by
in the dull monotony slowly steals my sanity,
bit by bit

Each minute closer to Friday
slower and slower,
until on Friday they seem to tick
backwards--

skip

I have coworkers
who insist that it's a monkey,
trapped in a net

Each day blurs into the other
making them indistinguishable.
Repeat-
My finite time
Monday,
the entirety of the previous week
on repeat-
T-minus 40 hours.

skip

they are wrong.
It's clearly a bear

In the back of the factory
where I sell my free time
repeat-
Death - just decades away.
The dictator they put in charge of the asylum
barks out commands on cue,
just to remind everyone that they own you.

skip

The desperation for dollars
are the shackles that keep me here.

I often welcome sleepwalking:
I think of Emerson
On repeat-
Skip-
I think I feel like his transparent eyeball
repeat-
His eyeball-
I begin to understand
I begin to feel like I'm one with everything
skip-
everyone is love
repeat
love
every-Everyone is me
and you
skip-skip
-the impending coma

In the few instances the machines malfunction
I curse being awakened.
At least as a zombie, I don't feel
my mind rotting
repeat

the rotting constellation of dirt,
chipped paint and cobwebs:
Ursa Somniculosa
No matter where I am on the floor,
I can see him hanging there in his hammock

on the weekends I love life.
I shed the identity the uniform has forced upon me
and my true self emerges--
repeat
my finite fuel

In the back of the factory
where I sell my free time
repeat
the desperation for dollars
I truly only live two days a week
repeat
my finite time
I'm dying the other five

skip-skip

I think of Ursa Somniculosa -
In the back of the factory
where I sell my free time
enjoying his perpetual vacation
maybe sipping on a nice tall beer
soaking up the sun -

NOT being a trapped monkey
like all of us down here
on repeat
Poem was assembled by J.M. Romig
Ryan P Kinney May 2019
Assembled by Eli Williams
From quotes taken from works at poetry readings by Vladimir Swirynsky, Bob Olsen, Ray McNiece, Kathleen Gallagher, Joe Roarty, Eva Barrett, Russ Vidrick, Tam Polzer, Rosemarie Iwasa, Dianne Boresnik
Additional original content by Ryan P Kinney

I watched you undress like a stranger lost in a great city of hope
The problem of loving the same woman in different ways
And still love once more
This is my word in any language
So I cozy myself up to a murderer
So I can taste the infernal darkness
Too much white space, unpunctuated
No place for the demon to go, but further in
I'm a monster, I admit it
God not only loves a sinner, he prefers them
How long will I be playing to get by
Is it worse to be the one taken or the one left behind
Nothing is ever born again here
Ryan P Kinney Mar 2022
May the power protect you
Because I pity the foo’
Who doesn’t freak out
When they hear, “Transform and roll out.”
It’s your move creep
Just another body on the heap
The power is yours
To understand that this nerd is *******
What I call Beast Mode
Is a transformation access code
I’ll generate way more than 1.21 gigawatts
Till I make your mind rot
Now, don’t you slack
Cause you know, I’ll be back
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
My Dad used to say to me, “One day, kid, you’ll understand.”
He was wrong.
I never did.

God, I wish she was real.

Nightwish
by Ryan P. Kinney

I wish my covers would cover me
And hide all the pain
And blame and guilt and shame and blood
And tears and filth

I wish I could still pretend to be a good person,
A worthy one
This unfathomable loneliness
Peering into the void
And finding nothing within myself

I wish this bed was not empty
Like me
I wish the darkness would just finish with me
And take its crimson penance

I wish I got what I deserve
All dogs go to heaven
But this hounds hellbound
I am meant to suffer and break

I wish this song had rhythm and beat
So someone could dance on my grave

I wish I didn’t hate everyone
Almost as much as myself
I wish someone would touch me without recoiling
Without fear and dread

I wish someone some would say,
I love you
And were not lying
I wish I believed them
In anything
In myself

I wish there was a reason for all of this
But, I wish, more than anything
That I had the courage to make this poem better
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
Ripples
by Amy C. Smith

With every Action we take
Ripples form around us.

A smile here.
Encouragement there,
Even something as innocuous as love,
for a show or game or film,
makes the world even brighter.

Gathering together
Dancing
Laughing
Loving
Is what it means to be truly human.

assembled from works published by Beautiful Blasphemy and in The Lakelander, Lakeland Community College, Kirtland OH
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
I usually think about my life
And how much of a loser I was
Living under my brother’s perfect family home
Like a troll under a bridge
Distracting myself with Call of Duty

I keep playing pokemon, as well
Pikachu is my favorite
He is so small and cute
But he loves me

There is no such thing
As having too big of a heart

Additional content assembled from works published by Beautiful Blasphemy and in The Lakelander, Lakeland Community College, Kirtland OH
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
Conflict

Grow up
It is something people tell you to do all your life
Grow up and act your age
Even when you are supposed to still be a child
Grow up

But I don’t know how
When everything I love belongs to youth
And the youth says I’m old
And my peers say I’m childish

I am a maniac,
I am sane.
I have been strong and weak.
I can keep it together,

But I need help
I need a guide book

A quick read-through of the rules:
- roll the dice
- score more victories
- draft your hand

If only I knew
What victory looks like

I am scared and lonely
I am going to succeed
I am not lost
I am here

Additional content assembled from works published by Beautiful Blasphemy and in The Lakelander, Lakeland Community College, Kirtland OH
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
by Michelle Galmarini

You will be seen

Even your side that’s mean
the one that screams
the one that’s hiding behind the scene

the one that’s quiet
the one that’s cringey
the dumb-witted one
that’s sloth-like and bingey

but you have a team
the rest of the world
that’s been

Be proud, Be seen…

Additional content assembled from works published by Beautiful Blasphemy
Ryan P Kinney Jan 2020
by Michelle Galmarini

I fear cold
but the wicked journey on foot is nice
strive
drive
Hiking a detour in life
The world and its polar opposite wrapped up in dumb splendor
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