I miss your California tan,
that birds nest of blonde
you always insisted was styled meticulously.
Your lopsided smile
always accompanied by rolling eyes
whenever I tried to be clever and ultimately failed.
I miss the way your hand fitted in mine
and the way you could never just hold it, without fiddling with my fingers.

You should see our boy now
he brings joy with every breath
and finds magic everywhere
He picked a snail from the garden the other day
to keep as a pet, I said no, snails aren't pets!
he said "mummy will let me" and ran back outside calling for you
searching for your smile
he doesn't understand......
he shouldn't have to.

I thought you'd done a runner
disappeared into the night
and left without a quick goodbye
I thought it impolite.

You hadn't posted poems
Nor answered any calls
hadn't ventured to your inbox
no sign of you at all.

You really had me worried
cause I know you have to write
perhaps you'd gone and left us
for another poem site.

Then as I woke this morning
my inbox brought a smile
there you were, still with us
just not writing for a while.

You said you're feeling ******
and you're stuck there in your bed
and havent had the will to write,
no poems in your head.

So I'm writing you this poem
as a sort of get well card
the rhythm might be sticky
and I find rhyming hard.

Before I go, one question
out of concern, just for you
because I'm sat here wondering
Do women get Man Flu?

I want to shake you
Scream into your face
are you blind?
made of stone?
I want to guide your hand
give you a nudge
a hint....a clue
but it is forbidden.

You see, I've knocked on that door,
more than once
I've prayed to whoever, whatever, that she would open it, just enough to feel my love.
You only had to smile and the locks, once rusted, turned with ease.

I've clutched at straws, held her so tightly, dried her tears, praying that she'd see me....

She only sees you.
Just you.
In every raindrop.
In every storm.
In every leaf that's ever fallen.
In every rotation of this planet
You.

She never speaks your name,
She sings it
To a melody so haunting that it captures all that hear it
a symphony of sorrow
as a heart once laid to rest starts to beat, to believe....then to mourn.

She loves you, though she always swore it was a lie.
She loves you, though she promised not to.
She loves you, I see it, in every smile that lays tangled within her confusion, her tangible fear.

I can only love her from afar
I can only wonder at her strength
as she protects your heart at the expense of her own
as I wait to pick up her shattered pieces once more.

Today's the day,
The big one
The prize fight.
4 weeks of intensive training,
religiously practising our art
sleepless nights and drawing boards
anxiety yours, headscratching, mine
have brought us to this fated hour.
This sainted day shall bring a fight
unto vanilla death
but we Jakes men are strong of heart
and you wear your cape of courage well
as we set out with trusted hound
to defend our fortress
and to mock with disdain
the keeps of our rivals.

Take up your arms!
Hold steady...
On my word...
CHARGE!!

Let the sand castle competition begin.

Today is repost day
it's official
I'm reading and posting at a furious pace
I will share your words until your name is all I see
the ones I loved, the ones you hate, the ones I missed.
Each one a blessing to my eyes and heart.
I do this, not for you but for me.
Me, your friend
sat in disbelief that your name will be no more
that you will no longer sing the words of your heart into my eager soul.
This campaign of hate that has brought about the end, I will **** it's author to hell.
I hope they read this and smile, it will not linger, trust me.
They may hide behind walls and throw stones at your heart, their yellow bellies jiggling with laughter while your tears stain your skin, your light dimmed by their spite.
There is such cruelty in this place of beauty and love.
So today will be filled with you, in the hope that you see that you are so much better than they say you are, in every way. You are loved. You belong here. They do not.

My heart skipped a beat
as she walked down my street
and this cynical soul was ablaze
I stepped to her side
filled with foolish pride
and asked her to go on a date.
She smiled oh so sweetly
and whispered discreetly
The Farmers Arms at 3 pm
theyre showing the footie
upon the big telly
So be there and I'll see you then.
I floated on homeward
a Goddess I'd found
with a love of the beautiful game
I showered and suited
and cologned up and booted
to see this fair lady again.
I got to the Farmers as kick off was looming
the full bar my eyes deftly scanned
there she stood dressed in red
my poor heart filled with dread
as my feet stumbled back to the door
A united fan? That wasn't the plan
as I picked up my heart from the floor
her beauty delighted but love for United
is a flaw that just can't be ignored!

You're the kind of girl mum should have warned me about
the kind that creeps slowly under skin
the kind that trips fuses in unsuspecting hearts
just by walking past with your warrior stride.
The kind of girl that takes you to the back of a gig
and drowns out the noise with her eyes
as kisses end with a bitten lip and a come get it half smile.
Your face is a lie of innocence
it hides a wildfire spirit
of which Daddy would never approve
his little girl, now a pastime of pleasure,
honoured saintess of the tease
masterfully turning screws
with nimble fingers
before laughing at desire.
Expert level players
fight pointless duels in your name
placing bids to win moments
eyeing the neck of the bottle you swig
while gageing the circumference of your rosy mouth.
I watch them rise at your stare
blood and hope rushing as one
ridiculous in their optimistic dash
to no release.
You're the kind of girl mum should have warned me about
the kind that fashions hope from empty wanting
the kind that views hearts with disdain
the kind I'll fall in love with
again and again.

He tears about with happy shouts
a truck held in his hand
his shoes kicked off, his hat on wrong
as he runs along the sand
He chases gulls with wild intent
of what I do not know
sea snails hear this cacophony
and retreat to their homes
I chase him through the breaking waves
and catch him with a giggle
this force of nature in my arms
with tendency to wriggle
his little arms around my kneck
on my nose he plants a kiss
I stay this way as waves crash in
in sweet paternal bliss.

Haters gotta hate
Writers gotta write
Poets gotta wax and wane
about a moonlit night.
Singers gotta sing
Lovers gotta sigh
Me, I gotta go to work
See ya later folks, goodbye!

Shut up, quiet, zippit
hush now, silence please
be quiet for a second
and listen....
Do you hear it...
Take a second...
There!
What do you hear?

There's a woman in a window and she know that I can see,
she's removing all her clothing and she's looking right at me
She removes her bra and throws it as her ******* hit the floor
Pantygirdle passes varicose knees and now I do implore
I'm all for helping people out
and age is just a number
but Maudie Lee from #23
would tear this boy asunder.
So I quickly draw the curtains
cause I'm sure she's feeling fruity
she's 85, wears a Beehive,
that's beyond the call of duty.

Off we go with a loud hurrah
dog and kid and stuff in the car
buckling up and blasting some tunes
singing along like a couple of loons.
Taking a ride on a sunshine highway
stopping off at finnegans wake
we'll poke out our tongues at the world rushing by us
and belly laugh wildly for belly laughs sake.
We'll sing of tattoos and rowdy bar fights
and rats lounging in vats of ale
I'll silence myself as the bagpipes start blowing
and smile as my little guy takes it away
I'm not sure he quite understands what he's singing
nor that he cares as he fist pumps the air
I watch as he blushes at the lyrics with swears in
then sings them quite loudly, as if I'm not there.
This music you sent us, makes us feel alive
and Kiss me I'm ******* is fun when your five
not suitable listening for such tender ears
but his grin is far wider than it's been in years.
So God bless the Murphys and God bless you too
for bringing such joy on our trip to the zoo.

My love for you grows daily
You with your words that cut
like straight edged razors
You with your poems that speak of love
You with your constant melancholy drip
You with your stories of life
I read your heart
I drink your tears
I am consumed by you.
You.
Sweet
Wonderful
Heartbroken
You.

I read your tears this morning,
words written with salt water
eroded a part of me, deep inside.
You are never alone,
Know this, as I plead with you,
beg of you.
I walk, filled with the light you gave me once
I offer it back, on bended knees
as I mourn the loss of your smile.

She is gone
yet here I linger
within this cruel twist of fate
watching boy become man
alone.

I'm reading your words in my hospital bed
Either laughing or crying at all that is said
I must look quite crazy as my mind is lead
through a hundred emotions poured out from your head.
The nurses are pretty, they keep me well watered
The plaster is some kind of cruel itching torture
the weights on a pully hoist my broken leg
forbidding escape from my blue sheeted bed.
So I wink at the nurses and turn on the charm
I smile at them sweetly as they take my arm
this won't hurt a bit, just a scratch.. so I tell her
she can hurt what she likes if she kisses it better.
She raises her eyebrows and then starts to laugh
as I discuss my need for another spongebath
the colour it rises and forms in her cheeks
You can't blame me for trying, I'm stuck here for weeks!

I'll regret you in the morning
but for now, lets have some fun
there's nothing on the telly 
and my working day is done.
I won't call you tomorrow
or even on the next
no need to be your facebook friend
or waste my freebie texts.

I need your taste to thrill me
as into your warmth I slide
with a groan of pure enjoyment
as my stresses run and hide.
I love to taste your honey
as it settles on my tongue,
My God I love you whiskey,
think I'll have another one.

He's nowhere near good enough for you and he knows it.
You're far to good for me, I know it.
That kiss we shared, the one you won't mention, the one that turned from friendly peck to clashing tongues and breathless eyes
will be my nirvana
everlasting.

I hear the rain as it hits the glass
no need to open the drapes
the summer all but disappeared
no more sunshine escapes.
We were planning on a picnic
as a way to pass the time
good food, good friends a kickabout,
a glass or two of wine.
My enthusiasm dampened
I stumble out of bed
and ***** around for caffeine
to lively up my head
While stood here in my kitchen
my heart sinking, feeling blue
I thought I'd pen a little verse,
a "hello" from me to you.
I'm sitting at the table
striped pyjamas, coffee cup
when a thought it hit my addled brain
and really cheered me up
We shall have our sunshine picnic
though the sun no longer shines
I have 20 golf umbrellas (don't ask!)
large and gaudy in design.
So we'll take them to the shoreline
and what a sight we'll be
Lining up there like a rainbow
my friends, my boy and me.

"Nothing is sacred" you said, ask away....

Favourite band, colour, song, film, book, poet, author,the list went on
Favourite food, soda, cocktail, ****** position, animal, vegetable, fruit, smell, season, singer, songwriter, tv show..

This endless list of inane questions, hiding the one stuck in my throat like bitter bile.

"What do you see in him?"

Thats the big money question, the answer eludes me whenever I see you together.
Maybe your dappled green sees beauty where my clear blue sees too much ego.
Maybe your heart sings when he kisses your forehead, while my lips ache for the chance.

He doesn't see you, not really, not the you that howls with laughter, head back, snorting with each inhale.
Not the you that pulls weird faces when I take serious calls.
Not the you that I wish was mine...

Only mine.

He makes you different...
Quiet, subdued, Stepford wife.
A good girl. A closed book.
Ignoring his eyes while they wander,
as you avoid the love so obviously in mine.

"Ask me anything" tripped off your tongue
While your expression and the way you shifted said
"Just don't ask me that"

Nothing is sacred.
Except you.

There's a message in my inbox
from a pretty little thing
you know the type blonde hair, tight ***
and words that drip with sin

I'm betting she's a live one
a goer, a screamer, a ride
I bet she'd let me tip her up
and venture deep inside

I reckon I could have her
in positions one and all
while screaming out "yeah baby"
"take it sugar, take it all!"

You'd here our skin a'slapping
as our bodies slam with vigour
as she pushes back against my nuts
I'm feeling like a winner

I'll think of her days later
though not quite as you'd think
she'll come to mind when I apply
the "clap" cream to my ****.

So the moral of this story
this tale of itching woe
is that fun can soon backfire
when you dip your wick in **'

This used to be my home, my safe place but now every room has an echo of you, though you have never lived inside it's walls.

This used to be my mind, it was filled with crashing surf and Beach Boys medleys. Now it's filled with how you looked when my kiss broke your precious trust.

This used to be my heart, only ever used once, I thought it could only beat for her, then it met you, fragile and broken, filled with a delicate strength, masked by the laugh of a devil.

You used to be my friend. You'd fill my days with words, my nights with laughter, my heart with hope and though you're still here, I know that to me you are gone.

I ****** up, I know this now. There is no explanation I can give, no rewind button, so I'll crawl on my knees and hope that one day you'll forgive me instead of forget me.

I will write a million apologies.
Because I can't stand these days without your smile.

A walk on the beach in the morning
is never a simple affair
once the dog is dressed and the kid's on the leash
we leave with the breeze in our hair.
We walk along the shoreline
and watch the changing tide
we clamber over rockpools
where creatures deftly hide.
I'm not a morning person
My brain remains asleep
for at least two hours after
my eyes begin to peep.
So I take in the horizon
with a deep and grateful sigh
while boy and dog go running
off to greet some passers by
the fishermen are chatting
showing them their daily catch
while the dog he begs for something
from the bucket, just a scrap
So the guy picks out a live one
and shows it to the pup
who jumps away quite quickly
treats forgotten, heckles up.
My son he takes a finger
and reaches out to feel
this shining, writhing creature
in a bucket made of steel.
He flinches as it flips it's tail
annoyed that he can't catch it
but it slithers through his tiny hands
and back into the bucket.
We turn our tails and head for home
and talk of what we've seen
the boy says in his grown up voice
lets not have fish for tea.

My brother comes to stay today
flown home from distant shores
my twin in all but choices
I have little, he has more.
He mocks my lack of money
and loathes my simple life
but that's ok, I get my kicks
by sleeping with his wife.

He tells me I'm too laid back
Says I should be more slick
though slick is what his wife gets
when I tease her with my ****
Id really love to tell him
how I scratch his darlings itch
and wipe that smirk clean off his face
the condescending *****!

After reading your plea good lady,
I really can't deny
this fire burning in my *****
as your words pass by my eyes.

After reading your plea good lady,
I'm happy to oblige,
soon all sound will be muffled
by your enveloping thighs.

After reading your plea good lady
there were no words to be said,
so I'll kiss your pretty flower
while you moan and give me head.

After reading your plea good lady,
to your front door I will roam
and sort you out, quite properly
before your man comes home.

After reading your plea good lady,
sit back and watch me burn
then tease a little longer
us men, we never learn.

Today we get a puppy,
though there really is no need
but last night I got rat arsed
and stupidly agreed.
So we're off to see the pound dogs
to look for one we like
the boy insists on three legs
wagging tail, and the name Spike.
Three legs to match our much loved cat
on this he will not budge
just so she doesn't feel left out
and start to hold a grudge.
So we're headed for the rescue
with these categories in mind
with happy smiles and fingers crossed
that a tripod we will find.

I think I'd really love her
That girl stood by the bar
Who wouldn't love the way her ******* jiggle when she laughs...
Or how she tosses her hair with all the vanity of the latest pop ****...
or the way she's ******* on that straw with relish....
Makin' me so **** hot my teeth clench with burning need
I'd soon remove those Daisy Dukes,
to taste what lies beneath
I want her knelt before me
wide open, eyes pleading
begging for it
gagging on it
I want to make her *****, just to wash her clean
this angel drenched in whiskey
with a smile of gasoline.

I long to write a striking verse
to make this dark world shatter
but then I see with eyes anew
that words don't ******* matter.

You smiled today,
just for a second,
and your smile lit a spark
that coloured the cosmos with love.

Everybody loves you baby!
We hang on your every word
how does that feel?
The pressure to always be working
always be rhyming, always be thinking, always be tapping on the keys that bare your soul.

Everybody loves you baby!
Do you feel it? Do you believe the words posted under every verse as you tear out your heart? Or do you feel them? lying barbs that pierce your mind like a thousand salted lashes, false accolades by sometime friends who would run a mile if only they knew....you.

Everybody loves you baby!
Your brittle, broken, beautiful words
spun with the strength of a million webs of lies from those that didn't deserve to meet your lust filled gaze. My truth and your truth clash and combine, we love, you hate, I adore, you hide, I write for only you, you poison me slowly with writes for others.

Everybody loves you baby.
Can you feel it?
Everybody except you.

The season is upon us
it's time for peace and joy
that is for those who live without
a wound up little boy.
His eyes brim with excitement
as he stares up at the tree
while jumping round from foot to foot
his passion plain to see.
He sits there at the window
His eyes they scan the sky
for any sign of Santa and his reindeer passing by.
I tell him it's too early, I say it isn't time
yet still he sits there waiting
and keeps a watchful eye.
He runs to bed at bedtime
excited now to sleep
as sleeping makes the time fly by
as closer Christmas creeps.
He's counting down the hours
as day turns into night,
with a jolly shout of "FOUR MORE SLEEPS !!"
he goes out like a light.

Sat alone
Coffee hot
words absorbed
some great, some not.

the heartbroken girl,
the talentless hack
and the triumphant ego,
keep bringing me back.

Reality withers
as I waste my time
scribbling meaningless ditties
and making them rhyme.

I should just stay a reader
that much is now clear
so I'll pour me another
and spend the day here.

I hate being up in the morning
every morning the same,
rising with no hope of relief
I mean, why bother?
There's no warmth to nestle in,
no dark to slip into
no sweet scented dew
to take this ache from my head.
Frankly I feel mocked,
as though old beady eye is thumbing his nose,
laughing maniacally at my frustration
He deserves a beating,
to be pounded with fervour
but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
So I sit and smoke
giving my best thousand yard stare
rivalling Clint Eastwood,
while he stands proudly smirking,
defiant, unyielding
a stand off, silent
as I ignore his twitchy responses to my stoic suffering
His resolve only stiffening mine
as I refuse to make his day.

There is no time for writing
barely time to tie my shoes
my boy he runs me ragged
and the weather's got the blues.

I need me some alone time
it it wrong to ask for space
when my little man-child monster
gets that look upon his face?
the one that looks for mischief
with a wicked gleam in eye
that lets me know with half cocked grin
that trouble's standing by.

I often wish for boredom
I think it might be nice
to sit there, still, in silence
as the world passes me by.
I'd get on with some reading
do the garden, tidy up
I might even get to see the bottom of my coffee cup (never happens)

Now that I'm done complaining
about how this life's so hard
I realise that I've been dealt
one of life's finest cards...
His hair it smells of meadows,
though his feet may smell like cheese
(seriously, what is that?)
his eyes they melt me everytime
he lifts them up to me
so we'll chase around together
rowdy boys and mucky fights
and I will count the hours
till it's time to say goodnight.

Tomorrow you leave,
so soon!
too soon?
months of laying on couches ahead.

"Tell me about your childhood"
"How did that make you feel"

You're always quick to take blame,
when it should be at the feet
of the gameplayers,
the nay-sayers
the ones that trickle poison,
trawling their filthy twitching nets
in the hope of catching a morsel
to feed their burgeoning egos.
While they frig in hateful darkness
happily inflated by another ruined soul.

True love hides behind her smile.
Can't you see it?

It took
2 years
1 shrink,
2 consultants,
and several "experts"
to draw the conclusion
that my son is "special"
You'd think with all that book learning
They'd tell me something I don't already know.
How many exams to define love?
How many degrees to diagnose wonder?
How many recommendations of care
before they realise
that I am he
and he is me
and that is all the care we need.

I wish I'd closed my ears
late last night.
I wish I hadn't heard
the riot you put as my ringtone.

It was him.
Defences shot up at his voice
usually gruff and hateful
now tear drenched and fearful.
My mind played word tag
filtering out emotion.
Found, out cold, machine breather, for now.

Today they'll wake you
from my nightmare
and plunge you back into yours.

They say "the signs are good"
A term I find strange.
How can a purposeful dance with death
Ever be a good sign.

I hated leaving you there
while your skin is still transparent,
while your steady heart is shaking,
your lungs scarred from silent screaming
and your eyes haunted by the unseen.

You stood waving in the rain
hoping it would drown your tears
and disguise the effort behind your smile.
I drove away, platitudes delivered
and hope left behind to flourish in your care.
You stood waving in the rain and in that moment
your fragile beauty caught my spirit
and all was beyond me.
I hate goodbyes.

for Cally*

Stay. With me
I won't let you go
I can't, I refuse.
After all you've done,
let me help you.
Please.

Stay. With us.
We won't let you fall
We'll catch you
and hold you close
until the tears dry.

Stay, do it
for you, for me
for whatever reason you choose
but do it
I need you,
you need this.

Stay.
It'll all work out.
I promise
with all my heart
to take care of you
I took my eye off the ball
but no more I swear.

Stay.
Be here, with us
your friends
you may not love yourself
but you are loved
more than you know.

Stay.

For my Superhero*

If you want it you'll find it
it hides no more from you
than you hide from it.

Dig your heels in,
grit your teeth.
Rejection is an ***,
kick it.
Hard.

That dream you hold,
not the car, or the money,
the one your mind chases in still moments.
Grasp it by the *****.
Run with it.
Start!

Be you, every bit of you.
The original.
Not the one painted over by other artists,
be your own influence.
Let your heart define you as a man,
nothing else.

I love you is not a key to her door, 
never use it as such.
Take your time,there is no finish line,
no race to win.

Kiss deeply, always like the French, never like a goldfish.
Tell her she's beautiful, every day, even on days when it's not true. 

Don't laugh at her jokes if they're not funny, she'll know your faking,
Instead say her joke was crap, if she laughs, she's a keeper!

My theory has been proven son
when all is said and done
this ethos is the very one
that landed me your mum.

I arrived.
Crashing
Wailing
Screaming
I am grown.
What's changed?

The look on your face
as you realised you were still here
sent me reeling and shattered my soul
as your tiny voice in the silence cried "why?"