Sometimes all you need is to
isolate yourself from the world's
madness retreat back to a place
where you can recognize yourself
again and take a moment and
start thinking about yourself and only yourself, the decisions
you've made, admit your
mistakes and maybe let go?
It is never easy, but nothing is impossible
Baby steps won't hurt, just trust
these words

I go where the wind blows me, and I follow my heart
Whether that brings us closer together, or tears us further apart...
What is done in the dark often comes to light;
What is done in the light often lurks in the dark-
When its all said and done,
The only thing that matters is if I'm
Happy
Because, I am the only person that I can be, and
Wherever I'm at,
I need to feel like that's exactly where I need to be.

Let me try to explain these things.
I slide a need and thread
through my wings.
Over and over.

All the dirt I've bled
stains your shirt.
All the words I've said
over and over

echo off the walls
never quite heard.
Meaning trips and falls
over and over.

I keep repeating
I keep grabbing at something fleeting.

I count minutes like I count light reflections
Off the window.
I count them on every finger
And every toe
And every cancer cell
Spreading like a wild fire
Burning whatever it is we have left
There is a purity in destruction
A nothingness where weakness is strength
So I watch
Count
Savor the flavor of the minute
Glenfidditch
Fifteen
A sickness rising in me
Too much spice
I count the minutes
Like I watch the wind
My tongue burned.

you saw it.
I know you did
I left the door unlocked,
and you walked right in.
I'm not blaming you,
I'm not shaming you,
but you saw it.

that tear.
you said, sorry, my dear
for bothering you,
and I said, no,
it's okay,
just something I'm working through.
I didn't want to talk about it.
But your curiosity hasn't gone away.

I wish I could fill you in
(I wish these walls weren't so paper thin)
but letting you see
that part of me
would be like
letting you into
the dark corner of my mind.
I keep this dark corner of mine
dimly lit and blocked off
from everyone else,
(often even myself).

I closed that chapter,
I ended that darkness.
I pride myself on being bright.
If I let you in there,
it will be too much to bear.
The darkness will seep out,
it will engulf me throughout.
The blackness of that corner
could instantly turn me into a mourner.
I don't know if I could bring back my light.
I pride myself on being bright.

but you saw it.

so now I guess my secrets out
my darkness is creeping about.
I pride myself on being bright
and act as if I'm full of light
because I've seen
how dark morning can be
when you've been demeaned
by the horrors of night.

They get excited over the waves flowing when I walk by.
They look so weak
And I feel so strong
But then it’s all the same
I feel like this makeup is warpaint and my short dress sometimes turns into armor.
Honestly
I would wash over the world with my waters and crush buildings with the wind at my command.
But I can’t
Instead I have a flute playing wonderful songs and all these boys follow me into the ocean.
To drown
While I lay there unsatisfied

She walked home
in the rain and snow.
Indecisive sky she used to know
now etched with buildings
burning slowly at their core.
Termites wanting more.
I lost my power cord.
There is a bug in the system
because she's always bored
always running
up hill
on the treadmill.
Can't catch a break
or a breath.