Maybe I can just build you a house
And then sit beside it
Or inside it. Beside you.

I hung up the phone with the conviction of a man about to walk into his own triple ****** trial.
Your voice on the line sounded sympathetic, and yet, pitying. As if you were sorry for the fact that I was so in love with the way that voice sounded on its own.
I am creating stress, I am simply recycling old issues.
I miss you.

I will throw you out this window
And be sure that my fists are broken in your cheekbones,
Dislocated jaw will hang sideways
While our blood will mix into violet.
I'll tickle your ribs with a buck knife
And spit all my teeth into your eyes.
I genuinely hope that you don't die,
Your lesson is best learned alive.

If it wasn't for you, my fists wouldn't be vibrating
Teeth would be a good millimeter longer
Arms would be loose, migraine at rest
Furrowed brows under new context.

Please forgive my idiocy
For making this harder for you than it has to be.
But don't block yourself from your love for me.
Please don't force yourself to forget me.
Let what you feel be just what you feel.
The higher you build your walls
(or the less you pay attention to the workers)
The sooner my heart will bleed.


I'm ******* tired of being the one to get bruised
Just to turn around and smile through ****** gums
And act like things don't hurt.

I am on the frontburner.

**** it, this hurts so much. I love you too much.
I hate myself.
I don't.

I am so confused. I want you to be happy.
And I want you to want me near you.
Enjoy your friends.

I am with too many people too much.
I want to be alone.

I want to be with you.
This poem is ******* horrible.
I just miss you.
Sorry.

Tears run soft down our cheeks
Your scent's in the ocean breeze
Loneliness and cracked CD's
O Solo Mio, hold me please

It's all okay now. Lay your head on me.
Gaze into my eyes. What are you thinking?

Lose my sight. On my knees
In the rain at night. Rescue me.
Light me on fire, put your arms around me
Sometimes I'm so tired. Please save me.
And don't forget me when you rise.
I'm sorry it's so late, but I must write
My eyes sting, burning red;
All alone freezing in my bed tonight.

It's all okay now. Rest your head on me.
Gaze into my eyes. What are you thinking?

It gets faster and faster every day. Every second in fact (notice the square).

I feel so sad for our generation.

Such a variety of brilliant minds spinning recklessly out of control, day by day by day. Things just get worse and worse and no one can stop it.

I feel sad because this collision course will end in one big cataclysmic crash, sending each of our young geniuses flying in all kinds of directions before they could ever discover the meaning of true, TRUE love.

The feeling one encounters when raising a child, an automobile, a house, a life...a goal. The emotion trapped within the nature of justice, the unbreakable cure for any disease of morality. This will never be revealed to us. It's all being drained away slowly, and every day new faces come round, and slowly those faces contort until they get more hateful, and with each passing day I see all the faces I used to love fading into cliques of twos and threes, starting to draw lines, burning bridges, ...falling down.

Divided.

I decided to devote my time to finding the most grotesque and morbid things that happen to ordinary people in the life I live in the town I live in. I have decided to devote my time to the macabre. A sort of Chuck Palahniuk outlook, if one pleases. The generally "ordinary" people around here have some secrets, and maybe it's time to spill them. Maybe it's time for people to get sickened, and frightened, and disgusted, and revolted, and angry. Maybe it will make them do something.

Kudos, 2012.

I have a burning hatred within me
And I spend my whole life in constant fear
That I'll spend an eternity wondering
If I'll ever expel this or simply let it fester

Have you ever wished to ****?
That regret you know you'll feel later
It doesn't matter then.
It's all about that moment.

Do you want to understand true mindfulness?

Extinguish the life of another.

Her body. She scowls.
She counts the calories on the bottles.
She waits a few months between binge drinking...
That way she doesn't overextend her choleric intake.

She eyes me in such a way
That I can't tell if she's ***** or angry.
We both take another drink and we let
The best pieces of ourselves rot away.

She brings the flashlight under covers
Her smile is just water refractions
The room begins to fill with jewelry
Nothing between the bed and we.

I'm so alive with you nearby.
You make me want to die sometimes.
I wish that we could start a life.
You make me wish I could still cry.

I will think of you when I sleep tonight.
I'll hope that these next 3 years go by.
Without you I just might fly
But there would be no reason why.

I love you
You **** me
I love you
You **** me
I love you
You **** me
I love you
You **** me
I love you (You **** me)
I love you (You **** me)
I love you (You **** me)
I love you (Please **** me)

I want to be a silhouetted against a white light on a podium 17 feet above the ground
I want to walk down 12 blood red steps onto a floor jutting out towards millions of hands
I want to be touched by all of them.

I want to say 3 glorious words and hear screams of anticipation in euphoric response
I want to pick up a brand new guitar and a steel microphone, and to feel the lyrics inside
I want to scream all of them.

I want to look down in every direction my head can turn and see faces looking back at me
I want to shout the devil's music and the mantras of a million hateful heartbeats to them
I want to see them shout it all right back at me.

I want to make a single move and be the point of all fixation no matter where I am
I want to glide across the stage and move with the sounds of the thumping crowd
I want to hear them call my name over and over.

The pulses of a million clashing steps will serve as my drums
The screams of a million hoarse voices will serve as my guitar
The explosions in the sky will serve as my technotix, my bass
The ranting of a madman will serve as my lyrics, my voice

The downfall of the nation will be my gain.

I want to be a big ******* rock star.

Johnson, go ahead and holster your weapon:
The threat here is long gone.
My body used to be a temple,
Now it's more like a time bomb.
My words are honest outbreaks,
...My list of fears is long.
And after-hours of outtakes
Lead me to this song...

There are days when I want to be you
Days when I don't want to be, there are
Long nights of lonely reminders
Of what you mean to me.
There are times when I freeze myself to the bed-frame
And convince myself I'm free
And sometimes it seems convincing:
The idea of you leaving.

No. This is not the end, I fear, my love.
No. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Yes. And when the tears begin to pile up.
I will give you this friendly reminder:

I've dropped all sorts of crutches, I've had all sorts of dreams
I've felt the tension in you when you resented me.
Threw my brain at all my problems and now I'm truly free.
Free to be alone when I don't want to be:

I painted this for you. I painted this for me.
This glass is like a mirror defining unity.
No more shaking heads, just laughing silently...
I won't put out these searchlights.
I love you, still, Dear, E.

I think, if we continue to go on like this
There will be a moment when we realize
That we must end it.

The new beginning can be golden, but you're scared
The abuse is shining through you
Your eyes are blackening like pigment ensnared
Like underneath, the shadows glow through

Please say it again, please say it again.
Every time you do I just can't help but crumble and melt
And yes, darling, it is true.
Just like an ocean blue, the curtains make me wet for you
The morning fog is peeking through
Like a [seven-ten AM] full moon.

We can't keep meeting like this.
I hope you see these words
Because I want to throw them in your face.

You are my one true wish. A desire I could never endure.
A person I could never approach to be sure
Yet when you're near, it feels so pure
To look in your eyes and wash the cure
Out of my bloodstream, with your venomous teeth
Attacking my chest like boysenberry leaves.
The subtlety of clumsiness becoming its own grace
Everything pinned down with your breath next to my face.

You know who you are. You woke me up.
With your hands on my shoulders.
Our arms locked.
Legs interlaced like a progressive scan.
Nails digging into the palms of my hand

The kiss that I see in your eyes, tongues tied like phantasmagoria
Get on my back once more; Your hands are food to my euphoria.

When lightning strikes a tree
Sap boils, cells explode, bark strips off into oblivion
And the tree melts, revealing a new form to the cool wind.
When you opened your eyes through the guise of a fading child,
I felt this happen to me.

My heart struck by your thunder, the leaves and ashes
Of my nerves
Blasted away
My DNA peeled away and there in its place lay a new man
Melted into the shape you pounded me into
With vicious eyes and stares that disintegrated injustice
Almost like a new world lived within our gaze.

Somehow, this universe has been opened
Time brought us to this moment. Gravity
Pulled us here. Revealed a blind spot in the folds
Between the atoms and the space from my mouth to yours.

We're like magnets
Like polar reversal
Hanging gardens of universal hope
And a lust for comfort
An insatiable hunger for simplicity
And solace

Uncompromisingly, we surpass the unnecessary and move straight into
The Moments We Wished For.

Closed blinds, wax and oil
Steam rising from the drain
Your hands entwined with my spine
Hair a maze for our fingers

You
Are
A mountain of passionate letters
From kids who thought no one would read them,
Sent through the ears of judges who never looked up at their victims

You were an undeveloped diamond
A sunset that someone polluted
With lies of impurity and worthlessness.

You wanted simply LOVE
A true hand to hold you and show you
That not everything in the world was so hopeless

Well your father may not have been the one to do his ******* job
And get right into all the reasons why you're beautiful so let me be the one
To pick up his slack and change you.

You're a raver with skylines in her eyes
An excuse to roll out of bed with a smile
Seventeen years of pent up compassion
Waiting to be released on some lucky bystander
Someone guilty of desiring you
Of telling you
You can do better.

You were always the one
Before we met
Before we did whatever we could to be in the same room for more
Than just a breath

You may be a dragon, a cougar,
A Jackson Pollack spattered with blood and ***
And anger and years of self-doubt

But I am your new canvas

And right now, I am empty.
And you are overflowing with colors.

I live for
Those moments between a shower and sleep
Where your body aches with comfort
Tingles in numb ecstasy,
With a stomach full of hot tea
And muscles unraveled like toiletries
Backbone faltering slowly
Eyelids weighted without desire
Without wishes, guilt, regrets
I live for these nights
Where I've been satisfied by the day
And all I want is sleep.

I once asked my mother and father
If there was a way to never wake up.
Not that I wanted to die...
I just want to stay asleep.

Anxiously Awaiting Atomic Assimilation:

Still not happy.
What is it about being pinned down that causes our hearts to rush
Or the pulse to harden?
I can hardly listen to music anymore: It all sounds like you.
My brain says give up and stay home
My heart says go out and love!
Give it all away! Take them all for granted! Let them use you!
Would it hurt? Not anymore. Not after us.

Random but justifiable meltdowns occurring every day sometime past noon. Every single day.
Your picture still on my windowsill
You in that dress
Our hands melted together
Our arms behind each others' backs
The smiling.

All the holding and kissing we did on the boat.
The propeller spun the water through my head
And out your mouth into my eyes
From there into your thighs
Out your ears and under your bed
From the time we wake up until we're dead

Bolted shut. The door is locked.
Every time I leave, I lock it again.
Robbery is a victimless crime when you don't care about your worthless crap.

Take me. Take it all from me.
Be an angel and sin with me.
She never will again.
Not as long as her picture exists.

She will never leave my head.
Just as long as that picture persists
Or the Pinback track continually insists
I just sit back and cry and open my wrists.

I can't cry. I can't laugh for any real reason unless a hookah is near, AND SPEAKING OF WHICH:

I want to be with you again, man. You left me at the same time she did.
Add insult to injury. Degrade my emotions. "She outranks you. It doesn't matter what you are feeling. Only what she is feeling."

Those words echo like a ton of bricks
Thrown against a canyon
Or a gunshot cracking on a silent, frosty night
The city glows, but not the way I like it.
Not the way you described.

THE WAY I DESCRIBED.
Don't you ******* tell me I ruined it for you.
It was already ruined! I just spelled it out for you!
Have you no eyes?!
Can you not see your impact?
You witch. You monster! You ghoul! You sorceress!
Succubus!
Seraph!
Get out of my head! Leave me to rot!
Let my tears dry! Let my head clear!

Fog from my eyes will dissipate!
But only if you GO AWAY.

The lore recycles and continues
All things end
And many begin again
This is why tradition fades like sin
And centuries lose themselves within
Moments of unforgivable issues
And we assume ourselves with misuse
And limit ourselves with disbelief
And consume ourselves in fisheye lenses
Like we knew ourselves to be prey to predators
And lure ourselves into traps of pleasure
And confuse ourselves through various measures
We dilute our blood with foreign entries
And we speak til we're blue in face and ******
And rue our own birth and death cuz
We blew ourselves into this mess
We drew ourselves this reckless verse
And ***** ourselves on every turn
But there is a light beyond the stars we think we know
There is a distant life we knew upon infringing our own birth stone
And anguish may be what we think is answers wrapped in shrouded homes
But the truth is that our treasures live beyond time and distance and dismemberment
And though the angel cries that she's asleep, she's too awake to compensate
She's so alive her blood boils thin and she thinks she might die this very day.

Glass bent is money well spent
Shudders like picture framed mirrors
I'm teething again and I don't understand
The expense I put into fear
Someone wrote me letters
But with no address for the sender
The pile up in my blender
I'm trying not to upset her

Breathe out
The smoke says stay inside today but I wanna run away
I feel the pressure lowering, these times are grueling
Breathe out
I called for a quill and ink, you brought me a wrist
I relive the moments when I gave time to think
Breathe out

Today was the wrong day to fall in love
When push comes to shove
I've left you pieces of me
Follow the tissue flakes
Skin like the desert floor
All chapped and twisted
I'm on a mission
Infinite collision
I want your hair to fall out
I'll build the shrine
This night is mine
Rewind

Breathe out
Sit here until I graft with the trees, she's everything to me
Too many times we left behind, for a ****** drive
Breathe out
You'll listen closely to me, we're one in three
We belong in each other's arms, ******* and breath
Breathe out

I'm from the side of the tracks where you won't come back
Sometimes fade to white, sometimes to black
Secreting the pus of another failed lust
My intentions only bending on a whim or a ****
So break the glass over my face and watch me go hard
If I got no other outlet you better hope you'll go far
Because sickles and hammers aren't only symbolic
They can be used to intrude on your systems metabolic

Contortionists form a fist and slick the road for communists
A bottomless populace heavy handed and cacophonous
Desolate like postulates from existentialists, mop your ****
And follow it with sawed-off ****, shotguns for columnists
So open up these ******* veins, I got no reason to try and change
Scatter-brained, like blood insane in dark fantasies untamed
Unchained and ******* and horse-laced with your taste
My way is the highway so don't **** with my **** deranged

I'm sick like
***, it's exciting
To know you're dying
From the first breath
You're primed for death
And there's nothing left
Like 21 grams
And ***** sexts
It's a blank slate
And my blood's paint
For the walls of
The Satanic Saints
To **** my brain
And **** myself
Because it's easier
Than killing everyone else

No ******* effort, no giving a ****
Surely I am broken like a Muslim's ****
So you're right to be scared
Sure you're checking my history
To make sure that no one
Is trying to **** me
I'm ugly, my soul is black
And I'm happily taking nothing back

I told you I needed an outlet
But don't assume I'm finished yet

A paradigm that changed everyone.
Loving you in my own mind
Following you through my life.
Senseless lust: a twisted crime.
Did you see your own face
Buried in heaven?

A hidden tape shown to everyone.
Seeing life through your eyes
Following death in my time
A revolver: My greatest find.
Can you see your own face
Buried in heaven?

[Bridge:]
You've shown me your voice
Through the style of madness
Our death will be solely my choice
Despite our shared sadness

A desperate heart like everyone's
Feeling madness in my fingertips
Feeling your tongue between my lips
A bomb: Your one-way ticket.
You'll soon see our faces
Buried in heaven

Never seen anything so
Clear, warm.
Couldn't see into suns so
Where is the truth?

I laugh.
And a revelation occurs.
Wishing to touch and be
There. Just to
Open my mouth
For you.

I wouldn't say anything.
But still you'd hear
My absolute cacophony of melancholy
Discographies from epiphanies
In quicker leaps from here to thee
This twisted psychology
Life getting in the way.

There are always more days.
But these last hours have been so stuck.
And I can not move.
I have broken myself today
And I should be with you, so you
Could outshine me.

And we could just shine.

Forgiveness is divine.
We certainly are not.

They find it so hard to do right.
Prove it, you.

You.

No, you.

I have nothing but remorse for this
Rather be dead.
Leave me alone.
But tell me first.

I remember when we would lie around all alone
Laughing about nothing at all.
Digging our faces into each others' collar bones
Now that's only leaves in the fall.

How I wish that I could see inside your talk bubbles
How I wish that we could rewrite them.
Tonight was beautiful, but it eventually became rubble
I hope you never fully get over him.

Rose, you juxtaposed me, I suppose we were in love once, though it had to end.
Grow, let us slowly, become wholly, and nothing less than the best of friends.

The world I used to know was enough to make me suicidal
But you have opened my eyes
I want to make a recording of your lovely voice on vinyl
Telling me the beauty outside.

You were an ocean and I was letting myself drown
Without breath, I know I'd find you.
To end it all and become part of your underground
So I would always live inside you.

Rose, you juxtaposed me, I suppose we were in love once, though it had to end.
Grow, let us slowly, become wholly, and nothing less than the best of friends.

If I could just release this tension,
Dissect this disease,
Understand the hatred that habitually feeds
The darkest corners of my subconscious fantasies,
**** the pain in me,
****** your apathy,
**** your power over me,
I could finally understand the meaning of being free.

It kills me to think that I'm in love with somebody
Who has such power over me that I resort to hiding
Inside of myself and revealing no feelings
Because everything I say is just so unappealing
To your good time and while you're so happy drinking
I'm cleaning your messes and raising our offspring
And begging you to just break the ******* routine
And get off your *** and pretend that you love me.

Good luck with being sober without the support of a partner
Because that's all I ******* do now.

Detached. Re-rendered. Under-appreciated. Again.

She was a cold photograph, still life; subterfuge, undertow, parabola, meltdown.
Words. Nothing in common. But the picture is there.

I'm not sure where it's going.
Because we are lacking confidence.

This world has interested me for so long. Celebrities save citizens more than governments. Hilarious.

Ellen was a saint during Katrina. Bush was in a tree house, as our satirical representatives like to put it.

Peoples' actions are giving selfishness a bad name. We all forget that non-infringement is the first step towards equality. We must preserve such sacred rights.

But do we care? History is a short hour of stifled laughter and deals. Ironic.

Let's just lie down on the grass like we used to.
But how can we knowing what we know now?

What if we had tools to forget? To run away?

There they are in the sugar.

Last call
Last chance
No Guiness
No Pabst

Let's take a walk down Ballard
The barlights glisten within you
Your cheeks glow in streetlights

I knew you'd love this.

When will this end
When will I fly
Will I ever see the world I idealized?

When will it change
When will I cease
Dreaming of dying, of endless release?

When will I cry
When will I feel
Will I ever know what it means to be real?

When will I learn
When will I grow
Sometimes I think of just closing the show

Sources of inspiration
Dead for years before me
Whispering into her ear
The wind is talking to your hair
Control the tempo like the jaw string
Scraping up against the wall
Bend the eardrums to the crypt
Cruise control on the wild people

I see the cycles
It's all inevitable
I see the cycles
It's on the wall
I see the cycles
All encompassing
I see the cycles
They'll be our pitfall our downfall

Glory moving like an anthill
Wall of wetness upon entry
Can't see out but for a second
Can't make way to the back wall
This transmission is corrupting
Stop the noise and eat the wolf
Chewing on your own teeth
Swallowing the lip ring

Cycling, cycling, cycling. Cycling
Cycling cycling cycling cycling
Cycling cycling cycling cycling
Cycling cycling cycling cycling
You think it's better than?

I love you...

Like women's children love laughing,
Like misery loves company,
Like we love crying,
Like women love their children...

Like ladders love painters,
Like brushes love canvas,
Like the pen loves paper,
Like the world loves Atlas...

Like bitterness loves constant dwelling
Like a housecat loves warm napping
Like soothsayers love the act of telling
Like women love their children, who love laughing.

The void erupts
We grip the lawn for dear life
So I squeeze the glass in my hand
To let the blades of grass inside.

The stars are falling!
Trees are uplifted into the widening sky.
Car alarms shriek a eulogy
For the fear ****** from our eyes.

Venus is gone!
Tie our broken arms together
I bite my lips in half
So my taste will last forever.

The stars are slowing!
Streetlights bleed slowly in the night:
Like traffic on the freeway,
The photons no longer move at the speed of light

So the line starts here (buildings uproot)
Your nails are in my veins (there's no wind)
Outrun the singularity (if you dare)
If you please, if you care.
Let this be all I know (Glowing)
Ion storms collide (It's colder somehow)
The sun slips far away (Where I'll be)
Moments becoming infinities

The clock stops!
This is our infinite second.
I just want to move to see you
But you were out of sight

When terror became night.

Frozen in shock
Frozen in sleep
Opening wounds
While I weep.

Lonely, left behind
They laugh and walk on by
And she's never quite as high
As she is when I try to die.

And when the world turns I laugh like it's my last chance (to laugh again)
And when the drums play I find another who wants to bury their last dance (in burning sand)

She's gonna say no!
She's going to go!
She wants to throw
Your hard work out in snow!

And then you think that maybe you had gone too fast (and then you laugh again)
Because when marriage is the primary topic (maybe you're not)

A MAN.
Where has my will gone, Lord, I implore you?
I know I don't believe but I need answers while I beg for them!
The world says if I help myself I'll hear you!
So maybe it's all my fault when it comes to the end!

So I won't ask again.
Strike me right the hell down
If I ask..............................................................­............


IF I ASK...

To be alone
To understand what home is
To truly own
What I desire to be what hope is
To disown
The undeniable things I wish were unspoken
To enclose
The letters that my heart always wrote and

Burned.
Burned,
And burned.
Burned.
Burned (let's learn the error of our ways)
Burned (Sometimes I wish it were another day!)
And burned (There are lives I wish I could have swayed)
Burned (But the world never stays the same!)

BURNED (We left ourselves out by the temple gate)
BURNED (We led ourselves into a different same)
BURNED (We thought that it would be some other name)
BURN IT ALL (We laugh until the entrance to the gates)

Someday you will see
I am not the man you always feared I would be
Someday you will believe
I am the man you left in indecision.
Someday you will see
I am the person that you hoped you would be
And that day you will see
I raised a flag in what I thought we were truly

But sometime's I'm wrong.

What would you say if I told you
that every time you were near me, i got a little nervous?
Or that butterflies punch me in the stomach any time you smile,
and your eyes make my chest heat up about 200 degrees,
and when you laugh i cant help but smile

and what would you say if i told you

you were a goddess, a genius, a beautiful woman fit for a world with no pain, a [female young messiah], an ideal
a woman in which every woman should wish to touch and every man should wish to steal

After all this, I said that if I had the power and the mind to do it, I would have convinced you to be mine years ago...

Flutter on, because as we know
We're destined to grow
Not tonight, but...
Maybe tomorrow.

HE. IS:
A whirlwind of absolute rage and apathy
Cruising through life like a pitfall
Without a place to land.
All these problems, all these horrors,
Mugging, ******, ******, genocide,
Making people pay to live,
Making people believe money is the root of all evil.

When I met you, I wanted to dominate you.
And you wanted that. Is that really right?
Because now all I want is to show you affection.

We would take each other as ******.
We must take each other as we are.
I love you for every single thing you ****** up.
I love you for every single thing you did right.
I love you for understanding I am a child.
And so are you.
We are children, wandering and wondering
What is it we're going to do?
"I can't take care of myself!"
Neither can I! But I can take care of you.
Let's eat.
Let's enjoy it.
Let's not feel disgusting.

Because we're beautiful.
And putridity is wondrous.

I wanted you to hit me so hard.
I wanted your lips to break in mine.
Your teeth are wise, your tongue is buzzing and fluttering.
Your eyes, red and itching,
Burning and running black down your cheeks
Your pupils so large,
Your irises glowing
The whites were just water
Water and salt
And pain

And agony
For him
For you
For me
For our parents and that girl I met when I was ONLY NINE
And alcohol and war and self-loathing
And lack of confidence.

We will cry for everyone we can not fix
And it will be the best thing in the world
Because when we're fixed, we're going to be real adults.
Geniuses.

I hope you don't have to leave.
Because you are strong enough to do this yourself.

And no matter where we go...
No matter what God is watching
(if there is one), I love you.

And ******, I love myself.

A small, white crescent line cascades like Niagara  through the window of your empty aura, and it turns. It boils and spins and whirls into a green orb, floating in place with the rest of the order. A ball fastens itself against its red backdrop, splitting ever so slightly with a soft, sullen texture, mixing with the ring to form a landscape so beautiful that I quiver when it slides across my tongue. This is, of course, the ring which slides around your lip, and puts together the sculpture that is your mouth. I start here, my tongue swirling delicately across a pink landscape, breathing and writhing with dewdrops of cherries, cleanly gliding across your upper lip, just below your green glow.

Next I hover above your collarbone, a sharp cut into the line of your chest, just above your breast, just below your neck. I move to caress the lines that form the right side of your neck, just below your jaw line, which I lick and meet the edge of your ear. Here I carefully allow my tongue to swirl with just the right intensity to make your ear warm. Melt in the sound of love, my sweet.

The world shifts downward as I journey to your chest, your strong breastplate serves as a rest point for me to breathe into. This journey is for the Goddess of Everything, and the intensity of this love is forbidden to take for granted. The pure simple shining happiness washes me away as I bite the supple and sensitive area that carves the tip of your breast, which forms, for me, a crescent moon. I caress the wilderness and I embrace God for all the journey has been worth.

The heat bakes into our skin, my hands slide wetly across your waist and my teeth rest around your bones. I withhold the urge to weep at the beauty as I move down. And here we go…I start at your ankles.

And I move

                    All

                                      The way

                                                                             Up.

With my tongue, carving a place to sleep up your thighs, and into your temple. This is where we go to worship. And I worship you.
I grasp and hold with slow breaths and slow thrusts the temple, I hold the center of all goodness and beauty, I am one with the edges of the universe. And you breathe, and breathe, and add to the condensation slowly rolling down my cheeks, and you moan, and you bite, and you lick and sweat and breathe and the fire builds and the heat builds and soon the green is a ROARING RED INFERNO, burning down all that is evil, building from nothing, and creating a kingdom set in flames. The kingdom of heaven. The center of God. I am here, I will never leave. I will sleep, tonight, in your glorious light.

Don't get me wrong, this ain't no suicide note.
But don't get me wrong, I do wanna die tonight.

Around a fire laughing like wolves
Nostalgia ran, the wind was cold
Eyes from a shaved head, her shoulders
Glowing in the firelight like a limelight night

Skies of the ocean run around beach-tree eyes
Put your arms on mine, laugh with me
Gaze into your blue eyes and ask why?
Why is your mouth so dry?

Let's go out and get some fresh air!
What's on your mind now?
I bury myself in your red hair
Vaporizing all the clouds

In a cocoon of your pale arms
Like the womb and its charms
You feel wet and red like a lamb
We all wept and fled for the sound.

Lies of the motions around peach-tree thighs
Put your arms on mine, laugh with me
We gaze into our own eyes and ask why?
Why can't I lay with you tonight?

Let's go out and get some fresh air!
What are you thinking about?
Bury myself in your red hair
And forget the shroud

It's all right now. Come close to me.
Let me hold you. Let us sleep.
It's cold right now. Come close to me.
I will warm you. Let us be.

I'm about to take a cruise to an arctic wonderland
Trees will be tumbling and white
Cars will be snow-blown and frosted
My limbs will be hypothermic and exhausted
The sky will be a dull gray
I will be enclosed in sepia tones
Black and white like the sweet 50's.

But constantly I wish I'd happen to spy
Your black silhouette on the milky white sky.

Blasting sparkling blizzards
White skies suffocating;
A ****** of crows hiding.
Chattering from treebark
Petrified little rodents (final)
Serenity in personified wind
Given shape through fog and flake
A symphony of schools of tiny pearly fish
Slamdancing in steam from generators
Perspiring the only heat (miles)

Needles on branches leaking natural
******, made by contrast of mother-of-pearl
Glistening from coral made in woodland;
Empires of organic respiration
Evolved into perfect lungs.
Let the Big Fish gather!
Stalagtites from shed-ceiling
Melting slowly. Cones sprouting
From ground of perfectly smooth rest
Nesting in honeycombs of golden hashish
Leaves falling from stems busted
Water filling up airlocks long since rusted
And the rooftops of cars and homes are dusted

A shroud of grey cloud, nothing comes in
No one goes out. Fortress, sanctuary,
Harmony, charm. Schools stop worrying.
No sharks, no wolves.
Only lonely, shivering coyotes.
And nestled cubs in bedspreads
Let your tongue out, divulge, reel in...
Partake...
Ingest.

The crimes justified by a dogma
Were inherent to the self-righteous creed.
Where our fathers have cast aside karma,
Soon the souls of posterity bleed.
The whipping boy is always an innocent:
His blood tells the story of labor.
Hands holding flogs are all gilded,
A penance for his misbehavior.

Blessed be those who lie broken
Under clouds of the toxic command!
The tides of tears wax for the chosen;
Behold the lines left in the sand!
If they all prey for their saviour,
They will bear witness our wrath!
Revel in the screams of the slavers
Diplomacy ends in bloodbaths!

Dismemberment, a cacophonous chorus.
Our chains lay foundations for war.
Chieftains of false hope ignored us;
Our trust is torn!
Clawing our way to the zenith
Has left our empathy to rot.
Upon the world's back, you ascended;
Did you think we all ******* forgot?

Blessed be the bodies lying broken
By hypocrisy's unwavering hand!
The tides of sweat swell for the chosen;
Behold the lines left in the sand!
When they all prey for their saviour,
They will bear witness our wrath!
Revel in the screams of the slavers
Diplomacy ends in bloodbaths!

Love is dying
**** our masters
Rage justified
Wash it off us
His eye has left us
I think we're alone now
Shrouded with impatience
Break you with envy.

Stay over me
I feel you on the water
You converge with my faces
We have no space between

Work your way over my chestplate
Earn me with your stressed delay
Trust me when I keep you safe
I hold you here and dear when you're awake

Leave me to rest
Then you come back along to sing
With my body, you make the world scream
And I rewrite myself in you

So don't use me with the limelight
Like everyone has found in hindsight
I don't need another blindside
I need reanimating twilight

(starlight) to be aligned with you
(streetlights) to be aligned with you
(lifelines) to die inside with you
(hold on) to grow side by side with you

Who will be the one to claim me?
Who will be the one to slay me?
Will the music that I make end up making me?
When will there be lucidity for me?

I'm drawing a blank, here.
Let's spill it all out.
We love everything altogether as it is. Even the things we hate.
We love to hate them. I do. You certainly do.

No relevancy here, please don't even try to understand
This hastily scribbled bunch of swirls
I am just trying to meet my psychological demands
And dance across continental rifts
Deep-sea madness floods

Your brain on the walls
All your memories on my favorite sweater
It's so beautiful to watch your life flash
After your eyes are turned round
And they get all bloodshot
Like my buckshot.


This doesn't make any sense anymore.
What am I doing?
Seriously, guys, what the ****?!

It's so hard to watch the good ones turn sour.
Beautiful and poetic.
"I hate the way things are."

Melting madness and shimmering isles
The bubble-gum boils in drug pedophiles
Let's teach the East to love Western style
We come in with strap-on's and pillage with smiles
The rest of the world watches their watches
People keep saying we're at hour eleven
We're changing the design on our gold lockets
From a heart to a blackjack, Seven Seven Seven!

The college boys assure you that they know the lyrics
And the meanings behind them for they've been enlightened
They swarm out like locusts and pretentiously parrot
Verbatim the textbooks they read when they're frightened
That they'll die with nothing to show for their efforts
They want everyone else in the world to remember
That they did exist on some scale of importance
Even though we're just spun yarn of grass, dirt and oceans

Intelligence streams the consciousness seeds and conscientious objectors it seems
So pardon me for the fallacy of pardoning tyrannical dictator queens
It seems these days to be discovered you need to cheat on your spouse or your lover
You'd think that with all the war crimes we've seen we would have hung at least one or the other
We've got two parties, so pick one or scram! (Look at them squirm as fast as they can!)
They're starting to think for themselves again! Quick, strangle the market and feed this man
Acid and bath salts and give him some tear gas and send him on in to disarm the smear traps
And **** everyone so we'll jump to conclusion with no where to turn, the final solution!

I'm drunk again and we're falling in, the shoreline is riddled with explosions
We don't speak of the war, we have no comment, we're almost out of original content
We're frantically searching for a brand new contest to prove that our nation is still the best
Whether you're China, Russia, Israel, Pakistan, the U.K., or India, the U.S. or Japan
Let's take all the gangbanging **** out of Oakland and drop them in to the Atlantic Ocean
Or better yet, set them loose in Uganda, let's see how long they last in Rwanda.
I'm done with religion and socialized medicine, this aristocracy of pull and deception
So for once in our lifetimes, let's seek a vision, because God knows people can't make ******* decisions.

The streams have set themselves
We watch the sky close down for business
I stressed to you clearly my anxious tendencies
And you still trembled beneath me, acting empty!
You stroke your hair like you have nothing else to hold on to
When my clothes lay openly by your door
And I hold the stub of a cigarette tightly looking for a reason to let you back in bed
After the heavy drinking
I want to hide the stories of my past somewhere where I don't sleep
I want you to just remember how close we used to be
Before you lost my loyalty and I lost your respect

Some part of my frame of being has me still pouring a lot of desire into you
I hold on to my lucidity in dreaming to have my time with you
When you won't even answer me when I simply ask you how you've been
I knowingly continue just loving you in my dreams, knowing that if I wake up you'll be back to hating me
After all the growing I have done, I can't drown out those stupid words and wishes
You'll never be the person I met when I was years lonelier and angrier and crazier
I can never make it up to you, I don't intend to see you as a friend
I tend to see you as the person who was the end of me
I have shed skins over months and nails and hair follicles have followed me down roads
That I stumbled drunkenly with my empty bottle of *****
From Nevada City to Penn Valley, alive finally, openly screaming for the world
To come take me for the last ride, hoping for the car to hit me
Discovering a pack of cigarettes left in a parking lot, covered and unspoiled by rain water

You see I could never ask for a curse because the point was to get a blessing in disguise
I needed to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know it wasn't headlights
I needed this anger and this pain, I needed to hurt you, to change you, to help you grow
It was so I was out of there, you split me open so I could pick up the pieces
And though I will probably never even get that cup of coffee you sort-of half-way didn't really offer,
I still miss you. So I'll just pick up the glass and keep mending the mirror
Because I'll never mend the fences with you
And that's fine, my reflection is enough for me, the reflection of you that you saw in me...
It's my subconscious vision of who you still are to me.
The love I can see in my hellish, haunting, harrowing, narrowing, beautiful sunbathing with you nightmares

School was always humuorous to a degree in my opinion because of the underlying idea
that the more damaged you were, the cooler you were in the eyes of the rest of the school.
I have heard numerous conversations that began with something along the lines of, "Oh, you
think YOU got it bad, well my dad blah blah and my best friend blah blah and my life is hell."

I decided to get a little personal and share with you guys something I have never actually
told anyone in entirety yet. I am pretty sure the whole story is still only here in my brain.
I will, out of respect for these people, change their names.

It's October 31, 2012. It's about noon, and all of us sixteen to twenty-two year olds are just waking up.
Brianne woke up probably a few hours ago already to tend to her son, Aaron. He is adorable, one
and a half, blond hair, blue eyes. I have been living here for nearly two months. I am supporting her,
Aaron, and myself with food stamps. I get two hundred dollars a month to basically smoke **** and drink
on the government's budget. Trust me, I'm not proud of it either, and if I could I would pay it back.
Since Brianne is a single mother and an adopted child, she has a single-digit monthly rent (I was *******
baffled to hear this) and receives support from her foster parents. Basically, if I want to stay here forever
with absolutely no consequences save to miss out on a life of my own, I can.

Brandon is putting on clown make-up so he can troll the streets as a juggalo. I find this amusing as I always
liked to mess around with ICP fans, but he's a really cool kid so I let it go and I even help him perfect it.
I notice he has a bottle of Stolichnaya in his backpack and it's practically full. That, to me, is temptation.
I ask if he would mind me taking a few drinks here and there from the bottle and he says it's fine, so I proceed
to get a nice one p.m. buzz. It was always my favorite drunk, very light, and airy, almost like you're still asleep.
Something bogs you down, but it doesn't bother you, somehow it makes you lighter.

For the rest of the day, we hook up with a few friends, go out and trick or treat in the pouring rain, get soaked
and wait for two hours under an overpass while Brianne goes and gets her car. From there, we proceed home.

At this point, everyone is over at Breanne's and we're all making dinner and drinking beer and having a good time
(Aaron is with the grandparents tonight). I guess I started getting angry about the recent events (for about a month,
everyone in our group with the exception of Brandon have been slowly losing items...but they're obviously being stolen.
At a point, a few of us did some research and determined the only person who could possibly have stolen
a good deal of these things has to be Brandon) and I decided I was tired of sitting on the news waiting for no one to make
a move after a solid two weeks of being certain that we had our guy. So I called him out... and proceeded
to begin burning bridges slowly and very surely for the next few days. I am pretty sure a fight would have broken out
if Bri hadn't taken me into her room to relax. When I finally do, it turns out I woke up the upstairs neighbor,
her baby, and everyone in the house has left save for my friend Jeff and his girlfriend Marissa. This concludes night one.

I later learned that Brandon was not actually the person who was stealing from us (unless of course
he just happened to not get caught when we found out who had done most of it) and I feel bad for bringing the whole
thing up because I would have liked to stay in touch with him. We got along swimmingly and he actually did have
a lot of interesting things to talk about. Smart, nice, hilarious... Well, maybe he'll turn up one day.

The next morning, I woke up to find the house empty save for Jeff and Marissa in the next room, but where I am,
it simply appears empty. I don't know what happened but I intuit that I have been sleeping all night without
my girlfriend. This upsets me and I begin to weep like a confused child, which is exactly what you do when you're
helpless and too drunk in the brain to figure out how to pull yourself out of a helpless situation (trust me,
I own the handbook). Marissa walks in and begins to explain to me that I had scared her too much and she slept
on the couch and that she had left to go pick up her son. So I realize I need to calm down, but I can feel
Jeff is not happy with me in the slightest, considering he will not come and talk to me (this is extremely painful
because he is probably one of the best friends I have ever had, with a mind that vastly exceeds that of everyone
I have met save one other, and he's a different story). They leave and I decide to stay in the house all day.

This is a very bad idea. I stay home, watch re-runs of a show I have seen billions of times, and considering
that Brandon and I are no longer on good terms, like a complete *******, I drink the rest of his *****.

In walks Bri, it's around 7. She's not happy. She proceeds to tell me that the night before I asked out a friend of mine
and she said yes. And I was a bit shocked because I couldn't remember it at first. Then it all hit me.

A few days before, Aaron called me "dad." Now remember, this is not my child. I am dark, dark, dark, and she had this kid
about two years after we had any past relationship. I am extremely worried in my mind and I realize I am headed toward nothing.
That I am stagnant and can not even afford to go back to school. This scares me, so I drunkenly asked out Tanya.

Tanya...we had been friends for about five years, and I had tried to get with her so many **** times... she was like
one of those girls you see and you're instantly reminded of an anime character. Tall, thin, beautiful hips, perfect
proportions, lovely hair, eyes, voice, and a personality I can liken to a Disney princess/black metal lumberjack.
The kind of girl who has a tough exterior, but inside, she just wants someone to tell her everything is going to be ok.

After about two hours of pleading with Bri to let me stay, I finally send Tanya a message, and we hang out for the next
two days, whence I whisper in her ear that everything is going to be okay and we proceed to have quite passionate ***
for those nights, where I discovered the secret to making a woman ****** with my tongue (tip: if the underside of your
tongue isn't completely torn apart, you're doing something wrong). But alas, I could not stay.

This is the part I dreaded, because I know I have to go back to Jeff's house and ask him if I can stay there for a while.
And I got the answer I expected.

The words he used...

"I'm *******...extremely ******* at you, and disappointed." It was like a father saying it to you. And him and I
have a very interesting friendship built on such an extreme understanding that I knew exactly how badly I had been spiraling.
I began to leave and he gave me a slice of pizza, with that slight smile that told me "just go find yourself, we'll be fine."

I hobbled off into the night drunk, with one piece of pizza and all my food at Bri's, which could have lasted me another few days,
easing the transition into homeless. And it could have prevented a horrible occurance that took place the following afternoon. I
was crying, because I knew I was dying, but I didn't want to ask either of my parents for help, because this was the first time
I was out on my own and I was far too proud to give up and let the world make me its victim. So I walked...

Sixteen ******* miles...

To the next town. Took me all night because I was dodging traffic, easing into trees, avoiding on and off ramps, trying to stay
away from any police that may exist on the road. When I finally arrived in the next town (where I knew I may have one contact)
I decided to sleep until the morning came so I could have the energy to find my next venture.

It was five thirty am. I had 3 hours until sun-up, I had just walked enough to be burning, and there was plenty of whiskey in my veins.
I had left my sleeping bag with Tanya hours earlier, wishing in the park that I had not been so naiive as to think I would be allowed
back in the house. So I pulled out a pile of ***** clothes and put them over me like blankets, in some random corner of the local
park, under some bushes, hidden from cold and sight, with great hope...

Fifteen minutes pass. My eyes shoot open. I am freezing. The sweat has dried and frozen to my body. This is hell.

I grab my things and with the worst effort I can ever remember myself mustering, I drag myself to the toilet.
When I open it, the first thing I check for is cleanliness. It's spotless. I am so relieved. I sit in the corner of the room,
which my knees to my chest, head in my hands, wrapped in a leather jacket I had gotten from Jeff (ha, he really is my
guardian angel, though he would laugh to hear it).

I catch winks, occasionally looking up to check if the sun is rising. When it finally is, I get up, change my clothes (I had
ONE clean set of clothing and it had been rotting with the rest in the backpack) and immediately head to a thrift store where
a family friend is working.

On my way there, I notice in a little parking lot near the store a sight I had never actually come across but I always thought
would be the most amazing luck, and it was timed in such a spot in my life that it was the ultimate miracle...and a curse in
disguise.

In front of my eyes (this miracle appeared in my path as I was walking looking down, so it startled me) was the worst possible thing
for me: A half finished fifth of Smirnoff, and a half smoked pack of Marlboro 100 Reds. I open the pack and sure enough, the celophane
protected every cigarette inside from any water damage. I am ecstatic. This is not only amazing, but highly unlikely.

So I down the bottle in one go and take the rest of the smokes with me.

When I arrive at the thrift shop, it turns out I am there on a day when my potential savior is not working, so I get her number from the clerk
and head over to a payphone and realize... I have no money. So I decide to go on a quest for dropped pocket change.

Before I even leave the parking lot, I see a young man, no older than 23, sitting on a nice red classic-style Corvette and he's
reading William S. Burroughs. So naturally, I decide to strike up a conversation with the young man. Turns out he's the nicest guy
and his name is Jordan. So him and I got together and decided to go out for a game of disc golf (some may not know what this is;
Imagine frisbee but with a golf theme, so you need to get from a tee pad into a basket. Really fun, centering, and extremely popular
with potheads, Californians, beer-drinkers, and hippies) and before we go, he asks if I would like to snag a few beers first.

I tell him a piece of my story and he can tell I am down on my luck and broke so he decides to help me out. He buys us both some beer
and we proceed to disk.

Turns out he's an ex-****** and has been through quite a bit of hell himself, so we find that we're in a good position to help each
other make some better decisions in life. After the game, we go over to a payphone and he gives me money to call my friend.

Buzz (this the only name I am not changing because her name is ******* badass) answers the phone and unfortunately informs me that
though she would take me in any day of the year, she just moved in to a house with one older lady she takes care of, and its a single
bedroom apartment, so there is just no way it can work.

So I go back to his car and tell him the news, and he says he thinks he may be able to put me up for a few days until I can sort
everything out. We go back out to the store and grab ourselves a fifth of *****.

We end up in the park playing music, talking, performing standup for one another, and I begin to realize I am drinking too fast,
so I try to ease back a little. He was playing a version of a Radiohead song I had never heard before

"Everyone this way. Okay, get your hands against the wall. Spread your legs. Don't move."
The doors clanking, some ******* won't shut up in the next cell over.
More slamming of doors, someone rubbing my body all over trying to find my knives, no doubt.
And my AK 47 I conceal, and my ****, and my ... oh ****, I really did have **** on me.

"Move forward. Turn around. Alright, go to bed."

----------------------------------------------------------­---------------------

"Get up. Come on, slowly... There you go. There's a few more coming in so we got to get you to another cell."

Clank, clank...

"Pick a bed."

----------------------------------------------------------­---------------------

Something is wrong. This bed is not covered. There is no comfort. It's just a mat. And I have no pillow. This is not a house
of any sort, my bag isnt what I am sleeping on. Something is very wrong here.

I am in jail. Oh of course.

I know the answer before I hear it, but I ask anyway: "What are my charges, ma'am?"

"Drunk in public."

-------------------------------------------------------­------------------------

I'm about thirty miles or so North of inner Seattle. Not a bad place to be. I'm working for a Safeway. It's somewhere around
the first of June. I receive word that Bri has been on ******. And I may have left at a crucial time in her life thinking
only of myself, but I needed to go somewhere I could be productive. Yet my decision left her in a position where she turned
to hard drugs...

I can't help but feel I am to blame. I am listening to the dull, stupid words of my ex boss, Rod, who is telling me
that even though I may feel like I need to help her, there is nothing I can do for her, so I should bury myself in my work
instead. He tells me this in about six hundred different ways before I leave the room after twenty minutes. Well great.
I may have no focus here at work today, but at least I killed almost a half hour of the day just listening to someone
*******.

I am at a loss of what to do here, but I eventually get a hold of her, and after a long time not talking, we come to
somewhat of a closure, and she is beginning to sober up herself. I realize we were both in incredibly hard times, and I still
wish with all my heart there could have been some way I could have helped her raise that boy and stayed and been her
love, and at the same time, still go to college, and progress and get a good job...but I was in a small Northern California
town. There was nothing left, all the old shops were out of business. It was time for me to move on then, and we have
all seen better days for it. She looks incredible these days by the way. She lost an insane amount of weight, and I know
a lot of it had to do with the drugs, but if she truly is sober like she says she is, she'll be getting much better.

A few weeks ago 3 people I used to know and hang out with died in the span of a week. It was a terrible tragedy, and I have been
thinking back on all the names of people I used to love very, very much before they got lost in some way.

There's Lorne Holly, who killed himself after a few weeks of detoxing from crank.

Layla Harmon, who died in a car crash, blunt head trauma, with a drunk driver (I have a tattoo for this, I will never drive drunk).

Heavy Eagle, who killed himself after years of drug problems.

Chaz Lipman, who died in a car crash as well.

Ren Rain, who I am still not sure about...

And of course, Tray Beraldi, who was my closest friend's cousin... I wish I were there to mourne with him...

Last night I got a text from my best friend, who said he couldn't sleep and he barely eats anything anymore, and he feels like his throat
is going to explode, and he cant swallow and his neck is killing him constantly. He has been this way for a year, and he is talking constantly
about getting a gun and blowing his head off. And no one believes him because he constantly talks about it because he is in so much pain.
No doctor can diagnose him so far, he has no idea what's wrong with him, he's been tested all over the place, he has no hope, he's barely
cligning and he doesn't know how much longer he can hold on.

All I really want to say is

Lord? What I have done? I don't pray, I never pray, I don't even know who I would pray to. But WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO DO?!

I bring myself across hell and I pull myself from the worst depression I h

I'm clinging constantly to consciousness
For some reason tonight it seems like I can't
Seem to shake that feeling like
The world is all falling apart
While I am wasting away my life
Seconds thundering in my mind
Like droplets from a broken pipe
The roof caves in from water damage...

All I do these days is work, does that sound about right?
Am I hitting a little too close to home here for those of us who can't sleep at night?
I stress until my tears are shed until my eyes are bled until my lungs are dead
People around us are turning to thieves day after day, taking countries by storm
Hopping trains, eight-week vacations, nine hundred thousand dollar sensations!
It's aching, it's agonizingly tiring and ironic because my mind is still screaming
Full speed ahead, she said, the book read, but I still fell sore into my cold bed
Because I can't convince myself to stop caring, but I just can't summon what it takes to be angry anymore.

As our founding fathers said before us,
"Nothing's gonna change my world."

I'm not happy.
Though warm like the pavement
Of a highway
On a freezing, summer night.
You can't tell because the blotter runs on strong.

I would die by your hands
Day by day.
Like a modern-day Prometheus
Sequence, substance, ether eager eyeballs
Stalling, stalling, stalling.
Call me forward.

Come hither, darling. You are so magic
Your face makes me break
Your eyes fill my heart with lye
It burns so much to see you
my chest and eyes and mind
My skull is an inferno uncontrollable
Inconsolable.

Darling, you will know
The meaning of undertow
And you have had me know
The true meaning of being low
Dead dreams, dead memories
Your eyes inside me
You haunting my dreams

Every night, another reason
To wake up to burning, red eye-sockets
Red rockets
Sky high
Firework death
Beautifully turning away from me.

I wish you cared and missed the fair because I didn't want to see you there.
I twist and turn and lose my hair all because you can not care.

Stare, stare, stare, stare. Haunting, haunting, taunting, haunting
Please leave me alone.
Please be there for me every day.
As a best friend.

But quit appearing in my dreams.
Witch.

When the car pulled around the corner, I lay face down in the snow
Eating my burning tears, letting my fear grow.
The headlights stung my eyes and my hair was way too long
Dark in the freezing white, everything was wrong.

Hand in the back of my hair, you dragged me up to the curb,
Told me to open my mouth, and gave me what I deserved.
As all my memories sprayed all over the concrete
I thank my lucky stars that you haven't shot me!

It never stays in! After I finally swallowed it all!
It just comes right back up! We're so ******* small!
Justice will swallow everything!
And everyone!
If I have anything to say about it!

My head devoured all of my friends, but it's okay
I may never come back, but at least I'm never away.
My wrists will always be slit, figuratively
But in the end I will have no enemies.

It's so strange the way we can't just get past this
It seems there will always be tears in our last kiss
Everyone wants to go back to the way that it started
Before the swollen eyes and the truth, departed.

It never stays in! After I finally swallowed it all!
It just comes right back up! We're so ******* small!
Justice will swallow everything!
And everyone!
If I have anything to say about it!

Everyone wants to go back to the way that it started
Before the swollen eyes and the truth, departed!

Left behind
I don't care about you
I'll look at who I want to look at.

They're cute.
He/she/we are so ****** ****.
We are evil.
They are us.

Just stay home and do your work
Clean the dishes and take a hit
She's melting you.
She's torn you.

Herein lies proof that you're no longer on her agenda
*******.
You're not handsome.
You're shaggy. You're not exciting.
You're kind of an *******.

When someone looks at you they won't think,
"Wow, he has got something no one else has."
Unless of course you hold a guitar.
Or a microphone.
Or a *** of cash.

All they will think is
"Who the hell does he think he is?"

I don't, anymore, my love.
I don't.

Staring into stars, the lonely people drink their tears
And genuflect to empty car parks and swallow their fears
Like Ernest Hemingway, they grit their teeth and laugh
******* a pocket bullet, contemplating aftermath
And the shadows bend and grow…
And the embers shine below.

Geared for success, the lonely boy begins to starve
His chest heaving from stress, his wish for waterfall in cars
Freeways self-entitled, forcing ants into the gutter
While a lonely father cries and the boy freezes and sputters
And the doorway opens up
As the mouth is finally shut.

“I’m not mad, son, you’ve only disappointed me”
Father, point the way for me, where is my life leading?!
Should I sacrifice my happiness for a chance at succeeding?
Should these calloused hands be empty, do I need a beating?

You need to straighten up your tie and keep your noses clean.
My mother’s eyes in moonlight silently judging me
Inhumanity, why don’t you rule these streets?
I bite my bottom lip and gaze down at my feet
Lumped chunk of nicotine
Pushing itself out of me.

I want to stop blending rainwater with my leaking eye-sockets,
Crying for another with which to share my gold locket,
Tossing and turning, wondering where I will be next
And for God’s sake, can I do it, am I trying my very best!?

Why can’t I get up on time like every normal human being?
Why do I always get sick, why do my guts hate me?
Why are all my joints always crackling and aching?
I never want to live, don’t ever try to save me!

“I’m not mad, son, you’ve only disappointed me”
Father, point the way for me, where is my life leading?!
Should I sacrifice my happiness for a chance at succeeding?
Should these calloused hands be empty, do I need a beating?

Staring into stars, the lonely people sit and smile
Counting all the faces staring back, retracing miles
Celestial serenity, striving for an energy
Never needing inquiry, embracing the no thing!

Should these calloused hands be empty?
Do I need a beating?
Will these pruning hands deceive me?
This Universe is in me.

The late hours fluorescent light flicker
From the moon to the neon red lights
The scars of our fathers written on our thighs
Scared to be seen in the imminent daylight
Freelance extortionists and racketeering blacklist
Black market, black cats, capitalizing on rats
The rat race is being run by yuppies in ties
With lies and cries of spies in in the skies

Confusing their faces with ones that I like
Indecisive for lack of a vice at the peak
I scrape together letters from the people I fight
Where notes are written about the upcoming week
The world's on fire and I hold it trembling
My fingers are burning and my shoulders broken
I buckle but seconds before I go down
The world breaks open upon the cold ground

I have been one to eye a best friend
For reaching to the back of your neck
I did once want to **** a man
For looking at you dress
But I also wonder
Why did you let him watch?

Hanging from your words
Like Jon Wayne Gacy
Over the concrete slabs of Babylon.

The women and children gather in the square
To celebrate the suicide of a totalitarian.
We've seen it before, but this time
In your arms
It will never repeat.

Endtimes. Nagasaki.

Why can't we lie here until paralyzed?
Let's just stay here until it's televised
As a sit-down strike against stars undefined
Communism capitalized, now I can die.

Living is over-rated
I want to get lost
In your chest.

I want nothing more than
To be crushed
Slowly
By the force of your thighs.

Lost in the raspberry tinge of a sigh
Swimming til drowning, til choking alive
Treading blood limply, floating inside
Dead in the river of your bloodstream.

Taken by rapids
To disintegrate
In your eyes.

put off on the sweat
There's something nauseous in my ****
United in the vertices and acid
The axis lamenting and venting
Sitting us out, putting it's mouth
Over you, over me and sorting
Tongue slide around move the mind without
Youthful thoughtful private number one

Exhumed adoption and children listless
Why don't you just give it to me?
I'm tired of gliding in this outlook
Let's ****, let's scream our pain out

Bees in needles and nails deflated
You flatten in your pool of stick
You shine in your muffled movements
This is a temple for the primal language
Words annoyed many moons before me
Howl under the eclipse dissolve me within
The translucency of the way we are
I feel it radiate
I can see her crawl
Away catlike in night
Try to spoil this moment
Let me feed you me

Forget hunger and dreams
Let's lose our minds in ecstasy
I'll never return
I'll never call you again.

I told you after I ate all those wild mushrooms
"I will kick that bowl over...I'm sorry, but I will do it and I don't know why I can't force myself not to."
And the bowl tumbles over, and out spill all your secrets and emotions.
I didn't expect the carpet to soak you up so easy.
You're sinking in like water in skin, an IV drip with ivy grip
I got no reason to fight this, but it's gonna happen.

So I stand here listening to you unravel yourself
And it starts slowly, like your hair falls out
And then your nails begin to peel back
And your skin disintegrates into human ash.
Your muscular system falls off like wraps from a mummy
And then you tumble apart.

So here I am, I told you I would do it,
And I did it. And I didn't want to.
Because now I am picking up all the pieces.
Do you have any idea how long it takes to put a person back together again?

This is a lifetime project.
I have to put it on the backburner.
Otherwise I'll starve to death, because hilariously enough
We live in a place where we must pass the buck,
Like some other things...

Enough. I don't want to last here
I don't want to keep myself in a state of hypocrisy
I haven't had enough time for change
As drastically
As I hoped to have done
I haven't
Had
Fun
In Years
So much sorrow for someone so young.

I feel dumb
Sort of like a dream
Asleep but I can't see
Only hear the random speech
Muffled like I'm in the deep end
Listening up.

I haven't had enough
Yet
But I don't want any more.