I don't know how to feel today
Smothered with questions of why, I'm speechless, I don't know why
It's tearing me up to see that look in your eye
I want to run away from it all,  from you, from me
Not comfortable in my own skin
I hate myself for breaking our beautiful friendship
You gave all and I never could
Now it's been broken in too many pieces
I feel a great loss
I feel my spirit is not at rest
Because our love did not pass the test
Now my best friend is hurting

Why do you still torture me, asking for one more ride
This is the definition of insanity
Look at this mess I'm in, we're a catastrophe

I know we both don't want us to end and our song was different, but now it's over
The damage done, let me go please
We had a good run

I'm sorry I broke your heart as its breaking mine
Today we are both suffering the same heartache
And everything has turned,
This accident has left us confused and wanting
The closeness we had I miss
I don't know what to do or say
I've sweat these emotions out and now I'm dry
Just please make this pain end, don't cry

Forgive me

The air, the warmth, the spaces inbetween,
surrending to your nurturing love in this haven of earth,
We're floating, I'm flying, we're swimming, we're climbing,
But in this cloud with you we drive our own getaway,
We're asking eachother to stay in every adventure hand in hand.
This isn't Kansas Anymore.
From the streets and the lights,
from the drugs to the fights,
Nothing missed, not here in the hills, dark soil, green grass
a beautiful landscape by the mass.
Life is simple, a beauty in itself and what people say is held to a higher thinking, that maybe life CAN be this way and it's not that we're dreaming.
I'm not in kansas anymore...
You stole me away with your first smile, since then our magic carpet has led us here, what's next?

In hiding I bare
Addiction has brought me their.
It's snare is dark,
The devil so inviting,
Whispering, "I need it"
The trick is he's lying.
Just a swallow,
Feel my burn,
As life ticks death in turn.

You **** my sweat and tears,
All you require is to ****** my life by years.
You bleed me dry,
Nothing I can reach, not this high.
I must admit I've given up this try.
It circles, it toils and deeper it groans.
It smothers my mouth and I hold my breath.
Nurtured I am not.
The snake bites at last.
Last round, but I know I'm lying.
It's almost a welcoming darkness,
Playing a fools game, slowly if not quickly I am dying.

The game is a slippery ***** with nothing left to loose but my life.
For my kids sake I try,
But this has left me behind.
One foot forward,
Two steps back.
Enough hope to live right now,
But my actions cry,
Death is calling.
That's why my last words I pray.

Sweet kisses knock on my door.
Tears are dry not like before.
I swim in this water of catastrophe.
Every decision stolen from me.
I'm exhausted from this demon that haunts me.
This whisper that was me before it claimed a grin of tragedy,
Always reminding me.
So today I drown this liquor, or it drowns me.
My ending decided without a word from me.
But addiction didn't smother quietly.
At the end of today my addiction has an audience of an addict and my words are tried but true.
That's why I'm writing you.

I wasn't supposed to say what you did,
I was supposed to let you walk on me
because that's what you made me feel I deserved,
to put you above myself.
Truth be told what you did was wrong,
you toiled with me to bring my guard down,
I was unnerved by your song.

You hurt me,
I didn't see it coming as I was hypnotized by your melody.
Telling myself I expected nothing,
but I gave everything.
Why the game?
Why pretend that my feelings shouldn't exist
when your actions are the shame.

You lifted me up high
so my fall was so much deeper.
You romanced me and made me feel like I was a keeper.
You ignored your own song
and mistook my love for weakness,
now you know I'm strong and your song echos cruelness.

Truth be told the trick is over,
I won't fall again, my voice is bolder.

Sometimes there are just no words,
to describe that empty place that we feel inside,
that place we go when we want to hide.
It's when we feel a great loss,
a pain we cannot place,
or maybe a memory we'd rather erase.
The impulse of deprivation,
followed by agitation.
An impelling force of sadness
that if only we could describe,
maybe we could navigate some release
allow ourselves to let it go and find some peace.
In this moment I have found no words,
it doesn't mean I don't hurt,
it doesn't mean I'm without regret,
to me,
this place does say,
that without you I feel empty.

A star you were,
A star you are,
A star you shall always be,
Forever in eternity.
I got to know you,
Know you true,
Accept the good with the bad,
Because that was you.
Forever a piece of you shall remain with me, because you were my Grandmother and shall always be.
(Dedicated to Star Horne)

Music blaring loud as I throw myself in rhythm with the crowd
my blurred senses starting to spin as the heat of intoxication starts to win
The constant sound, a warm buzz to lift away
the grudge that was today.
In this moment I surrender to the flow and let my thoughts of fear drift from me
dripping of perspiration I keep dancing not worrying about the destination.
Moving on impulse in this moment I am infinite.
Can't help but smile to myself as I feel the cluster of people enclose,
yet all the same distant.
Every move an interpretation
of effortless freedom of expression.
I here the music and know this is my song
as I allow the night to carry me on.