Why do I do this?
My regret is burning like the sun.

I awoke to a cluster of thoughts about last night
the things I do, the things I've done, oh I just might
memories I fight.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, always sorry
always regret, but not the day we met
I drank too much, I talked too much and scared you away
always running, why can't you stay?

Full of questions about this puzzle called life
wonder why I try, wonder why my strife.

Well, I've done it again.
Shouldn't have stopped the battle, but it's not something I can win
before I do it again
tires turning in the sand, same tune, but different band

My heart will always care, because you're the reason,
but you're always moving...You've missed the season.
A leap of faith to have found another kindred soul,
a fragrance of fun when you offered your hand...
We explored each other, but all too fast...
and now as your song should linger, it's only apart of my past.
My heart will always care, because you're the reason,
but you're always moving...You've missed the season.
That's not today, because I'm letting you go.
Admit, we were...
but the sand has fallen in our hourglass,
you never allowed enough hours to pass.
The water that fell through my fingertips,
looking for a day that I wouldn't miss,
love's fairytale from my lips...
We were almost it,
deep breath and no looking back, I'm letting you go.

I feel like covering myself in paint,
always falling for the ones who's colors' faint.
Something about how my canvas attracts the polish of your brush,
at first stroke you offer blue, a fresh coat of something new.
We dance in red, nothing needing to be said.
Pretending that you're different and you care,
submitting my canvas use, I'm the cause of my own abuse.
Eventually the strokes of blush stop, a masterpiece I have discovered not.
So many hopes that these colors will be true,
but again my tears dye blue.
I watch shadows come and go,
I watch time pass through my window glass.
I say hello and goodbye with the same lipstick,
I barely had it, how can I miss it?
Maybe if my canvas was stronger and the fabric harder,
The paint would stick a little longer.
I felt the rain tonight and now my colors' bleeding,
I tell myself it wasn't because you were leaving.
The water drips so quietly,
I ask myself, why me?
I slit the canvas with care,
as if you were behind it...
but honestly, you were never their.

Coffee?
Layout today's passage,
adding creamer with sugar.
Flavor, warmer and smoother.
Expression updated, caffeine included.
Coffee for thought...

The difference is me...
The scars scraped in my memory...

You broke the spell I called life with our first stolen kiss,
taking me by surprise with passion I fell into you, let go of what I thought was right,
to surrender to the colors of the night.

At first we cruised down the highway of secret discovery,
denying the truth by creating our own reality.
Your touch evoked a new harmony,
I surrendered to your desire as it swallowed me.

Drifting in our world, denying the earthquake giving around us,
allowing our indulgence of loves wine, enjoying our spree.
Forgetting the warm burn that followed as we drank each-other in,
never knowing this would end.

I lost and gave everything just to be near you.
Habits and responsibility that had formed my destiny, with you left me.
When did it all go wrong?
Once you had me I became your possession,
no longer an obsession.

I still remember the first time you struck me.
It was a sharp pain that threw my balance off of trust and security.
I trusted you, telling myself at least it wasn't infidelity.
When did your gaze forget me?
With no regret, you watched my tears flow fluently.

Sure, you were always sorry with empty promises of change,
when did your love smother my breath away, leaving this cage?
I was addicted to our poetic cycle.
Always with a passionate revenge you were quick to comfort me and make amends.

I was going to leave you once, but you cut yourself to prove your loyalty.
Played on my love for you,
threatened your life to bring me back to our violent sea.
Our last fight left me more than broken, but empty.

Thought the cuffs would fall by morning like before, but you were ****** into the system of past wrongs affliction.
Now I've picked up the pieces and I'm not the same person,
never will I deny, we did love, but it was a toxic addiction.

I'm writing you to say...

Time has taken you away and I can't hold on to who we were.
We were loves catastrophe,
the difference is me.

Under your persuasion...
I awoke this morning not wanting to awake,
because then the fog of agitation began.
What a crazy, fun, and pervasive ray your light shed in the shadow of my disarray.
How precipitously you undressed me with what could have been your honesty.
Maybe it was the guidance of your smile,
or your manner when you asked me to dance.
Something almost surreal and effortless about you unhinged my walls and thwarted my ambition.
A flower on the wall, you noticed me.
Time was of no essence on this unbalanced wave,
only a tremor of reflection.
Every note defined in your melody,
couldn't help but carry me.
Your eyes a mirror of affection.
Left a soft sting of wanting to know you more, but now you've disappeared.
Your revenant scent left behind on my pillows.
Afraid to move as the color of that night might bleed away.
The air of reality waking my consciousness over will.
Your memory left only an alternate advocate of pleasant distraction.
Almost compulsively I sit up and search for shadows you may have left behind,
accepting my perdition I dress and prepare for the daily grind.
Thank you for your mark against the gray,
words I never had the chance to say.
Under your persuasion of romantic disposition,
I was lost in you and forgot to wonder the meaning of your intention.

Another?
Who is this stranger inside of me,
with every drop and swallow a little bit more of her I see.
She is bold and ******, not like me.
She smiles, laughs and always has company.
Confident and flirtatious in every move,
her words pour softly in something of a melody.

She's alluring and bold, but only in the right moments,
She's funny and sarcastic, but she'll slip away quickly if I...
So, I pour another round.
There she is again, a little warmer now.
Oh, this stranger, if only I could be.
When I'm not with her, I am shy and stumble on my words,
nervous and cautious...
another.

What was I saying?
Oh stranger! How are you so?
Can you give me your secret, oh how you glow!

Finally,
unfortunately,
this stranger has exhausted me.
But I know if I sleep when I awake this stranger will be gone.
She always leaves after the darkness enfolds and I'm left empty with hardly any memory.

I know it's a dangerous game I play, for I've lost many times over and even many day.
I'm addicted to this stranger, but I try to keep her a secret.
Everyone who knows, wants me to beat it.
What a mess her and I have made, but I can't stop this charade.


Another.
Now she must go as I can't control this darkness sweeping me over,
the darkness I must bare.
I've visited here before,
now it's not fun anymore and the consequence unfair.
But the next chance I get, I'll pick up a glass and meet her again.
Why must it be a battle, if this stranger is a part of me, I'll never win.