and to think i would never break my own heart.

You leave me gasping for air, gripping at the teathered ropes that lead behind you.
I fell into your trap just as you wanted me to.
I fell for you and into your love.
Your air restricting love.
But its all worth it for you my dear

sometimes i wonder if you ever loved me, because if you did you wouldnt have left me so easily

i hope she slow dances with you, in the kitchen to the humming of the air conditioning
i hope she kisses you, with passion ran deep within her veins
i hope she sings to you, with angels in her voice and a sweet hum in her throat
i hope she loves you, with all she has

like you used to let me

i have peices of you stained on me.
like rings on a wooden table
like coffee spills on white t-shirts.
youre stained on my skin, never to be washed away
never to leave.
maybe thats why im hung up on you

im searching for you
in the clouds
in the streets
in the breeze.
searching for a hand,
a laugh,
a whisper,
a song.
but youll only sing for her

youll pull me along, through the dust, the heat, the cold, through the world
and no matter the pain, the blood spilling down my arms
the rope burns across my fingers
ill hold on.
ill always hold on

oceans wash over me.
obliterating my sin,
purifying my soul,
making me clean.
they wash over me coming
one after the
other
after the
other.
washing away their hands,
their smile,
their voice.
washing away the peices of me that once belonged to them.
these oceans of mine will simply wash me away

the sun failed to shine that day.
the ruby red roses failed to bloom
the sun failed to cast dancing shadows upon the streets
the clouds deteriorated into nothingness.
everything changed the day you left me.
and the sun still fails to shine upon my tear stricken face
abandoning the lit up the memories stored away
of simple me.

till death do us part.





i guess it wasn’t  death that could undo us.

you watched me cry one day,
without realizing the pain in my eyes.
although you looked into them
you saw right through me.

this place will always reside.
this place of love shown in
scrolls down the beach,
feral cats on my brothers street,
hugs when we first meet,
tear stains on my sheets.
this place will always be here,
just come back home and we can nurture it together

yet ill continue to spill my reservoir of love for you.
ill dump it in your darkest places,
spill it in your brightest
ill make heeping piles of hearts, broken and mended.
all for you.

my hearts yours forever and always.
my love resides in your hands.
my heart will continue to beat for you.
and i’ll wait until your heart comes back home

i need a hug
the embrace of ones strong arms
the caress of ones gentle hands
the lock of ones shoulders around me
before i crumble upon your floor
into a puddle of nothingness
i need a hug, just one

mama, you know im not built for this world
i cant stand the way people talk
the way they sweat
the way their jaws pop.
mama, you know im not ready for this
yet you push me harder
you laugh at my tears
you push on my buttons
mama, i dont think i can do this
but you keep pushing me
why?

youre drifiting
through a timeline in space, dotting the lines with your love for me, for him, for them, for her.
youre drifiting
leaving remnants of your lovers fingerprints within you
youre drifting,
just promise me you wont leave me stranded in the stars

she only writes when you ask her to.
thats how i know the ink she bleeds is for you.
i cant help but think about her words in a longing way
i wish i could write about you the way she does
maybe her love for you is somehow stronger than mine
who knows
she always confused me anyway

i wish to live forever
to live in the damp earth  
to live within the hearts of the ones i love
to live within his head.
yet i will only live for a small while,
just for a small while

i want to be ripped to pieces
shredded to oblivion
by your love.
love me dangerously,
slash my lungs
poke out my eyes
break my bones.
love me poisonously.

empty thoughts, filled with empty words
floating around the abyss that is my head
yet they all make sense to me,
why not anyone else

words get stuck in my throat
like fire waiting to be splashed out
this fire that roars within me
seeps out into my words, puts a sour hit on the tip of my tongue
this fire that rages within me
that sadly wont go out

i stand in the bustling enviroment.
surrounded by people whoes stroies ive never heard,
never will hear.
rolling wheels and harsh voices fill the filtered air.
hushing mothers, and their crying children.
i stand in an airport, surrounded by crowds ive never known.
wishing to hear a simple story, a little tale.
to know the place i stand

i long to feel you.
not sexually, but i long to feel your chest rise and fall aganist my back
i long to feel your eyes captivate mine
i long to feel your hands grasp mine
i long for you in the most innocent of ways
i long for the late night talks
and the drowsy kisses
i long for the way you say my name in the morning
i long for you, the way you long for me.

you.
are.
enough.

my head is pounding sorrowful rythems in the back of my head.
my heart is knocking against my ribs.
my blood is clotting in my veins.
i can feel myself dying.
but ill keep it inside

we used to fight over who loved the other more,
i guess theres one fight i did win.

the blade sat,
buried in her moon white skin.
rivers ran, gushing their flow down the cracks and imperfections in her arms.
she sat,
the blade buried into her and with a sigh she said
"ill see you soon my love"

im not gonna do what you think im gonna do.
im not gonna say what you think im gonna say.
im not gonna yell like you think im gonna yell.
im gonna stay,
and say to you
ill always love you

i hope to one day spend the cold and empty nights in the fullness of your arms.
i hope to look you in the eyes and declare my undying love to you.
i hope to one day shift through the sands of time letting you look at every individual grain.
i hope to love you until the everdying enternity.
i hope to be yours forever.

i fall apart.
into tear soaked pieces on the bathroom floor.
cold and trembling.
i fall apart.
in your arms.
warm and safe.
but either way i fall apart

you already know my words before i speak.
you already know my heart feels weak without you.
you already know me.
just by looking me in the eye.
and it’s beautiful

i love you.
and all your broken parts,
all your missing pieces.
i love you for you.
so please let me heal you

the feeling i get when i look at you, is so overwhelming i fail to describe it. but in this poem my love, i will try.
just for you.

my dear, youre soft like summer rain.
your heart patters again the cage that is your ribs.
knock knock knocking for the right one to find you and mend your broken pieces.
my darling, youre peaceful like the ocean.
your arms hug every inch of me.
blooming flowers against my moonlit skin.
my love, youre gentle time springs wind.
your voice blows beautifully crafted cords into my ears.
drifting angels voices into my head.
my sweetheart, your comforting like the trees.
your smile brings me home each night.
allowing my heart to jump into the arms of yours.
my love the words i wish i could write to you fail me.
but i promise to one day put them all together.
just for you.

all i know,
your heart is mended with mine.
your dna resides in the bottom of my stomach.
youre mine.
and all i know,
im yours.

as i smell the crystal snow laid in lines across my bathroom counter, i cant help but remember you.
its as if the toxic fumes filling my head are full of your laundry detergent, letting you ever so lightly lay your hand on my shoulder.
telling me youre here, as i hug this straw in my hands. the way i wish i hugged you.