It's funny how I wake up
Feeling nothing of what I'd felt before
It's like a different person
I'm sorry

I sing
and
sing
and
sing
and
sing

hoping that maybe I'll sing it all away
sing the pain away
sing.......
because that's all a wounded bird can do

There goes
the last string
I trusted not to snap

There goes
the last string
I trusted

All the other strings
are mended
taped
flimsy

Can I trust
strings again?

Such unreliable things strings are
how silly of I to think
the string wouldn't snap on me
Of course it did
you stupid gullible girl

It snapped and rebounded
stinging your fingers

ouch.

Some people break bones
and still smile

Some people get cuts
and brush it off

I am not those people
I get paper cuts
And whine like my finger just got amputated

I am like a nectarine, I bruise easily
I'm different.
But don't shelter me, I need to grow up
Grow out of this weak and soft shell

It is looked down upon
to be a nectarine
and thus, the cardboard needs to be cut
yet again

Because bubble wrap
doesn't solve things
one day,
all the bubbles would pop

what happens then?

these words are not apologetic;
they don't believe in lying
since words are merely tools
to flavor our blatant insincerity

these pens are not for writing;
rather, they are used for dismantling
the nib from the tube of color
to be sliced up into confetti by knives—
where the ink spills like dark blood

these poems are not for reading;
but for recording your feelings in
riddles that no one else but you can
understand, and relate to—
words coded in more words,
or in between lines with the invisible
ink of the mind and memory

these paragraphs are not sarcastic;
more of subtle reminders to you that
perhaps you should have cared
about me a little bit more than the
dust collecting on the top shelves of
your forgotten library,
while your pocket empties itself
on new volumes of books with
repetitive story plots, my own
diminishing in the sea of your curiosity

- - -

I got kicked.
Like a dog being called to obedience

I got stabbed
By my own hand

My fault
My fault my heart got broken again

Abra cadabra.
You played a trick on me.
Disappeared without a trace.

Was I not worth the warning?
Was I just *not worth it for you anymore?

You used me.
Like a toy on a shelf
you only paid attention to
when you were bored.
when it was convenient.
when you had nothing else to spend your time on.

I let you right in,
left the door wide open for you,
yet all you did was rob me
and leave.

If you think I'm going to
put up with you forever
I can't
My patience isn't unlimited
and you used it right up.
I've grown tired of the chase.
I'm done.

It's time I perform a disappearing act of my own.

little girl, little girl, why do you cry?
you're only three; it shouldn't be hard
mommy & daddy just need a break
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where's your smile?
you're nine years old; you should be
happy & enjoying childhood
mommy & new daddy are just having another disagreement
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you hide?
you're ten years old; you shouldn't be afraid of him
new daddy is just grabbing a drink
he wont hurt you when he's sober
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you run?
you're eleven, you should stand up for yourself
new daddy didn't mean to hit you or your mom, it was just an accident
& daddy didn't mean to ruin your life
it just seemed to happen after
he took you away forever
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you speak?
you're twelve years old; you should have a say about who you are
daddy & new mommy are just
"disciplining you", don't take the insults personal, darling
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you understand?
you're thirteen; you should be a big girl now
big brother is only doing what's best
for him & mom
you'll be okay on your own
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you harm?
you're fourteen; you should be strong
daddy & new mommy are just angry
& having a bad day today
they didn't mean it when they called
you worthless, did they?
don't be mad at mommy for what happened when she was with
new daddy
if she didn't abort the baby
you & her wouldn't be here right now
your little brother or sister
wasn't allowed to grow
but maybe she did what was right
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where did you go?        
you're fifteen; stop being so pitiful
words don't hurt, right?
that's what everyone said, right?
how new are your scars, darling?
you must feel terrible
now that your parents know
you're good at hiding the pain
almost too good
thoughts of suicide & scars of
self-harm; you're one of a kind
why did you try to leave?
why are so you depressed?
why are you always asleep?
little girl, are you even listening?
don't worry, the worst has passed

you're already lost.
a.c.

One day you would realise
That special fizz died

You waited and waited
But it just didn't seem to
Come back

You waited and waited
Till your tears dried up
It just didn't come back

You waited and waited
Only to find out
That fizz relighted somewhere else
And it's never coming back