my heavy head sinks below
fallen from grace
in rivets and morgue, we're mad, nothing more
this collection of cuttings
as old as the skyline
melted together in pine of refinement
pull me out of the gutter
we'll kick you back down

today wandering streets
I'm just as drunk as the guy who can't stand on his feet
they're casting a spell
I can feel it now, oh, how wonderful
I can still feel it now
electrify my life, darling wrote me a song
these lanterns light fires that summon me nearer
cast out, not a chance
lifted spirits in her witch dance
all those beads on the ground
beckon touch from afar

you're my merry morgue
housing death in your walls
saving Heaven for the demons desiring Hell
red as an apple
white as a ghost
clear as the night moon's reflection on her face

ritual, master, come set your slave free
believe in a burden
believing in me
your grave is reserved
for the day that you'll keel
killed in jealousy and madness
sweet treat for us all
there's no light in dark corners
for your leisurely read
the hearty black aria swims fully ablaze

your heart bleeds for me
your eyes drunk with lust
carry a deadening heartache
on the back of your craft -

I'd like not to see you for days at a time
I can't help my attention to frivolous games
Move away from me now, and pray you'll be fine
You know not of my tedious gatherings
Sense the darkness that leaks from my heart
Feel the anger that pours from my lips
Isn't this the dream you have dreamt of?
Is this not all you have learned to miss?
A few months, at most, and then we shall see
If a man so uncertain can live under thee

he loved the deeper parts of her small broken soul

gutting old women and feeding the homeless
stepping in flies to feel the disgust
scalping a man and without second thought,
she devoured his skin and with the money she bought
a considerable amount of paint to be used
on her town, to cover the crimes and abuse

Today woke me up without my consent
How dreadful is a day over the day before?
How tedious are my thoughts?
My love clutters the lives of the simple
Boys in foreign homes,
And they wish they could unsee me at all.
The travels of man do not matter,
So long as they unravel golden dreams.
A dream made of gold,
Too far out of reach.
My hopes live in the sky.
My heart underground.

guilt leaks from my eyes
and I am veiled with blame
for good reason, to hell with my name.
let me wither
in your violet shadow
[ kept company by beautiful darkness,
and clothed in the whitest of white. ]
you've stolen my arms,
you've left me unarmed
and still you will fire away
[all of the gems in this world and regret
could never repay all my debt.]

Today you slept in my bed for an hour.
When I tried to join you, you told me to leave you alone.

And the sun went cold,
The day you left me alive.

How could you not take me with you?

How could you leave me to fight this alone?

How selfish an act,
To welcome death alone,
In secret.

delicate words, I am
ending something good
spending more time alone, and
prolonging an illness just because.
even the pain makes me feel alive
roaring flames
alienation
treat a good man with hostility
eloquence at its finest.

getting higher than I wanted to
seeing spotlights when I look at you
Today isn't fair, it just isn't fair.
Burned to the bone like I'm working in Nassau
and I'm cold and alone,
dancing with all the lights off.
I'm sick and the day's delusions replay
and I can't remember the second half of today.
As I wander, I miss you - it's never been this bad -
even at sunset, no, it's never been this bad.
And what a privilege it is, to be lively and free,
[ where friends are falling like apples from a tree ]
where each complaint doesn't take them aback,
and a drunk rant makes the whole table laugh.
come to me, darling, for now I can speak!
a hello, I love you, we're sound off to sleep!
Please enter the night, together we'll become thieves.
We'll steal all the joy from this world,
and make our home where the bad people go.
Forever in misery, our eternity rest.
There's not a place in the world that can capture my heart so **** fast.

I'm not as good as they say I am.
Just a mop top **** with no direction.
I'm not as selfless as I want to be,
consistently giving in and giving up.
Stand your ground, show them you're strong.
Then go and disappoint yourself.
Help up like a rat, where you always belonged,
because there's no group central enough,
no friend generous enough,
no mother caring enough or boy even willing to try.
My isolation is a defense from the drama,
from the empty conversations and recurring embarrassments.
Like a clock, my hands have been broken,
worn from unfinished paintings,
and poems I don't have the courage to end.
I'm not as creative as they say that I am,
unable to fulfill requests as they come,
and I run from opportunity like it'll **** me.
A pretty face with a pretty sweet talk,
but I'll fool you like you've never been fooled before.
I'll show you things you have never seen,
like unjustified morals and an unwillingness to fight.
[ I'll show you a home for the most passionate desires,
with all it's doors locked so they can never escape. ]
And I'll stick around
for the hopeless dream that someday I may find somebody who cares half as much as I do.
I'm weak, I am afraid of pain,
Afraid of acting too much like myself.

Fire can burn holes in bad things,
sending a taste of redemption
and sparking up guilt.

This fire burns a hole in you,
but you're the best thing I have ever known.

It's alright if you want to
Steal my future away
Rummage through my past
And pick the garbage away.
I'll say it's okay
for a good brain to rot bad
Because the heart is alive
My big heart pumps red.

I heard you call me your princess when you thought I was sound asleep.

let's lay down in disgust
and temporarily comfort each other's doubts
you can play with my hair,
and I'll tell you of this week's misfortunes.
[we can forget the city outside
and hide behind darkened blinds]
as the dragging day turns to night -
masking our sins to shield us from suffering.

Together in sanity.

Perceived attraction.

There is no winner in the game of echoing disappointment.

she'll die without warning
withered violets in her hair
telling the story of tomorrow.

and she has been twirling eternity
for quite some time now
be aware of the eventual demise.

you're a window to the future
[you're the center of loneliness]
an imperfect depiction of a happy man
awaiting death like a match.

love that cuts through layers of evil
breaking the barriers of pain
recalling a past invented by me
it never happened, readjust! readjust!
bring your brain back and unfold!
I'm simply a reincarnation
of a woman of delicate prose
from years ago, she whispers
through voices that tangle my head
"honey, what can you do?"
you are not meant to be here!

I gave up on comfort to be with you
you could say I just wanted
to be part of your world for a day
or a lifetime, if I'm honest
if it were us on that train,
would you look at me the same?
if it were me at that place,
would you still notice my tired face?
would you love me as much,
if I told you what I believe
about life, about death, and what's in between?
I think I'm asleep - think this day is a dream.
as long as I'm here, lucid and lifeless,
there are no burdens to bear
I have no soul to impress
and no one to lay my affections upon.

a momentary reflection of a rainbow on the wall -
I'll get high in the morning -
[ as the night hides under daylight ]
and the stars fall (down) to earth
- filling the eyes of the helpless
- making their home in the eyes of the helpless
as the city awakens for another day

body above the clouds
I'm just passing you by
and my life is a collection of memories -
wander with me through these lifeless streets
the myth of tomorrow beckons us.
if only the roads never ended
and the music went on forever
only then can we say we're in love,
only then can we be sure.
I won't let this brain rot
and fill it with mindless thoughts -
is it too much to ask for everything you've got?

help, this man is oppressing me!
reducing me to a liver-lobe!
love me, a lobe,
like you've loved your own home.
and retract all your selfish impulses!

oh, hopeless irritation,
comfort the soles of these long-burdened feet
and ****** me in the way of a grown!

mind of an eagle, heart of a rat
confine me and wreck me in the midst of your wrath!
one early bird morning, I lightened the load
I gravitate to the older, the bold...

men ripened with time,
stole the youth from his eyes,
allow me to bring you back down...

all bruised up but I love how it looks
reminds me! rebukes me!
a shattered childhood home that consumed me!

and all along I was searching
for a dampened fantasy,
a boy you cannot dream up -
I'm clenching inside 'cause of arrogant eyes!
I'm surprised, oh,
I am so pleasantly surprised.

how would you feel,
if I brought a girl home,
a talented, young, and beautiful lady
with vicious departments and plain suffocation?
she plays the fiddle,
the fiddle plays her,
cries of discomfort muffled by dreams.

the thing that carries the children through days -
are these deadbeat and techno lovey dance tunes,
they fill painful hours of deprecating division!

help a woman!
help a needer!
fend off the crazy,
come to save the block!

I'll prepare for destruction
a semi-mutual destruction
a love worth a dollar, but that's more than I have!

alternative controls, let's delete this black hole.
let's consider confinement in this earth that we stole.

and firetrucks keep passing us,
eager to fade
fade into danger! I will keep you warm.
warm like a fire,

a blazing house fire.

he pointed out my shortcomings
saying he could sense the darkness inside of me
a woman whose life was full of shine and warm welcomes
with a family of noticeable care and support
her mind was preoccupied with dreams and desires
of creating something, something lasting and true
like a family of four
or a cozy home with a wrap-around porch
of a man with stable goals and concrete intentions
maybe she was too blind to achieve it.
he told me he knew me at heart
but I was afraid of being too open and honest
hoping to shield the world from my confusing observations and unjustified beliefs
she was the pretty girl, the one who everyone loved
and then the dreams darkened their colors
my brain got polluted with grueling ideas

gutting old women and feeding the homeless
stepping in flies to feel the disgust
scalping a man and without second thought,
she devoured his skin and with the money she bought
a considerable amount of paint to be used
on her town, to cover the crimes and abuse

and her family all left her, and life was a slate
my body was opened and laid on display
I began to sense the darkness inside me
and I pushed it to the bottom of the bowl
underneath the self-centered behaviors and opinions I know are not true
but I don't know what I believe, and I have no desire
to dig deeper, to find myself, to know my real wants or reasons for trying
she sits on the surface and underplays individuality
overplaying romance and romanticizing pain
don't let the darkness seep through your pale skin
don't let the hurt soak into your blood because it will taint your beloved purity
he loved the deeper parts of her small broken soul
he gave her the future, the house and the home
I don't know
who I need to be
to fulfill the ache that consumes me
to give him all that he needs
in a lover, a friend, a tempting woman with complicated reflections
on daily things that happen to me.
I'm here for free, but she's taking over me,
designing habits that I never could foresee
...

I have an urge to let tears soak into my face
I have this strange feeling
Within my weak bones
I'm loved, but somehow
The world pushes against me
I'll fall asleep early,        Forget You.

I have an urge to throw up, post-dinner face
Alone, not a bathroom
Your Hollywood ransom

My connection to the world below
Is less than slightly sufficient

Oh, the things I would do not to feel!

The lengths I would go to release
The weight on my heels
Unveil your pretty glow . . .

it's unhealthy to write
to write, then I'll know
look into my eyes, or past them
I won't notice your distraction
call me with another girl in bed
call me from her room where you lay
I'll act oblivious, it's obvious
and all my trust that is betrayed
believe me when I tell you I'm over
          When I Say It's In The Past
it's past, I'm over
but to write, and to know when you're sober
... am I?
the clock says it's early
but I think I'll sleep away
a room over, this apology is pretend
I love you and I need to come home.
I'm loving the camera, obsessed with a phone
          Chained To A Memory
******* to a bad dream
I'll leave them all behind
for one more second with you

can we stay while I articulate
and sleep under the sun
a brand new house to start again
ashamed and full of dread
I'm counting down the days

wishing my life away

you've abandoned your brain for a good time

too sweet for me
you're the ache in my teeth

I always seem to go back to the same songs
I always fall asleep in someone else's bed
tell me something of substance
to make up for this meaning-stripped world

my time is spent in funny ways
my love is spent on solemn Tuesdays
switch my ring, your words still sting
and I'm left to my own devices

you're a color I've never seen before
an act I cannot distinguish
though my love is spent in funny ways
your heart can never hold all of my rage

because what am I to do,
when I wake up with a headache and intent to enjoy
and it's evident in a heartbeat

my violets are withering
my eyes are glazing over
over, begin, what are we to do?

our heat is rising above us
when I was taken to heaven in a mini van
maybe I feel like reliving,
maybe I want to relive
an afternoon with a bad man

wake me up when it's over
wake me up when he's gone
the day is too real to sleep

the urge to give in comes easy

tip your hat, hail a cab
a new destination for you to take me
take my mind, this body's a shell
I can't seem to burden you with a simple farewell

which night out would best suppress
the draining, helpless, high unrest?
your word beckons a solemn walk
up to your damning throne.

give the girl the last of you
the hardships that they've put you through
for today's the bitter end
to an endless raining sky.

my heart beats like hurried footsteps
upon a chest of grief,
but when they follow you around
and scurry through your hollow traps.

I know I am acting strange
but you asked for all of me
So here I am, in dirt and grit
Do with me what you will
Fulfillment's overrated
and now I'm seeing stars
Disoriented on a train track
I'm working myself to the bone
a war I've already won
Though they see me as weak,
I could do this for hours . . .
I'll staple your notes to the ceiling
Just to fall asleep to you
I'm stealing satisfaction
as you steal your parent's car
for a stolen moment with me
We'll sink too deeply, I don't know why
I'm still so inclined
to leave family behind
Because if you ask me,
Your love is all blind
I laugh when they say bind
No matter what, you'll be forever for me

If I happen to die
Would you remember
the numbers written
On my wrist each night?
When you look at the sky,
do you see what you saw
Before me?

I'm no better
than the girls in the spotlight
Felt older, fell harder
Depicted demise
and I'm tired of listening
to the mindless small talk
With which I cannot engage
For the sake of my sanity.

I'm no less
than the women who pine
Drunk off of one small glass of red wine
When you look, do you see
What I want you to see?

I wish I could say
I wasn't obsessed
but my life is too old to be mine
wither and worn, each day feels
like I've already lived it
years and years ago

this body of mine
like a shell made of wire
a sheet of remiss
over indifferent bliss

I can notice the blood
running from his lips
he was biting his tongue
for the silent dismiss

he stares at me like a nest on a branch
a rarity of the natural world
creatures of anticipation
speaks to me like a spirit through a vent
with a voice so tender, I've come to resent
the aching in my back
for the restless intent

[In sickness you abandoned me,
in health my body had failed] - closing song?

took a happy soul and darkened her
for an empty promise of fulfillment
for one fabulous future

I need more control
never really saying no,
other women are shorting me
of time to be spent with you.
uncommon dread
starts filling my head
you're the only thing that matters in the end

There's a riff that rips at the seams of my memories

Can you hurt yourself to remember

the heaven we gave up on?

Flying high with eyes of green

King of the underground music scene

And me, in the woodwork

Desperate for a darker fix

A flawless fuse, but our love has been shorted.

Holy hallways and locked bedroom doors
Fallen into a smoke, an aroma of sin
Stand tall, wondrous teacher
Don't reveal us to God.

The temptations we succumb to
Would most under-impress.
Broken glass, I'm stuck in a mask
So desperate to breathe
So hopeful to leave
This damning place, I'm a sinner
Among pews filled with saints
A heart draped into dark seas
With no hopes of being restored

Who, then, is my Lord?
Who am I, at my core?

I can't bear to leave you tonight
I may fall ill of the loneliness instilled
In my heart each time we must painfully part
Morning regret, mourning
I have waited, I've cried, I've so hopelessly tried to find you
Listening to the same songs
Until we become consciously insane
And clinically deranged

Black merlot, how you're sinking so low
a star-shaken sunrise, and a dead moon's goodbye.

My sweet fallen angel, with eyes like red berries.

Bury me in your darkness,
clothe me in warm satin sheets.

Your soft cherry cheek-press and evil's temptations.

I had not a choice,
this life is not mine.

Light of weight, glass almost half-full of wine.

A guiding fire,
the brilliance through the trees.

Summon slow, ghostly show . . .

Oh, how you've possessed me, my little merlot.