fingerprints on copper tin
your petals peek way from within
your walls, and I'm alive to hear
about your day
and all the different dimensions
of the man with whom you chose to stay

like a little sunflower,
I'm facing you, and all
of your distractions, and the simple
loveliness that stems from your darkest depths,
I know something you don't

I t I s o k a y . e v e r y t h I n g y o u l o v e I s s t I l l t h e r e . I t w o n ' t g o a n y w h e r e . y o u a r e j u s t o n a b r e a k r I g h t n o w . t h I s I s n o t t h e r e a l w o r l d . t h I s c a n ' t b e r e a l . o n l y a t e m p o r a r y s I m u l a t I o n t h a t y o u ' v e b e e n m a n I p u l a t e d I n t o v o l u n t e e r I n g f o r . y o u s t I l l h a v e y o u r p e o p l e . e v e r y o n e y o u g r e w u p w I t h . t h e r e ' s g o t t o b e p e o p l e o u t t h e r e w h o w a n t t o p l a y m u s I c w I t h y o u . s o m e d a y y o u ' l l g o b a c k . I n t o t h e a r m s o f s o m e o n e w h o l o v e s y o u , e q u a l l y , s u r r o u n d e d b y f a m I l I a r a I r . j u s t h a n g I n t h e r e . I t ' s s o c l o s e .

It's no surprise,
I liked life better with you,
But what can I wait for?
Let's get together,
We can form a chain.
To bind, to instrument-alize my eyes.
We can talk philosophy in dark caves,
    tinker ... tinkering ... tinkering away at my soul.
And still, I romanticize the darker moments.
What changed?
The freedom to hurt myself.
The freedom to fix myself.
And you don't know that you've reached that point,
Until you are there.
Seeing you.
Senses awakened, I found my way back home.
The only man who could ever impress me.
I'll get high and decide that this desolate life only breaks and forms bruises on innocent thighs,
Why am I in a wasteland?
Can't you hear the hummingbird's cry?
Show me all the wounds that you have acquired, every breath stolen from a throat wrapped in strong hands.

Remain what you are.
I'm tangled in your thoughts,
but I'd rather be alive.

I'm functioning on a new level now,
Just look at me now!
I'm never sober anymore,
because sobriety feels like a high.

I am nothing but my sins,
I am nothing but my sins.

I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss.

Swimming in Nostalgia
You let me carry the doll with the disease
I'll treasure her forever
Drive with me, eyes closed, but it's okay
I think we know where we are going
But suddenly I'm washed with a feeling
an instinct t take a short little glance, and when I do, the bears are after us
Run
Away
Drive so slow
Like a deer in the headlights, but darker and larger and faster
They're after us
Ancestors with angers built up
They know what we've done, and they're coming for us
Take me home, before they catch me

I am tainted and worn

Grown dead from the longing

You're like honey, my sweet

I'm so drawn to you

I'll bleed with devotion, and leak from the depths of my heart
I am trying to reach you, I just don't know where to start.

Collapse into me and I'll fall down
Beneath you, so you don't hit the ground.

Eyeballing the past
I can see us, tripping into love
Flowers in my hair
Music in the air
Hunger in your eyes,
We're alive!

Are you high and deprived?
When is the last time you dreamt?
When is the last time you saw me, running towards you, the sky swirling and rain falling in an opposite direction?
Slept in the shadows,
Curtains closed in a secret attempt to escape?

We're on a boat,
Drowning in this rain,
The sun went and hid away,
The waves crash consistently by day,
On this sea, we're alone.

And I would choose to suffer with you
than to be healthy with another.
Immersed in the reality of your decay
so long as I can still be your angel.
My heart isn't here,
my heart is with you.
My mind doesn't think,
my brain spins around you.
And I would choose to be darkened
than to light up with joy in your absence.

I'd lose myself forever, for you
if you would never leave
I'd become broken and bruised
if you'd hold me through it
I'd give up my life
to give you another day
Just one day without conflict
A glimpse of an easy life
I'd give up the rest of my days
for you to experience stable happiness
even without me.

consistent
embarkment
delusional me
oh, delusion
closed up
refined
taken over, taken away
proportions
taken advantage of
believe in the devil
focus
hurt yourself
underground
taken under your wing
I suffocated there
laugh at me
be delusional
with me

does it go on?
days unnumbered
feelings undiscovered
telling me to refrain
refinement is Hell
design and intell-
igent ones with their hands on their guns
a sucker for mental abuse
an ally to the cuts and bruise
purple cloud of sound
frozen moments
heat of the disease
disaster
swallowing pride like a pill
the millions
the unease that accompanies
inner securities
delighted in your fragmented attention
stung
by a swarm of bees
they whisper pleas
goodbyes

I pray that somewhere out there,

someone more powerful than I

loves you more than I possibly could.

I pray that God loves me

more than I love myself

because He knows what I am capable of.

I pray that God will take care of you

because I try,

everyday,

and I don't think that the earthly capabilities

of fragile little me will be enough

to save you from yourself.

So find comfort in the fact that,

even when I am not with you,

someone that loves you stronger, deeper, and completely

is always by your side.

still the tongue of possibility slithers its way
into the corners of my lips, but I remember
how you told me to always stay away
be near me, love deeply
if I blow you a kiss, do not catch it
if I tell you I love you, believe me
run away when our time comes to an end, because
someday you will be happy you fled.

Knowing a little bit about a lot
I'm covered in remains
of dust from stars we had captured
Held tightly to my chest,
just something I cannot let go of.
Can't you recall,
the spirit of adventure,
prevalent
Prevalent
In everything you do
We left the memories behind us
but the light still resonates through you

I won't tell you how the sun shines on my skin in the morning
Or make beautiful exaggerations of the whispers of the wind while I'm walking
I won't pretend that every conversation is poem potential
Because since you, words burn like Hell

The slight rise in my heartbeat when I consider the possibility that there could be some form of hope, somewhere.

The littlest spark of excitement, for which I am grateful, even if only for a moment.

In hearing the calls from above me,

in the light bleeding through the gaps in full trees.

Although I cannot feel it around me,

there's hope in implicit harmonies.

I miss you more than you can imagine
I love you, unconditionally
You are the rock and the ground that I stand on
Without you I know I'll fall down
Please don't give up
Don't call it the end
You are my best friend
I need you through the downfalls
I know I don't know
Much about this life
But I know you
And that is enough for me

I am distracted from sadness,
but it is still there,
always.
I want to be with other people
to take away the physical hurt I feel
from not being with you.
It's a crushing feeling,
feeling you gone.
I don't want it to be like this.
But I also know what I deserve,
and I know you cannot give that to me.
I am not sure that anyone can.
All my life I have been
a hopeless romantic,
always seeing the beautiful sides of things
and ignoring the ugly.
But maybe there's just
too much ugly,
and there's no way I can
avoid or escape it anymore.
I want to be with you,
forever,
even still.
I miss the darkness.
Maybe I am not destined to be happy,
to be satisfied.
I still know that I am meant
to be with you,
and I long for you to be next to me.
I think I should call you.
I think I shouldn't,
I think I will.

in the same way the sky speaks to you,
so the earth gave me these songs to sing to.

I was released from your hold
and at the same second
I longed for the chains
that kept us together
I miss the sweet laughter
the sadness you bring
hidden behind little promise rings
oh, the drag of the day keeps me down
and the pull of the night makes me wish to come home
alone, in the ground
I am living through these puppet eyes

Remember the arguments
I love watching you cry
I've wanted to touch you, oh, I'd never try
Impulse to cause pain, I cannot deny
All these loving chemicals
Recording a slow dive
I bought death at a carnival stand
I cannot wait to die

how do you imagine a non-material reality?

nourishing care

attend to your habits, little one

with metaphorical abundance

it's challenging, even provocative

encounter me, but move past.

we're part of this formless void

so be responsive to me

ex nihilo

I'm tied into you

and the outskirts of this substantial world

radical transcendence

a recount of divinity

DEITY

I am still bound by limitations

am I nonsense,

or just transcending transcendence?

You're stepping on the definite line
That separates the realms of my consciousness

What would it be,
If I had love for me?
I can't ever leave,
I will never flee,
I would never want to.
Although I am not a treasure,
In your eyes or mine
To stay is better than for me to be free . . .

how can I make this . . . untrue ?
telling me to find a new boy . . .
but you were a perfectly good one

Him
Holding back
From you
Somewhere in the shadow of doubt
Is that dream
I keep dreaming
I'm reminded of it
When I wake up
Not obvious
Enough to draw attention
I assume you'll assume
I'm being drawn
Near to you

You
I wish you were here .  .  .
We could show them
The real way to love
But you're held back
By the curious wonderings
Or maybe,
By me
Don't let me break your burden through

Something about the vision
Of us and the way
I knew it was you
Keeps me dragged on,
Keeps me unwell
All must end,
You're dying out,
My dear

no preference in particular
writing A's into E's
slipping past you with ease
please, gentle lover
I said it in jest!
it's hard to digest, I know, I know.
ride the wave of passion
take me past this disease
force me to make use of my time
help me, I'm crumbling
I don't think I can stand anymore
roll the die, let me die
can't handle your radiant eyes
can't deal with your selfish delusion
I was swimming by myself
you were too scared to join me
can I say I told you so?
is that a lie for a virtuous soul?
because good deeds follow goodness
green trees above the bushes

Beautiful and Deliberate
Such a faint little hope
Contrary Things
Taken back to infinity
No One Can Be Happy Unwillingly
Applying punishment for ignorance
Living Carelessly
You're pushing me off the deep end.
Vice Of The Soul
Corruptions Of The Body
Beyond a human being
Is where I lie...
Undaunted.

don't have reasons not to try
go ahead, you left me in the dark
the world's a mystery to me
breathing deeper than my heartbeat
to overcome the weight
that sprung from disappointment
too little, way too late

I am uncomfortable!
I don't want to belittle you! but. . .
(how did she know?)
embrace the loss.
lose yourself.

I miss my life before you hated me.
come together -
lose yourself.
the members of the bohemian grove, theatre babes.
I guess I can't seem to discover...
how can you feel?

radios talk and I listen to you,
your heart sings for her
and I'll hide in the blue
waves of this sound
which I've heard once before
believe me, I'd die, you'll **** me for sure
radios tell me,
oh, how great of a song,
what a melancholy message
you should take it and run
but I can't, not dear radio,
and he sings in dark red.
but I am so blue, and have a cold head
more innocent woman,
she hides the wild side
he sang of stability,
all right.

you told me to never worry
that all the evils in this world would amount to nothing against us
you held my little hand and pulled me down with you, but I felt safe by your side
there's not a chance
I could have foreseen
how great those likes could actually be
because all I forced myself to see
was your goodness behind a fake smile.
I guess, in the end, we're both not to blame
'cause you were just reckless
and I was just me.
If I had to pick someone to throw under the bus, I guess I'd pick me, in place of the both of us.
because you are a bird, and I want you to be
but you sent me to Hell
you tore me to pieces and walked right away
still, I'd love, in your arms, just to stay

I'm working towards numbness
and there's nothing you can do.
Darling, don't you see?
There is nothing you can do.
Nothing to lose.

Their cares are misplaced
and nobody sees it.
How long can I sink,
till I'm nothing at all?

Let's make this a challenge
I'll play this same game.
Wishing my life away
I am wishing my whole life away . . .
Desperate for change
and a new circuit home.
Desperate to change before heart turns to stone.

There's nothing they'll miss,
and no words to stand out.
My dear friend, I've become instant.
A fleeting feeling of well-deserved fame,
gone like a lighter . . .
The fire won't stay.

Secluding myself,
inducing my Hell.
The feeling of touch leaves my hands,
I'm thinking alone,
I'll choose to here stand.
No stories to tell,
and the ends of my skin pull numbness whole through.

There's something in the way you ignore me.
I'm craving a rainbow of thought.
Attention is mildly overrated.
Something tells me I am more sold than bought.

Slowing,
slowing,
your voice kills my soul.
Pretending to listen.

my heavy head sinks below
fallen from grace
in rivets and morgue, we're mad, nothing more
this collection of cuttings
as old as the skyline
melted together in pine of refinement
pull me out of the gutter
we'll kick you back down

today wandering streets
I'm just as drunk as the guy who can't stand on his feet
they're casting a spell
I can feel it now, oh, how wonderful
I can still feel it now
electrify my life, darling wrote me a song
these lanterns light fires that summon me nearer
cast out, not a chance
lifted spirits in her witch dance
all those beads on the ground
beckon touch from afar

you're my merry morgue
housing death in your walls
saving Heaven for the demons desiring Hell
red as an apple
white as a ghost
clear as the night moon's reflection on her face

ritual, master, come set your slave free
believe in a burden
believing in me
your grave is reserved
for the day that you'll keel
killed in jealousy and madness
sweet treat for us all
there's no light in dark corners
for your leisurely read
the hearty black aria swims fully ablaze

your heart bleeds for me
your eyes drunk with lust
carry a deadening heartache
on the back of your craft -

I'd like not to see you for days at a time
I can't help my attention to frivolous games
Move away from me now, and pray you'll be fine
You know not of my tedious gatherings
Sense the darkness that leaks from my heart
Feel the anger that pours from my lips
Isn't this the dream you have dreamt of?
Is this not all you have learned to miss?
A few months, at most, and then we shall see
If a man so uncertain can live under thee