She mostly just hurts when she smiles.

I've only ever seen her laugh... while she is hurting.

She shows no concern for the way things work,

she'd much rather just know that... things are working.


And she hopes and prays for so called better days.

And I think I may have found them if she ever stays.

She mostly just sighs when she cries.

I've only just noticed this and... she might be used to it.


I know it seems like I want everything,

but if you just get close to me,

let me kiss your rosy cheek.

That's all I need.


She never really heard about self worth,

and in the mirror she never knew why she was staring.

She never much said her favorite word,

And her worst fear was nothing, the silence was blaring.


Now she couldn't love a thing again.

Scared to death of dying without him.


She mostly just hurts when she smiles.

I've only ever seen her laugh... while she is hurting.

She shows no concern for the way things work,

she'd always much rather just... know that things are working.


I know it seems like I want everything,

but if you just get close to me,

let me kiss your rosy cheek.

That's all I need.

You fool
Yes I know
That it’s unfair
How lovely it feels
To have another
Human being
Another woman if we’re specific
Another sin
To be pressed against your body
Yes I know that’s what it feels like, you fool
How could I not?

You fool
Yes I know
How sickly wonderful it feels
To capture their lovely lips
They’re kissing soft and gentle lies
That seem so
Perfect
That they must be illegal
Like some sort of unknown treachery
I know that’s what it feels like, you fool
How could I not?

You fool
Yes I know
That it’s unfair
How distortedly gorgeous
All those other women are
Like a **** unlawful drug
Hallucinogenic and hypersensitive
Able to light your senses on fire
With just a taste
I know that’s what it feels like, you fool
How could I not?

You fool
Yes I know
That it’s unfair
I know that’s what it feels like, you fool
How could I not?
I too have
Indulged in that pleasure
And now I lead an
Ever tasteless life because
That pleasure will always be a
Sin

Sickness beware,
I will be there,
Weakness watch out,
I'll be her crutch,
Sadness, oh you,
Can back away,
'Cause I'll keep her from your rain,
Anger, calm down,
I will stay my ground,
Fear, fear me,
dare not come near me,
Forget about failure,
Lose all the lies,
All you demons beware,
For her,
I'll be there.

This is me writing a poem -
or a prose ...
Whatever it seems to be to you-
you know I don't know meters--
I didn't attend lit class like you did.

This is my pen
making love to the paper
with words that won't do as much
if spoken--
I know you don't want to "hear" from me.

This is my paper
having enough space
to write on
probably everything
you wouldn't have time
to spend on
reading.

This is my paper
having a huge space
to write on -
probably as huge as the space
that's been emptied
since you told me
"I miss you,"
and I answered
"No, you don't."

I know I'm making you puke right now.

If I wasn't here, I'd be there
handing you a plastic bag.

If I wasn't here,
it could only mean
I was there --- because if I wasn't here,
it means
I could be with you
as long as I promised...

as long as you wanted.

And as much as you hate cliches,
this is one of them --
because I am just a guy who can't say
to your face
how sorry I am for not being good
at keeping promises.

The good things we feel
make up for all the bad ones.
The pleasure from hugging you goodbye
made up for the feeling of loss.
Your return
will heal the feeling of abandonment.

Our voices will seem different,
because we've changed so much
from the inside out.

I'm sure everyone would want me
to say hello,
they just don't know what I'm doing.

I'm pretty sure writing is a form
of talking to yourself.

Someone spilled a bunch of drinks,
everything is wet.
(I was the only one who noticed).

There are a bunch of dodgy glances
flooding the cafe,
I'm pretty sure it's always like this,
it's just more apparent
because of the current explosion of people.

Being surrounded
is just like being forced
to do something.

I'm not sure what I mean by that though,
so don't bring it up,
ever.

Sometimes we touch each other accidentally,
then it's awkward.
Next time,
I'll say I did it on purpose,
(or be more careful).

wondering what to do:
he broke my focus like a bone.

I wonder who I am,
who I'm becoming,
and how I used to be.

I thought I was just like him
but some lovers don't know how to stop.

I'm learning:

beginnings:
your name [here]
your pen [in my pocket]

endings:
the word God melts like a spoon
in my hands,
my hands? hotter than the flames of hell.
Suicide:
not mine. I  swear [this time].
this time we're talking about you.
I know you got tired of listening to the other things,
but here's me stripping it all away.
I can only hope you can hear me,
because I'm screaming so loud you could be my mother.

My heart is beating faster than these keys and
you are the power behind the beatings. .

I will be recording human interaction
with an open mind and a type writer.
First,
         I'll write it down in pen
         like we used to when we were kids
and didn't have our own computer (yet),
         or using your mothers to play video games
when you were supposed to be doing your homework.
         somehow achieving straight A's just in time for
                                                                                        christmas:
                                                                                         I watched you
shoot yourself in the foot
with talking to me                                                         (under black lights)
with the same: some-don't-understand-me look on your face,
with eyes that scream  
(just like all the others)     "Pity me."                              
                                           "Forget about me."
                                                   "Just hold me one more time
so I can remember what true love feels like."

on another note: is it wrong that I daydream about us robbing banks together?

blackberry blackout.
                                   there's only room for two
                                   inside the better half of what's left.
break downs on blacktops.
                       she held together what she saw falling apart
                       taking pity on the fool.
bringing blades to dinner parties.
       search the medicine cabinets: they're rich.
we're not supposed to be listening
or hearing
or wearing
                  all these secrets in the open
stop
pointing out the stains on my shirt: they don't mean a thing.

As time goes by I will only love you more
and more
(this is a water-based reflection: touch it with both hands, and feet.
  hell, stick your head under and feel yourself sink).
As time goes by
I will only miss you more
            
and more.
       shares: of silly strings
of silly things like... losing your marbles!
right before the most important moment of your (teenage) life.

shape me like you did yourself
                 teach me to read before breakfast
it's your morning, it's your moment
reach for it (you don't have to).

it's easy to get caught in a moment:
so *******.

turning
into
the true face                          of surrender
one more week
                          and I'll be home tomorrow.
I've forgotten what it feels like                    to be held
sleeping in tangles of sounds
                                             like chips crunching
like papers being crumbled and thrown
                 like the fear that erputed when I threw your words away.
whatever's torn is torn
me from you
and flavor.                 No, I have not forgotten your favorite things,
or the way you reach for me in sleep.

temptation. desire. temptation. retire.

look forward: I'm barely standing.

breath caught stomach knot last thought of
last words of what's worth of what.
of what?

I know you hate me. hate me.
"hate me!"

it's a religion to breathe in

her words (like honey in my mouth).
"I cry because I love her." and she cries too.
and he shy's away. and he hides his face.

there are storms on every side of you
and wars in each moment
                                        you ignore them:
in trying to find the light, your burns shown through: with worries about
nothing to start with                   and                            nothing to end with.