We’ve fallen apart,
You and I.
Just the ‘us‘.
I’m still okay;
Are you?

I called you out.

I was exhausted
From your words,
Your irritating way
Of getting all attention
By asking for none.

It worked for you.
Not me.

I hated you,
Secretly.
It grew in my
Chest with everyday
Passing, while
I pasted on a smile
And lied with my
Face straight, and
You never guessed
A thing.
All the while the
Hate grew in my
Chest, secretly.

I spoke in my calm
Words; I was nearly
Poetic with my
Choices. I gave
You reasons,
I gave you chances.
Millions.

You blew them all.
Just like that guy.

That was why I
Hated you.

You lost all
Sense of morality,
And soon your
Clothing showed
It; your music did,
Your personality
Died.
It was only ever defined
By guys anyway.
You died to me
Long ago.
I was at the funeral,
Looking, just
Observing like
Always.

Where were you?

I waited, I watched.

You never showed.

I always thought
People attended
Their own funerals…
At least
Metaphorically.

But you weren’t there
At all.

Just the person
You once were.

The new one
Was
Somewhere
Else
Entirely.

Could you ask
To switch
Places?
Because I
Liked the old
One
Better.

Slip, fall
No movement for a couple seconds
Passed out on the floor
Blood covers his face and shirt
Responsible drinking Dad

"Get him up!"
Panic quickly enters the room
So close,
But he collapses again

"Call 911!"
My hands are shaking
As I dial for help
"Hello where do you live"
More questions are asked while they are still trying to stand him up

Bright flashing lights take control of everyone's attention
He is conscious now sitting with the police
Drunk fingers hold mine tightly for support
But why should I support him?

The bright lights take him off to where he will be spending the night
When we get there he is lying down in a room
"Someone give me a gun, I need to die"
Dad, you're drunk
Tears fill up in my eyes as I sit and watch my father figure in a new light
"Plummy, do you have a gun for me?"

A little part of me dies when he says that
I feel sick to my stomach, where is the dad I used to know?
No Dad, I don't have a gun
He looks at me with sadness and embarrassment
But I cannot get myself to look back with love and support
So I just don't look at him

I never let myself judge him because of things like this
Tonight that idea changed in my head
I just hope this is a wake up call for him too

Your smile says
your load is large.
when alone
Your room feels like a crater
parties
feel ******
Questions regard beer
****
or cigarettes

No one wants to know
How you are
Just chug and run

This is slow dance
In the darkness of night
I feel how your eyes
wished for naught on an unknown number of stars

When asked if you still believe.
You say:
yes,
The only way I sleep
Is knowing I've asked nothing
For something

In the yard
I see they
ask for nothing
we wish for everything
don't expect the granting of anything

Nothing comes of it
Yet, we cast wishes at the sky
Not knowing where to aim

I imagine this is why people pray
Wishes are mobile,
Portable,
two quarters in my pocket

My sister and I
Throw them off the balcony
Into the grass of campus
We make it our wishing well;
night sky
Neither of our wishes come true
It seems the wish casts back our chances

In the morning
I toss dozens of quarters
Into the grass on my way to school
Nothing will ever last as long as I keep wishing

I remember how you told me
*if the sun cannot make you calm when it has risen before you have
maybe if you rise first
You may be able to catch the dew as it collects on flowers
Maybe this will let you breathe easy
lighten your load
keep you from wishing on
Stars
That owe you nothing