What did we lose
When we chose long ago
What did we lose
Besides each other?
Did we really escape?
Or did we make a mistake?
But it was so hard to take
I can't will to relive those days
The crying and pain and the loneliness.

But, I can't help thinking about all that we were
Can't help thinking about how that life was
What did it take for us to lose?
What did it take for me to move?
And what did we gain from all of that pain?

We were so lonely inside
I can't help to cry
As I think about all of those lonely nights
Without you.
I can barely hold onto those feelings now
But, when I get in that mood and I'm feelin down

I can't help thinkin about all those late night talks
Sometimes it felt like you were there somehow
Was it worth all the pain of losing us?
Were we ready for the break, was it just?
I just can't help thinking...

Whatever happened to the music you wrote
Whatever happened to the words I'd write
Just when we thought we had lost
We showed us how
To keep it together, not fall apart
The road, it got tough
Thought we'd make it out together...

But, I wasn't strong
Was I in the wrong?

Sometimes I get to thinking
About you and me...
And sometimes I wonder
Was it meant to be?...

But, then I think about all the times I cried
Because you couldn't be by my side
And I know it sounds mean but, you know it, too
It just wasn't right for me and you
Circumstance is a *****
Situation's a *****
It was the hardest thing for me to walk out that door
Another time, another day
But, then I needed more.

So, what did we lose so long ago?
Inspiration, our muse, where did it go?
I don't know about you
But, I'm writing this now
You inspire me now...still somehow
My friend, you will always
Dear friend, you have always.

Searching for something
Anything to heal this hurt I’m feeling
Forever hiding within myself
To shield my mind from all of the pain
My devotion to you has continued
It has continued for far too long
When will I learn to fly on my own?
When will I learn to leave it all behind me?

Hiding behind this smile
Are the tears of a little girl looking
Looking for something to hold onto in her time of need
Searching for the love she so desperately needs
Behind the light that emanates
There is darkness so strong and so cold
Numbing to the bone
Threatening the soul it clings to

When will I fight the fear and find the courage?
How can I find the courage to leave something I’ve known
For so long I’ve known that I need to leave
Someone come steal me away from this dark
And help me find my light
Help me say good bye to this life
Good bye to this world of pain and show me something new
Something new so I can finally breathe

Swallowed up by this hate that I’m feeling
Cannot see beyond the red that clouds my eyes
Hearing my screams you look right towards me
Only to quickly look away
Can’t you hear me?
Can’t you see the pain I’m feeling?

Hiding behind this smile
Are the tears of a little girl looking and searching
Hiding behind the light that I shine
Is a darkness so strong and so cold
What doesn’t **** me is sure to make me stronger
Its pulling me under
Someone please save me from this world

Hiding behind this smile
The tears of a little girl flow free
A little girl looking for something to hold on to

Stillness in the air
Just the sound of your breath breathing next to mine
The soundtrack of the mind
In that moment...
In that moment, I knew we were infinite
In that dingy parking lot
City lights dimly lit
Sky clouded over with the haze we once had
Now clear and bright
In that moment, I knew we were infinite
In that moment, we kissed
In that kiss, lying just within
I knew we were infinite
Just then, not too long ago
I knew we were infinite
My ear to your beating heart
Like a sea shell...listening to my own heart
Beat by beat, as it were
In that moment, I knew we were infinite
Not just for that moment
Not just for tonight but, for life
In this moment...
In this moment, I know we are infinite.

Cut me open like a knife
And let the words come pouring out
Onto this steel plated table
As you cut it all out
What is this all about?

Watch me bleed out
Never once trying to stitch me up
Never once holding me
Telling me it'll be okay.

And all the while you told me you'd stay

Please explain to the next one
Why it's so **** hard to hold on
Why it's so **** hard to let go
When you just gave up from the start
Explain to the next one
Exactly what happened to my heart.

Now watch me bleed out
On this table we built with our love
I was naked and bare
Laying, waiting for you to come back
Watch me bleed out as you turn and leave me again

And tell me again and again and again
How it's my fault we're broken and bent...
Tell me again and again that I didn't try
Then look at these cuts, these bruises, these scars
And tell me you didn't help rip me apart...

Cuz you watched me bleed out
Never once trying to stitch me back up
You saw I was dying and you wanted out
Guess I can't blame you
Because I'd do the same
Pack up your things and leave me to blame

And you said all the while that you'd stay...

My morning goes as such:
I take a shower
I brush my teeth
I comb my hair
And have nothing to eat
I sit with a mirror and stare at my face
So many imperfections that I try to pluck away
I squeeze into jeans and look at my ****
I don’t like the way it looks but, I guess I’m out of luck
Now time for the hair which I dry and I brush
Then I **** it with my straight iron until it looks good
Then the make-up goes on until my face is away
I try not to look fake, I wonder what you’d say
My lashes get long and my face gets bronzed
Now I stand in the mirror and I ask myself “What went wrong?”
Why is this me?
My stomach sticks out
My thighs too big
Too much muscle, it’s like I’m a man
Standing in the mirror I move and I shift
To the right, to the left, Why is it like this?
Every day, every night, every time I see in a mirror
I see myself as this
The ugly one
The odd one
The one that’ll never fit
The one that’s too fat
She looks like a man
She tries to be pretty
Clearly she fails
So, I find myself, standing in the mirror
Tears in my eyes, my face bronzed
What went wrong?

I saw the end
No light in sight
Then you did the unthinkable
You kissed me and held me tight.

I knew things were wrong
I wanted to make them right
You saw in my eyes
My worries and fright.

I've tested the strength
Never again shall I question
The love that we share
Or how much you care.

I thought you were gone
When I told you the truth
I knew you would hate it
I thought you would run.

Far away
without looking back
Forgetting my name
But you stayed.

I saw the end
No light in sight
Then you did the unthinkable
You kissed me and held me tight.

In the green meadow I sit
Cross legged in the grass
Sun soaking my skin
Warming me in it's comforting rays
Spreading over me
A blanket of youth

Opening my eyes I see
A strange bird
Staring at me
Feathers of red and a curved over beak
A strange little bird
Staring at me

A song it does sing
While looking at me
A song so beautiful
It caught me of guard
I get to my feet, unable to speak
For this beautiful melody has made my voice weak

As I walk to the bird
The beauty does strike me
Not only of the sound but, of everything around me
The leaves on the trees, dark reds and greens
The twinkling of the stream
The shine flowing the currents so mild

Walking to the stream, I begin to dream
Then the bird waddles next to me
The bird so odd with an exotic beauty
I reach out to touch but, it moves away
The bird of red motions to me
His thoughts aloud they seem
"Look in the water with me"

Craning my head I see what he sees
No longer is there a bird looking at me
The beauty is mine
My features they shine
Against the sun, against the wind
My wings, they will fly.

Two naked bodies entwined,
getting lost in time.

Reflecting upon each other
Soaking up the warmth from their bodies
Warm and damp from their Love.

Breath slowing from the rapid pace,
Bodies relaxing from their tense state.

Like an animal after their prey we pounced.

Devouring each other.
Devouring until our hunger for one another was satiated
Our thirst for lust quenched.

Our hand roamed
Our bodies merged
Our voices rose

Becoming one in the throws of passion
Now becoming one reflecting on shared Love.

Walking through life
Knowing
The straight way
Ahead
Like a blade
Straight and sharp
Cutting down the path
Bumps may come
But overcame
Every bump I passed
Continue
The path I see
The end is clear
Until a foggy haze appeared
Now wandering I find
Myself
I don't know where to go
I walk and I walk
Going everywhere
And Seeing nothing
This foggy haze
It stays
Searching and searching
For a break
Then I get it
I'm staring down a cliff.

Imagine me
Want me
Need me
Imagine my touch
See my eyes on you
Want me to need you
Say the word and I shall
I shall be forever yours
I’ll be there in a wink
Want me
Like you’ve never wanted anything more
Want me and you….
I need you
I love you
I need you to love me too
Need me to love you
Say the word and I shall
Say it and I shall be yours
Promise me your days and your nights
Promise me
Say you’ll be there
Mean it
Say the word and I shall love you

A little girl so naïve
So young
She didn’t know what love was
She didn’t know anything
She did know trust
She trusted him and thought he would never do her wrong
He was older
Like a big brother in a sense
The next door neighbor
The one she could depend on to look out for her
They spend days fishing, nights laughing
Happiness was all she knew
He grew older
She did not
He knew what he wanted
She didn’t have a clue
He asked her to do it
She knew it was wrong
He said it wouldn’t hurt
She was too young
He touched her
She laid there
He touched her more
She was stiff as a board
He climbed on top
She felt the pain
His breath picked up
Hers seemed to stop
He was done and left
She stayed and cried
A year passed and things seemed alright
Nothing else happened
She thought it was over
She was naïve and young
She never understood what had happened
He came to her again
He threatened
She was afraid
He touched her
She looked away
He moaned and sighed
She was stiff
His muscles tense
Her mind forced numb
He got off
She just stayed there
“Get your clothes on”
That’s what he said
Before he left
Now she’s left broken
After what he’s done
The boy that she’d trusted
Well he broke it all in her
Now she can’t even speak his name
She’s got to learn it again
She’s got to regain her pride
And all the tears, she’ll hide
The last thing she wants is for him to see her cry
He may have stolen from her what she can’t get back
But now she’ll make it alright
She won’t look back

Seeping through the cracks
Of all the tragedies since passed
You will find me there
Not knowing when or where
Curled up beside myself
Reaching for that thing on the shelf
Of which I cannot remember
The mind is weak and tender
See your silhouette in shadow
My breathing quick and shallow
Seeping through the cracks you see
Oh this very broken me
Lying across the room so bare
Wishing I just wouldn't care
My body twisted, naked on the floor
Too bad you can't find the door
My eyes they wander towards you there
Not feeling anything but scared
I see the silhouette is gone
I fear my last breath I have drawn
But, then with such a deafening sound
I feel something hit the ground
My eyes grow small in the bright white light
And I can't believe the sight
You come to carry me away
Now I'll see the light of day
You pick me up and hold me tightly
Until my spirit begins to burn brightly
My feet are weak but, they carry me
With you by my side, now a we
Lifting me up with open arms
Making me smile with your charm
Seeping through the cracks you'll no longer find
The girl who was laying there blind

It's at night
When the memories come alive
The taste of your lips
The feel of you skin on mine
The become so alive
It makes it hard to sleep
With you laying there next to me
Because you shouldn't be there
But, you are
And I'm scared.

Hey you
Yeah you
The one that ran away
Did you know I was faking it
Every time I came?
Did you know your words meant nothing?
Did I know mine meant less?
Hey you
Yeah, you
Thank for being a man
Instead of telling me the truth
You just up and ran
Away from me and all my pain
Why the Hell did I help you with yours?
Did you know how much I hurt?
Did I know how much you didn’t care?
Hey you
You know who I’m talking to
There’s no need to point a finger
The blame is all on you.

I can't remember the way we felt
And that feels so good
I can't remember the way we used to lay
And that makes me lay so peacefully
I can't remember the scent
And that makes the air more fresh
I can't remember anything
And that makes everything so much better.

The gods take pity
For the world is burning
By our own causation
The fabric of our means
Disintegrating at our feet
Flames growing down in the depths
Consuming all and leaving none
Slowly but quickly
Awareness met with ignorance
As death of day brings life
Birth of the demons
Beckoning and calling
More, more, and more
Feeding the system
And feeding off the fear
Not knowing when or where
The fires source
No warmth, just ice
Leave a wasteland behind
In its path
Devoid of life
The gods
They cry
Because we know why.

7:45pm
That’s when I got the call
I dropped the phone
I couldn’t believe it
“We have your wife”
It was the hospital
Our life flashed before my eyes as I drove
Her hair, shimmering in the sunlight
Her big brown eyes smiling at me after a hard day
Those eyes
I lost myself in them
I was never happier
Now
All that is shattered
My foot on the gas
I speed down the highway
My knuckles white against the dark wheel
My face white against my dark hair
Slamming on the breaks
Running inside
I see her
And I see the doctor
I see the look in his eye
He says the words but I can’t hear
I walk towards her
Tears in my eyes
Laying there still
Deathly still
It’s my baby
My one and only
No more shine to her hair
No more sheen to her skin
I take her in my arms and weep
Her lifeless body stiff against mine
My cries turn to screams
How could this happen?
Why her?
Why not me?
They make me leave
I sign forms
Talk to people I don’t know
It’s all a blur
My life
My love
It’s all gone
I leave
The ride home
It’s raining
My mind is numb
Shock
Walking in
I shut the door
I walk to the bedroom
I see her
Her jewelry
Her clothes
She’s here
Why isn’t she here?
She isn’t here
And never will be again
The rage builds up
My tears begin to fall once more
I wake up the next morning
The mirrors broken
Clothes everywhere
My hand is broken
But, you still aren’t here.

It’s been five weeks since you’ve left me here
Stranded and bound by my own fear
Now, honey, I know you meant no harm
But, look at what you’ve done to me now

Oh, look at what you’ve done to me
I’m hurt and I’m cryin and I’m just tryin
To get back home to you
But, baby, it’s so hard when you push and I pull
We can’t seem to get anywhere, No
I can’t seem to get out of here

Cause I’m stuck in this place
Left without a trace of you
I’m locked inside my world
Can’t seem to find the key
Help me out
Someone please just help me out of here
…just help me out of here

My dear, I love you
But, I should have known
That our love was like an hourglass tipped on its side
Not flowing or growing or coming or going
Just there, and how boring is that
Baby, oh now I want more

I gave and I gave till I was breaking
It was always me, the one who was caving
And every time I cried you told me that it’d “be okay”
Well, it’s not okay

It's always there
Always waiting
Always creeping
Up on you
Not letting you rest peacefully
In fear that tomorrow
Will be just the same as yesterday was
And the day before that
And the day before that
What happens when you get
So sick and so tired?
This weight that is carried
Wish could get buried
Six feet below
No heaven, no hell
Just down in the ground
Free from the sound
Of the screams and the cries
Of the dying inside
Push and pull you down under
Louder than thunder
It tells you to smile and to sit
Just see what you get
Another day with this on your back
Always fading to black
Not letting the light
Shine through to your sight
Always just black
It covers you eyes
Takes away the vision
Leaving you with aimless decision
And tear stained cheeks
Forgetting for weeks
That there's a life that you have
Making you forget who you are
Trying to hide the scars
When finally you see
The blackness is gone
Oh but not for long
Left you with destruction
Pick up the pieces and wait
For it to happen again
You know that it will
Maybe this time it will ****.

Both for the better
Neither for the worst
Never wishing ill
Always there to help
No more "we"
No more "us"
Though we could have been on the cusp
You had my full trust
To not hurt me and help make me better
And now it's gone
And so are you
I'd be lying if I said I hated you
But, these feelings are true
Raw to the bone
Like a knife searing me
Waves crashing into my soul throughout the day
Short of breath and bleeding
But both of us for the better
Here's to something happier
You made a stronger person
But, that could be said about the ****
About the alcoholic
Was it good or was it bad?
Whatever it was, it was a trip and a half
Between you and me on my back
It was like a verbal attack
Then all the promises of forever
I guess you couldn't keep
Telling me to not quit when the going gets rough
Well, I guess the tables turned
Now I've learned.

I like to get dolled up with no place to go
Make myself look so pretty
Dressed in dreams of New York City
Walking the streets so chic
With you on my shoulder
Because you will always make the lights a bit brighter
And the sounds a little louder.

I like to get dolled up with no place to go
No friends around except the ones that I roll
Can't say that I don't miss it
Yet I can't say that I do
But right now I feel pretty
Dressed in these dreams of New York City.

It's another cheesy thing
There's been a lot of those
And all of them
They've been about you

I wonder if you still love me
Like I love you
Though it's different
I'm still trying to think it through

Do you think about me
As much as I think about you?
Day in and day out
I'm still trying to think it through

Best friends until the end
That, I know is true
Both of us said forever
And forever...I meant

Don't forget
The words I've said

Best friends until the end
You're stuck with me
And I'm stuck with you
I'm still trying to think it through

I know I'm not ready
I'm not ready for you to be out of my life
That...will never happen

Always on my mind
That's where you'll be
The one that got away
The one I can never have

I say with a smile on my face
Best friends until the end
That's what will be
I will love you always, my friend


My friend.

Notes on the page dance
Like tiny ballerinas
In their frilly skirts
Their posture so straight
Dancing and twirling
Not letting me catch them.

Forever spinning
From the top to the bottom
Of my mind and the page
Never settling to let me see
What music they're meant to be.

Dear Mother...


Dear Father...


Dear Husband...

Dear Friend...

These are the letters I'll never send.


My love, this is how I feel...
Why...?
How could you...?
This is the end...
Letters I'll never send.

Everyone has them
You know you do
The deepest thoughts
Vibrating deep within needing escape
These are letters never sent.

Erased
Ripped
Deleted
Never read again
Never sent.

Dear Mother...
Dear Father...
Dear Husband...
Dear Friend...





I just hit send.

Home
There’s no place like home
What is home?
The place you grew up
A building filled with memories
Is home a town?
Or is it just simply a noun?
Home is neither town nor place
Home is a feeling
Home is that special feeling in your heart
That feeling of comfort
A warm safe place like that of a child in a mother’s arms
A lover’s embrace ending with a kiss that says it all
No, home is not a place
Home is where you are and where I will always be
Home is by the sea
The feeling of waves against pale skin
The sun licking the face with its warm gentle rays
With wind-blown hair
That is home
Curled up in bed with a warm blanket and a good book
Listening to soft music in the dim candlelight
That is home
Home is excitement riddled with comfort
Home is happiness
Home is love
Home is music
Home is yours
Home is theirs
Home is that one person that knows you better than you know yourself
Home is having a shoulder to cry on
A warm meal at the end of a long day
What is home?
Home just is.

Waking up the morning after
Not a Sunday
But, a Wednesday
Waking up the morning after
My baby leaves
Waking up with a hangover
From love
Take away the headaches
No getting sick
Add the tears
And add the sadness, dear
There's no pill to swallow
So, just sit and wallow
And try to get through
Cling to the memories
That have been shared over time
The wonderful memories
That bring tears to your eyes
Trying to function is less than easy
Trying to keep going knowing you're so far
It's less than easy

The moments fleeting away
Opportunities sinking
Down to the bottom of life
Drinking the ruins of love
Into the gullet of luck
Pouring down the surface
Bubbling over the cracks
Given by so many in the past
Seeping into the skin of the reckless
Making peace if only for this instance
Bringing happiness to the endowed
If only for this moment
The world was truly round
Things were known in this world
Everything was found
Ignorance ceased
Higher truth the deeper it went
Never to forget
Deserving of another
Deserved of nothing
Forgotten truths and hidden lies
Seeing this moment for the first time
Molding the cracks of hurts since passed
Repairing the scratches of self destruction at last
The moments swirling in time
Opportunities forever more lay in hand
Giving peace to those who can

Laying ******* in bed
With my phone to my ear
You called me this morning
And now we've been talking
For what seems like forever now
But in reality it's only been
Like 24 minutes
Mostly silence it's been
But you haven't stopped
Or told me that you'd rather hang up
This is what I miss
More than our kiss
Being on the phone
Just breathing, knowing we aren't alone
I think to much
This much I know
But to that I say...so?
If you only knew
The things that I do
Things wouldn't be so different
You'd still be there
And I'd still be here
But, scratch the surface
And I think there's something more
Like words left unsaid
Things that aren't being expressed
Maybe it's for the best
What if it isn't?

Writing these words down here on this paper
In fear that I might waste this
Blessing I've been given
How could I just betray him
And act so selfishly?
Forgive me please
I need you here right beside me
I'm so sorry that I lied
And broke your heart
Into pieces
Betrayed your trust
Please just look at me
I'm begging you
Look at me and see the truth
I mean these words
Seems this can't get any worse
I ****** up
Now you're hurt and I have tears on my shirt
I'm at your mercy and I'm just begging
Please
Please listen to me
When I say I won't
Never again
I mean these words
Never again
Please believe it's true
I never hurt again.

Sometimes I feel like the words aren't my own
Like I'm always singing someone else's song
Like the life that I'm living isn't for free
Like there's always some kind of fee
Now I'm not asking for a silver platter
I'm just asking to keep the things that matter
Like the one thing that makes me...well, me
My ability to be happy.

Now you have to stop doing this
Always hesitating
Never cooperating
Like you're so scared just to try to get far
Instead you just try to cover the scars
But, what is life when you're playing on defense
Too much of one thing just doesn't make any sense.

Just do it, you know you can
I wish it were as simple as that
When living life for so long
Always needing answers to prove you ain't wrong
And still no one believes you
So you feel like you still have something to prove
But proving gets old, it gets tired real fast
It was a matter of time until the last stone was cast
Making the foundation crumble and crack
Beneath the weight of the worries of everyone else's world
Just do it, you have the power, you can
It's not as simple as that.

They don't understand
But, wait a minute,....they do
Sometimes the words they have to say are the words that you need
But, words that you hear aren't what you believe
Because truth is a fickle thing
It can hurt and it can make you bleed
Make you hate whats looking back in the mirror and what you see
Is a person that you don't know anymore
You look in your own eyes and your throat gets sore
That's when you look down and try to think
What does everyone else see in me?

What does my man see when he looks in my eyes?
Does he see the little girl crying at night?
Does he see the cuts
The drugs
The *****
All the vices just leading me to lose?
Can he feel me crawling in my skin when he holds me?
Does he know that it's my own voice that haunts me?
Can he see the smile that is only truly his?
All of my secrets unlocked to him with a kiss
"You're so beautiful"
He says with that light in his eye
And inside I want to cry
Because I want to believe but, it's so hard
To think that I'm beautiful
When I feel I'm falling apart
I just beg he won't stop seeing
What I know he sees in me
Because one day, that, I will be
So, dear me
Reread
Rinse and repeat.

As the sun sets

My body I lay to rest

After years of pain

I lay it all to rest

I rest the hatred and the demise

The jealousy and the pain

Rest now dears

Rest now so the sun can shine

And feed the gardens of my life

Let the sun set on the pain

So on my life, the sun can rise.

Can't breathe
Can't sleep
Can't dream
Can't eat
Dan't drink away my feelings
Till they hit the bottom of the bottle

Can't talk
Can't scream
Can't take the person staring at me
Because she just isn't good enough
For anyone, not even me.

Can't do anything but cry.

Here I stand
Watching you watching me
On your finger there’s a wedding band
Guess she’s not what you need

So here I stand
Looking at my face in the mirror
I see the band in your hand
Do you even love her?

Do you see the pain I see in your eye?
Do you see it in mine?
I give what you pay for
It’s all just a big lie

Go back to your wife honey
I ain’t worth your time
Walkin down the hall, I hold my head with pride
What a girl does for money….but, oh, it ain’t me

When I get home I find dinner on the table
Little baby loves her mommy
She’s passed out on the couch
Her mommy carries her back to bed

Tucked in bed, I kiss her cheek
Keeping the tears back, afraid to be weak
I run the water and hop right in
The tears begin to flow, only then

Do people know what goes on?
Can you see it?
I come and I go but, I never truly leave
This was never what I wanted

There I see you again
This time, no wedding band
You tell me its wrong
I say I know
Pulling me close, kissing me
There all my pain seemed to go
There I let all my tears flow

You held me tight
Told me that I’d be alright
And here you are kissing my baby goodnight
Looks like, in my life, I finally did something right

Dear me
This is my apology
For being who I am today
For being everything
I'm not meant to be

Dear you
I'm sorry that I can't fulfill
The shoes laid out for me to fill
They're just to big to fit my feet
At least for right now.

Dear me
Please hang on to me
Don't let me go just yet
There's still so much to do
Don't cry for me
I'm sorry.

Dear you
Just leave me alone
Can't you see I'm all alone
Its so hard traveling the world by your lonesome
Just let me live
Please have some mercy
Open your eyes and see the pain I'm in.

Dear me
Please stop the pain that I've been feeling
I can't handle
I'm not dealing
I'm not getting on so well these days.

Dear you
I know you try
I know you cry
But, look at me
You think I'm so naive
That's why I'm writhing in misery
That's why I stay silent
And cry.

Dear me
Salvation could be coming soon
So try and hold up your head
I know its easier said
But, try
For me.

Things I want you to know are so hard to speak
Blinking away from tear stained eyes
Biting my trembling lip
All to say what I need to say

I can't look at your beautiful face
It is beautiful
I can't look knowing you have to leave me
I can't look at my love when it'll be gone

Like a knife in the heart
Wedged deep inside
Twisting the blade
As I watch you leave

Anticipating this moment
The moment when I have to see you walk out my door
I don't know if...
I can't...

It hurts to think that this is coming to an end
But, it must...
You must leave...
And I must stay...



Oh, but, my love...
How I wish we could stay near.

Its leaving time
Time to walk into those four walls
Strip down and climb into bed
I wonder
Is this what you do?

Lay in bed and turn to my side
Staring at the wall
But, all I see is you
Your eyes staring back at me
Smiling
Reminding me that you're near.

Hugging my pillow
But, all I feel is you
The warmth from your skin
The rise and fall of your chest
Our legs intertwined
Comfort redefined.

I hear the fan blowing
Over the sound of your breathing
Who would have thought I'd come to like the sound
Of snoring so loud?

I can't help but to wonder
Is this what you do?
The helpless longing for my love
Just to be here again.

It’s been 2 months
And I can’t do it
Living without you
It’s something I could never do
I spend my days coping
Work, food, sleep, work, food, sleep
A never ending routine
Our life was never routine
There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t mourn for you
For the loss of you
The loss of our love
The loss of me
I don’t know what to do
Sitting here with this bottle of pills
I don’t know what to do
You’re picture on my desk
I don’t know what to do
Maybe if I were dead
I’d see you again
But then again
What if I don’t?
My mind races
Heart beat quickens
You would tell me I’m being ridiculous
You would tell me to stop
But, I was never one to follow directions
Now was I?
It’s what you loved about me
I went against the grain
Well now I don’t
I think
And think
And think…
Till death do us part
I said
We said
I was never one to follow directions
My last thought before the room began to spin
I see your face before my world goes dark again

It's that time of year again
The weather changes and things grow
The sun comes out
Washing away the fears of the past
Bringing forth a beautiful future
Smiles of people pass me
Walking down the street full of bliss
The sun on my face and wind in my hair
Not a thing wrong with the world
A kiss from a stranger
A hug from a friend
At this rate
Our world will never end
Music pumpin
Heads thumpin to the beat
Not a care in the world
Oh, it's that time of year again
When the weather changes and life begins
Opening a bright future
The world is beautiful, friends.

I love this man
I want the whole world to know
About me and my man
About our love that has grown
Into something so sweet.
I love this man
And I ain't afraid to show it
Oh, yes, its true
I want everyone to know it
And I just wanna...aw ****
I guess the cat is outta the bag
I just love this man.

Oh, man, there's this girl
And ya know...she rocks my world
I hate to sound so cliche
But, its so true
I'm in love with you
...I mean her, man
Wanna spend as much time as I can
Just layin in her arms
I'm fallin for every charm
She's got her fingers
Wrapped right around my heart
And I love this girl.

I love this man.

I love this girl.

I love you.

I love you.

I'm sorry I'm a little bit upset
In my heart I have kept
All this worry and this pain
'Cause when I tell you
All you make me feel
Is guilt and hurt
Like I can't tell you
My heart and my soul
Without words to be told
At me
I tell you how I feel
You tell me it's wrong
That's why I'm writing this song
Because you tell me to cry
And by God, do I try
To you I am melancholy
"If you're gonna be that way
you won't see me"
You want me to show emotion
But then you say that
Through text nonetheless
I can't see you're jokin
Be careful with words
Some don't understand
I am the one
Sometimes I don't understand
I'm so confused
When you tell me these things
I'm leaving tomorrow
I'm sorry I'm blue
I just can't stand the fact
I won't be seeing you
You make me smile that smile
And cry a good cry
You make me so happy
It's hard to change
I can be happy alone
But, why should I when I have you?
It's a lot on your shoulders
But, I got a lot, too.

Where am I going?
How am I doing?
Two questions that have no definite answer
In my world of definites
The pain of not knowing
The indescribable uncertainty of future
And the painful truths of the past
And the undeniably unstable quakes of the present
Racked with uncertainty
Thought spinning and whirling
Around
Around
And around my mind
Making me dizzy
Sick with thought
Stricken by fear
Until there's nothing to do but fall down.

When down on the ground
Where is there to go but up?
Be content with the cold hard ground
Or rise up to your knees
Baby steps
The road to recovery
Gravity fights and tries to knock you back down
The floor starts to look a little better
It pulls you down
Temptations arise
They won't be the reason for my demise
Back on my feet is where I'll be
Give it time
Where will I be?
How will I be?
We'll have to wait and see.

I never thought this day would come
The day I write something like this about you
The day the words creep into my head
It’s over
Is it over?

We used to be so perfect
Despite everything, it was perfection
But, nothing is every perfect…
That’s what I’m finding out

I never thought the happiness would fade
I guess I was wrong
You say you’re happy but…
How could you be happy?

I wish I knew what to do
About me and you

I thought we were indestructible
We’ve been through so much
And we’d be through so much more
Through it all we’d triumph and love
Through it all…

I love you, do not forget that
The tears that fall from my eyes are yours
I wish you could see….

It isn’t a matter of love anymore
It’s the situation
Two perfectly imperfect people thrown together
Under a very imperfect situation
A situation that…I can’t

I can’t…
I….

Is it over?

Maybe we were delusional
Everyone knows we were a little dumb
But, I'd do it all again
And I still wish you the best of luck
There's only one stipulation
Which I know that you won't mind
There will never be a final goodbye
At any time for you and I
You told me I'd see the coast
And I'm gonna hold you to it
Because I knew we both meant forever
But, the times just weren't right
Two different places and two different people
Found each other at the wrong place and the wrong time
But, it was the perfect time
A time to show hope and bring some smiles
Because we were both in dire need
And now I guess our time is done
But, it was sure fun while it lasted.

I find it alone.


It is for me,
Only mine.

I find it inside.
Deep within my mind
as the night goes on.


Alone with my thoughts
as I lay in bed.
My piece of peace within myself.

I find it alone.
As I fall fast asleep.

Against all odds
I will fight for you, my dear
Against all odds
With all and nothing to fear
Just take some care
Because you're still holding my heart
And I don't think I can rip it apart
From the warmth of your grasp
But, I don't know how long that warmth will last
Feeling pathetic and worried
I just wish time would hurry
No longer on the ground
I guess that was a start
The first step in healing my wounded heart
It's hard for the stitches to hold tight
When the weight of my heart grows heavy every night
When I'm laying in bed
And it's you cradling my head
Unrequited love
The thing ancient poets have spoken of
The thing songs are made of
They make it sound so graceful
But, really, it can sometimes be hateful
When you heart gets so heavy it's sitting on the floor
No longer inside of you but, laying on the ground
For the world to see
Gathering dirt and debris
Too heavy to handle
Because it's you I'm still safe with
And that shouldn't be
You're the one who broke up with me
You should be last on my mind
But, it was you I called when I was in a bind
And I can't see that changing
Because I meant when I said
I would have said yes
Now I'm just heavy with fear
My heart, you will tear
And without even knowing
I'll bleed out right there.

Milky white
The skin of your *******
In the pale moonlight
Spilling across the satin sheets
Your dark hair in waves
My gaze is drawn
My breath is caught
Skin on skin
Yours so soft beneath my fingertips
A push and a pull
A breath and a moan
Eyes gleaming against the moon
Locking on to mine
The moment is quick
But, it is all that’s needed
To make you mine
And to call me yours.

5 days till my baby comes again
5 days till he sweeps me off my feet
Kisses me and takes all the pain away
5 days till I feel him next to me
5 days till I feel safe again
In his arms holding me so tight.

5 days to wait so patiently
5 days of anticipation
Waiting for my baby to come back home to me
5 days cannot go by fast enough
5 days It's like they're mocking me
Each one just longer than the last.

5 days that's all I have to wait
Until my baby comes again
5 days until he's home with me
5 days till I'm home with him
In his arms and his touch
Soon, I'll be home with him.

Laying in your arms at night
Feeling so safe
All worries out of sight
The smell of your skin
Collecting between us
The rhythm of your heart
A metronome timing my sleep
Your arm wrapped tight
Our legs mingling out of sight
Under the blankets
Where we lay
With the moon shining through the window
Only memories, though
And that's good enough for now.

Only when I think about it
Does my stomach drop
Along with my heart
Which ends up on the ground
Because I can remember the sound
Of your voice.

Only when I think about it
Do my hands begin to shake
And I have to will them to be still
Because you were the one who held them still
When I couldn't do it on my own
Like right now.

Only when I think about it
Do the tears start to fall
While sitting in the library
In the middle of classes
Trying to stifle the cries
Like right now.

Only when I think about it
Do I see you and what we were
Only then does my heart sink
My hands shake
And the tears fall
Only when I think about it
Which happens to be all the time.

There isn’t a second that goes by where I don’t miss you
There isn’t a minute that goes by without me wanting to kiss you
You fill my thoughts and make me smile
You appear in my wildest dreams
There isn’t a day that goes by without the longing for your touch
The miles that part us, forever going, forever long
The time that separates does nothing to help this empty ache
I lay awake at night and cry in despair
For every day that goes by, I am here and you are there
I fear it will always be this way
A day at a time I take it
There is no other way
I could dream about the future and reminisce on the past
But either way I slice it, it leaves me rather sad
The future brings me hope and I close my eyes and dream
But, then once I open my eyes, I am left with no one there
I have seen you in the past that is true
But, when I look upon those days it just deepens my remorse
So what shall I do?
I shall wait for you
I shall cry my tears and vent my pain
I do this in hope that our time will come again