I only have one life
And so far it's not so great
I gave my life to my family
I live for them not me

And the only thing that makes me Happy
Scares the people around me
Everything that makes me happy
People say is bad
But my knife and my pills are the only things I have ever had

It feels so amazing when I put the knife to my skin
To touch all the scars
To lose myself in the pills
To have the option to end it all

But that makes me crazy
And makes you  scarred
But I'm tired of trying to please you
I'm tired of giving up my happiness for you
I'm sorry if this scares you
But this is what I have to do
I want to be happy
Even if I lose you

She had to get it out
So she would write in her notebook
And she would write
And write
And write all of her pain away
Until the only place it exist is on the page

One day
Someone found her pain
They read between the lines
It opened his eyes
He tried to get help
Or would of I suppose
If she didn't walk up
And told him not to go
"There only poems
They mean nothing to me"
But if he lifted up her sleeve
He would of seen her pain
But he let go
" she said she was ok"
Even though he saw in her eyes she was lying
He didn't want to get into it
It's her problem not mine
A few weeks later he went to her funeral and cried
you told me you where ok!
It's your fault not mine!
You deserved to die!
After screaming people stared in dismay
So he was escorted back to his seat
And he wrote down his pain
And he would write and write and write
All of his pain away
Paying one day
Someone would see his pain
And read between the lines
Realize he's not ok

The thrill of being in your arms
The electricity of your skin
Being close to mine
Closer


Closer
Close

The rush of being with her
The loss of time

The sun sets

The wake of realizing
This will never be the same

The pain in her face
When you say you won't raise a babe
"Just **** it, what would you do with a child anyway?"

The guilt that eats you from the inside
To this day

All because one night impulse had it's way

She was whoever you wanted her to be
You could take an image
Reflect
She will repeat

He was a fire
He could grow and into an unstoppable force
If the vacuums of depression and peer pressure didn't take his breath away
He was fragile
But beautiful at the same time

I am a broken down snow globe
Still playing that same old tune
A little of key
Hoping that someone would wonder
Into this abandoned town where I am left hopelessly
Alone
The glass is cracked but I still try
I bend the broken springs
Train the ballerina how to twirl
And keep the snow falling
Just so I can bring joy to someone who wanders past my little broken town
And see that life can come from death
But no one ever comes
And I an left hopelessly
Alone

And we all want one thing
Love
And we all search for it at the bottom of this never ending bottle
So we all drink our selfs to sleep
On this cold dark island
Where we can't build a bridge of hope to get over the river
So we sit
Side by side
Dont cry
Breathe
Drink
Repeat
Until we get weak
Fall asleep
And no one else is there to fill our cups
Our cracked old cups with the fake potion that makes our hopes a reality
Then puts us to sleep

Maybe this time I won't wake up

Repeatedly

Maybe there is someone who can make you happy
Maybe there is someone who can show you love
Maybe there is someone who will love you enough to save you

But that person is not me

Yes I have tried
Trust and believe
This is the truth neither of us want to face
Don't shed a tear
No need to cry
Im just not that guy
I don't want to force it
Because when I say I love you
We both know I lie
I don't want to make you pretend you love me
When I can see in your eyes that's one thing you don't do
Im not breaking up with you
In showing you our love has already died
Please
Don't cry
I hate to see your tears
We have tried to make it work for all these years
You are an amazing woman
I want you to be Happy
And with me
That will not be
I tried to love you
Trust me I tried
But this is goodbye

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too ******* you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Some things are more important.

On swift wings death comes in the night
While children hide under thier bed in fright
Hold your pillow tight
And lately kids have seemed to invite
It in
Death comes on swift wings to take those who dont wanna be taken
To steal the breath from the child who hasnt yet learned to breathe
Take the ones we can't bear to be taken
And you invite it

Death comes in on swift wings
Your child goes please mommy protect me

It will all be over soon

Then death comes on swift winds
Takes an angel before it learned how to breathe

SPEAK

But the childs mouth hasn't had a chance to grow

But sending death into a baby eagle
For food
So your child can survive in this world of the free
Where we are all slaves to the systen
Will leave you in chains
You can **** a human child
But an eagle is not ok
This isn't a game

Someone listen
JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN'T SPEAK DIDN'T MEAN THEY DON'T FEEL ANYTHING
Isn't that what animal rights people preach
Why do we believe baby animals feel things
But a child who could of been you
Doesn't mean a thing
Picture if the first thing you heard from your mommy was I'm sorry
As pain you have never felt before
Eats your from your core
And the only person who 'loves you'
Says they don't want your anymore

Someone listen
Death comes on swift wings
Life comes slow
And leaves fast
Instead of making our time last
We call death to take away the mistake you made

No need to tell your parents
Its ok

SPEAK

You will get to heaven and see children with wings
Smiling faces that could of meant something but now they mean nothing
Cause the only love they gave ever felt was from something on swift wings

Who told them it was ok
As you killed a babe

When did death become more forgiving
Then living
When did the life of an angel mean nothing

Why cant i get cancer?

I would love to save a kid with cancer

and i would die instead

why do the only people who get cancer

are the ones who want to live?

I'm dragging you down with me

i dont want you to get hurt

but i dont wanna die alone

Your words cut me deeper than my knife

its was the only other time i have felt alive

I want to make you feel better

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

so i realize i cant make it better

and I want to help you

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

I want to make you feel better

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

so i realize i cant make it better

and I want to help you

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

I want to make you feel better

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

so i realize i cant make it better

and I want to help you

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

I want to make you feel better

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

so i realize i cant make it better

and I want to help you

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

I want to make you feel better

but i cant

so i want to hurt myself

but that would hurt you

Hands can take life away
Hands can save someone life
Hands can take away pain
Hands can write show how much you break
Hands can show your not alone
And hands can tell you to get away
Hands can make someone stay
Hands hold the knife that cuts my wrist
Hands can tie the not that i hang myself with
Hands can write the notes I give to my friends
Hands show my story
and can cause my story to end
Hands show you a lot about me
Just look at my hands and you will see
how much pain that goes throw me
maybe your hands
will be the hands
that can save me

Hoplessly waiting

Carelessly flaunting

All i want to do is feel something

I always want

the things i cant have

I wish I could write happy poems

to bad everything in my life is sad

Hope

is worthless

Hope

Left me

Hope

is one thing monsters never see

Monsters never leave us

They just sleep

until we think we are safe

Then our demons come back

and we realize they never left

I need to remeber what it felt like to have a blade run across my skin

I need to remeber the feeling of relief when the pain starts

I need to remeber the joy I get when I pick up the knife

I want to know the feeling I get if i burn my skin

I want to know if it feels better or worse than the knife

I need to do it one more time

you're crippilingly insecure

behind a facade of control

you are as sad as you say
=
i hope you don't die

but you need to know that hate is not more powerful than love.

You gave me a reason to live

I hate you for stealing my only escape from my life

I hate my life

I want everything that is right

to go wrong

They wanted to Ask me what it felt like to not have anything left

and all i was

was upset

I dont want my problems to go away

I dont want to be saved

I like being lost in a dark maze

then i dont


have to see the light of day

and maybe that makes me crazy

but i dont wanna be ok

Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down

I wont get hurt if i pretend
I will never end this charade
I 'm not playing games
I push it down till i turn into a diffrent girl

I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, they're ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

I am here, im the one they need
They call me a push me on my knees
They keep calling until i stop feeling anything
but i feel the love
the always needing, always wanting love

[Pre-Chorus]
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink

Throw 'em back, 'til I lose count

Throw em back till i stop dreaming
throw em back till I stop hoping for something better
throw em back till i lose count

[Chorus]
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

I'm gonna live like i wont wake up tommorow
I'm gonna live like my life isnt a mess
I'm gonna live until i forget what my life is like
I'm gonna wipe my the tears from my eyes
*I'm just holding on for tonight

You never told me
and i shouldnt be upset because i never told you anything either

You dont know me
so at this point im tired of you pretending you do

You are keeping me safe
but you havent protected me from anything
all you are doing is protecting yourself
from what i will think
when you tell me serious things

and by serious things
i do not mean the people you are dating
or what you like on a womans body

I mean what keeps you up at night
I mean what keeps you going
and what makes you wanna stop
I mean the stuff you havent told anyone

but the thing that hurts me the most
is that instead of telling the person you have known and has 'protected' since we where half our afe
instead of telling me

you tell a girl you just met
One of my friends

and she told me
even after you told her not to

cause you are protecting me
and now you are laying on the floor hurting

but i can bet i am hurting more than you
because your pain is physical

but i am going through mental abuse

You don't understand me
and i will make sure you never do

so realize you cant protect me anymore

you cant protect me from you

Im sorry I dont believe you
It's not that i havent tried

but i have been betrayed so much in my life
I'm sorry these things take time

I'm sorry i dont know how it feels
to be left a lone

I'm sorry I cant relate
I'm sorry I cant read you
I'm sorry I dont know you tells

It's not that I havent tried
But ever time i do
I tell my self to stop

because i dont read people to know
like you do
or i think you do

I do it to figure people out
the first thing i try to do is hurt them
the first thing i do is find thier weaknesses

So that when the time comes
I can use it against them

But yes i have tried
tried to read you
but that is one thing i havent been able to do

I'm sorry i dont know you
I wish i did
I'm sorry I'm not the friend

That you needed

I have been suicidal for as long as i can remeber

but its diffrent on the other side

I girl i met only three times

tried to commit suicide

and i went in my room and cried

the entire night

i barely knew her

I she was a friends friend

But if she actually died

I qouldnt be the same again

She doesnt see her own beauty

She doesnt see the perfection in her stride

She doesnt see the plan for her life

She doesnt see how many people would cry if she was gone

She doesnt see me

I'm not friends with her

sadly

I only met her twice

and maybe if i didnt look at her apperance

and if i looked at her eyes

instead of her eyes shadow i would of seen

maybe if i practiced what i preached i would of noticed something

maybe if i wasnt stupid enough

to judge her on her clothes

I would of seen the pain

she was trying to hide

maybe if i didnt spend as much time critecing her lifestyle

I could of seen what her life was like at home

maybe instead of throwing her away

I could of looked in her eyes

Maybe if i wasnt so stupid

I could of seen

the one thing we both hide perfectly

My parents drove
Each Sunday
To look at houses
I walked with them
The good child
While my brother
Waited in the car

Walked through other
People's lives
Found the bedroom that
Would be mine
Peered at their trees outside
Left with their cooking
Smells in my hair lingering
As I slept in the room
I shared in our apartment

Each Sunday my parents
Drove to look at houses
Fragments of other lives
Clinging to my shoulders
Inhaled into my lungs
Houses large and lovely
Streets where oak trees reached
To meet each other

Until one Sunday
My parents drove
And stopped at acres of
Plowed overturned land
Separated by plywood sticks
Numbered close and
Anonymous as soldier's graves
We walked all of us through
The mud until my father stopped

And pointed at the stick in
Which we would live our future
In that cemetery of surrendered
Imagination I held close the collected
Flotsam of floating memories
Of all those other houses
Held close the keys to my
Eventual release from
Mediocrity of the stifled soul
Trapped within the pride of my parent's
Achievement

In came I at the end of the storm
Soaked through to the skin with icy rain
I six or seven weeks old abandoned once again
Too young to believe in the spoken eventuality of spring
Of which the elders told mystically the unseen shifts would bring

Too young to conceptualize the marsh grass
dry, the blue skied sun ablaze in the sky
Too young to believe in clouds of butterfly
Driven forward by the simple wish not to die

Came I to the door and mewling stood
Until it opened and into gargantuan
Heated arms lifted and I folded into them apparently for good

Was I wise?
When in I came
Warmed in those flanneled human arms
Dried with a towel from icy rain
I lie on floors polished to a shining glow
warm, clean and fed I see myself grow

Outside the glass the wind howls
The trees now iced and bare
Would I have lived to test the mythic spring
I know not that, know only this one thing

That should the time actually come when
All outside transforms to warm, scented green
It will through 'pain' of clean impenetrable
Glass by me, safe, ensconced, separated,
Looking out from within - be not ever felt, yet ever seen

Death is the only thing that has always been there for me

My name is chloe
but you can call me liz

I changed my name becasue chloe
isnt the girl you thought she is
you see chloe
was a diffrent me
kept everything bottlede up so no one will see

that is why i want to change my name from chloe
no one understands liz
but that is because seh's not fake
no one cares about liz
because she pushes the people she loves away
liz isnt suicidal
because liz doesnt care

liz is who i am now
but chloe will always be there

How was school?

My mind starts racing
looking for wrids
horrible
loney depreesing
disheartning
painful
hateble
Embarssing
A costume party

Yet all I say is good

When I fall
I pull people down with me

When I break
The shards cut the people around me

When I get lost
I bring people into my labyrinth of life with me

I'm not stuck up
because im no longer speaking

I just dont want to make you feel that hurt I am feeling
because that is what happens
when people become friends with me

I wear a mask so that one day

I can convince myself i am happy

I want you here

so i can make crystal clear

that i love you

and that its not your fault i will no longer be here

that its not your fault I started to disapear

and please know
the person you fell in love with

is no longer near

They say i am depressed

but im not

my life

just lacks motive

My ****** knife

is dripping more than my hand

then the drips
drips
drips

drips



drips


d r i ps

d
        r
                i
                        p
                                  s
start to come slow

so i take the knife

and make more blood flow

I'm sorry I hurt you

to make you feel better

I made myself bleed

so maybe I can see

The pain I gave you

and maybe i can change me

As the blood drips

and drops down my hand

I stare into the mirror

I smile

and i dont see any pain

I can pretend that its all ok

that its normal

that i like it

that its fine

as the blood drips

I know i will be all right

Take my hand

and you will see the scars

That i left

waiting for you

to help me

Leave me in the dust
and I will build a sandcastle

Leave me in the river
and i will learn how to breathe under water

Leave me alone
and i will make new friends

But if you never leave me again
I will make sure our relationship ends
because i can't stay with you
consume you with worry
and make you stop feeling things
about your own families life

your brother died
and your thinking about me?

If you stay with me

I will **** you inediably

Where have you been all my life
smoking by a river side
getting high
spending the hours on your maac laptop
tweeting about how your family is just getting byw

Where have you been all my life
Trying to clean up the messes other have made
Making a path for your brothers or sisters to take
trying to achieve fame

Where have you been all my life
Looking up **** on internet sites
texting pictures to a girl you just met
hoping that the next one willl be the best
and you will finally have a chance to get rest
becuase nothing is fulling enough to keep you from waking up at night
hoping that was the last time

Where have i been all your life

i have been dieing

I just wanted you to know

I tried to **** myself for you

Hopefully one day you would realize its not that easy to"just be happy"

I wish the only person to comfort me
wasn't hurting by doing it

I wish i wasnt a bother to you

I wish my hurting
wouldnt make you forget everything you thougth you knew

but whats the point of wishing
if it will never come true

When I was a kid I loved stories
I used to run home from school
to hear my mom tell them to me
just to run back and share the news with my fellow classmates the next day

When I was a kid
I used to throw rocks and pebbles at trees and rocks
Into lakes and logs
just to prove i could make it

When I was a kid
I was special
not because of something i did
but because I believed I was

Now that i am older I hate stories
because all they are are cruel reminders that my life will never be that perfect
cruel reminders that i will never have a right mind
cruel reminders that i am the monster in the story
and the heroes never try to save me from myself

Now that i am older I don't throw rocks
Because no matter how hard i throw
how amazing i can aim
there will always be that one target i cant hit
that one place i always miss
and if that place always exists
what is the point of trying

Now that I am older
I am nothing
Not because i dont have talent or gifts
But because I believe I am

Why are we here
People always say God put us on this earth for a reason
a purpose
a plan
but that plan isnt specified
I dont know about you
but saying im meant to evangilise
isnt enough for me
I mean i want to know what God wants me to be
or maybe just what future holds for me
becuase life would be simple
if i started off by knowing i was meant to be writing things
but what if that isnt right for me
how do i know im on the path God made for me
I ask these questions and people always say the same thing
that God put me on this earth for a reason
or i will find out in due time
or that i should do what makes me happy
but lets get real
no one  really knows what they are meant to be

Heroes always look brighter

when they are surrounded by darkness