I couldn't believe
how lucky I was.
     even dreaming
of boyish hair in yellow eyes.

My mind knows what to make of it.

still I feel its like a winter,
   coming up on banks of snow
and slowing.

Yet--I recognize the glimmer
of what's buried
that can grow again.

magnetized once more by
space and time.

There are some nights when
sleep plays coy,
aloof and disdainful.
And all the wiles
that I employ to win
its service to my side
are useless as wounded pride,
and much more painful.

the type of girl who walks around with grass in her hair
and the type of boy to stare

he asked why
and she says why not

he looks at her with sad green eyes
and she explains how she wants to be mother earth

again, he asks why
and she replies with grass is beautiful

the next day he tries to find her
and she's laying in a field of grass

her arms and legs are covered in scars and blood
he doesn't know what to do but stare

she wrote a note
and he decides to read it

*To the boy i met yesterday,
i loved grass so much i decided to die in a field of it

don't think about me too much.
From, the girl who loved grass

Today was heart wrenching
I woke up thinking of her
She's all I think about,
And it's because of my birthday.
As it gets closer,
I get more distressed.
I grow older.
She will never age.
Time continues,
and she forever remains frozen in time.
Pristine and pure.

Breathe.

It hurts.
My soul, heart, everything
Knowing things I wish I didn't.
Maybe then ignorance would truly be bliss.
Maybe
Living life not regarding
the sorrows of the world.
I'm not that lucky.

It hurts not knowing why,
why the world was so cruel
And she found no comfort in it.
Not knowing,
What made that moment her last.
That hurts the most.
I ache to know the answer.

It doesn't end there,
My family has not yet healed.
Mom constantly checks on my sister,
hoping she hasn't chosen the same fate.

This scares me.
I don't know how to help them heal or even myself.
Physically I cannot help anyone,
and they in return cannot help me.
I am alone.
I am nothing.

I don't want to hate her for what she did
but sometimes I curse her for it.
Cursing her for making so many people hurt.

Hurt is such a simple word.
it helps to explain how I feel physically,
but more importantly how it affects my mind and heart.
I like simple words that get to the point,
that anyone can understand
Like when I say my heart hurts,
Because it is not a physical pain, no
It's a pain much deeper
and will take much longer to heal.
A scar will be left, yes.
May that scar never fade.
If it ever did that memory of her would fade with it.

I never want to forget her.
She was such an important part of my childhood.
She doesn't deserve that.
She deserves to stay ingrained in my heart.
I just hope that when the time comes the resentment will leave.

She did no do this to hurt me.
Repeat.
She did not do this to hurt me.
It's true. She had no intentions of hurting those she loved.
She did it to free herself.
That's hard to accept.
But one day I will.
One day..

I am mentally unstable.
My emotions are polarized and unpredictable.
That scares me.
I liked being happy,
now I feel guilty.
Guilty for enjoying life,
when others can't.
I want to be happy again.

Reminder:
I feel pain,
I am alive,
I feel pain,
One day things will get better,
but not now.
Now is not the time,
I am not ready.

I take people's time,
I am selfish.
I need help.
I need too many things.
Not material,
Something much more powerful.
Reminders that life is worth living
I am not alone.
Everyone is alone
But not always.
I can ask for help,
when I want.

I want to take the hurt out of my heart for simply a day,
and place it on a pillow.
Walk away and live.
Come back and return to the sorrow.
I simply want a day
A day when she will laugh
And I will listen.

I miss her laugh.
I am selfish and kept her laugh.
I am not sorry,
I loved that laugh.
I miss her.

I am alone.
Breathe.

I am alone.
I am not okay.
I need help.
I will forgive.
I take time to heal.
Maggie did not do this to hurt me.
Repeat.
She did not do this to hurt me.

I love you until I break
With passion and with tears
I will hold you until I crumble
I will mask you without fears

I need you until I am gone
the lasting throb of the heart
A pain that can't help remember
The bitter sting of part

I revel in the love we hold
I worship its existence
I last to make us last as one
The love will be  persistent

I empty out my darkened heart
to make room for your light
I clean out all the cobwebs now
that go without a fight

I love you until I break
for I know it will be soon
I need you when at last I reach
the breath that seals my doom

So siplme and sewet
yet so nescesray  
our letters juxtaposed
to make words non-imaginary

we read and define
strive to find the line
--------------------------------------
Where words stop being words
a literary crime

Our slang, out of control
tongues tangled, terrible truth
Txt spk bcmes natrl
It feels so uncouth

but what’s important is the form
of communication we seek
face to face, heart to heart,
a poem so meek
as to lighten the soul
and give hope to the lost
a poem is best
to.....

I Love You
Three simple words they may seem
But a myriad of explosive feelings are welling from within me
My heart finds that comfy spot in my throat again
I’d bleed for you
Does anyone know what that means anymore?
I don’t think so

I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep, can’t take this place without you
You… You’re ******* Beautiful
And I’m not talking about those skin-tight pants or those perfectly shaped *******
I mean there’s a true beauty behind those sparkling eyes
Something that can’t be taught, only learned
Through pain and loss

Why couldn’t I have been there?
You’ve had to catch yourself this whole time
As the world swirls around ready and hungry and eager to devour
Ready and hungry and eager to maul you and change you
And beat you down until you can’t remember why you even bother
To rise to wake to try

I’ll be that reason that reminder that inspirerer
The one you need and want and can’t live without
Cause I’m there
Always
I’ll protect you and guide you
I’ll calm you and find you

Lost no more we’ll keep walking together
Lost no more we will make a new day
A new time
**** this place
**** these fakes and cons
And rapists and “friends”
They don’t love you can’t you see?

Walk with me
Walk with me and I can show you
Walk with me girl cause’ I am unforgettable
I am the last kiss before a nervous teen is out his lover’s window
Scrambling homeward bound as the last of night tries to hold back the sun
I will not fail you


Walk with me
I can carry you through the night
The storm
The next shot to the ribs
Walk with me

Do you get what I’m trying to say?
Are the lines beginning to intersect
As axons fire away in busy neurons?
I Love You
They’re three simple words
And alone they are nothing
Like me without You

I know you feel it now
This pressure this light
This ecstasy welling within
I cannot I will not be silenced
The world will plug their ears
And I will scream until I’m blue
I Love You!
I don’t know what to do or say
And I’m spinning and running skipping jumping
For you to just see this thing I hold
It’s right here in my hand
It’s Love
And it’s for You
I Love You

Drifting in the crisp
Autumn air, it gently falls
from life and color
To an earthly resting place.
Buried with the summer sun.