I close my eyes
And allow myself
To dream

Of all the chances I had
To kiss you.

Baseball seats
And
Late night treats

And dancing till the credits were through

And every moment with you.

but then I met

you

and none of the
worries
or
words
from before
mattered at all

She was the one pool
where I would happily drown,

you're perfect,
don't change a thing,

but two
simple sentences
resonate within me

"Are you satisfied?"

"No, you haven't kissed me."

amethyst on your fingertips
you were the calm to my storm

I've been told before to look out for people who just want to **** the joy out of me. That there are humans out there that would use me to feel something and then make me feel like ****. Throw me out when they were done.
I was told this because I was sweet and kind, loving and forgiving, wholesome and good and light. I was a dream. And I knew it. I was proud of being a dream.
And then I met her, a year or so ago, and I saw that others had that light in them as well. She showed me that I could love from afar, and as closely as I could. A friend. A beauty. A passing affection. And then she was gone.
And I kept on feeling so good about myself. I cried tears of loss and I laughed uncontrollably. I poured myself into my emotions and that was fine because I was sweet and kind, loving and forgiving, wholesome and good and light. I put everything into those qualities and that was just fine.
And then I met her. Again, but in another form. In a form that loved me back unconditionally. I didn't have to love from afar because she brought it to my lips and she held on to my hips. And I thought, how lovely is this pure and beautiful thing. How absolutely stunning and breathtaking.
And it never crossed my mind to what I was doing. I fell for her entirely. It was real and it was true. And then something went off inside of me. I ever so slightly, calmly and quietly, turned off my light. And hurt her for the first time.
And a day or so went on and I saw all of her. And I found that she was everything I had, and she was more. And I was jealous. And I lost my sweetness and my kind, my wholesome and my good. I filled those spots with desire and lust and where there was love I felt a fight build up and where there was forgiveness I was confused.
So I fought. And I yelled. And I tore the qualities out of her heart that she was so willing to give and I tried to put them into me. But I wasn't even good anymore. And my body rejected them all.
I became angry and ashamed, embarrassed and cruel, hateful and spiteful and rude.
I left her with nothing and I told her to leave me, not because I hated her, because I hated what I'd done to her and I couldn't bare to look upon my work.
I became the humans that I was taught to avoid. I made her into a corpse of all she could be.
And now I am a nightmare.  Warn your daughters against me. I'm a selfish angry *******. That's what I've become. And to her that's all I ever deserve to be.

I'm the ******* that broke her heart
And that's all I'll ever be

To everyone
Including me.

I will forever try
To show you
Your worth
Again.