Once again I'm up all night.
But tonight is different.
There's not any tossing and turning
Or thrashing about.
Just the stillness of being by myself.
The air is chilly and unbroken by the sound of silence.
Cigarette smoke wafts straight up with no  change in pace.
I wonder if it's linear motion is predetermined or coincidental.
How peculiar.

I just want my smile back
Now it's stuck in pictures and glass jars
owned by people I no longer care for.
Every day is dimmer than the last.
You took my eyes and turned them black and grey
in a world full of colors I'm no longer able to see.
You took something very valuable from me.

Such wasted potential.
How long has it taken me to make this decision?
Why have I been wasting these past few years?
I need to get myself on track
Before I'm to far off the rails to realign.
I will be something.
I will be great.

Foul and morose is the mind of this soul.
How badly I want to tear my flesh from my bones.
Reach inside and form my heart into an iron lump.
Grab my brain and tear it down it's symmetrical half-line.
I long to eat bullets and wash it down with Clorox.
Why must I feel like this?
All I can think about is how metallic my own blood would taste.
Of how pretty the scarlet would look
On the backdrop of this living room.
One day, I'll find the courage.

Sometimes tears just don't happen.
Sometimes you feel your soul crack like glass
And watch the pieces fall in glittery shards
To a floor that's as unforgiving as those who made you this way.

I feel far from home, no matter where I go.

You keep sneaking your way
back into my dreams.
I don't want to see you anymore.
I've been working so ******* this.
Get the hell out of my head you crazy *****.
I don't want to love you anymore!