I am taking baby steps
baby steps
baby steps
baby step
and that was for you
and that was all for you too

I wrote your name on the wall
it was for you

Lost in the haze of fog and regret
High up on cloud nine, I recline
Smoke drifts slowly up from my hands as I
Desperately seek an escape from this world, where
Emotions are liars who can not be trusted
and convictions are flimsy
Cast away in a single heartbeat

I have analyzed every one of my
mom's laughs
and divided them into lists of
the ones that make me the most
anxious and the
ones that make me feel the happiest
and even the ones that make me
want to cry
I need lonesome

so far today I have drank pop and
watched TV
and those are two things I don't do
ever

resilience
it's a word with a newfound
relevance in my life today because it
means all that I am and
all I want to become
and I thought about how it sounded
when my mom said it
and how my grandma said it
and I'm writing in the dark to try and
escape every **** thing in the room

I'm in a luxurious room that doesn't
fit in with the rest of the house
I think there's a place in my head
that doesn't fit in with everything
else

my grandma is lashing out at me
because she's scared
I think it's because she doesn't know
how to exist alone
and she's afraid of being alone
and being forgotten

I'm glad I make my own kind of
happiness by myself
I think more people
should know how to do this

I said what I felt once
veering off the road, I spewed it all
out in a single breath to a dead end
"You've got nothing to lose"
but it wasn't me who lost
even though I felt guilty
and I could care less about the numbers and the letters telling me
how much sleep I'm losing
and I could care less about the way
you were great.

I've gone and now I'm on my way
and I can feel the wheel slipping
away again
it's on repeat.

There will never be such a thing like
Floating up to the surface to try again,
So embrace your depths,
Along with another's arms
This isn't love

If he dies, he dies
With trouble on his mind
Future looking hazy
This is the end of the line
With a cigarette in hand, walking to the water
He hit the bottle hard, longing for the other
One, in his life that could make all this right
But this is the real world, not a dream
And after that fight
She isn't coming back, he knows this in his heart
As he looks up to the sky
Praying for this life to stop
Not thinking of the good things
Trapped in a world full of pain
Blinders on, paranoia rules here
No love left, just hate
Chemical dependencies couldn't take him away
The six shot revolver, couldn't decide his fate
So he turned his hood up and walked into the distance
Praying for an act of God to please
Simply just end this