I keep hoping
Maybe you'll come to your senses
Realize where you messed up
Apologize for your choices
I keep thinking
I think too much
About everything you say
Every stupid touch
Searching for excuses
Looking for words to cover my hope
And the fact that I gave up long ago
Or the lie that knows I didn't
I get angry
When I see you get depressed
over something that would've never caused you stress
If you had only considered another choice
I keep checking
To see if there's a poem that might mean
You're possibly thinking about me
An idea I know to be insane
Because you had a chance to be with me
And like everyone else
You threw it away

I'm becoming pathetic
Scratch that
I always was
A step behind everyone else, struggling to keep up
Seeming to others as being strong but it's just
A wall I fight so hard to keep up
The helper. Not the helped
Bottling the words inside
I slowly poison myself
Allowing a drop to spill onto someone else's chest
Is unheard of, so I keep it all instead of risk
Being seen as just some whiny *****
In the end it doesn't come down to understanding
Or trust, or being tough
When I'm crying in bed, gasping for breath
I'd rather let it **** me than bother someone I love

I need $500 to achieve my dream
This time I'm E.T.
I'm phoning home
No longer going with the flow
One ride away
I'll be dancing on the footsteps of life
No more hell holes or traps
So if you could generously send me some mullah
I'll add $15 to any donation over $50

Is easy to trip and stumble
Over cute looks and six pack abs
Or maybe just the way he makes you smile
When all he has to say is "hi"
Or was it your name that sent you tumbling
As it rolled off his tongue
Down into the pits you now dread
Those black holes in the ground
Where spartan kicking you into it
Would only make it thrilling
Love makes nightmares
When you fear how easy it was to fall in the first place
What was it really
that sent you tumbling then falling
Only faster as the lies piled on
I love you
You're all that I need
Everything I want is in your eyes
So maybe you should keep your head between your knees
and stay staring at whats there
Between soft silken thighs
That only seem to ***** his **** before his heart
Its lessons taught that are misunderstood
Never the mistakes made
From an unsuspecting heart
So eager to find what is real
In a world she thought was only hers
But instead shared with her friends that had no idea
Her sister who was your bestie
How many stories must be told
Before the nightmare in them all
Becomes the reality you no longer can handle
Love is a nightmare
Till you can find someone who will make them disappear
Before he tries to show you he loves you

I kissed your best friend
Loved her like I would love you
She called my name like you do
She dug her nails in my back
Like I was a scratch pad
She did all the things you did
I don't know how she knew
All she did was whisper in my ear
The very sentence you screamed every night
I'm sorry I know you'd **** me if you ever found out
But I'm not going to run away with my tail tucked
I ****** your best friend like it was the end of the world
Like the sky was falling
Like I would make love to you
Still it was you I came to
Your face I saw as it all happened
No excuses I deserve whatever is coming
But if you only knew
Your best friend was always your reflection
Your shoulder to lean on
You'd always run into the bathroom after a fight
Talk to yourself for hours
Tell me you hated me
But rushed out before the words even pierced the door
Kissed me like it was forever ago before you had them
I'd never love anybody but you
And I'm glad I traced you on my mirror so you'll never disappear

I've told you countless times
You're perfect, amazing, beautiful, gorgeous
Yet when has any of those words actually meant something
You're just too...again nothing comes to mind
I can turn to the dictionary
Read it till something feels right
But I'll read it 11 times before I give up
You're a poem needing to be written
To be heard
Yet how can I do that when I don't even know you
When you're shrouded in mystery
I couldn't tell you how beautiful you are
Every synonym for it is a cliche
But saying you look you maybe will do the trick
It'll make me sound like an idiot
I don't mind sounding like an idiot when you ask me
"How do I look?"

Maybe I should stop
Letting others treat me how I do
Being easily dropped
for something better when it passes through
Maybe I should finally see that I'm enough
And stop pushing aside my feelings
For the sake of someone else
Maybe I should finally change
Force myself to care a lot less
See how other's react
With the true ***** they'll have to deal with
Maybe I'm tired of having to pretend
Being there for everyone else, but seeing no outstretched hands
When I need someone to make me smile
All this time I've spent trying to be happy
Has only thrown me more off balance
Maybe I'm done with being an anchor
Only succeeding in drowning myself

Leave me alone
Stop making me think of you
I remember everything about you
Your smile
Your laugh
Everything
But get out of my head
I don't love you anymore
Or do I
No I don't
I love her
She's the one I love
She's starting to notice
Somethings on my mind
And she can't find out
I've been thinking of you
I love her
I love her more than anything
But why have I been thinking of you?
I can't figure it out
My heads a mess
I can't think
It's all just one big mess
I wish I could clear it
Just please stay out
I think about you
But I don't love you
I'm with her
I love her
Why won't you get out if my head

Her name is faint
Still sends chills down my back
Makes me want to cry
When I remember everything I done to her
Made her feel like she wasn't anybody important
Lost her in my own heart
Forgot to call her
Couldn't face the music
I knew her notes were already written
No love letter
No symphony left behind
Just another whisper on the wind
Left to echo in the desert kingdom of my heart
She was perfect
I was the idiot
I let her drift away
But I guess sand is never meant to stay in one place
When those tides rolled in
She floated away
I only drowned
I know where I went wrong
I can't ever take it back
She's resting her smile on the chest of another
I'm dropping pebbles in the puddles of my own blood
To keep myself from seeing the man I became
The one always wondering if she'll ever love me again
I'm just another whisper in the crowds of her friends
While she's the only whisper in the wind
Echoing in the desert kingdom of my heart
I'm the fool who never listened to her thunderous tears
Stampeding across the land
Never heard the trumpets when she wrote me goodbye
Only saw the world spin
Watched as my castle crumbled
The evacuation sirens blaring
But when I kingdom falls so does the king
This is where I leave you all
Left to my own sorrow
Built walls 24ft thick
With each sandstorm
The walls only collect scratches
While my kingdom gains scars
Forgotten in the sands of time
That whisper on the wind in the desert kingdom of my heart
Became the only friend I ever had
Soon I'll watch as my darkness
Devours it along with my corpse

You asked me if I remembered you
Like I forgot you
I still have our conversations from a year ago
Your picture still in my phone
Name drawn to perfection
Still in the back of my binder
How could I forget you
Could I ever?
I was your vault to so many secrets
Things I even forgot
But I remember you telling me
"Can I tell you a secret?"
You trusted me when not many others did
I guess you just faded
We both did
I'm not the guy you used to know
Always writing poetry that made sense
Having the talent to actually tell you how you feel
I guess I'm not worried about forgetting you
Your a permanent reminder of who I used to be
The guy you could talk to for any reason
The guy miles away you never met
Just knew could put a smile on your face
Even when things at home seemed unbearable
I wonder if you remember me as that guy
Or wonder who I am now
An alcoholic? Pothead? Homeless freak going nowhere?
Guess I'm a little of all the above
Could I forget you was the question
No I could never
Could you forget me?
If not tell me who I was
Maybe I can be that guy one more time