Lacking the ability to peform everyday tasks,
the mirror your enemy ,
makeup a mask.

Advert your eyes
in them the lack of truth,
vulnerability inevitable
as fleeting as your youth.

find comfort in normalcy
repetitive and bland,
every breath mundane,
dead and dejected.

the delusion of happiness
apocryphal lovers
in pursuit of nonsensical dreams,
is everything as it was
or is nothing as it seems.

Bend your knees
his sins run down your face
open that sweet mouth
the vulguarity of your innocence
repugnant in your mouth
the ever familiar taste.

laying there naked in a river of deceit,
spread eagle waiting,
for what makes your soul weak
eyes closed in denial
you can no longer look at what you've lost

  The closest you feel
skin on skin,
in those moments you lose the fear
that your losing him.

and you pray for those moments just before bed
when your under the covers
and on his chest rests your head,
for then a few hours when you become slave to sleep
you hold hands with an angel
who keeps you company in your dreams

i refuse to believe in this reality anymore
im going to lay here in the dark,
until i go back to before,
close my eyes and listen to the shadows play
im going to lay here until i slip into yesterdays.

I laid beside you,
listening to your voice so sweet,
believing all your promises that you never ment to keep.
staring into your eyes,
seeing into your soul,
holding back from saying,
what i need you to know.
i want to lean closer,
fall asleep in your arms,
have you kiss me goodnight and hold me till dawn.
even though it'll never happen, i need you so bad.
your my sweeet my addiction, the angel i never had.

I need a new job in a new city,
with a new name and new home,
i need to pack up my bags and run,
i'd be far from here before it was noticed i was gone.

   I would pay money for a lobotomy
i need a new perspective on life,
is there a paper with boxes
where i get to place a check mark for the personality id like?

   And no im not happy
so id prefer not to smile,
yes im a ***** with the mentality of a child.

   I dont belong here
with you or with them,
but i wont tell anyone,
ill just pretend.