And we fight
But it's alright
Because we both have tears to shed

And we fight
But it's alright
Because we'll fight until we're dead

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Shallow
Stupid
Oh, SO stupid
Naive
Lying
Saying
You're Dying
Does not get you pity
Does not make you witty
So grow up
And shut up
And leave me alone

And she dreamed of lips meeting
But her sweet hopes keep fleeting
And it doesn't mean anything
If he won't have to know
It's not real if its hidden
It's not love when forbidden
And if I keep sinning
I'll make sure he won't know
So I'll keep this a secret
He does not have to know
I'm beginning my descent
*He does not have to know

I'm a selfish little school girl
Who doesn't know the cost
And I wish that I was broken
I wish that I was lost

Cant we be broken together?
Our jagged parts could make a picture
Our rough edges could make a life
That we would both be better off living

How can someone so warm be so pale?
How can someone so tall be so frail?
Is this frailty I see?
Or are you a mirror, and I'm seeing me?

The fog was so thick
It was as if the birds
were                                                weaving
     ­     
          cotton
                                          ­                                           between

                                            the
                ­                                                                 ­                             

                                  ­                                                                 ­                          trees

Please forgive me
I'm failing
And I'm wasting
Away

Everything is about me
I'm the star of a movie
And you're interrupting my scene
You stand there eating, eating, eating
Spitting question after question
Why do you have to know?!
Let me be, let me be
Because everything is about me
Here you come again
Coughing, coughing, coughing
I could care less what you think
You're fiddling in the kitchen sink
Shut up
I'm tired of listening to you
I want to scream
Because I'm not getting my way
And everything is about me

It doesn't snow anymore
Everything loses its sparkle
Under a sun that stings your eyes
And blinds you
But refuses to keep you warm
The frost retreats to the shadows
Like a convict on the run
And we'd join it
But we're chilled to the bone
And the cold sun sits
Upon its throne
We're trapped in an urban ice age
And we groan
And we moan

"I don't tend to use the phrase 'in love'" he said.

I sighed.

"Well, I do." I said sadly. "I'm not anymore, but I was. I really, really was."

He was silent.

"It's so weird to see all this." I gestured to the slideshow of pictures on the screen in front of me.
"This was all only a year ago, and my life is so different now. I thought that this-" I pointed to a picture of myself sitting very close to a chesnut haired boy "- would last forever."

More silence.

"I wonder if he thinks about this. I do. A lot. I don't think I have feelings for him anymore but I still always think about this. We were together from what. . . September 23rd-"

"That's oddly specific."

"To New Year's exactly. And I was still in love with him for four months after that."

"I don't tend to use the phrase 'in love'" he said.

I sighed.

"Well, I do." I said sadly.

I can feel the warmth of your arm
Your leg
Your side
Do I dare to inch closer?
Do I dare,
Shall I hide?
You've never been so close
Yet so far
Now you're gone
And I'm staring up at the stars
Flaming hot ***** of gas that would burn me up in an instant
Why do I feel so cold?
Without the warmth of your arm
Your leg
Your side
Do I dare to tell him?
No I don't
So I hide

I know you're looking at me
I pray the sun is in your eyes

If you read this
Let me know
If you're hurting
Let it show
If you read this
Let me know
If you're anxious
Let it go

I.
Have you always been this dark?
I asked the night.
There was no reply.
No one is sight.
Have you always been this cold?
I asked the wind.
There was no reply.
It brushed my shins.

II.
Curled against me
All but frozen
Save my fingers, toes and nose and
I knew that you have seen me here
Were you overcome by fear?
You didn't follow me outside
So now, with me, the night
Will cry

III.
Do you know what you've done?
Interrupting my scene
Ruining my fun
This is all about me

IV.
Have you always been this bright?
I asked the stars.
There was no reply.
Just the sound of cars.

This is a woman I do not know
If she hurts, it does not show
If she cries, she does not seem to know
That the pain will go, the pain will go
Her heart has many secrets now
The kind that she may never allow
Me to know, or me to see
But I cheated
I took a peek
I know that it was wrong to do
But sometimes sister
I want to know you
But know that no matter what I know
I love you darling
I love you so

I look for inspiration everywhere
Which may be why I never find it
I try to keep my love a secret from everyone
Which may be why I cannot hide it
I try too hard and it's hard to say
How you could ever love me
When I get this way?

So this is how I die
A knife twixt my ribs with the name of goodbye
And I hope you see my pain
Because after this
You won't see my face again

So this is how we end
Leaving before we even begin
Will I have the strength to fight it?
And if I don't
Will I deny it?

Before I go
I hope you know
I truly loved you
I loved you so

Before I leave
Please believe
I truly loved you
Enough to leave

What is a shadow?
It copies me
It follows me
It knows my every move
It sits there while I'm writing this
Arm or leg?
With me, it's smooth
It knows my every twitch
Every shift, every slide
It copies me
It follows me
Unlike me, it will not die

A girl with a big broken family
A boy with a big broken heart
Once they are thrown together
They can never be torn apart

My back hunches
Like a stuffed bookcase in a corner
Too full
My back laden with possibility
I find myself lost in a maze
Of what should be tranquility
Except you lurk there
Your eyes filled with miserable possibility
I've watched your pale fingers
Turn into twiggy claws
And your green eyes
The ones that look like the sea
Turn cracked and dark
Under the light of the grey sun
She clutches your shoulder
Cackling at how I search
For an exit
And exit from this maze
A maze of possibility
Her stature slouched and heavy
Her hands cold and grey
Stroke your thick hair
And I see the disgust in your eyes
And taste it on the air
I struggle through
Getting closer to you
Trapped in a maze of
Possiblity

The bad thing about a poetry
IS THAT I CAN'T SCREAM IT
And the worst thing about poetry
Is that you won't see it

Don't ask me to leave you
I'm not up to the task
Please tell me to love you
You simply have to ask
Don't ask me to turn away
You're too beautiful to pass
Please let me watch you dance
You simply have to ask

I will do anything you want
Just ask.

I bend over backwards to relieve the pain
Of 12 hours I'll never see again
And my lips sting with all that they haven't felt
My eyes are dry and they ache like a welt
But I'm happy, I'm stable, I'm willing, I'm able
To bring you everything that everyone can't
And it all started when I watched you dance

C     a     n     y     o     u     s     e     e     m     e     f
                                                               ­                     a
                                          ­                                               l
                                                               ­                              l
                                                                ­                                 i
                                                               ­                                       n
                        ­                                                                 ­                  g
                                                               ­                                                  ?
Can you hear me  CALLING?


Can              
                           ­                you
                                                                ­               see
                                                             ­                                         anything
               ­                                                                 ­ at
                                           all?
Just                                   find
                                                            ­                   your
                                                            ­                                              seat

             ­                                                                 ­ and
                                         watch

me f
          
             a
              
                      l

                               l

I twist apple stems
And stay up for stars
Pick dandelions
And guess colors of cars

I watch the clock
It's eleven pm
But I can't find out your feelings
From a snapped apple stem

She lives on a dark street
In a suburb of Seattle
The coffee lingers on her neck
And in her swirling fingerprints
Everything is silver
In the city of steel
Her subjects line the street
Red eyes hidden behind sunglasses
And dreadlocks
They link hands by the fires that appear in alleyways
Sipping and chewing
They sing for her
They know she is coming
She will see the fear in their eyes
She will see the fear in their eyes

Around every corner, they lurk
They jab their fingers in my sides
"I knew it was you, I knew it was you"
"You're an idiot"
"I'm ashamed of you"
"You will never be that clever"
My bruises have bruises
And my cuts have been cut
They lurk around every corner
Inside every rut
"You're stupid"
"Too young"
and
"You haven't much sense"
Though it will be forgotten
Less than a year hence

I'm embarrassed
But that's okay, right?
I'm broken
But it's okay
I'm angry
But that's okay, right?

Yes you are
But that's okay.

If I was a clock
I think I would stop ticking
I think I would stop singing
Without warning
I'd just stop

If I was a dog
I think I would stop barking
I think I would stop yelping
Without warning
I'd just stop

If I was a ***
I think I would just snap in two
I think I would just crack in two
Without warning
I'd just break

If I was heart
I think I would stop beating
I think I would stop loving
Without warning'
I'd just stop

A short dinner
Puncuated with frozen cheesecake
Left me feeling heartache
For the one that never hurt me
He never had the chance

I saw this mountain all alone
I saw this mountan on its own
I saw this as a lonely mountain
Its tears cascading like a fountain
I thought I'd climb it, keep it company
I thought that nothing could go wrong
I thought the mountain, it would love me
The mountain chuckled; I was wrong
But still I began my treacherous climb
The goal I'd set still tricked my mind
I dove between the weeds and thrushes
I slipped around the water rushes
Expecting to hear the mountain call'
I was surprised when I heard nothing at all
Calling out for something more
Calling for the mountain's roar
When nothing came, I did not panic
Patience, thought I, should surely do it
So climbing still and dodging, diving
Without warning, I began crying
Why has the mountain been so silent?
Why has the mountain been so quiet?
Perhaps it doesn't want me after all
I realized it would never call
So sobs tearing through my chest I turned 'round
Deafened by the lack of sound
And when I reached the bottom once more
Still, I did not hear the mountain's roar

The worst part about leaving you
Is that you don't even know
The worst part about leaving you
Is that it won't even show

The worst part about leaving you
Is that I'll lose you forever
The worst part about leaving you
Is that in the long run, I'll be better

The worst part about leaving you
Is that I knew all along
The worst part about leaving you
Is that we won't get along

The worst part about leaving you
Is that I'll be better off
The worst part about leaving you
Is that I won't ever stop

This is the first time I've said goodbye
This is the first time I've left first
And let me be the first to tell you
It's the worst

It's the feeling of knowing and refusing
The feeling of winning while I'm losing
The feeling of hellos' masked by pride
The feeling of desperately trying to hide
It's the feeling of hearing and not seeing
The feeling of seeing and not believing
The feeling of crying myself to sleep
The feeling of secrets I cannot keep
It's the feeling of a future I had imagined
The feeling of a future I had been handed
The feeling of refusing to let yourself cry
It's the feeling of saying goodbye

If my heart is my hat, a Jester I shall be.

Skeletal cinnamon trees
Frosted with the breaking grey sky
Know more love than you
And they know more life than I

She linked her arms behind her back and tiptoed down the hallway. Her family was all asleep.
Her mouth was drawn up at the corners and her eyes twinkled, even in the dark.

What could she be up to? thought no one.

She turned the corner into the kitchen. Her hair swinging around her shoulders.
A hum escaped her lips, the melody unidentifiable.
With a long arm she reached up and opened a cupboard, her other arm following suit to retrieve a glass.
Hopping quickly over to the sink, the long arms came into play again, switching the faucet on and filling her cup.

Thirsty, at this time of night? asked no one.

Her smile grew wider. She straightened out, having been bent over the sink.
Those long arms grew stiff.
She spoke,

"What are you doing in my house?" Her voice was deep and clear, like a river.

There was silence throughout the house.

She turned quickly, the water in her glass sloshing over onto her fingers.

There was no one there.
Her face became sad, the mischevious glint lost.

What are you doing in my house? wondered no one.

"Nothing." She said.
And went back to bed.

Did you ever really love me?
Did you love me when you asked?
Did you love me when you promised?
Did you love me when you held my hand?
Did you love me when you promised to marry me?
Did you love me when you left?
Did you love me when you came back?
Did you love me when you promised?
Did you love me when you held my hand?
Did you love me when you promised we'd be together forever?
Did you love me when you left?
Did you love me when you kissed her?
Did you love me when you came back?
Did you love me when you promised?
Did you love me when you stared at me?
Did you love me when you said I was precious?
Did you love me when you left?
Did you love me when you held her?
Did you love me when you promised her?
Did you love me when I left?

I'm starting to think you didn't love me at all

Red is the proof of life
No matter how pale our skin may be
No matter how black and empty our eyes
We know that when we bleed
There flows the proof of life

My love is murmurous
I do not shout for fear of being shouted down
My love is ineffable
I do not, cannot speak my mind
My love is gossamer
I do not care to braid it through my hair
My love is incipient
I do not intend to leave your side, until I can be by your side
My love is petrichor
I do not know its name, but I smell it after rain
My love is dulcet
I do not taste it anymore
My love is sick
I do not want to love you

It was a secret that wouldn't stay secret
That I should have buried long ago
But instead I stayed awake staring at it
Sliding it under my pillow
Seeing you was more painful than I expected
But more painless than I hoped
I slid it out from under my pillow
And laughed, like it was a joke
I never expected to be here
And I know there is nothing I can do
But in my sickness, in my heartbroken state
I know now, I'm still in love with you

My prison could not be more pleasant
My jail could be more sweet
If so explain to me this pile
Of letters that sits at my feet
My tears pattern the paper
And the fire won't give me its heat

They fly
Tires screaming against the wet rocks
You're in that one
And that one
Everyone that passes
I don't recognize my face
I don't recognize these cars
Their faces rust and brown under the sky
My face dries and pales
They offer an escape
And I offer a prison
Is my prison so pleasant, as to persuade you to choose it?
Is their escape into bliss, or turmoil?
They pile in the driveway and rot
I lay on the carpet and let myself my tears melt my cheeks
Am I so hopeless?
Are you so far gone?
This music is all the same
Copied and bought like popularity
I am going to cry today
Is that what I need?
I am overflowing with feelings I can't identify
Thoughts about those feelings
Thoughts about those thoughts
Perhaps crying will empty me
Will I prefer being empty and known?
To being full of something I can't understand?
Is writing the answer?
You are everywhere and in everything in see
She taps her foot and it makes me angry
Is she aware how ridiculous she looks?
Why do I see her this way?
I use my hands for journals
The ink will make me sick
But I need to remember, don't I?
I am disgusted by my desires for fiction
And enthralled and heartbroken over my desires for nonfiction
This carpet has walked under my feet since my feet were small
The stains are mine
The rips are mine
Where I sit is new, but feels old
Your scars are on this seat
Or so I'd like to believe
How can image define us?
It reflects not of who we are
We are all so ignorant of the inside
I cannot quit
I am scattered and lost
Can anyone put me back together?

Stop me from getting in this car again
Stop me from driving away
Or give me the wheel
Give me a say

Of your tounge, and the words you speak
Of your hair, and the light that glints off it
Of your eyes, and the sun warmed memories of the sea
Of your chin, and the knife that cannot cut as sharp
Of your neck, and the swan that has snapped its own
Of your laugh, and its hue, dusty and callous
Of your hands, and the work they've yet to do
Of your heart, and the love it has yet to give

You introduced me to a concept
I had no past in fighting
Now scars and blood spice my skin
Now our fights have passed, many more to come
Sneaking over the horizon
Riding the sunlight as a steed
Unrequited love is coming for me
It is here
It is here
And is slips its cold arm round me
Until the tears course
And it accompanies me to sleep

The salty smell of empty arms laughs, laughs
Whipping my hair through the brine
Fingers dancing, raw from the tide
Taste on my tounge, enchanting, romancing me
Shines with moonlight, hides with it
Digging in the sand, gritty between my teeth and knees
Broken glass, slipping from my grasp, blood coursing from my veins
How quiet can my footsteps be?
Walking toward the waves
Lifting, and falling, laughing at me
Eyes twist away, blinking rapidly
Too bright, too bright
Surging, burning, like a wildfire
Bleeding through my skin
Sobs drowned beneath the wind
They cannot hear me now
No time to say goodbye
Just regrets, all regrets for me
Shouldn't have said, away they fly
Cannot say goodbye.
The water laps, cools my skin, embracing me, inviting me
From birth it called, I stalled each time
My hot skin drenced with persperation
Tears and resignation
Cometh, Cometh
Drink from me
I will heal you
I will love you
You will not feel alone any longer
Like a lions roar I stand
Tall and beaten, in the sand
Toes curled, grains scratch skin
Though I can't feel it now
Breathing salty lonliness
Through my nose
I take that first step, foot pointed
Till it aches
The time has come, the Beast awakes
Diving in, and breathing fast
The water coursing through
Reminding me of you
And burning deeper hotter than
The hottest ray of sun
That ever burned whatever Man
Who stood here crying in the sand
Salt leaking in my lips
Drying the cracks
Turning my hips
My chest heaves in
The blood comes out
The stones are banging on my skin
My arms they flail
My eyes wide open
Burning like white flames
Beneath the sun
You're omnipresent
Can't run away
Last drop of empty arms
Grabs hold of me
Hair floating graceful patterns
Neck stretched, alabaster moonlight
And with that dreaded final thought
I desend into the depths of
Briny hate and salty steps
But with a new man on my side
The one who reaches with the tide