God doesn't hate
Satan doesn't abate
The hate that's in the "Christians" eyes
Is nothing more than sordid lies
And misconstruing Fathers words
It's been a while of killing birds
With stones
Amounting less and less
Greed, lust and selfishness
God doesn't hate
Satan doesn't abate
The signs they ****** in the air
Are lies, lies everywhere
Because God doesn't hate
And Satan doesn't abate
The gospel that they are preaching
Away the truth it's leeching
Because GOD DOESN'T HATE
And Satan doesn't abate

Underneath the waning moon, a knight in shining satin strides, wandering through the waist deep tide, fish between his knocking knees, stroked behind his ears she sings, in ear canals and mountain steeps, he sighed in misty harshness, the shadows tied across his face. The sweetened sodden hair she stroked, miles away, he feels her raging though distance ever had a win, stroking his freshly shavened chin, he sighed like winding windy rustles, her hands hidden beneath the bustles, her dress so draped across her frame, he whispered all alone her name.

I do not love you
I did not know
I thought I could have
I thought
I'd try
And with morning was goodbye
Were you my escape
Or another place to hide?
And what of promises?
I told myself I'd die
If I ever said goodbye
I want to love you
To love you all
But you're adding more weight
I'm beginning to fall
And this
Is what I asked for, this
Is my idea of bliss
Until I tear at my face
And I growl and I hiss
Because God gave me what I asked for
What I asked for
Is this

You fickle *****
You try too hard
You bite too hard
You sigh too much
You try too much
You're fast to love
And fight the fall
With all the bruises on my skin
I wonder why I try to fight at all

"What an interesting development."
I thought to myself, sadly
Because I'm in love, though very badly
His freckles his smile, there, just barely
I told my sister, though quietly, warily
I regret it already, it was bad of me, bad of me
Because I know it's a lie, that I lied cause I'm lonely
And I wanted his freckles, his smile, there barely
So I'm trying to love him, though quietly, warily






It's not going to last
It will be gone in the morning
And I'm sad that I know that
So I go now, in mourning

It comes back in pieces
When I lie in a bed too big for me
With a blanket too heavy
A shut of the eyes
Spikes my adrenaline and the memory
Of the greasy wheel between my hands
My right foot slipping on the perforated pedal
The engine, tiny and angry
Purring like a asthmatic lion
The victory of pulling into first
The beginnings of a whiplash headache behind my ears
I see them
Grey and intertwined
Trying to focus on myself and my driving
And not that with every kiss they steal
Their happiness is being ****** away
And when the interest runs dry
I will be the pillar on which to lean

It wafts up from the South
Where it sleeps, eternally huffing
Thick and red like a ****** steak
February yearns to be over
The lazy month, cold and short
It can't wait to be done
So it begs the Summer to come
And it does
Swirling in flaming patterns past the coast
It breaks the knots in my hair
And whispers in my ear
Telling me where what I yearn for is hidding
Goading me to jump
Forcing me to fall
The Summer whispers secrets in my ears
And I answer its call

She may be broken
But she is not the victim
She may be crying
But she is not the victim
She may be battered
But she is not the victim
**A victim wouldn't terrorize

Don't tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea
When the silvery, slimy things hang from coral reefs
And are stuck in frayed netting
Not yet frayed to the point of breaking
When they drown in oil and choke on garbage
Scaly flesh peirced by razor blade teeth
Captured and smothered
And beaten and gutted
Frozen and thawed and chopped
Stewed and grilled and covered in salt and sauce
Tossed and sliced and torn and diced
Delivered to my table in a trice
Don't tell me that there are plenty of fish in the sea
Because one of those fish could be me

Can't I stay the ugly duckling?
Life is so much quieter in the shadows
I don't want to be admired anymore
Growing tired of things has grown tiring
And I don't want to be that kind of beautiful
Her shoes could fill with blood
And she'd still have somebody to please
How can you please people
By being against everything?
You lie to gain illumination
You starve yourself
In hopes of satiation
Can't I be the ugly duckling?
At least I'd get to eat

I stare at the bro-k-k             earring on my desk
                                      e
                                            n
                         g
                    n
                      i
                r                                          
                e
           d
Consi  my last Pokemon battle
There's a NOISE outside
Thunder or trash can?
A beep, beep, beeping in the kitchen
Inane and e t  e   r    n     a      l
Cinnamon w           f             s  
                         a            t
Through the      w a y ,
                         h           s
                         c           w
                         r            e
                                       e
                         a            t
As *sugar

I've said all this before
I can't breathe
I'm shaking
I'm terrified
But I lied
It's all for the drama, drama, drama
This is real
This is no lie
I'm actually scared for my life

I wish I could just pass out already
So I won't see the humiliation in his eyes
And so in mine, he won't see despise
This is anger I cannot express
Through words or tears or anything less
I'm hanging by a thread
I wish I could fall
If I did
I wouldn't have to see his face at all

The package dropped
The message sent
3 2 1
Beginning our descent
He spoke
He spoke
I wrote
I smoke
This is the fear that blacks out my eyes
There's fear in my heart
There's no use for disguise
I'm tumbling
Fumbling
Stum
            b
                   l
                 i
                           n
                   g


Now that he knows
**He knows

You've torn is apart
We used to be one
But it's done
And you'd much rather ****** our ears
With your playing of ivory
And your cackling leer
You're hurting us
Hurting us
And though we're not better
There's one thing to fix you
One day you'll understand
So come on World
**Go get her.

Around every corner
I turn and you spit these seething and acidic lies in my face
There is no trust here
You lie and and you use
You've broken his heart
And you think you've got nothing to lose
So you use and you use
How could I ever trust you again?
You make him your friend
You make him your friend
Wrenching his heart from his chest with a grin
Or you'd be blind
Unaware of your sin
In any way you're to blame
This is no longer a game
Grow up now
Stop being a child
You are breaking his heart
And I'm going to go wild
Stand up straight
Listen up
**You simply have to grow up

This is a heart that cannot be contained
But it's gone out of control and she's going insane
When they met she thought that nothing would change
But they've grown up and now nothing can be the same

I'm scared
I can feel it in every tremor of my hand
And every whimper and shallow breath from my throat
For the first time in my life
I don't know what to do
My thoughts are useless and they tell me lies
I could scream but it wouldn't matter
I can see you in every tear in my eye
This might mean goodbye
Should I t-tell h-?
Cutting my breath off with a choked sob
This is the first real risk I've taken
And I can't do it
I've always told myself I am fearless
But you are terrifing
And I'm shaking and crying
Not tonight, not tonight
*Tonight. . . tonight. . .

Tonight is the night
I expect you to kiss me
But you're not here
I still expect you to miss me

To my lover
I don't think I could ever be a mother
Watching a child
That was not my child
Fall and hurt her head
I screamed
And panicked
Thinking she was dead
So I'm sorry
My lover
But that was terrifying
And I don't think I could ever be a mother

It's always the same
The way I whisper your name
And I can hardly believe it
That you cannot conceive this
I've fallen again
Tried so hard to win you with sin
It's not a matter of money
When my honeytrap is missing its honey
I'm a person kinda person
And I know I'm a prison
My arms hang like shackles
You're no good to me now
I can't believe the lie
That I'm going to die
When I hug you
You ought to say ow

Does she know that each letter pressed on the keyboard
Adds more weight to her chains?
He sees it all, he sees it all
She thinks it will stay hidden
I see it all, I see it all
She knows that it's forbidden
Go ahead
I could care less
But when the flowers are dead
Don't ask for help with that mess

After years of being nulled to stone
Blood run dry and flesh gone cold
My words can make me feel so old
But my wounds are always fresh

I remember
When I use to sneak outside at night
Wrapped in a jacket
With and iPod and a chair
I'd sit on the deck for hours
Singing
Waiting
Singing
Shivering
Until I felt the tears come
And I would cry until I nearly suffocated
Surprised at how long I could hold my breath
I cried so hard
I bit the steel back of the chair
To keep myself from screaming
Until I felt my fears retreating
And I slid open the door
And went to bed
To cry no more

"It's dark in here." it said.
"Yes, quite." I replied.
"Tell me, do you like it that way?" it asked.
"Yes, quite." I answered.

I've been sitting here too long
But I can't join the throng
My eyes begins to twitch
My back begins to itch
I've been sitting here a while
I'd move, but that's not my style
My lids begin to droop
My shoulders start to stoop
I've been sitting here forever
And it's only getting better

A man in love is never lazy
A man is never right
Men not in love; attentive, hazy
You're not, so I will sleep tonight

His cologne creeps down the hallway
And my nose remembers years and years that passed
In silent sorrow
In obnoxious joy
That smell is my childhood

Her heart is breaking
And she knows her life will leave her
But she stays quiet
Fearing no one will believe her

Fearing God will leave her again
She wakes to an empty house
And screams in the living room
Because you are so, so beautiful
And she was so, so alone

7:43 AM - Period 1 - Symphonic Band
I hid behind a bank of instrument nooks, each beaten, worn and termite chewed to ruddy brown and grey colors. Doors of old supply cabinets with peeling, plastic, paper coverings squeaked in a draft that no one could find. I kept my backpack against the trumpet section, just around the corner from the door, where no one could see me. Class started eight minutes ago, but Mr. Rants was gone as usual, and our student substitute Nick, was not not here yet. I unhooked the metal clasp on my Fossil backpack, searching around in the front backpack for my gum. I popped it in my mouth and bit down. Crack! Stale.
In a side pocket I found a tube of mascara I had shoved haphazardly in due to my rush from the house this morning. I untwisted the cap and wiped the tip of the brush on the rim, looking for a reflective surface. In the cubby directly in front of me was a trumpet case and a harmon mute. A shiny harmon mute. I stared at my warped reflection in the surface and laughed at myself. I thought "Only a real musician would do her makeup using a trumpet mute." I stabbed myself in the face leaving a long streak of gooey black on my nose. "******" I whispered and licked my finger to wipe it off. I laughed again, my hand still at my face. "This is one of those significant moments" I realized. "I'm not sure why though."

2. 4:21 PM - After School  - Way Home From Orthodontist Appointment
She stroked my hand, which was flat against my leg. "Sorry honey, just because I am a little disappointed because of what happened doesn't mean that." I was silent, staring straight through the windsheild. She sighed and pulled her hand away. I fiddled with a rubberband, my legs crossed beneath me in the passenger seat. I was hurt; I thought we were done talking about this. Hadn't she forgiven me? Like it mattered. Telling her was the right thing and there's nothing more I can do. Light Gives Heat by Jars of Clay came on the radio and as I looked through the rain, repeatedly punching my window, I felt something well up inside me. The feeling that actors must get in dramatic movie scenes. Closing my eyes, I imagined I was in a movie. That it was about me, that I would win whatever I wanted in the end and that I was clever and beautiful. "This is a significant moment" I thought. "But not like this morning, not at all."
I looked over at her, she was expresionless, tapping her finger gently on the steering wheel.
"Maybe I'll post something about this on HelloPoetry later." I thought.

But you're not a damsel in distress
You're not trapped in a tower
You're not a princess
You're not the protagonist
You're not a character
You're not in a movie
You're not falling in love
You never were
You're not a special case
You don't need help
YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS
If anything, help yourself
You're not the only person on this earth
You are not an actress
You are not a songstress
And sorry, but you're not a poet either
You're not good enough for one man
And the other is not good enough for you
You can't have everything you want
You can set yourself free
And I hate to break it to you
But the first thing you cannot have anymore
Is me

In a tornado of flags and smudged faces
You carry a white rifle
It twists and slithers around your neck
Your torso
Your legs
Swift as a snake
You're a blur of grey and black
Barefoot and pale as dawn
As papery and long as a willow tree
Spinning and twirling
Graceful and strong
You dance amongst the women
But you're stronger than most men
Then in unision
You all fall in a heap on the floor
Legs twisted in your flags
Completley still
They eye of the storm has never been more beautiful

I don't care that you lied about not having advice to give
All I need now is for you to give it
Kellie, my heart has never
In all the times I haven't been in love
Been more broken and alone than now
I need you my sister
I need to know the things that I don't
Please don't make me search anymore
I have never needed you more than when
I screamed out to an empty sky
Hoping you would hear me
Maybe you can hear me
Sister, I need your heart
I need you to be vulnerable
I am so, so alone
Kellie, I am as alone as you once were
I need you
I need you
I need you

I found my sister's heart
I screamed out to God
"I need her, I need her"
I am too lonely to be without you now
I have too many secrets
I need you more than ever
I found your heart, sister
And cried until all my bones ached
And I thought I might be sick
I screamed to God
"I want my sister"
I screamed so loud
I could not hear it
I need you sister
I need you sister
I need you more than ever

This can't be right
My heart whispered
Love shouldn't cut my wrists
Love shouldn't break my bones
Love shouldn't clench its fists
And tell me I will always be alone
This can't be right
My heart screamed
Love is kind
Love is unconditional
Love is never wanting

**Why do I do this to myself?

It's a humbling feeling
Discovering that the girl you avoided in elementary school
Got asked to homecoming
When you didn't

LOVE DOES NOT BREAK YOU
IT IS NOT CRUEL
YET YOU STILL LOVE HIM
YOU CALL THIS LOVE
AND REFUSE TO TRUST THIS RULE

It was a highway that brought me here
Stuffed into a expensive car with four adults and good music
We drove for what seemed hours
Arriving on the slick, black streets of the Emerald City
Down a rabbit hole of old cars and termite ridden stairs
Past an old couch and a stray cat
Into a cold room with heaters stacked and jumbled
Full of pianos and good and beer
People I've known for twelve years
And people I've met only once
People I don't know
Different skins, of their own, of animals
Frizzy and cropped hair, wine and mason jar glasses
Walls painted silver, gleaming under forty year old lamps
Mismatched furniture and occupants alike
Sirens singing in the background
Children running through the foreground
Old friends and a blind man with a big dog
Visual artists and IRS agents
Musicians and carpenters
Mechanical engineers
Cobbled together around and old fireplace and a rosewood piano
Sharing stories and songs, sons and daughters
Tales from the road, and wedding pictures
I sat on an orange pleather couch in the makeshift kitchen
Watching theses people's children play with bionicles and dolls
Reading books and drawing on walls
Playing drums and answering calls
Fighting for bathroom stall
These are my people
I know them all

As we got closer to Seattle
The fog cleared my eyes
The lights eased the pounding in my head
And the scent of her coffee
Filled my nose

I break for her brokenness
I ache for her soul
She is blind to this fallen world
She is numb to the cold

I weep for her openly
I will see her again
A few more days, to numb the pain
And I will see my friend

Maybe it's the music I listen to
Or maybe it's the weather
But one thing that I know for sure
Is that is isn't getting any better

Maybe it's the way we parted
I chased a shadow and you ran like hell
But one thing that I know for sure
Is that I am not feeling well

Maybe it's the fight I had
My best friend's silent resentment, driven insane
But thing I know for sure
Is that this is much more than pain

I wish I hadn't justified
Justfied
My actions
I wish I hadn't justified
I wish I'd stood my ground

Is this emptiness
This hollowness
This unappealing lowliness
I want to crawl beneath my bed
And cry myself to sleep
But the tears won't come
I can't explain this feeling
It fills me up and it's unyielding
But I still feel empty when
I think about myself and
What to do
I'm scared
I'm scared of crying
Scared of trying
Scared of it all
They're not scared
I don't know why
They seem so strong
The more I talk
The more I'm wrong
The more it seems like something
Gone
Or missing
Maybe  something added
Either way
It feels so bad
And I don't want to blink
I'm scared that wink will
Send me out there screaming
Throwing me over the edge
Are they weeping?
Will I be wept for
If I leave?
Or am I just something
People will leave?
Is this a matter of worth
Or money?
Am I a product?
And my saleswomans
Not sunny?
I want to be purchased
I want to be owned
I want to used
I want to be broken
And fixed like a clock
That refuses to tick
I want something else
Something more than this

I seek you with intentions
Of quite little worth
And it hurts but
I know that you'll make
Me quite sure
That I'm righteous and
Funny and happy and true
Enough that quite possibly
I'll be good to you

It's clawing up my stomach
What did I do to myself?
It's in my chest, with a hammer and a drum
What have I done?
It's in my throat, with a cork and a bottle
What am I going to do?
It speaks foul words
Sitting on my tounge and spitting them at you

"It's late" he whispered.
"I know, I know."
"I'm tired" he murmered.
"Then go, then go."
"I can't" he chuckled.
"Why not, why not?"
He was silent.
"Because you're hot."

A recorder?
Or a flute?
A lover?
Or a lute?
A phantom?
Or a trick?
It could be anything
*I created it

I leant out the car window
To escape the smell of my Mom's diet food
I wish you could have seen me then
With the wind in my hair
And the cold, wet air on my cheeks
I was beautiful for a minute
I wish you could have seen it

Driving home from school
I heard a whimper in the backseat
Turning around
I saw her chubby fingers at her nose
Blood dripping on her shirt
"****" I said
Stopped the car and jumped across my seat
Tissue at her button nose
She didn't cry
"You're so brave"
I whispered with a kiss on her cheek
"Red is a pretty color huh?"
I said, trying to cheer her up
"Yeah, like a wose" She squeaked
I smiled
"Or a stwabewy"
"Very good, sweetheart"
I said

The scent of lime
Do you smell it?
I wipe her blood off my hands
"Hold the tissue and lean back"
So painfully close
Linoleum floors
Our feet scuff
"Logan, I call *******"
Watch your language!
Like I care
So painfully, painfully close
You resonate heat like a fire
Blow the smoke out of my eyes
A bite in my sandwich
As large as Africa
Each tooth perfectly formed
In the wheat bread
Break a chocolate bar into "fourths"
And shove it in your mouth
"Robyn, we're best friends now"
That's great Logan
You just keep thinking that
Staring contests
And oven burns
We all have to admit
That highschool hurts